A Single Parents Life

{November 13, 2015}   Prayers For Paris

As we all get ready to go to bed lets all take a little extra time and pray for the people in Paris. Pray for all the friends and family who have lost a loved one and who were at these places where these things took place.




I just seen this come up on my news feed and decided to watch it. Listening to it I just sat here and cried, it sounds so much like my big boy. The let me move, let me rock, let me look where I need or want because I can still listen. He never sits still from the time he wakes up until he goes to sleep at night. He is always rocking or moving in some way or another. One of the first things that I noticed about him when he was little that wasn’t like other kids. He really isn’t trying to distract anyone or be disrespectful or not listen. 99% of the time if he can get up and move around or fitget in his chair he can tell you more of what was said or going on than someone sitting doing nothing but listening and watching what is going on. He catches things you would think for sure he wouldn’t or couldn’t have. I have to remind myself all the time when we are doing school that he is listening and doing what he is supposed to do he just needs to move or look around. It does get on my last nerve sometimes. But it isn’t his problem it is mine and I try not to say anything to him.

It’s hare because others just don’t understand and that I let him get away with things or don’t make him listen. They think he is being rude or not behaving and that he is old enough or more than old enough to understand and just stop. He looks a lot older than he his because of his size. They think he should be strong and lift this or that or not get upset about things that kids his age get upset about because they don’t stop to see how old he really is. Sometimes he may get upset about something that most kids his age wouldn’t but that is because of how he is. He isn’t like all the other kids. They don’t see it or understand. I just wish more people were a wear of things like this or more understanding. His dad says I always take up for him but I really don’t I take up for him when he needs taken up for. When adults aren’t being adults and treating him like he should be treated or others try to run him over, pick on him or make fun of him. He just don’t like it because a lot of the times I have to step in when because he isn’t treating him right. He swears he is but he can’t stand there and yell at him belittle him or call him names. Different or not that is one of my biggest pet peeves is people calling others names it don’t matter who it is, who they are talking to or why.

{November 12, 2015}   10/26-11/6 Whirlwind

The last few weeks have been pretty good. I started a job on the 26th of October. I had to take a week class for it, the 5 th  I went and took my state board. I passed it the first time with a 83%. Most everyone was shocked there are a few 100 people or more and most have had to take it two or three times before they pass and most have only gotten 70 some percent if or when they passed. A guy from the job called me Wednesday after I went home and was asking where I was at on the course and if I had taken the three test you take before you go to sit for the board. I told him yes that I was going the next day to take the test. He heard what I had scored on my other test and that I had only took it once he said he wanted to talk to me after I took my board test. He said if I passed it to come talk to him. He said they have a fast track class coming up on the 9th that they wanted to put me in. He said it sounded like I would do good in that class. Training classes are 6:30 am to 3 pm or 3:30 pm to 12 am. Then your shifts are anywhere from I think 6 am to 9 pm. I told him that would be great I would like to do that and get to work as soon as I could. I ask if it would be days or nights and told him that I have 4 kids to find a sitter for and to take in and out at midnight when I got done. That I really needed days. He said ok he would put me in days. Then he said well I can’t say that I will have to talk to the boss he decided that. He said but if you pass your board take this class and help us out you shouldn’t have to worry about working nights we will take care of you. I went took my test and stopped back in and told them I passed. I went to talk to him and he was in a meeting on a call and was going to be a few hours. I went and talked to the big boss he said he was going to go talk to. I told him that he had called and told me they wanted to put me in this class and things. The boss said well that class will start Monday and run through the weekend and sometime next week straight. The weekend will come in later get off a little later. I told him that wasn’t a problem at all. That I needed to be on days what the other guy said he said ok and put me in days. They told me to make sure I went and had my finger prints done for the background check today and that I was off until Monday. Boy it is going to suck being there at 6:30 am but I need to be off in the evening with the kids. If didn’t have them I would have took a night shift. I really like the job, it’s selling health insurance so I had to get my licences but they have paid for the class, test background and the license so I can’t complain. I wanted to get an office position or trainer but they were full. They just opened this office a month ago. I just want to get in there do really good and move up as quick as possible. One guy who was taking the class with me said his wife went in did the training in three days took the test the 4th and passed with a 87 and they took her straight and gave her an office job. Right now I think they are all full but I have seen a few I don’t know how they are going to work out the way they come in dressed and teaching the wrong stuff. I think the trainers teaching the wrong thing is a big reason so many people are failing the first time and the second too because they keep going back and taking classes and asking these trainers when they aren’t understanding stuff. As long as they are giving wrong information they are going to keep failing. The one trainer I think wasn’t to happy with me the other day when I was getting ready to go take my state class, I was sitting in why he was going over a couple of the chapters a few things he said I was like isn’t it this way? He said no it’s like this because of this or that. I say but what about x, y or z he dance around it with something that didn’t make any since then go on or say same thing I just got done saying with a bunch of stuff that had nothing to do with what we were talking about and act like I was wrong. I seen a few of the other women in the class look at him and look at me then he would ask a question or something and everyone would be saying different things and they would ask me what I thought the answer was or what it was. He cut off everyone and then go into this is the answer and this is why and moving on. One of the other ladies from the office came in and started talking to me. I told her I was going to take my test and she asked why I was even there and told me to go home relax eat and go take my test. She said you don’t need to be here going over all this right now you need to relax and rest until your test not stress about it. I told her I’m not stressed being there didn’t matter either way she told me go ahead and go. I went got my stuff and took her my time sheet to sign off on. She said I’m not forcing you to leave if you really want to stay you can but I think you know this and are going to do fine. She said I don’t want you to study so much you start mixing things up or confusing yourself. I said nope that’s fine I didn’t really see a need to be here but he said I should so I did. They want me here I show up. The test was about 20 or so miles farther south of where we were and I live about 15 north of where we were. I figured it was a waste of time to go home and have to turn right around and go right back. I went ahead and headed down to where I had to take my test. I wanted to make sure it was where I was thinking and they hadn’t moved since I had been there about 7 years ago. Then I went to this little dinner that was in the same plazze it was in. I had a salad and glanced through my papers at somethings I wasn’t sure about and studied the one test that we took on paper then went and took my test. I think it took me about an hour and half to do all of it, but I marked a handful of questions on each half to go back and look at at the end of each part. Then I went back and looked at a few I hadn’t even marked. Some of them were a little confusing the way they were worded and the way the question is worded. Then there are a few that are wrong because the laws have changed and they have not changed the test yet. The main problem was that it seemed like Jeopardy when I was talking it, The questions that were on the three test that I had taken at work were now the answers and the answer was the question. I knew the answer but with it being asked that way and them throwing in extra unneeded information on top of it I had to really read and reread it.

I have finally got my truck back on the road after a month and half of it being down. It looks good with the new grill and headlights. There are a few other problems that I am going to have to take care of now. I think the fan clutch is going out and for some reason the plastic around the fan is to close to it. It was really bad before I had the frame pulled but it looked good after that. The frame is good but I am thinking that maybe something else to do with the fan got bent as well. I have to get someone else to look at it. Father of the year isn’t making any since in what he is saying. I am going to see if my friend can look at it if I find time to get it to the shop he works at.

The kids are doing pretty good with me going back to work for the most part. My little one cries sometimes when I leave her but she stops right away and has fun the rest of the day. I just have to get schooling and things worked out. I have been putting dinner in the crock pot and putting it on before I go to work or having father of the year stop and put it on about lunch time depending how long it needs to cook. He lets the dogs out. That way me and the kids can eat when we get home it isn’t late.

Wednesday night I had to take my grandma to the hospital about the time I sat down and tried to study for my test the next day. They ended up keeping her and running a bunch of test on her before they decided to. I never got to study and didn’t get any sleep hardly. I had to come home as soon as we got there why they were checking her in because father of the year got a call. He wasn’t supposed to be out and shouldn’t have had one. But like always when the one guy works he always calls and has some excuse that he can’t go out after 8 or 9 at night. Or he gets a call with a car in the water or a flat and all of a sudden he needs help or someone else to go do it because he don’t want to do the shit calls and he don’t want to get wet even thought he is making extra money for the call. He shows up because he is first says he needs “help” Lets everyone else do the shit part of the job and then gets paid why they make $25 or less he walks off with twice that or more. But since they are just help and not the one that got the call they get pennies for coming out. They kept her because they think she had a heart attack or was going to have one. They finally let her come home last night told her to follow up with lung doctor and heart doctor.

It’s been a good few months other than totaling my truck.

{October 9, 2015}   Walking Around In A Fog

Haven’t been on in a little bit, I haven’t been feeling that good. I have logged on to post then just log back out. I just feel like I am walking around in a fog lately. I keep forgetting things, can’t focus, feel so sleepy all the time. I sit down and try to do my school stuff and I read it three or four time and still have no clue what it says. I really messed up with two classes and my mid term. I don’t know how I done it I am on top of it and have a lot of my stuff done and ready to turn in ahead of time. I some how missed doing two classes of work. It was like I’m not even taking classes I never thought about needing to do school work or test coming up. Most the time I am doing work off and on through out the day every day. Yesterday I sat down and logged in for the first time in days and seen I had two mid terms that were due and they had to be done today or I would fail the class. I went and took them back to back. It is not like I am doing a bunch of other stuff and forgetting it I’m not. I just don’t think of it I’m sitting here doing nothing. Well not nothing most the time I am trying to hold my eyes open because I have been so sleepy no matter how much I sleep or coffee I drink. Tuesday my family was here for the boys birthday dinner my poor niece ask me for a drink like 5 times. I say ok walk around the corner into the kitchen and stand there be like what am I supposed to be doing then start doing something else. I come back through and she would ask if I got her drink. I just say I’m getting it let I needed to do this fast then I can get it. Sitting here talking to the kids I get in the middle of saying something and just stop because I have no clue what I was saying or can’t get it out.

I am starting to think it is from the accident. I felt ok after it I did get sick why we were there waiting for the police to do paperwork and let us go, but that was it I felt ok after that. Just shook up with all that happen to be expected. It all felt unreal or like a dream. I figured I feel fine the next day. I haven’t I just feel like it’s getting worse not better. I remember about two weeks after it happening having a really bad day and just not being able to wake up it seemed like. I got up with the kids and sat down on the couch I fell a sleep, sat down here at the desk to check on school stuff and couldn’t I had to lay down. I was supposed to be somewhere that night I knew I had something that day to do and could not think for the life of me what it was. I thought of it a few days later. My head hurts all the time. Right now I just want to go lay down and go to sleep and sleep for days. It is only 10 pm and I sleep in really later today, I should not want to be sleeping right now. But I felt like I wanted to go back to bed when I got up and it hasn’t changed just got worse. I don’t even like to drive right now and not because of what happen, just because I feel like I can’t focus. I was going to the body shop yesterday have lived here all my life pass it all the time, I had to stop and figure out where I was and if I passed. I knew I had passed it and needed to turn around and someone said no we hadn’t gotten to it yet. I was looking for a place to turn around. I hope it’s nothing and I start to feel better soon. I need to be able to do my school work, stuff around the house, drive and take care of the kids. I can’t do that sleeping all the time. I don’t think I felt this sleepy when I had mono and was trying to get over it. So much to catch up on here but I will have to do it later when I am feeling more up to it. It took me sitting down two different times to get this finished. That’s why I have been MIA

{October 2, 2015}   After Market Parts

I didn’t get my truck back until last Friday and still have not gotten parts for it yet. I found all the parts and was going to order them. That was all fine and great until I got the truck back then I’m told that I shouldn’t put after market fenders on it that they aren’t made as good as the factory ones and won’t be as safe if something was to happen. I started asking around and all the guys are telling me no they wouldn’t use them and that they will drive the value of the truck way down.

Now here I sit searching for parts. They do not have to be parts off of that truck or even that year there is like a 6 or 7 year span and about 4 or 5 different models I can get the parts off of and they will still work with mine. I have checked with every junk yard in our county and wow we have a lot for no bigger than we are. They don’t have them. I have checked with the ones in the counties around us and they don’t have it. I even got so desperate I called the one yard here that father of the years company owns and asked as much as I hate to deal with them and the thought of giving them my money. They had one truck but the fenders are rusted on it so that won’t work. Other than that I can’t even find any in a yard. It isn’t even like places are saying we have the trucks but we don’t know what parts are left on them you have to come and look, or we have some out there but not your parts. They flat don’t have one of any of them any year in the yard. I have went on line and looked at the list of vehicles they have in stock there isn’t one there. I keep thinking I need to go look but what good is it going to do me to waste me gas and time to run around and go look when I am calling and looking on line and they have nothing?

The one place I called said oh no I don’t have anything out there that will work you don’t see them in yards to often they are not trucks people let go of and a lot of people want them if they do they snatch them up and they fix them.

I have gotten so desperate I have started messaging everyone I know who may know someone or come across someone and asked them if they know of anywhere or anyone because I need these parts and to put my truck back on the road right away.

What really sucks is there is a guy that live right in the same condo’s as my mom and sister who has one that has been sitting for almost 3 years that I know of. It needs a ton of electrical work. the wiring has been chewed all out of it. The guy isn’t going to do anything with it he says it isn’t worth fixing. The body is in great shape just a different color no big deal. But he still owes on it he told the place what happen and I guess he hasn’t been paying on it but they haven’t come and picked it up either so he is just leaving it sit.

I found one the same color as mine on craigslist the guy listed it month or more ago. He is saying he wants to sell the front clip for $1000 or truck for $1600. But what he is calling the front clip is not the front clip and when I am asking him for parts I need he is telling me it isn’t there. But if he has the whole truck or all the front click like he says it has to be there. I tried to get him to sell me just the fenders and bumper but he never emailed me back. Then Father of the year seen it and text him he told him no he wanted to sell it all together. I seen he posted it again the other day so I text him and just started asking questions he said he had someone that wanted the hood if they still did he would sell me the fenders and bumper. That was yesterday and he still haven’t told me anything. I text him tonight and told him I had cash in hand would like to pick up in the morning if he was interested in still selling I needed to know and how much. He never text me back so I guess he don’t want to sell it like he says.

I found one on line but they have a bunch of parts listed but not the fenders. In the picture the fenders look good so I don’t know if they are just gone or what. I tried to email them ask them about it but they are not taking emails. I have to call them tomorrow. They are all the way in NC but it said on line they were doing free shipping so I am hoping they have the fenders just hadn’t gotten them listed yet or something and are willing to sell them to me for a good price. But I don’t know because they want $300 for the bumper. I called the dealer today and they wanted $244 each fender and $500 for the bumper. I know the yards around here are getting between $115 and $150 a fender. I be willing to give them $300 for the two if they are willing to ship it to me since they are the right color and if they are in as good shape as they look to be in the picture.

I if this guy dose not text me back and these people in NC don’t have it I don’t know what I am going to do. I can’t keep driving the other truck it needs work and it isn’t going to hold up much longer I fear. It isn’t all that safe for us to be riding around in the work it needs done. We only go where we have to go or just a block up the road to the store if we need something. I don’t know how people who decide to not have a car do it. I am so use to getting up and going when I need to go and not having to plan it around the bus walking or someone else taking me. I am willing to give up and go without a lot of things but a ride is one that I just can’t not have. It is my one thing that I can’t go without.

I have even thought about just getting the after markets leaving them black and then getting factory ones the first of the year. But that is going to cut into my money to move and i have to move. I just don’t know what to do.

{September 22, 2015}   Listen to him

Seen this on another blog and felt it was worth sharing because are very clear about what they want or don’t want.

Source: Listen to him

{September 20, 2015}   The Bitch Again

I guess on the phone wasn’t enough he had to come over and start Thursday night. I told him if he was doing his part I would have money to pay someone to fix my truck and not need to ask him to but if he wasn’t going to pay then he needed to do something. He jumped up at me and over me started screaming about what my little bitty’s dad pays and how he pays nothing. I reminded him that I had been to get her dad to help but that I couldn’t because we were still married and that he wouldn’t move so they wouldn’t do anything until we are divorced they don’t want to help me. He kept on I told him fine I was going to go back and I was going to tell them that I not only wanted to go after little bitty’s dad but I was going after him for the other three. I don’t care how much money he is or isn’t making, what he can or can’t pay or if he has a place to live any more because he can’t do anything at all for his kids even if he has money he can’t do anything for their birthday, Christmas, school, clothes, shoes or other extra things that they want to do because he don’t budget and don’t care. He freaked out go ahead I don’t care I want you too. I’ll just tell them fuck you and not pay like everyone else dose, they aren’t going to do anything to me.

Sad part is he is probably right or if they do it will take years just like it will to get help with my little bitty from her dad. I really was going to take some of the extra money I had and get a lawyer to help me with my divorce and an investigator to help me find her dad. That way I could take it to court myself. If I know where he is I can do it myself. It isn’t as hard with him as it is with farther of the year because we have nothing filed or anything on paper anywhere. With father of the year everything being filed and him stopping it now I need things changed it’s been so long and I need to file contested since he is going to try and fight it or stop it again because he don’t want it.

He went to work Friday and was supposed to get off right after he turned his paper work in to take my truck to the shop, get tags on the other truck and take care of couple other things since they wanted him to work the weekend. I asked him that night your sure your coming straight here first things because we need some stuff from the store like milk and lunch stuff so the kids can have breakfast and lunch. I hadn’t been shopping since the accident. He was coming no matter what he was going to tell them he had to have off to take care of things. 11 am rolls around and I haven’t heard from him or seen him. kids are wanting to eat and things. I call him and finally get him on the phone. He says oh he been busy with work he got call before he ever got to go in that morning. But he had made it in so that wasn’t the problem. Then he said he told them he needed to go do this stuff but no one ever said anything or told him when he could take off and do it. That he was just going to be off the weekend he guess. Knowing all along when he is telling me this he isn’t going to be because they have no one to work it and that he isn’t going to tell them no he isn’t working the weekend. I got mad we got into it, he said well he had this call and another and blah blah to go take care of and then he was going to talk to them about it again so he could do it today. At the time is was almost 11:30 he wouldn’t have been done until after 2. He knows the tag place he can’t get in after 3 and that the body shop would be closed by the time he got done there if he made it in and if he tried to go to the body shop before he wouldn’t make it to the tag place. He was just trying to get out of doing it.

Something was said again about the truck he was supposed to be tagging and things. It is my old truck I have driven for the last 5 years or more that I stopped driving right before I got this one because it broke down. I was so done and over hearing one excuse after another I finally said fine you do whatever you want to do when and how you want to do it. But if my truck is not at the body shop before they close and that truck is not tagged and on the road before they close today, I am taking that truck and selling it to pay to fix my truck so that me and the kids have something safe and reliable to drive. The title is still in my name it is still my truck. All I had to do is go to the tag office and get a title since had has the other one where ever he has it. All legal we are married and until he puts it in his name it is is mine. Oh boy I don’t know if I have ever heard him so mad because he knew I could and would do it, he knew how mad I was. It wasn’t 20 minutes and he was standing at my door ready to take my truck to the body shop and then going to get the tag for the other truck. Now I just have to wait until they call and say it has been pulled so I can pick it up. Then to figure out what I am doing for parts for sure and get it done.

Then up over me yelling the other night telling me how I’m not working, I’m lazy and not trying to find a job and blow off interviews. One I have put in 100’s of resumes and a ton of applications when I get called back. I have them all right where I can show I sent them. I have went to every interview but one and that was because I could not do the job when they told me what it was. And if I get a job I can’t afford to pay all of the daycare by myself. If I have to pay daycare it will be just about what I make in a week if not more. He says so what do you want me to do about it? really get off your ass be a man and help take care of your kids. But that is to much to ask I know.

I don’t get why I have to be such a bitch and find stuff to threaten him with to get him to even half ass do what he is supposed to do. I can only imagine what he went inside and told them at work the other day. He was so mad he threw his phone and broke it so he has none now. He keeps saying yeah for $20 I can get a new one. He has needed a new one for months now but never seems to have $20 to get it. Now he has no option but to buy a new one because his will do nothing now. I know he is thinking I’m going to say oh here is $20 go get a new phone pay me back when you can or whatever. Nope not happening do without like we do because your sorry ass don’t do what you are supposed too. He already owes me $400, plus all the money he should be paying to help with the kids and the things they need.

He probably went inside and said the bitch is going to take my truck out there and sell I have to go to the tag office and get the title in my name before she sells it this weekend. She’s so fucking lazy and won’t work don’t have no money so she is going to sell it to get money to fix her truck. Leaving out the part that I should have money to fix it but don’t because I am paying his part and mine for the last 6 months or more. How he has left it sit for over a week and refused to take the fender off and drive it around the corner or throw it on the back of the truck and take it over there. How he owes me other money as well almost enough to get all the parts I need and my sister money that he don’t bother to try and pay back. So I have every right to sell it and get what I can out of it to help with things here or fixing my truck. How it was my truck and I gave it to him.

{September 17, 2015}   So Tired and Stressed

I have not walked out of the house in months to do anything that didn’t have to do with taking someone else somewhere or doing something for someone else. I was supposed to go last weekend then had my accident and things. I’m supposed to go this weekend coming up and now father of the year calls and tells me he is working. Not do I have plan, am I able to keep the kids nothing just to inform me he is working this weekend. My truck still hasn’t made it to the body shop to be pulled and make 100% sure there is nothing else we are missing wrong. Been waiting for a week for a fender to be taken off of it to get it over there. It is three blocks from my house, it should have been taken Monday dropped off and picked up Tuesday. Parts should be here or on there way. But no I have been waiting all this time for him to pull it off and take it around there. He knows I have no money to pay anyone else. If I don’t get it fixed then I am going to have to put my other truck back on the road and it is going to leave him with nothing. You would think he would get it taken care of. I am ready to sell the other one to pay someone to fix this one I’m so pissed. I would give it to someone right now if they could do everything that needs to be done to mine and get it back on the road for me how pissed I am. Yeah I understand he works but I also know that he is helping with nothing at all here for his kids and that he knows we need this to get around. I have my moms truck now and I can’t drive it but to the store and back. Its like everything he just get to it when he gets too it. It can’t keep sitting here at my house like it is either someone is going to stick their nose in shit and call code enforcement again if they haven’t already and when they do I am going to have to move. I can’t move right now nor do I want to I hope to stay here until I move the first of the year and then away from here to somewhere. He is just pissing me off so fucking much right now. Now I have no money to get a lawyer. I am filing the divorce myself and he better not fight it. If he even tries to I am going to tell him you know what I know a lot more than you think I do and X has told his therapist and she will come to court and tell all. Everyone wonders why I hate him more and more every day that goes by why I can’t stand him and could careless anything about him. Everyone says I can’t believe you say this or that or you do this or that or act this way or that way when it comes to him. It’s because I don’t care it don’t bother me to say or do anything because I just don’t care what he thinks, or how he feels or anything else. It sucks because I was at a point I didn’t have any feelings what so ever for him good bad or other wise and now I hate him can’t stand him and just want to knock the hell out of him. I don’t like feeling that way either. But it is what it is and I do and for good reason. If he be a man and help take care of his kids not lie all the time and be halfway normal productive person but he can’t and he never will. It’s probably a good thing he wasn’t standing in front of me a few minutes ago when he called because I probably would have let him have it. I said something about my truck and how long it has been and him working that i had plans and things. He says to me well you shouldn’t have wrecked it and I’m not the one who wrecked it. Like I have nothing better to do or to spend my money on than fixing my truck and risk injuring everyone as well. I just felt like wrecking it that day.

I have told him I need him to take the kids this weekend more than once and that I need a break and everything else. He knows it and then just calls and says I got to work. I do I am so tired and feed up with everything the kids don’t want to listen they are whiny cranky and I am beyond stressed right now. I talk to a friend had plans this weekend and everything. I told him he needs to tell them he don’t have a babysitter that the drop of a hate when they decide the day before he is supposed to be off they want him to work. He won’t he wont’ do anything.

{September 15, 2015}   It’s All a Blur

Friday father of the year went to take my mom to the doctor since we didn’t make it the day before and I had no way to go take her. Of course he spent most the day there and got here at like 4 pm. Knowing I needed things from the store and to take my truck to be looked at.

Soon as he got here I put the kids in my moms truck and flowed him to the body shop. The guy looked at it the best he could but said that we needed to take the bumper and things off because it was wrapped all around areas he wanted to get in and look at. He said to take that stuff off and bring it back he would put it on the rack and pull it for $250. He said that he didn’t think it was totalled.

He also had his wife pull up and give me a list of parts that were needed and prices for parts because I had told him I could get the parts for $1550 at the junk yard. I had called around earlier for that. Some would be new some would be used. He quoted me a price of $2500 and they weren’t all new either.

When we got home we figured out that I didn’t need a radiator, the plastic around the fan is pushed up into it so it isn’t letting it spin like it should. So then it is not turning like it should to keep the truck cool, that is why it starts to smell hot after running for a little bit. My friends husband came over for a minute looked around he said he thought that when they pulled the frame it would let the plastic around the fan back off and give it the room it needs to spin again. Father of the year started working on taking the lights, grill, bumper and the rest of the stuff that needed to come off, off of it. But I couldn’t do anything with it over the weekend because the body shop wasn’t open to drop it off or pull the frame.

I started looking on eBay and I found all the parts that I need for a lot less than what either place is quoting me and they are all new. I have decided not to get a new hood at least for right now. The hood is only messed up in the one little spot on the driver side front corner. It is rolled down a little. It dose not effect the opening or closing. I figure if it looks to bad once we fix it and the rest of the truck is done I will get a new hood in February. But right now it isn’t a big deal or a must have.

I found both fenders for just under $200, the grill for around $90, and the headlights with the turn signals and things for $88. Oh and the headlight and grill support rack or whatever it is called for around $75. I got a different grill than what was on it, because I have to buy the frame of the grill and then the inserts that go in it. I forget what the price of the frame is but it was close to $100 and the inserts were another $55 to $65 to go in it. The grill I got is a custom grill or newer model but it was only $89. I am getting custom headlights too. The ones I had are like $80 to replace I found some nicer ones that I think will be brighter for $7 more. I found the tail lights to go with them but it would be another $80 and I don’t have that to spend right now. I am going to wait and when I fix the hood or order a new one get the tail lights then. I am going to be driving this truck for years to come. I have to put the money into it to fix it and the stuff is the same price or a few dollars more I may as well make it look nice. It be crazy to pay more just to put the same parts on it when I can get the others for less and it would be crazy to update the grill and things and put the same lights back in it when I can get the updated lights for that little bit more. Besides look how much I am saving buy not having to buy some parts and finding them on line.

The only bad thing is I have to get the fenders painted. If I had got them at a junk yard, I could have just left them whatever color they were until I had money to paint them. Not what I would like to do but what I would have done to save some money right now. Since they are new I have to paint them right away I am told or they will rust. So I went Saturday to find a friend of father of the years he use to work with at a body shop. He really knows his stuff and dose a good job. I wanted to find out what he would charge me to paint the two finders and maybe the bumper. The body shop told me $125 off the top because of the kind of vehicle it is and then $167 each panel or the whole front clip, nose, bumper, both panels hood and everything for around $500. He was supposed to come yesterday and something came up he couldn’t come. He said he could come tomorrow. So I didn’t get to take it and drop it at the body shop yet because it wouldn’t be here when he got here to look at it.

I guess after he looks at it I am going to take it around to the shop and drop it off. Once he tells me it is ready and not totalled I am going to order the parts. I didn’t want to order the parts until the frame was done and everyone looked at it and told me what the cost for each part of their job was going to cost and I knew I had all the money to take care of it all.

The body shop that is going to pull the frame quoted me a price of  $4500 just about for all the parts, body work, and lobar. I didn’t see where it had the price of pulling the frame in there so then I would have to add that too it. I’m told by a few people if I had taken it to some of the other shops in the area it would probably be more for lobar and things. If I had insurance that was covering it or it had been the other persons fault and their insurance was covering it they would have totalled my truck. Then I would have probably ended up with next to nothing to get something else to drive if they had given me black book value on it like they did my car. I really don’t think I would have gotten near enough to cover buying me another one.

The last few days have just been a blur really since the accident. Friday was wasted because I had no way to go anywhere and no help with the truck. Then Saturday we went to find his friend and then my mom called and started about her truck because we had it and where I was going in it and not to take it here and there. Then they wanted to go to the store and of course that took them hours, I didn’t get home until the middle of the night. yesterday from I guess standing and waking around all that time in the store on top of being hurt from the accident I hurt so bad I couldn’t stand it. I was in so much pain I felt like I was going to be sick and could hardly move. I stayed in bed most the day. I finally had to get up and go sit at the computer to get work for two classes done before 11:59 pm. I had 4 assignments due, 3 in one class, one in the other. I did the class that only had one due first, then started the ones for the other class. I took the test then did the board we have to do. By that point it was just a few minutes until everything was supposed to be in. I wrote the professor and told him I had been in a accident on Thursday and that I had been dealing with that and being injured. That I had gotten all my assignments done but that one and asked if I could have more time to get it done. I told him I could send him a copy of the report they gave me at the since, pictures of the truck of both if he needed them for proof or for records. I figured if I offered to do that he would figure I wasn’t lying and just didn’t do it. Once I wrote it I went straight to bed it was late. He responded almost right away and said he would give me until tomorrow to get it done and turned in that he would only take half a point off. I wasn’t sure if he meant to Monday tomorrow or Tuesday tomorrow since everything had to be in at 11:59 and I emailed him just before that and he replied at 12 something am. I had a big test and a board due for another class today and about 4 assiments due for a class Tuesday. I figured I would do my board and my test and then work on the work for that class. If I got it done I would turn it in today if not I would turn it in Tuesday and take whatever grade I got. But I was able to get it in today so I didn’t have to worry about it. I didn’t do to hot on my test. I only got 45 out of 60, as soon as I started it the guy came to mow the yard, the kids decided it was the best time to fight and run around the house and play, then try to go outside to see who was out there. I answered what I knew for sure and tried to go back and look up the others. I had planed to do my test Thursday when I got the kids to bed until all this happen. Then work on the rest of everything for my other classes. I am just going to have to buckle down and not let anything else keep me from having plenty of time to work on my assignments from now on and get really good grades on the rest of my work to make up for it all. At least this teacher I think drops the lowest of each grade for all our work. If I get back on track then that grade will be dropped and I will be ok.

It’s already 5 in the morning I have been to bed yet tonight. I got to get some sleep now that I am feeling tired. I have places to go tomorrow and those 3 assignments to get done and turned in by tomorrow night. Hopefully I will get at least 3 or 4 hours sleep before the kids start getting up and we have to go.

{September 11, 2015}   1 Step Forward and 10 Back

Today me and the kids went out to go take my mom to the doctor and I was going to stop on the way back so we could have lunch. My grandma was there and my big girl figured it would be nice us all to go together. I sold my massage table and the stuff to go with it so I had little bit of money. I’m going down the high way I get maybe 3 or 4 miles from her house and probably only about a mile from father of the years shop he works for. I wrecked my truck I don’t know how I didn’t know how me or the other car did not roll.

I was going down the street in the outside lane because I was coming up on my turn not to far up the street. I seen something to the side of me on the left I glanced over for just a split second to see what it was. When I looked back there was another SUV about the size of mine stopped in front of me. I tried to stop and knew I was going to rear end him so I just swerved to the right. There is a sidewalk there and then a driveway for a office. I passed the truck I was trying to miss and slammed into the side of a BMW. It sent it sliding and spun him into some cable box or phone box that was on the side of the road. I came to a stop right in the side of him. There were two guys in the car. The air bags on one side went off. I started to call 911 but I looked beside me on the street and there was a undercover cope stopped with his lights on. I tried to open my door and it wouldn’t open. I still do not know how I got out of my truck, I remember turning looking at the passenger side door and thinking I needed to get across and get out the next thing I remember was seeing two guys running from out of the office we were at asking me if I was ok and everything. I hear my little bitty crying. I knew they were ok just scared I was trying to get to the people in the car I hit and check on them they couldn’t get out of the car. My truck was against one door and there was a pole on the other side. They came with in an inch or so of hitting the pole so he couldn’t open his door to get out either. They had it open enough we could hear each other one of the guys who came out of the office was there with me they said they were ok.

I went back to my truck to get the kids out and as I walked around I walked into my big boy he had gotten out. I got him fro beside the road. The guys were asking me something about the kids and said something about just the two. I remember saying no no I have three there are three with me, he was saying where are they we just see the two and hearing my little one crying they were trying to get her out. I told them he was in the back seat in the middle in his car seat I guess they hadn’t looked back trying to check on the two they seen and make sure they could get them out. I went around the truck to the side I could move the seat and get to him by the time I could get around there there was someone in there getting him out. He was all upset because he lost his shoe somewhere in there and couldn’t find it.  I took them over in front of the office and told them to sit on the sidewalk so they weren’t by the cars or on the side of the busy highway. The guy said oh it’s ok they can go inside, I had no idea what kind of office it was or anything. I open the  door and there was just a few desk with computers and the rest just an empty space. I told them to go sit by the wall and not to get up and mess around or be loud. The man said there was a conference room with a table and things they could go in there sit down and told them where water was told them to get some water if they wanted.

I went to go back outside the cop had gotten out and more were getting there. The guy said don’t worry they can stay in there we won’t let them go outside. I went back out the guys had crawled out the sunroof to get out of the car. The one guy said his arm was sore and bruised, one of them broke their glasses. While I was getting the kids settled down inside I called my mom told her I wasn’t coming and what happen. I called my best friend’s husband that works at the same shop with father of the year, I could’t get him. I told him I needed him to have them radio him and let him know we were in a accident and told him to ask the boss to please send someone to pick my truck up and take it to my house for me. He said here’s the boss talk to him let him know what is you need where you are. He told him we were in a accident.

I think they thought I wanted them to send him out there. I wasn’t asking them to send him. I was asking them to just let him know and if he was busy or wasn’t the one out on this side to please send who was out on this side to get my truck before the police called and had it picked up. When the police call and have it picked up you never know who is up on rotation and they take it right to impound yard. When it is a police call you pay for the trucks travel out to the car more for hook up the trip to the yard and then impound fees. Since the police call them out there it cost three times as much as if you just called and had it picked up yourself. If I called it in with them myself it is a lot cheaper for me because they just charge me a flat rate not mileage and all that. They sent father of the year to get it. He was out on this side. When I walked out to talk to the police first thing he asked me when I walked up was if I had one tow company over the other I would rather them call. Most the time they just call don’t ask. They are supposed to just go down the list and call the next on the list and cycle through. I was surprised but I told him my ex drove tow truck for this company and he was on his way to come and get it. The other guy said that the on star people had called one for him. I wanted to tell him it would be cheaper for him to call his own but dint’ want to make the cop mad but then he said that so the cop said ok he wasn’t calling anyone then.

The guy I hit ask me if the truck had 4 wheel drive and if it worked. I told him it did it worked as far as I knew i had never used it. He wanted to know if we could try to move it because the tow truck was coming. I told him yeah but I didn’t know if it would move because before we got the kids out and everything the guys from the office asked if it would start and if I could move it back to try and open the door for the guys to get out. I told them yes for one of them to just move it I didn’t care I didn’t want to get back in it. I was so shook up. It was stuck it wouldn’t move. Then the guy wanted to kick the 4 wheel drive in and try to move it. I hadn’t thought about it and I guess the guy trying to move it hadn’t’ either. I said yeah we can try it. The cop said no, he said this is a very top heavy truck and I’m afraid if we go trying to move it and trying to force it out it’s going to just roll over the way it is sitting. He told him it had to wait until the tow trucks got there and let them figure out and get them out of there. I really wasn’t worried about it rolling over I at first when we were moving and everyone hit and sliding I was because there like a hill you go down into the drive. But once it stopped we were parked or whatever I felt it was stable. I had gotten in and out of it a few times to get information for the cops and things.

They asked if we needed to go to the hospital everyone was ok I told them no. They asked if we needed medics to come out and check me or the kids. I told them I felt they were fine it had been a while and they were acting fine and not complaining about anything. When I went in once the guys showed me where my little guy had on his collarbone and neck where the strap to the seat belt had got scratched it and bruised it. But he wasn’t saying anything hurt or anything. The other kids were fine. My little bitty told the cop when we were leaving she hurt her teeth, I seen two little lines on her lip on either side. I think she must have had her finger in mouth and the bottom ones came up and nicked them or something. Nothing horrible. I felt so sick the cop was there in the room taking the kids names and all the information down I started feeling really sick. Then the next thing I know I look up and there are a ton of medics all standing in the door of the room we were standing in. Couple talked to the boys why I was talking to the cops. The cop told them to check me because I said I felt sick, I was asking to go to the bathroom, the guy said I will find a trash can or something. I was thinking I don’t want to sit here and puke in these peoples trash can in front of everyone I just need go bathroom. I just sat there in the chair didn’t move and answered their questions. the cop said something about being sick I told him it was just nerves and being upset. They checked the kid said they seemed fine and ask if i wanted anyone to be taken to the hospital. I told them no so I had to sign paper work for them. It would have been crazy to have them take us to the hospital if we did need or want to go unless we were just really badly hurt we were right across the street from the hospital. Not the one I would use but the one they would take us too. Unless it was like someone really hurt life death needed to go right now I would have taken them myself if I felt they needed to go so I could have taken them to a better hospital. The accident I was in when the guy hit me I took myself because I knew where they were going to take me and when I had bleeding when I was pregnant with my 2nd I called 911 because the doctor said if I had bleeding I needed to be brought by them. I argued with them until they took me to the other one I was a few blocks from the one I was by today. But they have a horrible history. They killed a friend of mine, had to go there while pregnant with my little bitty this time and they told me she looked great on the ultra sound they did. When my doctor looked at it she wasn’t there was problems. They have so few people that go to that one anymore they have closed a bunch of floors and laid off a bunch of people. They are always looking for new doctors because none stay. there is no way I would let them take my kids somewhere like that.

Oh and after everyone is out and the kids are sitting in this room at this office and we are in and out of it for what seems like ever I look up and the guys from the car where in the office now. I thought the cops had them come in figure they were going to have us all sit there at the table and fill out or sign the paper work it had started to rain outside. Nope the one or maybe both are the owners of this company. But I have to say when I went up to the car I figured the guy was going to freak out and be mad but he wasn’t. The guys in the office were as nice as they could be and help in trying to make sure the kids were ok and getting them out letting them come in and sit away from the road helping check them out make sure they were ok. Even when they guys came in that were in the car they were really nice and acted as if it was no big deal. He just said things happen that’s what insurance is for. We got all done and were able to leave, he was standing there by the door, father of the year had my truck on the tow truck and was up in it trying to get the car seats for the kids out and everything. The guy out of the other car said man its a really good thing you were in that truck having those kids with you. He said if you been in a car…he said that truck your sitting on a big solid chassis. I said yeah I know, everyone says get a mini van or a car but with 4 kids and two in car seat it just isn’t safe. He said no keep a truck your in the right thing. Father of the year said when he went back to winch his car out and tow it to the shop for him his wife was there and said she was really nice was asking if everyone was ok and things. Said they asked a few times if sure everyone was ok. Said the guy said he wasn’t worried about it he was use to dealing with accidents and things all the time. I didn’t know it but they own a big trucking company. Their yard is south of there this is there office they dispatch the truckers out of and things.

I called my best friend’s hubby back because he was trying to call me when I was talking with the police and in the bathroom being sick. He said he was taking off and coming to pick me and the kids up and take us home. He came he ended up taking us to my moms house and we stayed there with her and my grandma for a while until father of the year got a break and was able to get us back home. We needed stuff from the store and wanted to make sure no one had any problems and needed to go to the be checked out before i got here and was stuck with no car.

I am pretty sure the car is totaled, I figured my truck was too since I couldn’t get my doors open and as hard as I hit the other car. I have the big winch out or tow hooks on the front of my truck and one on the driver side stuck a whole in the door of the car, it bent it all down. I need to replace the grill, all the lights, the hood is rolled down on the front driver side corner, the finder on the driver side front is rippled, the finder on the passenger side is scuffed and has some damage and the bumper is tore up. Father of the year said he smelled coolant so we have to figure out where it is coming from. When I got home tonight he looked at it I think it is worse than they thought they were saying it wasn’t totaled but I am not so sure now. Father of the year looked more tonight and the frame is got a little bit of a spot in it behind the front tire on the driver side. I think it is right where that hook is there in the front that is what took the brunt of the impact when we hit. He says it isn’t bad enough to be considered unsafe and totaled. But I thought if there was any frame damage it was totaled no matter what. I have to call some body shops tomorrow and see if I can get it in to one have them look at it and see if that is the only spot and what they say about it. If it is the only spot and there isn’t motor damage or anything like that I will probably just unhook the bumpers and move them forward try to fix what damage is on them the best I can for now, line the hood back up and use it. Then go to the junk yard try to get the lights, grill, and bumper for it and put it on. I know my friends hubby can do it and father of the year helped in a body shop for a while so he knows some about it. Worse case I will have to call my grandpa and have him come up and help with it. Between him and my friends hubby they should be able to get it fixed and safe again. It just won’t look to nice until I can replace the fenders probably. I don’t have insurance to cover damage to my vehicle so I have to pay it all out of pocket. I just got the kids both brand new car seats a month or two ago and now I have to get two more new ones. I know the straps where under a lot of strain by the marks and things on the kids.

I just got my money to cover all the bills had a little extra to do a little something for the boys for their birthdays, I need a new computer because mine is about to quit and refuse to work anymore. Half the time it dose not pick up inter net signal, I can’t use it for part of my school stuff like I need to, the dog chewed the cord in half. I had the cord spliced back together but it stopped working. Now I use father of the years cord because he never uses his computer he always uses his phone. I can’t take his and use it because it is just as old as mine. Mine is a dinosaur at like 7 years old. I was going to get me new glasses because when I moved out of the last house I put them on the window why I was moving beds I didn’t want to break them. I forgot them and turned the key in. I called and ask them to please have someone get them when they went over to do the walk through or show it not even to make a special trip I would wait. They wouldn’t, I know they were there because I went back and looked in the window to see if they were still there and they were. They wouldn’t get them and give them to me. That was almost two years ago. I had been doing ok but now doing all my school on the computer I am having a really hard time seeing. It is taking me twice as long to do my work because I have to keep going back and double checking, sqinting to even see some of the stuff. I blow it up to like 125 to 175 to see it better but then I have to shrink it back to do what I need to do and see everything together on the page. Some of my stuff I have to work in a program and I’m not able to blow it up or can’t figure out how if you can. But the things I have to do and the way it works I don’t think I could work in it even if I blow it up.  Now I guess I will be getting new car parts to patch my truck up so that I can drive it.

I am so sore my back all over where I hurt it before is bothering me from being jerked around, my head is hurting, I pulled something in my left leg by the bend of it some how. The rest of my leg from the knee down feels swollen and sore across the top of my foot hoots. I don’t know what I did to it. I just hope it didn’t mess my back up even more. Mom said I need to go get checked but I really don’t know why, there isn’t anything they can do. I just want to get in my bed crawl under the cover, relax and go to sleep. It’s one of them nights it would be nice to have someone to curl up with and have that comforted.

et cetera

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