A Single Parents Life

{July 22, 2014}   Here We Go Again

My big boy had his Tuesday therapy appointment so we get there and as we walk in the door to sit down and start with her she ask how our roof problem was. As she asked I get a text from father of the year informing me that we now have ANOTHER roof leak this no where near the first. It is in the middle of my hall way in the house and leaking all over my holiday stuff in the attic. I told him to call them right then and tell them. To tell them that I can not and will not wait a month or weeks to have this taken care of. This is in the middle of my house leaking down through a light and where my kids have to walk around it. I have to keep the baby out of the bucket.

When I got out of the appointment I called the lady at the office. I just told her that I wasn’t trying to bug her but that I just wanted to see if they had a time they would be out to look at the roof since father of the year never knows if he will be home for 5 minutes or 5 hours. I would have to make sure I was here I have another therapy appointment tomorrow it is here at the house but I still can’t really be having roofers going through my house because they will be working with my son. I wanted to take the kids to the pool tomorrow maybe. But I have to make sure I am here when they are coming so I have to work it in or skip it. She said she was going to call them and for me to call them as well and set it up. She said she hadn’t heard back from the owner of the office but that she told him that she was calling the roofer and sending them herself. So who knows what he is going to say. I haven’t heard from him either I figured I would have gotten a email or a call from him but I haven’t.

I called the roofer they are supposed to be coming out to look at the other that is still dripping and to see if the new leak can be fixed or if the house is going to need a new roof on it as well. I think it is going to need a new roof as well we can see all along the sides where it is messed up it is a gravel roof they can’t really tell until they get it off. Whatever they have to do they better be on it faster than this last one. Because if they do not have a date they will be starting and telling me what they will be doing to it by Thursday I will go down and file a 7 day fix it letter and be sending them. I am not going to let them drag it out like they have this other one and I will be putting the inside work in the letter as well. I hate to be that way but I have seen that they will take their time drag their feet and try to a void fixing it as long as they can. I hope that after I we got into it the last time over the roof and they decided to put a new roof on and things they don’t try to drag it out. They know I know my rights and the laws and that I am not going to just live this way. I guess we will see how this turns out.

It’s sad because it really is a nice house and really good size for what I am paying. It just sat and whoever flipped it didn’t really put the work into it to do it right. I don’t know if it is the person who owns it now or he bought it this way. If they bough it this way I feel sorry for them because the big stuff they kind of covered up and now it is costing them money. If they are the ones that tried to half ass it and slide by then that is what happens you end up putting out more money in the long run. Now you have paid to have the work rigged and half assed now you have to pay to have it done right. Risk losing your renters in the process.

{July 22, 2014}   Less Than 30 Days

I have less than 30 days to have some kind of schooling arrangements for my kids all their supplies bought and everything else they need. No big deal most would say but I have no clue where they will be going to school and I have no clue what they are going to need. I have no clue what schools to even check into. I have one in gifted and one on the spectrum. Finding a school that will take them both and provide what they each need is next to impossible that is any good. I am really trying to avoid driving 50 miles a day to take them to and from school again. I really can’t afford $100 a week in gas I don’t have the time with two other kids and the soon to be 3 therapy appointment’s that I have to make each week for my son. I did it for a year and a half almost two years and it is just to much to keep up with and a ton in gas.

Ad in the fact that I am supposed to be starting back to school when they do and going back to work. I won’t find a sitter to go 50 miles a day to take them back and forth. I won’t be able to take them to and from and it is hard to find a daycare that will pick up at both schools. So then I will have 4 kids scattered between 2 to 3 different daycare. It just don’t work that was a big problem I had before when trying to go back to work. I am not happy with the public schools around us any more. They just all seem to be dropping the ball. The private school’s my son would need are not really doing what they say they will for the kids like him. I have been researching and checking into them. But talking with other parents and the therapist they are advising against most of them. They even say the schools around here are really falling short of what they need to be and should be offering and doing.

The more I look into schools and the more I see and hear talking to others the more I am dreading putting my kids back in school this year. I hate it that they may not be going back I really feel that going to school is important for kids in so many other ways than just the basic books and learning. But I also feel that if they are not being taught or helped in the area’s they need help and they are going to be picked on and bullied that it isn’t good for them. We have already dealt with the being picked on and bullied to an extram with my daughter I can’t go back to that. It is not worth her life to have her in school.

I know it is a lot to take on but I think it is doable if we get the right set up and get all the info and every thing we are going to need. So the search has begun to get any and all info on homeschooling and I still need to go and research some schools just in case. I am mostly worried about cruculume and getting every thing we need set up and getting started. Once we know what we are doing and have everything set up right I think we will do fine. It’s just the stress of not having everything not knowing and being in a time crunch on top of everything that is already going on here right now.

I was just over his comments and rude remarks and hounding me about there being someone else last night so I called him out on it. He was nasty all evening when dinner was being made. Then off and on the rest of the night. He started about a pair of glasses I bought a yard sale because they looked like guys glasses. I just got them because they were cheap and did the job. I never pay over a $1 or so for them when I get them. Between me losing them, them getting tossed around the truck or the kids getting a hold of them they don’t last I don’t want to spend a bunch on something that is going to get lost or broken. I had just seen a pair at the little store I liked for $20 but wouldn’t pay it so I grabbed them when we stopped. I didn’t like them after I got them and tried to wear them and just left them in the consoul of the truck. He went somewhere and before he pulled out of the drive way he was calling wanting to know where they came from and who’s they were. Mind you they are in my truck and have nothing to do with him. I am supposed to answer him but he has still yet to tell me where the women’s pants came from that I found under the seat of my truck when he borrowed it and disappeared for two hours. Then he was like well I will take them and use them at work if your not going to wear them. If I’m allowed to do that. I guess he thought he was going to catch me in a lie or something. He figured if they were someone else and he said that I would have to tell him and not let him have them. I said I don’t care I don’t want them they don’t fit me right after I got them. He acted like he didn’t like it when I said that. Because he wanted to push me into having to tell him they were someone else and it didn’t work. They aren’t but he had it set in his mind there is someone else like I said in the last post.

I was in mine and the baby’s room laying down with her and he came in there for something and huffed back out. I finally text him and asked him what his problem was. He said he was over it the way I treat him how I act like he isn’t worth being with and all this. I asked him what he was talking about he was the one walking around here treating me the way he was. That I didn’t want to be with him hadn’t for a very long time that if I did I would have never told him to leave to start with he knew all this. He started about how he still loves me how he wants us to be together but I won’t change my mind and do things different. He had the nerve to say I throw us a way because after begging for like two years for him to have something to do with me I decided I deserved better and could do better and if I had no one I wasn’t going to be treated the way he was treating me. He started about how jeaules he is, he don’t want me to find someone else. He don’t want the divorce he don’t believe in it. I told him he should have though about that all the time I asked him to fix things and how he ignored them until I did leave and still didn’t really try to fix them. I told him that he didn’t have to believe in it he just needed to get it fixed and granted. He said he wasn’t fixing it because he didn’t believe in it I wasn’t going to turn it around and say he did it he wanted it. I told him he didn’t have to worry about that that everyone knew I wanted it everyone knew and could see that I was the one who filed for it and that I had no problem telling anyone that I was the one who did it. That he should already know that because I do now. We went back and forth for hours at that point about everything and how I won’t change I won’t change my mind. Because I have done everything I told him I was going to do if he didn’t change things. He says he has but I am still sitting here unable to work because he don’t come home at a decent time to watch the the kids. We can’t afford to pay someone right now until I get back to work. He still talks to me and treats me like he has been the way he talked and treated me when I was pregnant don’t say I love you I want you back. Screaming at me in the middle of the yard why I am trying to leave calling me a cunt and everything else and then asking me to give you money for food and go get it don’t say I changed and want to fix things. But he don’t see all this.

He keep on about not doing the divorce. I told him that I would take care of the divorce but that I also have to get our son to therapy twice a week, I have to go check out schools for the kids and decide where they are going to go and that I have to deal with SSI and any and all doctors appointment’s or anything else that comes up. That if I was going to take care of the divorce he needed to take care of finding and checking out schools for the kids that I didn’t have time to do both. That I was fine with doing the divorce just as it was but like the judge said I could come out with a lot more in the end if I had it looked over and talked to someone. That if I had to take my time to fix where he stopped it after I had done took my time to file it and get it in front of the judge and almost had it granted that I would be talking to someone and coming out a lot better off than I would have and probably even better off than I would have back then because we have now been married over 10 years unlike then. That I can come out a lot better off. So if he really wanted me to handle it to start checking schools and I would start taking care of it. He started about don’t’ threaten him and he would call and see but I would probably have to go get the papers. I got the papers and did it all with out him to start with. No one held my hand and got everything for me he needed to figure it out. If things weren’t all turned in and filed by Friday I would assume that he wanted me to handle it and I would be talking to people Monday to see what I needed to do.

He started about how he knew I just wanted to rush this and get him out of the way because there is someone else. I told him unlike him I wasn’t worried about rushing out and finding someone else to be with. That my biggest thing was living like this and having him here. That I hated my life I was mesreable I hated getting up everyday. That it was because of living with him. He said I just need to live like he isn’t here and act as if he wasn’t here. That I needed to think more positive about things. Again why it is all me and nothing to do with him. I told him I knew he was fine with living this way that he didn’t care how anyone else felt or wanted as long as he could be here it didn’t mater how it effected anyone else because that is just how twisted he is. I told him he had never had to live with someone who treated him the way I had been treated talked to the way I been talked to made to feel the way he had made me to feel. He wouldn’t understand. That no matter how much I try to act like he isn’t here the fact is he is and that I can’t just be in my house and be confrable I can’t have friends over that he isn’t right there in the middle of it. I can’t walk through my house with out being touched or grabbed or messed with and told how much he wants sex all the time time. I can’t touch my phone have a phone call or walk out of the house with out being drilled all the time. That no matter what the fact is he is here and life sucks with him here. That I don’t care about being with anyone else or anything else other than having a place with out him here. I told him I want to home school the kids, I think it is the best thing right now but that I can’t do it living like this feeling the way I do. Do you know he didn’t deny any of it or say anything about anything I said. He just said something about me hatting him so much and he didn’t know why I hated him so much. He said something about me not having a job and me being here and not leaving. I told him I wanted out and a way from him so bad that I had looked in to going to shelters many different time and that I had just checked into them again a week or two ago. He said he knew that he had seen me comment on something online about it and how I hadn’t told him. Then back onto him not being wanted and not understanding why I felt the way I felt and blah blah again. Something was said about paying support for the kids and things. I said thats another reason the divorce needs to be done it will decide that once and for all as well. He said I as much as it pains me to say it I know. I will start looking for a place so that I can get out of here and give you your space and see what needs to be done to get the other taken care of. It was all left at that.

I really don’t think he is going to do it but I will believe it when I see it. His actions from the past speak way louder than his words and he never dose what he says. I am going to start looking for places for him and giving them to him. He can go from there. The guy down the road that I said we all help each other out said something the other day about maybe they could get a place and split the rent but I don’t know how that would work. But it isn’t my problem he is a big boy. I told him he could stay here I would try and find me something. I don’t care I just want a way from him. I told him I had even thought about going to sign up for housing. He don’t want me to do that it isn’t in a good area. They are all ways having trouble with drugs and shootings and the like. We shall see what happens. He hasn’t said anything about it today so far. He has been out pretty much all day he was here for about 10 minutes and had to go again. Who knows what tonight will bring. I am not going to go around with him I will go to my room shut the door and go to bed.

Father of the year has been so over bearing the last few weeks I don’t know what his problem is. It started a month or so ago when the kid from a few house down came over. He isn’t a kid he is 28 I think. But me and father of the year have known him since he was about 9 him maybe even longer. He still seems odd when I see him now he is “grown up”. I forget what it was he needed or wanted but he stopped by and father of the year wasn’t here. We talked and I got whatever it was he wanted or answered his question. The kids like to hang out and talk to him. He comes over and we rent him movies and things. If we need help moving something he will come over help him move it. He borrows the lawn mower and things. Just whatever if he needs something we can help we do if we need something he can help he dose. But father of the year don’t like it if he stops by and he isn’t here. I haven’t said anything but I can tell he gets in a mood. He thinks if I talk to a guy I want them or want to get together. I don’t know why I have never been that way and am really picky about who I date and things. Anyone that knows me will tell you before I was married I was single way more than in a relationship and I wasn’t out bed hopping and hooking up with just anyone. But that is how he acts. I don’t know why he thinks he even has room to get mad if I talk to or date anyone we aren’t together and haven’t been for years. But he dose.

I have not been out of the house without the kids in months. The other night when I went out with my friend J for a couple hours and then he text and text wanting to know when I was coming home. I was clothes shopping. Not like we went out to the bar or club. Saturday I got up and left about 9 before anyone got up. He woke up why I was sitting on the couch getting ready to leave. He wanted to know where I was going. I told him to pick up J and find something to do. We had plans Friday but she got really sick. I also picked a friend up and took him to work but I didn’t tell him that I was doing that. I could have it is no big deal his old lady knew I was taking him and everything. But he already makes comments about him and me because we talk. He is the one I have known forever I wrote about before. I didn’t feel like hearing him start about it and bitching. Because he again has no say in who I talk to or what I do. I don’t not tell him because I don’t want him to know or because I am sneaking around. I don’t tell him because he can’t be an adult and say oh ok and go on. He start being really rude and nasty and wants to argue and fight about it.

He keeps asking me who I’m seeing and what’s his name and why don’t I just tell him the truth and stop lieing he isn’t stupid and all this. I am not seeing or talking to anyone at all. I have not been any where to meet anyone I never have more than 5 minutes a way that I don’t have the kids with me. I won’t take my kids around someone I just met. I don’t know when he thinks I have time to meet or talk to someone. He keeps making nasty comments and things. I have bought a few dresses the last couple weeks. I hardly ever wear dresses never really have wore them. But I have one longer one I got when I was pregnant and I were it sometimes and I found a nice one at when I was out shopping with J the other day at the thrift store. It isn’t nothing great it is just a simple white coten longer dress. I like the maxie dresses Iguess they call them. They come down to your feet or about. I don’t like my legs is why I wear pants most the time. I use to have a bunch of long dresses and skirts I would wear. But they wore our or got to small. I have a hard time finding them now that fit right that I like so I don’t buy them. since I have gotten bigger I feel like they just don’t look good. J had been trying to get me to dress sexier and nicer. I really wear nothing but jeans and whatever t shirt I grab and my fli flops all the time. Year round. I use to dress better before I gained so much. When you are depressed you really don’t care what you look like. I  needed new clothes bad I still have a lot I want to lose. I figured if I found a few dresses that looked good I could wear them for a while even after I started losing. Plus it has been really hot and pants are just to hot but I don’t like the way I look in shorts so dresses are better. But he has been in a piss mood and wanting to rub and touch on me. When I push him a way or move it just makes it worse.

I would love to have a relationship like I said in my other post. Not because of sex and things. But as bad as I would like to have one I don’t want one right now. Who is going to want to talk to and be with someone in the situation I am in? If they do they aren’t going to be someone who really cares and wants to stick around or in for anything more than some temporary whatever. If they really were interested in something long term it isn’t fair to them to be in the middle of this all and things the way they are. If they didn’t mind it is wearing and it is only a matter of time before they are gone to. Not that I want to stay in this situation I am working on getting out of it. But until then. I am not looking to get with anyone and moving in with them either. I right now just want to be alone until I am out on my own at least. I really don’t want to live with anyone again maybe ever. If I am in a relationship it would be a really long time before I would consider living together. I like having my space and I need to just have my own place for me and the kids for a while after all that we have been through with living with people moving and everything else the last few years. I need to feel in control for a change not like everything is just up side down and in the air. I need to make my own decisions about things with out having to ask or worry about what someone else is going to say or do. If someone can’t understand that and be ok with it and trust me then I guess they will have to find someone else other than me. Because I have been through to much to make the same mistakes again.

{July 21, 2014}   Put on a good show

I went out with my friend J the other night for a little while. I was looking for some clothes because I have hardly any that aren’t wore out or messed up. I never buy myself clothes until it gets to this point. I had refused to buy any until I lost some weight to. Who am I kidding I am not going to lose the weight until I get out of the situation I am in. You can’t lose very well when you live in a constant state of depression, walking on egg shells, and the never knowing. I know I have tried before and now it just don’t happen for me. I don’t eat like I should and can’t force myself to. I don’t feel like eating 99% of the time and feel sick and full after a few bites when I do.

When things aren’t so stressful I can drop it quick and easy. I can lose  in a couple weeks when I’m not so stressed and depressed.

Anyway she could tell when she got in the truck something was wrong. I told her I am just tired of living like this and I just want him out of my house. She was talking about how we put on such a show and so good acting when people are around. She said we don’t look like a loving couple but we don’t fight or nasty to each other and things. We don’t most the time, there has been a few times that we have gotten into it in front of others. But I try really hard not to make it anymore awkward than what it is and to just have fun and enjoy the company and the change why it last.

But the show is killing me it is a slow and painful death that happens from the inside out. It smothers you and kills your spirits, hopes, dreams and desires. It wears you out brings you down and makes you weak. At times it seems no matter how hard you try you get no where fast. It slowly starts to show in your outward appearance, attitude and outlook on life. It starts to show in your actions and when you speak. It becomes almost impossible to hide how you feel or that there is something wrong. It wears you out putting on the same show day after day, month after month. You get very tired it gets hard to get out of bed in the morning. You get so good at the show that you don’t even think about it your just doing it. It isn’t something that you stop when people aren’t around. You still have the kids there you can’t say  the things you want to say or how you really feel in front of them either. Before you know it you have isolated yourself, you aren’t going out to see friends or take the kids places. You dread going the places you do have to go or getting up in the morning and even being out of the bed. Besides if you are in bed you aren’t preforming you are just resting. But that too has a effect on the kids so you struggle to do what you have to do to get by and try not to effect the kids. But it dose you know it dose all of it effects them no matter how hard you try to act like things are ok.

It is one thing to want that affection, the interaction and elements of a true loving relationship and not having it. But it is worse on a whole different level when you don’t have it and you are living with the one person in this world that you once had that with and you thought you would have that with the rest of your life. having to live with that person who is supposed to give you those things and care about you but who has hurt you so bad and treated you the way they have to the point that you no longer have that. You can’t go to them and talk, or just sit, you can’t go to them and give them a hug or lay down at night and fall a sleep together. To know that they are fine with the way things are and are just happy to be living this way because they don’t want the divorce so anything thing is better than nothing and they will do whatever it takes to keep you here no matter how it effects you or you feel. Everything else I could live with and deal with but living like this with him in the house is really starting to take it’s toll on me, emotionally and physically. I just feel drained.

I was talking to a friend the subject of sex came up. He has been trying to hook up for a while but he just isn’t that kind of friend. We have known each other forever we talk about anything and everything and tell each other everything. But I’m not interested in him that way.

It has been almost two years since I have been with anyone. The last few times were less than good. Once was with RC before he left and it was nothing like it normally was. There was just to much going on. No emotion or connection at all. Then After we split up I went and seen my friend I had before me and RC got together. That night I really couldn’t get into it. I just had that feeling of something being wrong and like I needed to be at home. I ended up leaving later and going home. That is when I found my oldest son on the couch wrapped in a blanket with a 103 fever and father of the year telling me oh he went to sleep at 6. This from the kid who don’t go to bed before 12.

Me and my friend were talking and I told him the thought of sex just seemed like something else to do. He said he bet if I would just do it I would change my mind and maybe that’s why I wouldn’t. It isn’t that I feel I will want it all the time or anything like that.

Really the thought of sex just seems like something else added to the list to do for someone else. I know it isn’t just for someone else it is for me as well but that is just how it feels. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy sex, when I am with someone and there is more to the relationship than just sex.

I just want to be taken care of for a change.

{July 15, 2014}   Getting Closer

Saturday my friend J called me up and said she had something to tell me. I wasn’t sure what to expect at all. She starts telling me that she was online looking around and all of a sudden these pictures of dogs popped up. She started reading and come to find out RC posed them looking for a home for them. He hadn’t posted anything since like June 13. He has been so careful not to post where he is, where or what kind of work he is doing, nothing online for anyone to see that might give it a way where he is. In the post he put his phone number. He didn’t put area code just the number. With in 10 minutes of sitting down at my computer I had a area code and a address. The only thing is I don’t know how long he has had the number so I don’t know if the address is good or not. The address isn’t where he did tell one person he was at. But he may have told them to just through it off and it isn’t that far from where he is.

I also don’t know if they are not moving why he would be getting rid of the dogs. Even if they are moving unless they were going pretty far why they would give them a way. I know before he wouldn’t get rid of the kids dog if he moved local. He moved 3 times I know of and took his dog with him. He didn’t get rid of it until he decided to move out of state. Rumors have been he is coming back here. But I really didn’t think he would because she hated it here and wanted to go home. But I also know that they have been having problems with her family up there. They have don’t like him to start with. But she said something about her mom screwing her over on a title. Guessing for a car. I seen her oldest daughter who is really sick that she took off and left because they didn’t have room for her when she came down here, said something about she knows how it feels to be disowned by your mom or something along them lines from personal experience. I seen the daughter posted a picture and a few people said something about how pretty she was. Her mom said you look like the walking dead. I am guessing they aren’t getting along either.

He may be going to bring them back down here again if things aren’t doing well. He may be going over to GA by his dad but I just don’t see that because him and his dad don’t get along the greatest. Just everything that happen in the past and things. My friend seems to think he may just be moving somewhere local that they can’t have them or they just can’t take care of them anymore. I really don’t think that is the case. I though maybe they were moving in with her mom for a bit and couldn’t have them but I think she would let them keep them and after seeing the other and that they aren’t happy about him being there I don’t think that is it either. I think they are moving off somewhere.

I wasn’t able to today with everything going on father of the year around being nosy. But I am going to get online look up and see who owns the house for that address. I am going to get their information and call them. I am just going to act like I am checking a reference for them and find out if they are living there now or lived there, if they are moving. I am going to try and see if they can tell me where he is working. If they say he is moving if they have a idea where to and when.

If it isn’t for another week or so then I can go to the court house tomorrow and file all the paperwork then go over to the department and have them send it to the right place to have him served. Once he is served it won’t matter if he moves or not he will know there is upcoming court and things and that he has to be there. If he don’t show then I get whatever I ask for in court as far a support and custody. Once the judge hands it down then he will have to come back here and fight to change any of it. Unless he dose move her I don’t think he will just come back here to fight it. I am going to ask for support at least half of daycare and that he carry medical insurance on her and life insurance on himself for so much. I don’t want full custody but if and when he wants to see her I want it to be supervised. I don’t want his girlfriend or mother to come with him. He can bring his daughter with him to see her if he wants. He can come to the house and see her, we can meet at a part or somewhere and if he don’t like that then it can be done through CPS. I am not letting him just walk back in the picture when ever he wants and walk off with her when she don’t know him or to take her around a bunch of drunks and pill poppers. I am hoping he don’t show and I will get what I want. If he shows he will probably fight me on seeing her and it being supervised. I don’t want to keep her from him I never have I have begged him to be a part of her life. If/when he gets his self straightened up and decides he would like that too then I want him to be able to but with measures in place to protect her and that make her conferrable. She shouldn’t have to go off with someone she don’t know and she already has issues being around men she don’t know. I don’t even have to be the one to meet up with him for him to see her if I have friends we both know who would do it.

He may show up to fight and try to say she isn’t his. Then he will fight the rest probably when it comes back and says she is. Because I know 110% there is no chance what so ever she is anyone else. If he don’t show and fight any of it once the order for support is in then they can look him up by Social number find him and where he is working start taking it right from his check. I just hope it is a good address and they are going to be there at least long enough for me to get him served. If not I hope he really dose come right back here. Because then I will have no problem finding him getting all the info and getting it taken care of. I know all the ins and outs here and I know everyone here so he won’t be hard to find. Just like when he lost his job last time I knew right where he was working. I told a friend it was one of two places most likely X place but if not it would be Y and sure enough made a phone call and he was at X place. He is to predictable and don’t know to many people around this area and I now know most of the people he knows in this area.

{July 15, 2014}   Busy For A Monday

Today was a rather busy Monday for us compaired to most. I normaley don’t plan anything for Monday’s or make appoinments on Monday unless I have to. When school is in it is my day to get things together and taken care of from the weekend once the kids are back in school. I try to do a little shopping to get my stuff from the day before’s paper.

Today my youngest had a evaluation to see if he needed a speech eval and services. My daughter made plans for the local ladies to come by and do a bible lesson with her and the roofers came out.

We had to get up early and be at his eval by 9. Father of the year took off work to stay with the other kids because I had no sitter and really couldn’t take them with me. Thank goodness he did because I forgot I had to go there when I told them I would be home for the lesson and for the roofers to come. I couldn’t put off the roofers and I couldn’t put off his speech eval. We have waited months for it and if we put it off they would make us wait months and months longer to get one.

He did pretty good he just has a hard time for people to understand him. He came up for evals in other areas as well. But I am not worried I expected it. Not thrown for a loop shocked or surprised like a lot of people when they have this stuff done and they come up possibly needing more services or needing more. A lot of times they get helper easier if they need more services than if they just need help in one area sad to say. They said we should hear something the first week of August about getting the other testing done. I am hoping he will get to go to school when school starts back. I think he needs it and it will help him in other areas they aren’t even looking at.

The guy said to call him if the roofers weren’t here by 9 but I was at the meeting so I couldn’t really do anything. I figured it would be a little later maybe so I wasn’t to worried about it. I figured if they weren’t here by the time I got home I would call to see why. But they showed up about 10 and got right to work on it. By about 1 they had the dump truck come to clean all the old stuff off. They stayed and worked until about 7 and then the storm rolled in all at once was blowing stuff around and looked like it was going to pour any minute. They cleaned up and said they would be back in the morning to finish. They got everything done but laying two rolls of stuff. Tonight it rained more and we were sitting here at the table and heard another loud crash and looked rotted boards and nasty fell from up there it is leaking in where they didn’t get done. Looks like they put up new boards so I am hoping this isn’t a big deal that fell out. I will have to talk to them tomorrow to let them know before they finish.

At one point some how one of them ran over the electrical cord with the saw and then stuff wasn’t working. He came to the door and asked me if I could flip the breaker off and on or see if it had threw the breaker and turn it on. I went to do it and couldn’t find any breakers for that room. I had to call father of the year and ask him what the heck was going on. I guess when they closed the room in it was easier to run wire and put them on the outside of the house right at the meter. I had to go out and around the house to the box. I wasn’t going out the back door going through all the mess back where the roof as fallen. The guy came down off the roof and was helping me find it and check it. I was standing out there because the other one still couldn’t get the stuff to work. The one who came to the door said it sure smell good in there mam, really good. I said I have dinner in the crock pot making pulled pork. He said really sounded surprised. They got everything going I came back in. I figured they be knocking off soon it was almost 5. They were out there working until almost 7 or after. They came to the door and said they were going to go to the store and get a drink they would be back and wanted to make sure we were going to be here about 6. When they came back is when it started to look bad they rushed to get everything put a way.

I was just getting the kids sat down for dinner when they left to go to the store. I made everyone plates and got some containers and made them both a plate. When they pulled back in I had the older kids take it out to them. They didn’t come back for a while I walked out to see what they were doing. One was on the roof trying to grab everything down and get it put a way before it stormed, they were standing there waiting on him to come down to give it to him. The other guy had walked across the street for something and came back. He took it for him and sat it in the seat of the truck for him. He finally came down we were all talking and they got stuff put a way went to leave, he went to get in the truck and seen the bowl. He picked up and looked he turned around with a big smile and sounded excited he said oh thanks, thanks a lot.

The kids said mom you made them guys a plate? I said yes they been here for about 9 hours or more it is late and I am sure they are hungry. They been working their butts off to try and get this done and they would still be up there if it wasn’t for the storm. I at the time really figured they were going to be here longer working on it no one expected the storm it was nice and bright out. I figured they could take time to eat at least have something to hold them over until they could go home. But it didn’t matter either way. I always have extra. I have always cooked for 4 adults before me and father of the year got to gather. Even when it was just the two of us I would make more than we needed. We would just heat it up for another night or lunch. I try not to make to much but then it seems like it isn’t enough. As the kids have started getting older and eating more the extra I use to have I don’t anymore and sometimes come up just having enough. I have started making more now and I am back to having extra again. I like to know I will have some extra in case someone stops over you want to ask them to stay or like tonight you want to make a plat for someone.

Hope it was good nothing fancy mac cheese and store bought coleslaw. The pulled pork didn’t seem to taste as good as it smelled. I just can’t seem to get it one time it comes out great full of flavor the next time it comes out dry and kind of blah. it was in between this time.

{July 11, 2014}   A month later

Do you know what happens when you let a roof leak for a month? I do, this! This is what happens when you have 4 weeks of rain laying in your roof and pouring into your wall. CAM04808I was sitting int he dinning room at the computer and heard something. I ask what that was no one answered I forgot about it. About 30 minutes later I started smelling something musty and nasty. I could tell it smelled like that room when you open the door. I got up and open the door to find the mess.




I was shocked but I wasn’t, I think because I had expected it to happen before now and as bad as the wall is starting to look I was expecting it to start coming down. But we have had some really hard rains and a lot of rain in a very short time. Some areas have even been flooded. It seems to be pretty well insulated so all that holding water as well.

I was so aggravated I called the management office. She answered the phone I said my roof has now fell in just like I been saying was going to happen all along. She said she was going to call the boss and let him know she thought the roofers had been here to take care of it. I told her no that I called the permitting office they said there hadn’t been one applied for for my house and that the roofer said it should have been done Wednesday but I hadn’t heard from anyone. She said ok she would get on it.

I was very surprised that he called me back not just sent a email. He thought the roof all had came in. I told him no not yet so far just the plaster and things. That it was a wet molded mess back there. He said he just talked to the roofer and they said they did get the paperwork and would be here Monday to start working on it. He said if I hadn’t seen them by about 9 to give him a call on his cell and let him know.

I told him that the wall was probably going to start coming down anytime that it is cracked all over and around the window. He said when the roofer comes they are going to give him a price to fix whatever needs to be done inside as well. They are roofers and they are contractors. I was glad to hear that because I figured he was going to send Tweedledee and Tweedledum over here and they were just going to paint it. There is to much mold on the outside and there is a lot on the inside that needs to be cleaned up and taken care of. I didn’t want it to be a fight to try and get that done right.

He also said to me he was going to be talking to the owner and figure out how to compensate me for all this. He said he was going to try and get us a months rent at least or something. He had a whole different attitude than he had before when I talked to him. Before he just had this oh well we will get to it when we get to it, it don’t matter we let it sit a week and did nothing attitude. But he has figured out I’m not some stupid women who isn’t going to stand up to him because he is a man, I know the laws and I know my rights. It really gets on my nerves people think they are better than you when they know nothing about you.



I’m so fucking pissed off right now I am shaking. My oldest son is autistic. He is high functioning but still has his share of issues and problems to deal with. He is in a private school and gets two different therapies twice a week to help with things.  He is supposed to be getting a 3 rd we are working on getting for him.

He came up a few months ago for review for SSI to see if he will keep getting his check or not. I knew nothing of it until one morning I woke up to a phone call from this lady telling me she is calling to inform me that she is going to be closing his case in 15 days because I have not complied with them. I have no clue what she is talking about I tell her I don’t. She says she sent me a letter asking for information. I tell her I didn’t get the letter if I had I would have got in touch with her. She starts telling me well I sent it who checks your mail, have you been a way, did someone else check your mail all this like I am some kid that has to answer all this to her. Then she says I sent it out on on um then just changes the subject and goes on to something else. I am guessing she never sent the letter she was supposed to send. I asked her about it and she changed the subject again and said well I am sending you a letter to get this and this. I told her I didn’t have it she said that she would just get it from the school she had to get some stuff from them any way and that she would be sending me a couple letters with appointments to take my son for a speech evaluation and a IQ test.

I got the letters for both test called told them we would be going to them. I get a phone call asking if we would be going I again tell them yes and that I called to let them know. I later get another letter and call yet again to tell them we are coming. This all coming from the same women. I don’t know what she is trying to do but I just keep calling each letter I get and call I receive. I don’t know if she is trying to make it look like we are not complying now or what. We went tot he speech eval and for the IQ test. When the doctor was done with the IQ test he called me back and talked to me. I told me he was going to let them know he felt he needed to come back for more testing.

Today when she called she again started about sending me a letter to close my case for not doing what they asked. I asked her what it was we didn’t do that I had gotten the reports sent, we had made it to both test and was waiting for them to let us know when and where to go for the other test.

She says I have not turned in his IEP. I told her that she told me she was going to ask the school for that because I did not have a copy. She said well they didn’t send it to me and you haven’t gotten it to us. I didn’t know she hadn’t gotten it because she has never asked for it since we talked about it the first time. If she had told me she didn’t get them I would have tried to get them. I was then trying to tell her I would try to get them and turn them in right a way, but that it was summer he goes to a private school and they are closed for the summer . She starts talking over me telling me that he goes to private school he don’t have a IEP and they would just mark that he don’t have one. I am trying to tell her he dose I go the meetings with his school the school board and everything else. I was trying to ask her if there was a way to ask for more time since I didn’t know they didn’t get this and was working on getting it and if the test that he had done and still needed to have done would work if I couldn’t get it. Why they were going to close the case if we were still waiting on farther testing. She just keeps telling me I didn’t comply and that he don’t have a IEP they would just mark him as not having one. Just going around and around talking over me. I asked her again about when they were going to do send him for the other test. She said we don’t test for anything else we just do the ones we sent him for. If you want to get more test and follow up with it on your own and send us the results then you can do that. I told her the doctor said he felt they needed more testing to decide everything. She got nastier and just said well we are not going to do it if you want to that is up to you we just wanted him to do the IQ test not any thing else from him. I said I am just trying to understand how this all works. She again just cuts me off.

I had enough of her being rude and talking to me like I was just the lowest of the low. I said can I talk and say what I have to say now with out you cutting me off and talking over me? She said we can’t both talk at the same time. I said no we can’t but that’s what you keep trying to do. Every time I try to ask something or answer you even you cut me off or talk over me and don’t even listen to what I am saying. I said you have been nothing but nasty and rude from the time I answered the phone, talk to me and treat me this way and I am not going to be talked to and treated like this. I do not have to be I want to talk to a supervisor. She says oh so you want to talk to a supervisor now. I said yes I do your boss I want to know why you think you can call people and treat them this way and speak to them the way you have me from the first time I talk to you. She lauges and started to say something. I said no I’m done talking to you, you’ve had your say I will be talking to them and dealing with them from now on or someone different. she puts me on hold I was on hold for a hour and fifteen minutes and no one ever picked up the phone again. I just let the phone lay there why I was doing other stuff that I needed to take care of. By 4:15 I figured they were probably closed and hung up.

If she was in the right and I was so wrong why did she put me on hold for so long and not get a boss? Seems she knows she has messed up and was in the wrong. The phone calls are all supposed to be recorded if they are it will show right there how she talked to me and treated me. It is also going to show that she left me on hold all that time and never got a boss or came back to the phone. She is going to have to explain that. She says she send me to the bosses line and she didn’t answer she will have to explain why i didn’t get a voice-mail and again why either of them left me on hold that long.

I don’t normally complain or go over someone to a boss very very rearly will I. But I have never been treated or come close to being treated and talked by anyone as she did me. She talked to me like they talk to the inmates at the jail or worse. I use to hear it every day at work when I had to call up there or they would call me. You could hear them in the background yelling at them and talking to them like they were no body. It isn’t right for them to be doing it no more than it is for anyone to do it to anyone else. For her to talk to me that way I haven’t done anything wrong. She just on this power trip no one is going to do anything or say anything because she has the power to say yes or no to if they get that check. Well there is someone over her and someone over them. I am one who will show her just because you think you have power don’t give you a right to treat people any way you feel like it. She better stop and think that if it wasn’t for these people who are disabled and get that check every month there would be no need for her job. Then where would she be? I think they need to pull more of her phone calls and see how many other people she is doing this way. I am sure that I am not the only one. I bet I am not the only one who has complained. Another reason she didn’t want to put that supervisor or the phone. She is probably already in trouble or being watched.

He also came up for a review at our local office just where you turn in your pay info every year and things. I went right to that meeting and got them everything they needed and am still sending them stuff and working with them. Why would I comply with them and then not comply with her. I have told the lady in the local office about this lady already so she even knows that we have had a problem from the start.

et cetera

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