A Single Parents Life

{April 26, 2015}   The Third Degree

Yesterday when I decided me and the kids were going to take our little trip I didn’t really tell anyone. I told my friend I was thinking about going up in the night when we were talking. Then I asked my other friend that morning when I got the kids up to get ready, if she wanted to go. That was it.

So last night when I had to call father of the year to get the truck unlocked. Lest he could do since we are going on the 2 nd pay check he has given my nothing out of sine he left. He has rent to pay, bills to pay, shoes to buy, and phone bill to pay. Because you know the rest of us live for free and don’t have all that stuff to pay he seems to think. I said yeah well we have all that same stuff to buy as well. He just says I don’t know I have to see. Anyway you all already know all about that because it’s another story already written (Stupid Phone).

When I called something was said about the kids being so tired. I said we haven’t been home since 7 something this morning they were ready to go home. Then I couldn’t find the keys, we have spent time looking for them then found them in the truck. He asked where we were I told him he said oh you’ve been there helping out with the relay all day. I said no we were in Daytona most the day just came down here for a hour or so when we got back.

I could hear him choke he said you were where? I told him again. Then he wanted to know why we went up there. I said was board wanted to get out and do something. I told him what we did. Then it was well who did you go with? Who did you meet there? I said just me and the kids and I didn’t meet anyone there. We just went by ourself. He didn’t have much to say then. Like he didn’t believe me. Then he wanted to know what made you go there and you never go off like that. I said I told you I wanted to get out of the house there is nothing here to do and I decided it wouldn’t cost hardly anything to go so we packed lunch and went.

After everything was done and I finally got the keys I was on my way home and he called me. Are you seeing someone? Are you talking to someone? Who are you dating? I don’t know why you are lying to me why don’t you just tell me? I said I did tell you. Not my fault you don’t believe me. I’m not seeing, talking to, dating anyone not that if is any of your business if I was but I have no reason to hide it either because we aren’t together and haven’t been for a really long time. Besides dose he really think I’m going to take the kids to go see some guy? If I did dose he really think they wouldn’t tell him at some point when they seen him and started telling him about their trip?

Me and my friend had just been talking about this at the park before I had to call him. How he is and how he is trying to make it so that I don’t have any money thinking I will let him come back over here so he will pay the bills. Even though we aren’t together he don’t care as long as he is here and it looks like we are. Like she said if he is here I’m not with anyone else either. He can’t have me back and he don’t want me to be with anyone else and be happy either. It is true.

My other friend said tell him yeah you are seeing someone and that if he don’t take the kids on his days I was going to take them with me to see him. But really he wouldn’t care and still wouldn’t pick them up. He really wouldn’t then because he want to pump them for info when he did see them. Other than that he wouldn’t care they were around some guy I was seeing or talking to even if I just met him and knew nothing about him really. Like I told him he drags them along and takes them to meet women he met on line from these dating sites and worse I know he met one on craigslist. This even after we talked about not having them around people we just met or just started dating. If they been together for a little while and it seems to really be something then maybe. But like I said before I don’t want them around anyone I am talking to, dating or in a relationship with for at least 4 to 6 months. May sound crazy but they don’t need a new person in and out all the time.

I know it is probably killing him to get the kids by their self to ask them if anyone went with us or if we met anyone there. This morning I look at my facebook he posted on my profile good morning beautiful and this little smiley face. I hid it from my page and acted as if I didn’t even see it. What dose he really think that is going to get him?

Like I told another friend last night even if he changed 100% and fixed everything that was wrong I don’t want him back. Even if I knew it would stay that way and never change again he went back to the person he was when we met or what ever. In no way shape form or reason would I even consider taking him back. He has done things that he should have never done and should have never done to his wife girlfriend or whatever. And he is still doing shit just like not giving me anything at all to help out with the kids in a month he has been gone. Not answer his phone when he see’s my number calling. The kids try to call him he don’t answer it. Last night I call and call and someone else has to call and tell him it is a emergency he needs to call us back before he calls.

There is a reason I flinch when he gets close to me, and he makes my skin crawl and I can’t stand to have him in the same house or around.


{April 26, 2015}   Exhausting Day Of Fun

Father of the year never picked the kids up Friday then I got a call that he is puking and oh so sick blah blah. I wanted to go get my tattoo touched up before it’s to late and get some things done. That night I was sitting there thinking about something to do Saturday. I’m just tired of sitting here in the house. I thought about the flea market but how many times can you walk around the same flea market. We don’t go often but nothing seems to change any more. Its more like a bunch of stores that only open on the weekend. Where as it use to be different people selling whatever like a big yard sale. Now it is mostly new stuff and over priced because hay if your going to only be open 3 days a week you got to raise the price to make the money right.

Anyway I thought of the flea market a few counties away but decided it was really to far to drive just to go walk around. We went the board walk a few times when I was a kid but it blew away years ago and they didn’t build it back. My little bitty wanted to go to bed so why she was going to sleep I started looking up things to do. I found a lot of things to do around there that didn’t cost a lot.

I decided to go. I sat and mapped out our trip to see what was next to what and the times they were open how long it take to get to them and all that. I found the flea market was farthest a way but opened the earliest and the light house was the closest and stayed open the latest and planed from there.

After the kids went to bed I made drinks and filled their big bottles up and put them in the freezer.  Then I made sandwiches and froze them and made popcorn. This way we wouldn’t have to buy lunch. the two places last on our list was next to a park and figured we get there around lunch time. I got the kids up at 6:15 and we were on the road by 7:30. I didn’t tell them where we were going until we got in the truck. I printed up a paper with a list of where all we would be going with the hours and all that on it so I had it with me.

We went to the flea market got there right on time. We spend and hour and half walking around there. I don’t think we seen it all it was so big. We walked in a few circles I do know that. Things were so cheap there as well. It was really big and nice. Nothing like ours. We left to get over to the tour we wanted to go on or we could have spent a lot more time there.

We went to the candy factory and took a tour thing there. They showed you how they made the candy and different things. What everything was used for. Gave the kids samples.

chacolate4chacolate3Chocolate starfish and breakfast, chocolate covered bacon isn’t good.

From there we went to the Marine Science Center.

marinasiencecenter11 marinasiencecenter5


They got to touch the stingrays, starfish and other things. My little bitty put her hand in with the stingray and it get close or touch her she pull back say no. Then he be right back up there again. She didn’t know what to think when the shark touched her why her hand was in there.



They had a octopus in a tank he was pretty cool. He just laid there for a while then we came back by and he was up moving all around. marinasiencecenter20marinasiencecenter21


The light house was around the corner from there so we went when we left there. They had some of the older settlers or keepers house there you could go in and look around as well. My battery was dead on my phone just about by the time we got there so I didn’t get to many pictures. I just took pictures of the light house. lighthouse1

I couldn’t get all of it in the picture if I got any closer. This was before we got in. I tried to take one of the kids in front of it get all in but couldn’t. lighthouse7zoomed in to get a better picture of the top when we by it.

lighthouse6This was once you went inside and looked up. All the steps to get to the top. there are 203. I wasn’t able to go my big boy was a little scared and I had my little bitty with me. It said not to carry kids and i knew there was no way I could carry her up and back down with my back. My big girl and my little guy went up together. They made it all the way.


Their view standing outside at the top. I got them a little certificate from the gift shop that says they made it to the top and back. They liked that.

We got home I stopped at a friends house down the street she reminded me that they were having the relay for life. I ended up not doing it this year I need to find out more about it and have more time to raise money. Just to short notice and to much going on. I wanted to go check it out see what it was like so I knew for next time. She was getting ready to go and we were already in the truck so we just met her down there. We walked around did a few games and things then let the kids play in the park. It was nothing like I expected my friend said less and less people are showing up every year. I think that they have to many in our one little county and that is why they have so few people at each one. I think if they had one for the county or maybe two one for the north end and one for the south end it would be much better. We have enough people for one or two big nice ones with a lot of people or a bunch of ah ones with a handful of people at them. Just my two cents.

We went to leave she went to her car we went to our truck since we were parked about a block from each other. I couldn’t find my keys. I swear I had them with me. I text her and told her my phone was in the red about to die because I didn’t have my phone charger on the way back from our trip. I went back walked around to all the booths we stopped at ask if they had found them looked all over by the table we were at and everything. I finally went out and looked in the truck the street light had come on I was able to see them laying in there. I just wanted to cry I was so hot tired and sore from all the running around. The kids wanted to go home and eat dinner. They were tired, hot, hungry and upset.

I called and called father of the year he didn’t answer. My friend called hoping he would answer if he didn’t know the number. Finally after about 10 minutes he called back. Again his phone was down or it never rang like always. He was about 30 miles a way not at home. He called dispatch to see if he could meet one of the guys and get the thing to open it. They told him they were going to send someone since they were closer. They called around to findout who was closes to me and sent the him out there. He got there and said I thought father of the year was going to be here, I’ve never done this. He messed with it for a few minutes but he finally got it open. I was so glad he was close and didn’t have a call and was able to get it. I didn’t have money to call a lot person or the company even to have them send someone. He called they sent someone they told him to take care of it tomorrow with the manager. They will probably tell him to just give the guy $10 or something for coming out there instead of paying the full fee for a call.

Father of the year said he pay for dinner to just stop and get something on the way home he could hear the kids all upset and tired. They came home ate dinner and went to bed. I think they were all in bed by 10. We got up and went to church this morning and been at home today. I’m to sore and tired to do anything after yesterday. I had been up since about 9 am Friday and didn’t sleep at all until last night.



{April 25, 2015}   Stupid Phone

Wednesday me and father of the year got into it because again when he was supposed to take the kids and I had plans he told them he would work. That’s when I wrote Trying Not to Be A Bitch, But

Well, my friend text me after that and we were talking. We were talking about how he doesn’t come when he is supposed to, don’t pay unless he feels like it, and how he has everyone feeling poor him.

I sent him a text saying when it all goes to court and they order him to pay support then he will have to pay wanting too or not. If he don’t they will suspend his license and he can’t have that because of work. And if he don’t pay and wants to let it get behind even after they order it then I will do it. After that if he don’t they will put him in jail and if that is how it has to be then so be it. Once he is a grand or so behind they will take his taxes every year and send me as well until he gets caught up. He thinks I’m a bitch now he hasn’t seen nothing yet.

It is all very true if he don’t want to pay for his kids then he don’t need a job to have money to blow so if they suspend his license then that is his problem. But he will either rush to pay right before they do it or rush to pay it and get them back so he don’t miss work. Either way if that is what it takes to get him to pay then that isn’t my problem. If he goes to jail he will be rushing to get out of there too and calling whoever he can to get the money and get out. If it goes that far then he will not be able to post a normal bond. Whoever bonds him out will have to pay the clerk of court cash to get him out and that cash is not returned it goes for his support he is behind. But you know if he has a job making money then he should do his part. It isn’t like he don’t have a job and not making ok money. If I made what he made I could live on it with 4 kids. I couldn’t work it very well with him here because he controlled the money and paid what he wanted when he wanted and whatever he wanted on it. So there was no getting things caught up or trying to save any.

Anyway Friday I tried to call him for a couple hours with no answer. I wanted to see if he was going to get the kids and what time he thought he would. I figured he should be about half way done with the truck. So maybe a few more hours. I wanted to know if they were having dinner here or if he was making it as well. He never answered then hours later when I called it was after 2 and he said he was cleaning the stuff to put on the truck. I ask him when he started on it. He didn’t start until about lunch time. He got off at 7 am. He should have been just about done by then. When I said something it oh I slept and I got to go to the store but I got to charge the battery in the van up so I can. Why didn’t he put the battery on to charge before he started on the truck so it would be charged when he needed to go? Because this is father of the year and this is how he thinks. I will put it on when I need it then wait forever for it. I shouldn’t have said anything and there was nothing wrong with the fact that he just started and that it would be later that night before it got done.

Then I asked him to call and pay something since he is supposed to be giving me money anyway shouldn’t be a big deal right? He says yeah I can as long as you can give me the cash back when I see you. I said um your supposed to give me money you got your check right? He says yeah I got it but I don’t know how much it was I haven’t checked yet. But I got to pay rent here and get food and do this and that this week. I said and what about here? We have rent due again before you get a check and we have bills due as well and food to buy. Oh well you just don’t understand I will see if I can give you some or not. Then he calls me back later and says he has just enough to pay rent and have $10 left is all his check was for the two weeks. I don’t believe it. He been working like crazy and first out for days on end. His check last week may have been short because he had a few slow days a couple weeks ago and the way the checks run they cut funny it takes a check or so to catch up. But I don’t believe this one is that low. He says he guess he was going to have to get a pay day loan or something. Again about not knowing what he could give me and stuff. He did pay the one thing I asked him to pay that was like $31 big deal.

Then he started on me about wanting joint custody and he didn’t want to make any kind of support deal and things because he can’t afford to pay me. That if I am just going to be nasty about it and stick it to him any time he can’t pay it. I was like what are you talking about and you can’t have them all the time you work 24/7 when you don’t have them for days at a time. He says that text you sent me you must have been trying to send someone else or thought you sent to someone else. I don’t know how it happen but my stupid phone some how got switched to him and that text went to him not the person I was trying to send it to.

But you know what like I said before it’s all true and like he was talking there the way he was talking like if he can’t just pay it when he feels like then he don’t want to pay. Then he says we haven’t even figured how much you should get or anything. I have told him over and over again we need to figure this out he has yet to come over here and do the paper work and figure it out.

I got off the phone with him and sat down printed out all the paper work and jotted all the figures down worked through the worksheet to see what he should pay. If I did everything right it says he is responsible for like 71% of their care. At that 71% and what he makes it came out to $740 a month for all three kids. He kept saying oh I won’t have to pay you that much and I’m not making that much more than when we did them before. Wrong, he is making twice that or more in some months. I took his w-2 and figured everything out by that. I started to figure it out by what ssi uses to figure what my son gets but it was only for 8 months. It showed more a month than if I did over all by 12 then take out what he pays for taxes and Medicare. I figured it give a better idea what he gets a month not leave him to short a month. But I’m the bitch you know.

I haven’t told him what he is going to have to pay yet. He called back later and still wasn’t near being done with the truck. He took a break he said. A break from I don’t know what it is tore apart and all he has to do is put it back together. He hadn’t got anything put back on hardly. I guess he needed a break from riding to the store and buying the part because it is such a big hard job to do.

I like to know when he is pretty much on call 24/7 6 to 7 days straight how he thinks he is going to get a baby sitter for the kids. He don’t have time to wait for one to get there when he gets the call. Plus I don’t know anyone that is going to get up in the middle of the night and rush over there if he did. He has no where for one to stay there and try to work something out that way. Yeah he is sharing a place with my mom but that isn’t going to work with her either. She isn’t going to be there all the time. Even if she is there and they are a sleep don’t mean she is going to let him leave them why he runs all over the state to work. Hell I couldn’t leave the two little ones in their beds sleeping why I ran less than 5 miles up the road for 10 minutes to drop my son at the bus and come right back. So him going all over all the time isn’t going to work. She says they might get up she might have to give one a bottle and diaper and tell the other to lay back down let him go to the bathroom. With them all sharing a room he will wake them up getting ready to go and the radio or tablet will wake them up when calls come in. Plus writing this I hadn’t even thought of it until now he has not where for them to stay. He don’t have but two bedrooms. He has one she has one. Girls and boys are supposed to have separate rooms and kids over a year are not supposed to share with an adult. If they are going to be with him for joint custody they are going to tell him he is going to have to have proper sleeping/living arrangements for them. There is no way he can there. That and what the therapist already knows he don’t stand a chance. He still don’t know I know the things he has said and done.

I have decided to take the kids out for a fun day a few counties over. I have made lunch and drinks packed everything and printed out all the information. I better get the kids up so they can get ready. We need to be on the road in about and hour.

{April 23, 2015}   Missing Him

Tonight me and the kids were sitting around the living room just hanging out and talking. My big boy started talking about how he remembered when or where he was when he got something or when something happen and things like that. He was talking about his stuffed animals and different toys or what.

Out of the blue he says I remember the day grandpa died. He said we were at his house and you came out upset and you told us to go talk to grandpa and tell him we loved him. I hugged him and told him I loved him. His eyes were all really big and he kind of looked different. I remember you said we wouldn’t get to see him or talk to him any more. All these people came and were going in and out and then some people came and they took him a way. We went to our church that day before we went over there. He talked about how he remembered when grandpa took them to get new bikes and how he got them their pillow pets. He started to cry I already was, I couldn’t help it when he started talking about him. Talking about how he missed him.

He just sat there for a little bit looking and not saying anything. I asked him what was wrong he said grandpa died. I told him I knew I was sorry I was sad too. That it is ok to be sad, it’s ok to miss him and it is ok to talk about him and even cry if he needed too. But I could tell something was bothering him. I asked him what he was thinking about he looked at me with this face I can’t even explain and said he had to die so fast it just happen so fast. It just killed me, all I could say was that I knew how he felt and it seem like we were still trying to get use to the idea he was sick and going to pass and that it all seem like it happen all at once. He just sat there still quiet not staying anything. I told him I was really sad and hurt that grandpa got sick and died. But that I was glad as much as I loved him and want him here with us he wasn’t suffering any more and he didn’t suffer for very long. We talked about how he wasn’t able to do things like get up and use the bathroom, take a shower, and eat the big things. How he felt not being able to do things for or by himself any more and how being sick makes you feel. That we loved him didn’t want him to pass at all that if he had to we are glad it was fast like it was and he didn’t go through that long at all like some people do. Then my little guy came in and was talking to us and talking about missing grandpa and he started telling him that at least he wasn’t suffering any more that he is in heaven not sick or suffering and how he had a new body and was young again.

We talked about how he could write him letters if it would help him to feel better. He asked what he would do with them and if he should put them in the cabinet next to the earn and if that is what some people do. I told him he could or he could put them in a box or something like that or even get a tablet and just use it for when he wanted to write to him and that way he would have all his letters in one place. But that he could put them in the cabinet if he wanted to. He just stood there looking at his earn for a little bit, then he turned around and ask me if I thought I could buy him a journal. I told him yes we would go get one tomorrow. He said ok.

I could tell that everything happening so fast is still bothering him. I tried to get him to talk about it more but he wouldn’t. I don’t think he knows what to say really. I don’t I still have a hard time with it. All I can do is let him talk when he wants to and when he is ready. Be there, listen and try to comfort him.

It’s hard I walk around all the time and feel like I’m the only one who misses him or is having a hard time with it all. No one else has said anything about how fast it happen. Feeling like I really can’t talk about it or him to anyone because it really don’t bother anyone else or they don’t care. I haven’t brought it up to the kids because they are kids I don’t want to upset them. But if they want to talk I am there.

My little guy asked my big boy if he could sleep in his bed tonight it would help him feel better since he was sad too. They are curled up in the bottom bunk sleeping. It’s nice they have each other as well.

R.i.p Daddy we miss you so much and love you. But your happy now up there with grandma. You can introduce use when we meet again. I’ve always wondered about her.

{April 23, 2015}   Trying Not to Be A Bitch, But

You know I filed my divorce and all I asked for was that we not bounce the kids around back and forth every few days and he pay his child support. I could have asked for a lot more. Even the judge when we were in court said he wanted me to get a lawyer and come back because I could be getting a lot more than I was. I just wanted the divorce done and to move on with my life. I knew he wasn’t making a lot and it would be a strain and not leave him money to do anything with the kids when they were with him and things. It’s not what I am trying to do. He complained about the $355 they were making him give me. It didn’t even cover cost of daycare for our youngest in a month much less lights, food, water, gas, wear and tear on a car, doctors, sports, childcare for the older two. But it was to much.

I could have asked that he get life insurance, health insurance, dental and vision, and alimony. I know that health insurance alone would take two of his checks maybe more in a month. I have no clue what alimony would cost him. Life insurance isn’t that much but I figured he would get that on his own anyway. But then again if he dose that goes to whoever he leaves it to. If court says get it it goes to the kids or me to help take care of them if something happens. But i didn’t push it. But at this point in the game I think I am going to go back and ask for alimony and life insurance.

Life insurance because the job he has now isn’t that safest. Heck back when RC was working there they had one of their guys get hit on 95 and thrown why he was out there trying to hook up someone’s car. They drive around the clock 24/7 6 days a week on call most days he leaves at 7 don’t come in until sometime between 10 and 1 then back out at least once between 1 and 7. So they have had little to no sleep for days accident waiting to happen. I have just a basic plan on me and all 4 kids just enough to take care of us if something was to happen to one of us and I pay $13.25 a month. The 25 is in case something happens I become disabled they will take over and pay for it the rest of my life so that I still have it. So to take out enough to have him covered and to take care of the kids for a little bit shouldn’t cost him all that much a month.

I have decided I am going to ask for alimony because he still can’t do what he is supposed to do. Since he left he has not had the kids more than 24 hours in a month. The one day I had the job interview to go to and he told them he would work. I didn’t have a sitter last minute to watch them. Really it was his day to have them he should have been the one to come up with a sitter not me. But again it was left to me. Then last week he was supposed to have them never showed up I missed something else I was supped to do. He is supposed to have them tomorrow he calls an hour or so ago and says he has to work he will be off Friday and Saturday not Thursday and Friday. I’m supposed to go to the college and get my money straight and sign up for classes tomorrow. He don’t say I have to work can you keep them or I can get so and so to watch them if you have something to so. He just calls and says I have to work tomorrow. By that I know he don’t plan to pick them up. What if I was working or in school and taking classes and had class tomorrow? Then here I sit searching for a sitter. He knows I don’t have someone I can just call at the drop of a hat to watch them. He says if I was we would have a sitter they could do it. But like anyone else when they know they have a day off coming up they make plans and take care of things they need to get done because they are working like everyone else. They aren’t going to drop everything on a last minute notice all the time to watch them nor do I expect them too and they are going to want to be paid more so then what because he backs out am I supposed to pay extra? Because I know he will expect me to cover at least half and probably all of it.

I don’t think I am wrong for asking for any of it at this point. He is the one that drug this out till we have been together for over 10 years and he is the one who still don’t seem to care about anyone but his self and expects everyone to work around him and when he gets ready to get them. With his work he don’t even get them a full 48 hours or whatever. He gets off at 7 am picks them up whenever he gets here, then keeps them over night and brings them back sometime the next evening because he has to be back at work by 7 am the next day. Last week he didn’t pick them up until after 8 they didn’t leave here until after 10 and he was ready to bring them home as soon as they had eaten dinner.

Its jut really frustrating and aggravating because he again dose this poor me act and she is being such a bitch. Everyone buys into it. Even my mom but that isn’t surprising because to her I have never done nothing right and still can’t. But she is the one that is on her 3 rd divorce she has left all of them. One for almost the same kind of shit father of the year pulls but I’m wrong. I’m the one trying to get a job go back to school and things why she has sat ther for over a year and done nothing but cry how she has nothing and going to lose everything and refuse to file for SSI or get a lawyer to help her with falling down and getting hurt and things. Although she has talk to a few and doctors who say it is really bad and she has a strong case. Because she don’t know what she is going to do until she gets approved. Well its been a year and she hasn’t done anything and gotten by by now she would have her approval or whatever and not be in this boat still. And waiting to do the other thing because she can’t use the lawyer she wants because she can’t get to their office over in the other county. If that was me I would have applied while I was waiting on everything else and found another lawyer for the rest to at least have something started. If the case is as good as they say it shouldn’t take  to much to win it. Its cut a dry you have medical records from before that show nothing is wrong you have them from now that show a lot is wrong.

Then she talks about how she don’t know how I am going to get a job with the kids and do what I need to do and all this. But she is sitting right there 24/7 not leaving the house or doing anything and do you think she has offered to babysit. Nope. Well she did but she wants us to move in together she help watch the kids and blah blah. When I say no nothing is ever said. Now she says she will watch them if we pay her. I have no problem paying her. I just find it funny how me and my brother basically lived with my grandparents for a year or two that she never paid them anything so that she could work. Even when she had days off we hardly ever seen her. My dad had us every day that he had off and would come after work and spend hours with us most nights of the week. But then she talks about me not having a job and how she don’t know how I am going to make it with out farther of the year here and how I should just keep him here and I’m wrong for asking for anything from him. Just don’t make since to me. Everyone I know helps their kids out and helps them watch their kids or takes them on the weekend here and there to just give them a break. Not her she isn’t going to do anything and even if she says she will you better not count on it to much or make other plans because the odds are it won’t happen. It just don’t get her way of thinking when she had all the help in the world and thinks I shouldn’t even ask for anything and that she shouldn’t have to help. Just like her saying she will watch the kids I know that won’t last I need to get a job and find a place to put them or someone to watch them asap so that I don’t have to worry about it. But with no job and money I can’t tell someone what hours I need them days or how much I can pay when I have no clue what I am even going to make.

I better get off here we need to eat and get to church we have a guest speaker tonight. I’m just so frustrated with all this and the way he dose and how he is basically nothing to her and she treats him like she dose and I’m nothing.

{April 21, 2015}   Didn’t Get The Job

The lady for the job called me back this morning. She just wanted to let me know they had a guy come in over the weekend. He works for their store in another county but lives here. He is making a hour and a half drive each way to work. So they are trying to get him transferred over to this position.

She said she was really sorry she hadn’t called yesterday but that she was waiting to hear back from her boss to see if it was going to work out but that she still hadn’t heard back from him but she wanted to let me know what was going on. She said if something else came up for me to take it she didn’t want me to miss something else waiting on this since they most likely transfer this guy.

Hopefully if this don’t work out she will call me back or if she gets another opening come up she will keep me in mind. I understand and they are taking care of their employees they have already before bringing more in so that is good. I guess in a way I feel better knowing that I didn’t just not get it because of how the interview went or what.

I still feel that something will work out and I will get the job maybe not at that store. I hadn’t applied for that store anyway I applied to another but they all get the apps and call from them. SO maybe I will get something from the store I applied at to start with.

{April 20, 2015}   Lies and a Broken Sink

NIght before last father of the year came over and sat with the kids while me and my oldest went to the store. I needed to get them some clothes and the little ones hate to clothes shop. We went earlier in the day and they were having a fit wanting to come home.

Yesterday one of the kids says something about my bathroom sink being broken. I go in there thinking it is cracked or something. No it is really broken one corner broken off. it is broken all up on side and across the front almost into the bowl part. No one knows how it happen. I have taken their two favourite things they can’t live without and everything they still say they do not know.

My oldest says it was fine when we went to the store she noticed it broken when we came back. I hardly ever go in that bathroom so I really don’t know how long it has been that way. But know it couldn’t have been more than 24 hours because someone would have said something about it. The only ones here were my two little ones and my big boy with father of the year. The two little ones wouldn’t be able to do it and my big boy I don’t think done it either. Father of the year would have heard it and had a fit and been telling me. I think father of the year done it he swears he don’t know what happen and that he didn’t know it was broken. But the holes in the walls and broken win-shields and his history of not telling the truth makes me believe different. But my son says he didn’t hear anything and that he wasn’t mad about anything why we were gone so I don’t know why he would have broken it or how without someone knowing. It just don’t make since. It almost looks like someone cut it but there has been nothing cut here and I don’t have anything that would cut it.

He was here I think the night before that and was mad and in there I am wondering if he didn’t do something then and we just didn’t notice until now. Now not only do I have to get the window fixed but have to get a new sink and replace it. I don’t have money for all this and going to be in trouble with the owners if they find out. I can’t afford to move and won’t get my deposit back if they do. He don’t seem to care. It is odd too because most the time he would be all over the kids and freaking out about it and he just acts like it is no big deal and it isn’t even broken. I ask him about it again last night he stopped to pick something he forgot up and he didn’t even want to look at it he was standing right next to the bathroom. He kept kind of avoiding the subject. Tells me he is for a reason.

He still hasn’t given me any money for support. He gave me $200 for the water bill that he made a mess of that is it. I still have $275 to pay on it.

Then today he asking me to borrow money. Says he don’t know if he can pay it back out of this check it might have to wait until the next. I told him if he got money from me it would be coming out of this check not the next. He still has a fine to pay on his license to get it unsuspended. He paid on it in the other county but I guess he has to pay a fine hear too because of it to get the hold off of it. Work finds out then he is going to lose his job. He better go somewhere else to get the money. Because I know he probably isn’t going to give me any money out of this check either he has to pay that fine or the money back if he borrows it, pay rent and something else he was talking about. I said something about giving me money he said yeah he was going to try. I said well you owe for a month now he didn’t say anything. He said something about the enforcement office making him pay back support once they call. So I guess he don’t plan to pay until they make him. He says he don’t want to get stuck paying twice. I told him put it in a check or money order but he just ignores it or changes the subject like everything else. I don’t know where his money from this last check went. He didn’t have to pay rent he says he only got $700 if he paid $200 on his water bill he still have $500 left.

I guess I will be going to child support sometime this week. I need to go for my little one and he wants to do things this way then I may as well let them take care of it for the other three why they have him in there. Because he is going to have to go for the DNA test for my little one anyhow.

It’s 2:30 pm and I am still waiting to hear from this lady about the job I went to see about on Friday. It was around 2:30 or 3 when she called me to come in for the interview so I hope to hear from her soon. I really pray I got it but the more the day goes on the less hopeful I feel. My big boy has asked me twice now if I have heard anything about the job I went to see about. He is excited about it and really wants me to get it as well. I am not good at waiting.

{April 18, 2015}   I Want A Do over

I had my interview yesterday. I got up and went to my friends shop and she colored and straighten my hair for me. Then I went next store to her to find something to wear. I didn’t want to over dress but I wanted to dress nice too. I found a nice pair of slacks and decided to wear a shirt I already had at home. Then my shoes I had to wear were gone. I still haven’t found them I am not sure where I had them last really. I had to run to the store they had nothing. I ended up buying a cheap pair of flats just to have something.

Between leaving my house and going to the store I lost my phone. I ran home to try and find it and seen I had about 15 minutes to be were I was going. I had to go without it. I got there she was helping customers I told her who I was when she was done. She didn’t even know it was 2 already.

She called me back and we went over everything and she asked me about why I wanted to work there and all that. She asked if I had worked in a field with cars before and things. Then she wanted to know if I had any retail I told her I’ed worked in the grocery stores, little store, bail bonds, portrait studio and things like that.

Then she started talking about the job and having to go to shops and dealing with the guys and things. She said not all guys are but men can be pigs. I have heard some horror stories and things. I haven’t had any problems or experienced it but heard them. She said things were different than what they use to be and you don’t hear of to much any more. She said sometimes you have the guys grab the girls or something.

I just looked at her and said I did bail bonds I have dealt with the best of the best there, so it shouldn’t be a big deal. She laughed said oh yeah you should be fine then. I said I’m use to being around guys and dealing with guys I get along with guys easier my closes friends are guys. It’s just how I have always been.

Of course she asked the why do want to work here and why should we hire you? I just told her I felt it was more the hours and things that would work for me right now that I could go back to working in the stores but I really just wanted away from that and something different. The hours are 7:30am to 6pm but they split it up between so your not there the full 11.5 hours. They said it would be 20/25 hours a week and probably more but not promised more than the 20/25. They did say that there is room for growth and chances to get more hours if I learn the front end of the store and work the counter and things. I had put on my paper I couldn’t work Sunday mornings she said something about it. Nothing bad just that that was the only time I couldn’t work. I told her I could work if they needed me too it wasn’t a problem but I did prefer not to. That I would. She said right now they are finding they really don’t need a driver on Sunday but once in a while they may have something that comes up they need one. I told her that wasn’t a problem.

I asked about the days and things she said that they are only closed Christmas. There was a guy there as well one was the manager one was the assistant. He said but most the time the shops are closed so we don’t need drivers so you will have them off most the time. He said unless I wanted to learn the front end and wanted to come in and pick up extra hours. That’s good because wouldn’t mind working some of the holidays and picking up extra hours. Like she said part time people don’t get holiday pay if they don’t work the day. So no paid holiday but again not a big deal. I figure if I am only working 20/25 hours a week I can make that up the other 6 days of the week easy not miss hours.

She told me she just fired a guy for not coming in calling out to much. She said they were having staffing problems at the time but that she was working on getting the right team in there that got along and worked together and worked when they were there. They said I had the chance to work into full time hours.

I just feel like I messed up because I gave some really not great answers. I mean they weren’t bad but they could have been better. I feel like I bombed but I am sure I could have done worse. She said they had more people to talk to and things they would be calling on Monday. I didn’t ask what it paid I know it will be close to $8 an hours maybe more. My mom said they probably thought I was crazy because I didn’t ask but I always was told that pay shouldn’t be brought up right away. I figure if they call me back when I go in to do my paperwork drug test and all that I will bring it up then. At this point I just need a job and even if it is only minimum right now it is a foot in the door. The guy said there was always training provided by the company that you do weekly training. He said it might say it takes a hour or so but most the time it takes about 30 minutes or less. He said you might work 30 hours and have 40 in training. You just do the training on your free time when you don’t have parts to run.

I just pray that she calls me back. I really want this job and it seems to be everything that I am looking for as far as days and hours.  I just wish I could talk to her again about some of the stuff. I have much better answers just felt rushed and I thought I was ready but I wasn’t. I guess if I am supposed to have it I will get it. Just got to trust and Praying until Monday.

{April 17, 2015}   An Interview

I almost forgot the good that happen today with all that snake commotion. I got a call for a job interview while I was driving home. I have to go in tomorrow at 2 and talk to the lady.

It is to be a parts driver. I applied because I figured it would give me pretty good hours and days. Most shops close by 5 and aren’t open holidays and half days on the weekends.

I really like to have this job than to be a cashier or something somewhere. An office job would be nice but I don’t know if I really want to deal with all that. I know I will have to deal with stuff doing this too but for the most part I just be driving around hours a day. I like to drive so that’s a plus. It won’t be my car or gas money bigger plus. My mom keeps talking about how dangers it is and getting into a accident. I’m really not worried about it. Yeah it is a risk but most any job has some kind of risk. Even if I went to work as a cashier or at a fast food place. I risk getting robbed there.

Like last week she was telling me to go to this one store. Like I told her where they are how they are set up and they never have more than a couple maybe 5 people working at a time and no customers a lot they are a prime target to get robbed. Driving has a lot to do with how well you pay attention and watch what is going on around you.  If I do this and decide I don’t like it then maybe when something opens up in the store I can move over to that position if I want too. But again its nights weekends and holidays. And the risk of getting robbed. They are in a really not great part of town and open until 10 pm. They are the only thing around on that street open for miles.

I just hope that they let me know in the interview if I have it or at least by the end of the day. I don’t want to sit and wait forever. I know of the lady who is doing the interview. Her and a friend use to work together at another parts place and now they went over to this new one. He talked to her before about me and she told him to have my apply at the other store. I don’t know if she knew who I was when she pulled my app and called me or not.

Either way I feel good about it because if she did know then I probably have the job. If not I think I can get it when I go in and meet her even without her knowing who I am. She must have seen something with my app she liked if she don’t know who I am to have called me seeing as I have not worked in 5 years or so and these places have a ton of people applying all the time. Some who have done this before others who are working but just wanting to find another job for some reason. But it is also for driving and I know around here it is hard to find people who have a drivers license and a clean driving record. I have only had one ticket ever and that was when I had my learners permit. I do show my license suspended a year or two ago. But it was for insurance reasons and I got it back.

I better get off here and get to bed I have to get up in the morning and find something to wear and get myself ready. I am supposed to be there in less than 12 hours. I just hope that my mom watches the kids like she said. They are still with father of the year and she is supposed to watch them until after my interview and I have to pick them up. But then tonight she was saying how she was hurting and she didn’t know if she was going to be able to and all this. And the fact that she don’t like the kind of job it is and don’t really want me to do it she just say she can’t she isn’t able to move from hurting and all and have me pick them up so I can’t go. She is good at that. She is the one that is supposed to watch them why I work I don’t think it is going to happen if it dose it won’t for very long. I am going to go tomorrow and file to try and get some help with daycare until I start getting checks and get things caught up so that I can start paying. Father of the year is going to have to pay what I can’t. He can’t really fight it when he isn’t able to have them at all for 6 days straight. Then he has them for 36 hours or less. He would need one more hours and days than what I am not going to be there with them for.

Well hopefully I will be back tomorrow with good news.

Father of the year took the kids last night and let them stay with him. I decided to go shopping today for a desk. I left my house and drove about 20 miles I went through the drive through to get something to eat quick then went on to the store. I parked and went in and looked around. I ended up buying a bunch of books. I didn’t have enough $1 bills in my pocket I knew I had some in the truck so I went and got them. I went paid for my stuff came out and got in the truck. I don’t know why but I got in on my side and then reach across and put the bag of books into the passenger side floor. I caught something out of the corner of my eye on the win-shield and side of the truck up at about the curved part of the door. I thought at first it was a lizard. I noticed it looked really long and not the right color. I got out and went to the front of the truck to inspect. Staying on my side of the truck and a ways back because now it is clicking what it probably is. Sure enough there was a snake up in the door of the truck. The head and tail were sticking out the middle was down in the door of my truck.

I about loss it. I don’t know what it is I have had this horrible fear of snakes all my life. I would rather wake up in the night to someone in my house than be near a snake. One in my house or truck like that one is even worse. I almost had a panic attack. I walked back in the store and up to the two ladies at the counter. I asked them if they had any men working there? They said yes I asked if one could help me for a minute. They wanted to know why I told them. They came out to look at it they couldn’t believe it was on my truck.

Then the one lady comes over to me and says I can get it off but it might scratch your paint. I said ok. Then she looks at it some more comes back over to me telling me she can get it off but it may scratch the paint again. I said ok she said is that ok? I said I don’t care what you have to do just get it off my truck. I don’t want it getting inside. If she said she could get it but had to take the door off and keep it I would have told her do it. I said scratch in the paint it better than setting it on fire. What I was ready to do. If no one had gotten it or helped me I would have walked all the way back to my house the 20 miles or more. They could have towed my truck or whatever they wanted to do with it.


She went inside got a pair of hedge clippers and a plastic bag and came back out. We are all standing around looking at it I am trying not to have a full blown panic attack. All I could think was there is a snake in my truck and there could be more. I have to drive this home. This truck pulled up with a guy in it next to mine. He got out looked to see what we were all looking at. I said can you help her get that off my truck please. All the while standing about 5 cars away from it. She started trying to get it with the clippers he started striking at them. After a couple minutes she got it. It cut in half she had it holding it with the clippers it was still trying to strike. The guy got something out of his truck and killed it. Then I had to go unlock the truck and open the door to get the other half out. It fell down on my running board. The lady picked it up put it in the bag and took towels and wiped all the nasty off the door of the truck. I most have told her thank you about a million times. Then stood in the parking lot forever before I could get the nerve to get in it and drive it home. I had to look under my seat and floor matt before I did. Then I flew all the way back toward home praying all the way that no more came out and got on me. I went to my friends barber shop she was supposed to do my hair yesterday I didn’t make it. I was planing to go today see if she had time if she could do it. I figured there are always a bunch of guys in there and she is good friends with a lot of them I would ask one to help me look through the truck and under it to see if we seen anything else. Only to find she was closed. I had no one else to call I was still scared to get back in the truck. I figured if more were in it I made them mad by now with the drive they be moving around. I called father of the year since I wasn’t that far away from them. He was across town picking up parts for my moms truck he is helping her with. I told him when he came by to stop and check it. He did and said he didn’t see anything. There was a guy at another store I go to right there he came out and looked around too. He said he didn’t think anything else was in there either he looked around.

If that thing had crawled on me while I was driving or gotten close to me I would have wrecked my truck. There is no way I wouldn’t have. We figured out he must have gotten in it out of the tree at my house why it was sitting there over night and been somewhere in the truck why I was driving it up to the store all that way. Because I got in it and drove it straight there only going through the drive through. There was no trees grass or anything around there and there wasn’t at the store either. Just big parking lot. Where he was on my truck no longer than I had been parked there it is unlikely that it had time even if it had been in the parking lot to get up my truck all the way up there and down in the door like that.

One lady said it was a pygmy rattler the guy insist it was a copperhead. All I know is that it was light colored or white on the underside and had circles with black lines in them on the top and another design in black Gray and tan. I can’t remember really what it looked like and the markings. Because like I said all I could think is there is a snake getting in or out of my truck and it’s alive, there maybe more I have to drive it. All I could think. I couldn’t even get any closer to get a picture.

Buy my dad said before that pygmy live in the top of palm trees. There are two palm trees they planted right on the edge of the driveway. We are always cutting the branches off because they grow over scratch the truck. It sits so close I have to park over a little anyway so we can open the door. It’s branches are just over the edge of my door on that side. I am calling my dads friend who has a tree service and asking what he would charge me to just cut the top off so it don’t have any more branches and make sure there are none in there. hopefully make it so they can’t live in it any more. I am sure I will have nightmares tonight.

et cetera

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