{November 18, 2011}   fbook
I have heard so much by so many and gotten the message very clear from others who I haven’t even had to talk to about how most everyone see’s things between me and Gabe. It is very clear to see who most feel is at fault for why we are no longer together.
For the ones who say I am just upset and hurt or that this is 50/50 it’s not. I tried for a year work things out and change things. Only to have things get worse. But yet I stayed another year after I finally told him I wanted him to leave. See I told him this time last year I wanted him to leave. He then begged me to stay and give him to July to fix things. I did I stayed until October and nothing changed. Just got yet worse again. I aggreeded to go to counciling or whatever he wanted to do. All he had to do was set it up. I even looked at different things he wanted to do together. Put money aside for it and showed him ones that had child care and made weekend plans. All he had to do was decide what one he felt would be best for us or he felt he wanted to go too and pay for it. That was last June and July.
Even now that I have asked him to leave he says he wants to be friends for the sake of the kids and just to be friends. But he still don’t act like it or treat me like it. I would give him rides try and help him get a van when we first split so he would have a way to get the kids around and find a job. Only for him to turn around and tell me how I did nothing but try to screw things up for him or make things harder for him. That I never helped him. I would have plans when he was supposed to have the kids. I would take him to the store to get the things he needed for them and everything else. But he coudln’t get in and get out he had to drag it out and make it take all night. Then call me 50 times to see what i was doing and where I was at. If I was with someone and to tell me he forgot something the kids needed or one of them was sick to get me to come over or to bring him something. I would tell him I was busy or out and couldn’t talk and he would keep blowing my phone up. Sure I could have turned it off or ignored it but then he had my kids at any time if something happen to them I wouldn’t know if I didn’t check it or turned it off. I’m not that kind of mom I love my kids and if something happends I want to know right a way and be there for them.
He wants to know things and says it will be between me and him noone else. He just needs to know, I figure we technaclly we are still married maybe there are somethings he should know. I don’t knw why but maybe. I tell him what he wants to know and the first thing he does is tell other people. Then tells me why he did it like that is supposed to make it ok. I have foundout since then he has now told other people. Nothing has changed with him at all it is poor him and how he has been done wrong and how he didn’t do anything. Thats the farthest thing from the truth. He is still doing the same old stuff. I even showed him this list and we talked about it and he said that this was him from top to bottom and just what he did and what happen between us.
I keep hearing over and over how me and Gabe need to get back together and how great he is. How he worked so hard to take care of us and he is a good dad. Working hard and being a good dad is not all their is to a relationship. No he didn’t hit me up until I asked him to leave. He has pushed me and put his hands on me twice since I have asked him to leave. But he didn’t when we were togther, he didn’t run around and party all the time or cheat. But there are other forms of abuse than just these things.
There has been a handful who knew and know what has went on for a while. Who have not judged but just been a friend and been there to listen and hang out. True friends not just a friend when we are together and talk behind my back when we aren’t. It has become very clear who my friends really are and who I can trust.
I even showed him this list and we talked about it and he said that this was him from top to bottom and just what he did and what happen between us. But then he wants to still walk around and act like poor him and he did nothing wrong and he just don’t know what happen.
I have decided once and for all to get the story straight about why me and Gabe are no longer together and never will be together again. I have seen and heard so much from so many and I have seen and heard what he has to say. I have said some about it. But everyone seems to think it isn’t that big of a deal and we should kiss and make up. It isn’t that simple. Just because he didn’t put his hands on me until after we split up and he didn’t verbably abuse me until the end and even now if I let him. The fact that he didn’t run around and cheat on me or party all the time don’t make the way he has treated me ok. It don’t make it any easyer to just make up and go on. There has been to much done. I can forgive I can not forget.

et cetera
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