A Single Parents Life

{October 21, 2016}   Over Slept

I ended up with all the kids home with me today. I didn’t get to bed until 3 am, that would have been fine if I had set the alarm right. But the kids don’t have to be at school until half hour after the little kids, with less lunches to make and people to get ready I could set the alarm for later. I set it for later alright, I set it for pm instead of am. We woke up at time to leave when the dog woke me up yer again. They kept me up all night for some reason couldn’t figure out what was wrong with them. I told the kids to get ready so we could go and my oldest who was all worried about getting her report card said she was going back to bed. They haven’t missed any days this year but one when we left for the store so they should be fine. The other days they were off everyone was off so they weren’t missing anything then either.

We all slept a little while longer now we are eating lunch, going to take my friend to the hospital and costume shopping. The girls have their costumes, they are going as wolves. My Little Bitty has said she wants to be the big bad wolf for a month or more now. I found her a wolf mask and tail the other day and last night I got her a gray long sleeve shirt and gray leggings to go with it. My oldest just likes wolves and decided she wanted to be one too. She got leggings, shirt and tail like my little one but she got ears for her head since they can’t wear mask at school. I tried to get her to get one of the wolf costumes at the store but she didn’t like them. She didn’t like the little skirts and things with it. I tried to get her a different dress but she wanted the same as the little one. I had a gray dress here that would probably been really cute and not skimpy but I have tore my closet apart looking for it and can’t find it anywhere. Really makes me mad because it was one of the few that I have that I really liked.

Oh well, I better get off here go get dressed and ready. They are cleaning out the truck so that we can get out of here and get back.


{October 21, 2016}   Finally Made an Appointment

The other day I told you all that I almost went to the place to make an appointment to talk to a counselor but then came home. Tuesday I went and took my mom to the bank to pay a bill for my grandma, when we got to the bank I seen that the counseling place was now in the same building as the bank. It’s just a few blocks from where my kids go. I didn’t say anything or go there then I don’t want her, father of the year or anyone else to know I am going to talk to anyone. She will just like she always does try to start in some way either by calling down there and saying things or making comments about me going on what. It’s just how she is I already know and it isn’t anyone else business that I am going.

Today I called over there to see what I needed to bring with me to get in to talk to someone. The lady I talked to set everything up over the phone and I go next Tuesday. I wanted to go on a Wednesday or Thursday morning but she said that was all she had earlier in the day she could look at next month and see what she had. I told her no I would just take that time and see about setting up something earlier for my next time.

She asked why I wanted to be seen, I told her depression. She asked if there was anything else or something like that. I told her just the depression and anxiety and that I had dealt with them since I was about 14. She said, they do not prescribe any medication there. They said that they only had psychiatrist there no psychologist. I told her that was fine that I had only taken medication once in the past but would prefer not to, that was why I was looking for someone to talk to.

I figure I will go there and talk to them and see how it goes. If I it don’t seem to help or they seem to think that I need more then I guess they will refer me to somewhere else that can do more. But I don’t really want to do more. Honestly right now I just don’t want to take anything and don’t think that I need to take anything. But isn’t that what everyone says? But when I think about it I might because of the being so tired all the time no matter how much sleep I get and the walking around in a fog all the time never remembering the things I am supposed to. Thank god my little ones go to after care I had no idea it was a half day today and no school tomorrow until I picked them up. I didn’t know my older two only have half day. I have to be at the doctor tomorrow at 11 for my breast. I am thinking about changing it but they are sore and I need to do something about them. But if I don’t go it will be a week or two before I will be able to again. I can take them they will have daycare open but I hate to send them when they really don’t have school. I told them they may have to go but if they do only why I go to the doctor and then I would pick them up. I hate this I try to make everything so it is when they are at school and then screw up. It is almost

12:30 am and I am tired but I’m not. I can’t sleep. I even thought about letting everyone stay home but my oldest is pitching a fit to go because she gets her report card tomorrow and she can’t wait until Monday to see what she got. They missed time because of what happen with the teachers and when we had the storm so they really need to go. So I have to get up and take them anyway and take my friend and drop her at the hospital so I don’t know if I am going to go or not.

{October 17, 2016}   The Calm After The Storm

Coming home and having a home to come back to was such a relief, it has also just left me with this odd since of calmness. Just that everything is how it is supposed to be for the time being, that I should not change my plans that I have for school or anything like that. I feel like I should just be and enjoy the up swing that we are on without worrying that the bottom is going to fall out.

I was looking around at my living room tonight thinking that it is almost complete, I went and bought two new floor lamps last night to go with the new furniture and things. I bought them because a year or more ago the dog chewed the cord to both my others in half, they were spliced back together with wire nuts. Not really the safest either. I had really forgotten about it until I started moving everything around and one of the cords got pulled apart so I was down to one lamp. It was to dark in here last night so I went to get another. I was only going to buy one because of money and the other cord is holding up even though it probably isn’t safe. I went to a different store than where I bought these I found a few they had left. It is a discount close out store so they just get this and that and a few of things most the time. I grabbed one and headed to check out. I was thinking it was less than what I paid for them at the other store. Then I noticed how hievy the box was and started looking at it, these were much nicer more sturdy lamps than the ones I had bought at the other store for more money. The ones I have are like something for a dorm room or something cheaply maid. I thought man I want two of these I will have to come get another one later so they will match and they are nice. They should last a long time. Then I thought of where I was at and that they only had 4 or 5 in the store. I ended up going and getting another one right then because I knew they wouldn’t have them later I would pay twice as much or more for a matching one later. I looked when I got home and ones like it at the other store start at $30 and go up for one. I got both of these for $36.

Now all I need is some stuff to put on the walls. For the last two years we had our two maps and white board hanging up there. I have been wanting to put something else up instead but can’t decide what. I looked around at the stores we were in last night but didn’t really see anything for the living room. But the walls are to empty. Other than that it feels so right, it feels good that was have what we want and are starting to enjoy our home and our life.

Also with this new found calm I have this drive to want to date. It is not just that feeling of being lonely and wanting to be with someone, or that missing having someone around but still have that feeling of not being ready and not really wanting anyone around at the same time. This is a feeling that hey everything is ok, you have done what you needed to do for the kids and things it is time to do something for you. Go out there and meet some new people get out date have some fun. I don’t have mixed feeling about it and should I wait until we get moved, I need to finish school and just worry about school or what needs to be taken care of. For once I feel that it’s all good and I can really start to date.

I feel like as long as I don’t change my plans for school, moving, meeting the kids, taking it slow and other things then I should jump back out there and enjoy life and find someone to enjoy it with. For once in my life I feel like I can do that and not rush into things again like I have in the past. I just can’t explain how good I feel and how ok I feel with all this with really no worries surprisingly.

The other night in the store this guy walked by me and god he smelled so good. He had some spray on. I thought about it I hardly ever do I smell any guy wearing a body spray or something like that. I don’t know why it is such I turn on if you don’t bath in it.

{October 15, 2016}   A Pompous…….

I don’t know if I am just so over whelmed and stressed that I read it wrong or if my teacher changed things up again on us. The one I was telling you about that gave us 48 hours to get it in after the storm and things. But when I went back there after writing Drowning In Work and it says that everything is due Monday.

I don’t know if he had so many complaints that he decided to do it, if someone went to the provost office and complained about all that was due and what little time he expected us to make it up in or if telepathically he has heard all the times I have called him a pompous ass today. I can say that I really don’t care why the hell he changed it I am just glad he did because it was taking a lot to keep from emailing him and telling him what a pompous ass he really was.

As I write this and think about it I know that he went in and changed it sometime while I was off because I remember him saying if I needed more time past yesterday morning I would need to prove to him I just got power or internet back on. Still going with he is a pompous ass. His class so for is super easy. But he don’t make it easy to know what is when he or where things we need to know are. We can’t email him the way we email anyone else we have to go out of where our classes are and use our school email. Half the time I forget to even check it after I write him because I never ever use that email for anything. Then his message whenever he put it up is not posted where every other teacher post them where it pops right up and you see all of them from all your teachers as soon as you log in. He posted it at the bottom of the home page for his class. Well there has always been writing there so no one scrolls down to look and see what it says because it has not changed in 8 weeks, hell most don’t ever even go to the home page we go straight to our work pages and that’s it. Other than dealing with him and just how he is over all the class really is supper easy. We watch a video he makes each week and fill in the blank on our notes he has up, then we take the other set of notes or whatever look up the page numbers he tells us and make note of the information he says is important on that page. Then we have ten minutes to take a ten question quiz there are two one for the video and notes and one for the information we had to look up.

But the way he has done over this storm is not right and something needed said. I have let up on it to get other stuff done since it isn’t due until 7 am Monday. That let me get one of my Sunday classes done so far for both weeks.

I again can not hold my eyes ope and it is 4:15 am. I really need to just push through get all this done the next few days but I don’t think I am going to be able to.

{October 14, 2016}   I Did It…..Almost

Yesterday I thought of this places that does counselling other than our local community place that handles that kind of things. Not sure what you call it. It is more like a hospital than an office they have a pharmacy in and out patient care. It seems like they are more about medicating you and sending you on your way than really trying to help you. I understand that some may need medication and that is fine. I have taken them in the past and may need them again, I am not anti medication but I prefer to try other things and use them as a last resort. I know that for me just having someone to talk to really helps me. But I don’t know that is going to help me alone or not this time around because of feeling so tired and having no energy even when I do get sleep and not stressed. If not and I need to take something I am ok with trying that as long as I don’t feel like a zombie or numb to everything. I don’t want to just not care or walk through life feeling drugged all the time. I feel like the place I was going to go to that is what they are going to do just hand me medication and that is going to be that. I know at times your supposed to have an hour time slot they get you in and out in a few minutes or half hour because they are behind or in a hurry and want to get out of there. I don’t want that.

Yesterday I was talking to someone and counselling came up and we were talking about it was really the only place you could go to get help they do a sliding scale for your fee and things if you don’t have insurance. I thought of another place in my area a little closer to me that has a sliding scale but also takes insurance and they are more like a private practice office than the other place I was going to go to. I know they have some good people there that really work with their clients and really care. I had a friend that went there for a while when he was going through a really hard time and a crisis. He was able to get a hold of of his counselor after hours or on the weekend if he needed to.

The other place you can call for days and not get a call back from anyone much-less your worker. I have a family memeber that see’s them and they were called all weekend and days during the week because we were having problems with them and wasn’t sure if we should call someone, take them to the hospital if they could call ahead and let them know that we were bring them in to make sure they got the proper help or anything they never called us back. Knowing this person had two suicide attempts in the past. Lucky there was someone who could stay with them and things until things were worked through and to do something it things got worse. But what if that had been a client on their own calling for help and no one answered or returned a call? What may have happen or if it had been someone calling for a client and they were not able to stay with them to make sure everything turned out ok and thought that the worker was going to call back and they never did?

I was really happy I had thought of this place and really wanted to go there and talk to them about seeing someone. I am hoping they take my insurance and if they don’t the fee isn’t to high and I can pay it so that I can see someone there. I got the kids up and ready for school, I got dressed and ready with them and was going to go there right after I dropped them off since it isn’t to far from my older kids school. I left the school and headed back home. I realized and turned around and while doing that talked myself out of going. I decided it was probably better to call and see if they would see me and set everything up. Even though I hate calling anywhere and doing that kind of thing. I like to go in in person talk to them do all the paperwork and everything I need to do and go from there. But I told myself I probably didn’t have all they were going to ask for and that the time I was going to take there talking to them and waiting was time I was taking away from my work that I really needed to be doing. I just pulled out the other direction again and went home. Then I was really aggravated with myself for doing it and not going there and finding out if and how they could help me and getting a time to be seen set up or at least getting everything done and finding out what I needed to bring back in so I could get set up.

I told myself I had so much other stuff to do that I need to get it done and then worry about doing that when I have more time for me and to do that kind of things. Because I have the field trip next week, my two test, the doctors for my breast and to get the truck fixed. I need to take the two little ones to the doctor and set up a bunch of appointments for all the kids. The older two need to go to the doctor about their thyroid, the one needs to go about her skin, one needs to go about testing for his learning and things. When do I really have time to go see these people and talk to them every week with all the other things we already have to do and all I need to add to it? I know it is just an excuse so I was even more angry at myself for not going and making excuses.

Wednesday is a new day to try again to get there and get this started. I will be gone out of town all day on a field trip Monday, have my test and running my mom around on Tuesday. Wednesday after my test on I have rest of the week to get there and the other doctor and get everything set up. I just need a kick in the butt to do it I guess I don’t know.

{October 14, 2016}   Drowning in Work

I am drowning in school work right now. Since we had to leave for the storm, had no power and then being sick for two days. I have one teacher who everything was due Monday at 7am he gave us until yesterday at 7am to turn it all in. Really 48 hours to get a weeks worth of work done. Oh and this isn’t a normal weeks worth of work where you watch his movie fill out the notes and take a test then answer the questions from the book and take the next test. No this week we have those two test, an easy test and two finales all due. And he gives 48 hours to finish it all knowing that most had to leave for the storm, didn’t get home until the weekend or later and din’t get power back until some Monday and most of us have other classes to take care of as well. Plus you can’t just come home and just pick up where you left off like nothing has just happened, you have to clean up from the storm, replaces all the food in your house because of not having power, just everything that goes with picking up after a storm. Lucky for me I only had to clean the fridge and extra freezer out, put my mailbox back up and shop. Some have a lot more to do than that. I need to rake the yard get everything out of it but it is just going to have to look a mess until I get to it or the yard guy gets it and I will have to pay him extra. I still have not shopped. We cooked everything up and used that for a few days, grabbed the kids lunch able’s and sandwich stuff for lunch. Yesterday I ran and got pizza after I picked them up from school and went to the coop to take care of the chickens. We ate and was in bed by 9. I was going to get up when I got the little ones to sleep and I was so wore out from running for a week or more that I could not hold my eyes open I decided to just sleep and get up and get started first thing this morning after I got the kids to school.

I took the kids to school and have been working on work I don’t even know if I am going to get a grade for it of any kind because I have been emailing the teacher for two days to find out why my work wasn’t there and when it was due to find out today that it was due yesterday. He didn’t lock it and he say not to do it I am just praying that if I get it in tonight he will give me a grade and not knock a bunch of points off because if he does or don’t give me a grade at all I will fail the class. It isn’t really right considering that all the other teachers gave us an extra week and some even until the last week of the term to get it all done and turned in.

I truly feel like I am drowning in work. I have a video of a mock counseling session to do plus two huge discussion boards. I should be working on it now but I have to get the kids to bed so I can get it quite in here to work. I will probably end up working through the night tonight, all day tomorrow and all day and night Sunday.

Monday I get to go on a field trip with my little guy and then Tuesday and Wednesday I have exams to take at the school.

Friday I have to go to the doctor about my breast because they have been bothering me again for a few weeks. They were a while back and stopped so I didn’t go but I really think I need to go and get it checked. Why I am there I am going to talk to them about getting all this other stuff checked and taken care of.

{October 12, 2016}   Food Poisoning

The little kids didn’t have school yesterday so I took them to breakfast. I figured it be a nice little outing for the three of us like me and the older kids had the other week. Give me time with just them. I think that was a mistake because I have been sick every since. I felt alright but just a little off. By the time I picked the older kids up just before 3 I was rushing home to get to the bathroom. I spent most of the rest of the night there. My Little Bitty won’t come near me because she says I will make her sick. She wouldn’t let me brush her hair this morning because she was scared she would get sick.

I had to have Father of the Year to come take them to school and pick them up as I still can’t get to far from the bathroom. At least I am not puking still but still not feeling good and scared to try and go out anywhere. I had him bring me some peto and sprite it seems to be helping but who knows when it wears off.

I feel so bad today was the little kids first day back in school since last Tuesday because of the storm. Today was picture day as well. I made sure my Little Guy had his uniform shirt and shorts and my Little Bitty wanted to wear her pink sparkly dress and boots. They got all ready and went, about 1 today I remembered I didn’t send money for their pictures. I knew they needed it and kept meaning to tell Father of the Year to get it together and I just forgot. I called the school and of course they were done and had left. She gave me a number to call them. It says I can look them up on line but when I do it says it is to early so I am hoping that by tomorrow they will be up for me to order. If not I will have to contact them and see if I can figure out a way to get them. I feel like a horrible mom it’s their first school pictures ever and I forgot to send the money. I think they had class pictures today also I don’t know if we can order that or not. Like always I have to wait to see.

I am feeling somewhat better but not 100%. I need to get school work for two weeks done since we missed last week for the storm most the teachers gave us this week to get it done but we have this weeks work to get done as well. It’s all due Sunday. I was dropping everyone off to come home and start it yesterday and then they sent the little ones home and I got sick. Today I am still feeling whipped out and tire. I get up for a little bit and then lay back down a while. Father of the Year is picking kids up and taking care of them. I will be up all night the next few nights and at the table all day Sunday getting it done. I wouldn’t be so worried if it was one weeks but it is two and I have no clue what any of it even is yet I haven’t looked I been so busy or sick. I haven’t even heard from two teachers to know when it is going to be due or if they are even giving us extra time. I am just assuming and doing because that is what all the rest of the teachers done. Hopefully they haven’t been able to get on until yesterday or to day and will give us until next week. That way I don’t have to stress and have 20 things due Sunday.

Think I am going to lay back down now for a while. Can hardly hold my eyes open. Keep having to go back and change or fix stuff. If I am not around for a few days or until next week you all know why. Between the school work and getting over this food poisoning it may be a little while.

{October 10, 2016}   The Things Kids Say

When we were first talking about leaving for the storm was one night while making dinner.

My Big Boy out of the blue says: We have to take grandpa with us. If he gets left here and something happens and he gets blown all around in the storm I’m sure he will come back to haunt us.

I laughed and laughed, I had not even thought about my dad or taking him with us when we went. I decided we had to take grandpa and I took his guns and coin collection with us as well. I packed things as if we were not going to have a house to come back to. But I didn’t go crazy either. I just took those things my computer and important papers. The kids picked a few things and their clothes. Whatever they could fit in their bags after their clothes were packed they could take.

Anyway after Father of the Year loaded the truck and left I unloaded it to repack. I had stuck my dad down in a drill box and stuck his roll of knifes down beside him to keep it from falling over. I took the box out and sat it on the driveway then unloaded the rest. I walked around my truck and was putting stuff in and arranging it. I had Big Boy get up in the back and was handing him stuff to put back where I couldn’t reach. We finished and I walked around the truck to decide what to pack next. Well I tripped over the box with my dad in it, almost knocking it over and falling over it onto my face. About that time My Big Boy had gotten out and was coming around the truck asked what happen. I told him

He said, it’s a good thing you didn’t fall you would have to go to the hospital for face surgery and I would have to call daddy to come and sweep grandpa up off the driveway and put him back in his jar. Then he says I like your face the way it is, I don’t want you to have to get face surgery and I don’t think grandpa would be happy about being swept up with the dirt and put back in his jar with it.

He says this stuff with a straight face and he is serious about it not joking at all when he says it.

On our way home most places had no power and others could not use the water. We were all hungry and wanting to eat after eating sandwiches for two and a half days. My niece said to them, there should be a taco truck on every corner so that when something happens people can still get something to eat.

{October 10, 2016}   A True Sign From Above

As I said in my last post we left because of the storm and because we were worried about a tree going through the house. We didn’t get back until after 9 pm Saturday and had no power. I took a flashlight and walked down the street and looked around my house to see if there was any other damage I had not heard about. I seen something laying in the yard but did not go into the yard where it was to see what it was. It was over by my bedroom window and by the trees. The yard gets mushy and I didn’t want to get around the tree and have a lizard or snake get on me. I forgot about it until the next afternoon when I want to start the grill. I walked over to see what it was and this is what I found.

signI was surprised when I seen what it was. I have no idea what language it is in or anything else but I don’t think what it says is as important as the picture.  When I seen it I just felt this calm and peace come over me and something in my head said your supposed to be here, your supposed to stay here like you planed. I just had this feeling that nothing happen to the house because this is where we are supposed to stay here until I finish school and we move out of state like I planed.

Before the storm I posted about the kids wanting to move, they said can we please move and wanted to just go somewhere pick a place and stay instead of coming back. Then my mom was saying we all could just get a big truck put our stuff in it and go find a place and stay together until we all could get our own places. I said I would stay here from now on before I would do that but had been considering what the kids were saying about moving now and just staying somewhere. I know I really need to finish school before I go. I can most likely finish still if I moved but I think I need to do it here it be easier. I think if I move I will get detracted and just go back to work and forget school. I really don’t want to do that. But I was thinking about moving and trying it. Now I am not even thinking about moving or having to move. I think this place will be ours as long as we need it and as long as we are supposed to have it. We will know when the time is right and make a plan from there.

{October 10, 2016}   Matthew

We ended up evacuating Wednesday because of Matthew. We wanted to get an early start so we didn’t get stuck on the roads and were able to get gas. Some places had already been told to leave or had a time they had to be out by. I really didn’t want to leave but was worried that one or more of the trees in my yard would fall on the house. I was not going to set in a shelter with the people around here. I figured it wouldn’t cost me that much to go somewhere else. I figured we would go up to one of the areas we want to move to and check it out why we were there. It would give us something to do for a few days why we waited to be able to come home. I was taking my truck but didn’t have room for my sister and her family and my mom. My moms truck isn’t running and my sister has no car. They could have went with father of the year but there was some kind of problem with that as well so they decided to rent a van to go in. I went and rented that and got it to them so they could load and get ready.

Father of the Year came over and called himself helping me get the kids ready and loaded and their outside stuff put up. Then he started loading my truck. I told him I would do it I wanted it packed how I planed so it would be easier for us to get to the things we needed and get the dogs in and out. But he don’t listen. I ended up unpacking it and repacking it once he left. My friends stopped by I had them take the back seat out to give more room. It gave me room to have the dog cage open and to get then in and out so I could put them in it.

They rented a 12 passenger van we could have went with them but there was no way I was riding with them and three dogs up there and I wanted my truck to get out and go places. Plus I was not paying to rent a van when I had my truck I could put that money in gas.

We didn’t end up leaving until late and didn’t get far before we had to pull over and get a room. Then the next day was a lot of wasted time. We ended up going farther north but never made it out of the state. We got stuck because roads were at a stand still and everywhere was out of gas. I had enough to get where we wanted to go but couldn’t get through because of the roads being at a stand still and construction rerouting roads on to the ones that were already full. We didn’t know they were working on the roads when we looked it up it didn’t tell us. I wasn’t happy at all and my sister was freaking out that we needed to get more inland than we were. At that point I had, had enough and told them I didn’t care what they did or where they went but I was staying right were I was at. Then they found out that they were as far in as they could get for the area and that the other places had water all around them. Where we were they had taken all the patients from the mayo clinic and mayo hotel and brought them there so there were nurses and things there as well if something happen.

We ended up staying there for two days. They were wanting to stay another day and I told them I was leaving that day, Friday and getting as far north as I could. They were saying lights were out all over, no gas anywhere and power out all over. Again I wasn’t worried about gas I knew I had enough to get home. We hadn’t used that much and had stopped and filled up when we found a place that had some left.

I was a measurable few days. They had fights, people sick, the places was freezing. I lay down to sleep and was so cold I couldn’t. My body hurt my bones felt like they were freezing from the inside out, we were on a cot and I was sharing with my little bitty. She couldn’t sleep she kept hollering out and tossing and turning. She is use to it being quite and dark, the lights were on and everyone was up and moving around doing whatever. There was no were to take a shower or clean up so we were all grubby feeling, cold and sleepy.

It was a while before I heard anything about my house but it wasn’t bad, the biggest damage we had was the kids swing fell and got messed up. Oh and my mail box blew away but we got it back. The lid don’t close right it was pulled off. I think I am going to throw it away and tell them it blew away in the storm I need a new one. We didn’t have power when we got back last Saturday night but it came back on Sunday morning and the internet came back that after noon. Some are still without or didn’t get it back until late that night.

That has been the last week in a nut shell. Over all I am just happy we were not hit as hard as they thought we would be and that our house is good.

et cetera
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