{February 29, 2012}   Black Book

I finally got the big dent pulled out of the hood of my truck Friday. I met the guy at his shop and he didn’t do what he said he was going to do. We were going to set up a time to have it done so he could take pictures and things of it. I get there he looks at it gets the tools out and pops it out in just a few minutes. No pictures nothing. Only thing I can think is it wasn’t what he thought it was at all. From pictures and talking to him he seem to think it was going to be pretty hard to fix and that it would cost a lot to get it to look like it hadn’t been there.

He showed me a few other things I didn’t know. I thought they were because of one thing and they are because of something else. He said he would like to do a few other things to it but the guy he was supposed to meet came up and was waiting. He told me what he would do and gave me a price. Said to call him later s0 we could meet up and he could do it if I wanted too.

I said something about the other truck and getting it sold. That I didn’t know if I would be able to do it that day or if I would have to wait since my $9 part turned into a $300 part.  He had told me before when we were talking that he could put it threw auction and get at least $3000 easy since it runs good and it is in good shape body wise. Then why we were talking standing there he said this one would go for $5000 or more. Because it is in good shape runs and it is newer. I had thought about selling them both when I got the new one going and buying a Excursion. I want to have room for people but I also need the cargo room when all 3 seats are in that the Expedition just don’t give. He then told me about a couple of guys who deal with bigger trucks and things like that.

I asked him how much he thought it would cost me to run them threw the auction between the fees for them and something for him for doing it. He said a few hundred. later that night I talk to him about just selling them both so I could get something else. He starts talking about what my budget is for a new truck and all this. I told him that would depend on what I got out of the two trucks when they sold. I needed to put some of that money back into savings but the rest would all be for a new truck. That I needed very little to put back into savings. Then he ask me what I was looking to get out of the two of them. I told him I needed to get at least $6500. He says oh no the most you can probably get for them is $3000 to $3400.

That’s a big difference in what he told me to start with. He says he looked up the value for the years and the miles on them and all that and that is all it is showing they would be worth. I had already done this before I bought the new one and why I was at it I looked up the old one too. This way I knew if it was worth buying the new one and have an idea what I could get out of the old one. It showed just about what he was saying to start with. Then he shows me a screen shot and he is looking up Black Book value. I hate the freaken black book. Most people don’t even know there is a black book.

Black Book is what the dealers use to buy the cars at auction and then mark them up to Blue Book or more and sell them. Black book is less than half of what the blue book is. I found out about black book when the guy hit me and totaled my car a few years ago. It seems now that the insurance company now don’t have to give you Blue Book value or even close to that when something like that happens. They can give you Black Book and there isn’t anything you can do about it. At least where I live there isn’t. From what I hear they are starting to do this every where. Just like when it happen to me you can’t take the black book value and replace your car. You get stuck with something cheaper or stuck in payments like I did so that you have something to drive. All the money these companies make off of people every day they should have to give you something closer to what it will cost you to replace. I even told them if you say my car can be replaced for that amount then bring me another car just like mine and keep the money. They didn’t want to talk about that and do that. Because they know they can’t do it any better than I can.

{February 28, 2012}   The Perfect Couple

Really? Us the perfect couple!!! I have heard this time and time again in the last 4 months now since we split up. It just seems so odd to hear people say that. I don’t think I have every looked at any couple and said that’s the perfect couple. What would make you say a couple were the perfect couple with the perfect little family?

It isn’t like we do anything so great or so different than everyone else. We work come home take care of the kids and live our lives like everyone else. What about that makes us the perfect couple? Up until the last two years or so we were very close and always together and doing things with the kids. But isn’t that what most families do?

If it isn’t you guys were the perfect couple it is the, we really thought you guys would be together forever. Compaired to what you look at other couples and go they won’t last, or I bet they only make it a few years. You take bets on others to see how long you think they will or won’t stay together?

Do you all look at couples and think w0w there’s the perfect couple?

It has been interesting to hear all that has been said about me around the last few months since everything that has went on with me and my soon to be ex. People talk like they think it isn’t going to get back to you then come and still want to hang around and be your “friend”.

I have tried to be a good friend to everyone I meet. It don’t matter how much you do or don’t do for them. They will stand up and talk about you like you have treated them like dirt from the time you met them. I have helped some of them move, some with their weddings watched their kids, gave them rides, helped them move, went found clothes and bought for their kids when they needed them and ever thing else. I am never judgmental about what they tell me or what they are going threw. They can call or text me any time night or day and I am there to listen, help and be supportive anyway that I can be. I have changed, cancelled or put plans on hold to help some or to be there for them when they needed someone.

But let the tables turn and the shoe be on the other foot and look around for a friend to be even half the friend you have been to them. They are few and very far between. What I have found is they are there but not to help. They are there to judge you and get whatever info they can so they can go and talk behind your back. They listen and look for any little sliver of info they can twist and turn into something it isn’t. They don’t care that isn’t how you are most of the time or that you are going threw a stressful time and trying to deal with things the best that you can.

Even if you do something to upset someone or to offend them they should come talk to you about it. It would be one thing if that’s just how you are and you do that kind of thing all the time. But when they know you and know that this just isn’t like you and that you are dealing with things right now they should at least come and give you a chance to make it right. There has been a few times that I know I said something I shouldn’t have and I have tried more than once and a few different ways to make it right. But that person still won’t say anything. But then still wants to talk. how easily they leave out the fact that you have said sorry and have tried to talk face to face and say sorry and work things out.

I told my friend I think I should have some stickers made for my truck with some of the things that have been said. since everyone is talking and thinks that the people they are talking to isn’t saying anything to anyone. See their reactions when they see me pull up and what they said is right there in black and white why they are pretending to be friends because they need something again.

I think I will have put on the front windshield at the top in big letters STALKER. Yes I am a stalker because I go to the park by a so called friends house. The thing is they have only lived there since October and I have been going to that park and taking my kids to that park for 8 years now. We have a lot of parties and play dates at that park. it is right down the road from my sister.

On the back glass I am going to put BEWARE THE BITCH You Can Do Better. This is what I don’t know how many so called friends have told my soon to be ex husband. If only they knew how many of their husbands and boyfriends have asked me to sleep with them and I have said no. Do they think their better is that what they are getting at? Because if it is funny your man has you but wants me.

The other one is going to say People either Love Me or Fear Me it’s your choice. The one I am supposedly stalking says he is scared of me. I have no clue why I have never said or done anything to him. I told him off once but I have never said I was going to do anything to him as far as harm or anything. He was acting like a ass one night and snapped at me. I was not happy already and was trying to ask him if he would like me to do something for him because I knew he was busy. I was upset and snapped back. The other one is one who said my husband could do better. I did threaten her. I told her if she kept talking shit behind my back I had no problem telling her husband all the shit she has said about him behind his and that I would make sure that everyone else knew what kind of things she said about them behind their backs. They know her they know how she is but I know they don’t know she is saying the kinds of things she really is saying. I didn’t even tell her she couldn’t talk to him anymore. I just told her she needed to stay out of what was going on between me and him like I had asked her to do from the start. She told him she couldn’t talk to him no more because she was afraid I would tell her secretes from the past lol. This was right after telling him she didn’t have anything to hide and she didn’t know what I was talking about.

I just thought I think I will have one more made that says The rumor is true I have been with someone else. But don’t worry it wasn’t your husbands who keep asking.

I bet that would give them all something to talk about. Who are they going to talk to about it because they will know real fast that the ones they been talking to can’t be trusted.





{February 27, 2012}   Tagged

I was tagged by The Way I Live Naturally I know it has been a few days but here goes.


1. You must post the rules.

2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.

3. Tag eleven people and link to them on your post.
4. Let them know you’ve tagged them!

The questions she asked me and my answers are……………………………….

1. Have u ever had a failing grade? When I was in highs school and things I did here and there. Really I would just do what I had to do to pass the class most the time. Since I have gotten out of high school I have taken classes for a lot of different things and Do very well.

2. How u cope up with that? It didn’t really bother me as long as I could still pass the class. If I thought it was going to hurt me I would do an extra another paper to make up for it.

3. When you are stress, what is/are your stress reliever? I like to listen to music, or go for a drive

4. Back pack or Sling bag? when I was in school back pack. now a purse.

6. PC or Laptop? Lap Top

7. Where you choose to go for a vacay? Don’t really have anywhere in mind

8. Why you choose WordPress? It seemed it would be the easiest to upgrade later if I decided I wanted too.

9. What’s your passion? I love to learn and read

10. To where you are now, have u found yourself? For now I have. I think like everything around us we are also always changing and that sometimes we don’t take time to notice or think about it. One day we wake up and wonder what we are doing with out life and who we are and we have to go back and find who we are at that point in time.

11. If you will given a blank page of paper, what will you do:

a. write? b. draw? c. stare?

I would probably write, I have had somethings on my mind all day that I feel I should put down on here or paper.

I am tagging

The Narcissist’s Blog

I Am Free To Be Who I Am

An Avenue To Vent

my past is there


I Am Not Defined

Passive Aggressive Abuse



The Tattered Thread

Sips of Jen and Tonic

My 11 questions for you all……..

1. Your biggest fear?

2. When dating older or younger?

3. favorite attribute on the opposite sex?

4. Your favorite Sexual position?

5. Craziest place you have ever had sex?

6. How do you feel about toys?

7. Lights on or off?

8. Do you believe in love at first sight?

9. Perfect date? 

10. The number one thing you look for in a relationship?

11. What do you worry about most when dating? 

{February 24, 2012}   I Can See

All I can say is wow and oh my god how have I gotten around the last few years. I can not believe how much better I can see with my glasses. I went got them after we got done at riding today. Then we went to dinner. I keep pulling them down and looking at things and putting them back up and looking at things. It is such a shock. I had to stop it started making me feel sick lol. He said that he didn’t think I would wear them all the time but I got them at like 5:30pm and haven’t really taken them off since. My eyes were starting to hurt and things before I picked them up. One thing that made me call and see if they were set to come in tomorrow or the 28th. I couldn’t remember. My eyes stopped hurting since I have been wearing them tonight even. I notice I don’t hold my head up and look down like I have caught myself doing lately either. So my neck isn’t hurting as bad.

{February 23, 2012}   I Have My Truck Back

On a happier note today I got my truck back this morning? We got it done just before I had to pick my sister and them up and take them to the doctor. I was able to drive it around all day test it out. It runs great. It is so much nicer driving it than mine even though they are the same truck. I think because it sits up higher and I things adjust more so I am more comfortable driving it. It seems to be a little bit bigger than mine too. I love it!!

The poor guy who wants to look at the dent texted me again just as I was getting ready to go put gas in it and take him to the doctor. We thought we had to go back to the ER since we couldn’t find a doctor. I had to ask him if we could put it off one more day until tomorrow. I just told him I was on my way to the ER with a finger that was just about cut off lol. He said oh ok. Is it yours? I got a hold of him tonight and told him I finally had everything done and the truck going so we decided we would meet tomorrow morning after we got our kids dropped at school. I hope he can fix it like he thinks from looking at the pictures.

{February 23, 2012}   Broken Finger

As if it hasn’t been a long two weeks with all I have had going on, my sister calls and needs a ride to the ER at like 10pm last night. She tells me my brother in law is up there and did something to his hand. They think it is broken. I get dressed and go take her up there. It ended up being just the pinkie finger. But what a ordeal it has turned into.

They x rayed it last night and said that the tip is broken off and and it is smashed down past the nail bed. He got it caught in the back of a door as it was closing. I was surprised they didn’t do more for him at the hospital. They let him sit there for hours before they tried to do anything to it. Then told him the end of the finger was so dark colored by that time they didn’t think it would be able to be saved. Took the nail off and put three stitches in it. We went and got his meds and I dropped him off at home. By the time I got home they called and said it was still bleeding and by now it had been 4 hours since he done it and a hour or so since they stitched it and bandaged it. I told them to watch it and see that it may have stopped but just dirty from where it was still bleeding when they wrapped it.

The ER was very adament that he had to see someone today about it. They ended up going back last night because it didn’t stop bleeding. They kept telling them again that he had to go see someone today it was very important. They were worried it was still bleeding an hadn’t stopped but didn’t do anything to try and make it stop or get him someone to see him that night. Just changed the bandage and sent him home again. It is bad enough they said not to even change it at home.

So we spent most the morning trying to find someone who would see him today. You don’t just call a specialist when you have never been and get in the same day. The ER finally called and got him in to see someone. But they had to wait hours to be seen since they fit him in.

They looked at it and was setting him up to take that part off Monday. But after they got it cleaned the doctor reliased that it looked bad because the hospital never cleaned it. They didn’t clean it when he first went in just rinsed it off a little and stitched it. When it bleed threw and he went back they just took the bandage off and put a new one on. He still had blood all over his hand from when it first happen. He had the nurse get it all cleaned up. After he could see it better they said it was looking pretty pink on the tip and that was a good sign. He wants him to come back tomorrow to check the color and things again. As long as it stays pink and looking good they won’t have to take that part of the finger off. Just praying it don’t get an infection in it and it just heels nice and fast. Tonight he said he could feel it throbbing down threw his finger and into the tip so it is looking good.

My friend called me one afternoon laughing. Her daughter got all dressed up in this dress packed her clothes in her suit case and told her she was getting married today. She told her she was moving out and moving into my house once she did. This is the little girl that is in love with my son. The one who he is going to have a house built for.

She asked her why she was going to move into my house and he wasn’t going to move in with them. She said because if she moved in with us she wouldn’t have to go to school anymore. This year I pulled him out of public school and put him in private school. I guess she didn’t know that. When she didn’t see him at school this year she thought he just wasn’t coming anymore. Funny the things kids will come up with. We laughed and talked for a bit and hung up. Later that evening she called me back and said will you tell her something so she will knock this off. I didn’t know what she was talking about. She said she still insist that she is coming over there and they are going to get married tonight. I said ok let me talk to her.

FDL gets on the phone and starts telling me how she needs to come to my house and they are getting married and she is going to live with me. That she will go to school with my son. I said you can’t come over and get married tonight. She said why. I said because it is a school night and your not allowed to get married on a school night. I figured she would have some excuse or idea my son always does. She said oh ok goodnight and handed the phone back to her mom.

She is like my son she will come up with all this stuff they are going to do and have when they get older. This year after school started back a little boy tried to give her a milk in the lunch line. I don’t know what she was thinking but she told him I already have a boyfriend.

Her mom says she hopes they stay close and one day really get married. I think it would be cute but what are the odds. We decided that we are going to start writing down all the little things that they say and do and show them when they get older. They have liked each other for about 2 years now.

Here I am almost a week after getting my truck and I still don’t have it running and on the road yet. I am not happy about it but I am ok. After we got into it more we found it has a cracked intake manifold. I had to get another one. Tomorrow everything should be in from the dealer and it should be put back together. If he don’t get sick and can’t work on it again an as long as we don’t run into anymore problems. A $9 fix turned into a $450 fix. But I am still ok with it and feel that I will still come out ahead and with a better truck once I get my old one sold. I still feel I can get my money and then some back out of it. The good thing is even with the other stuff we found wrong I don’t feel like it was a mistake to get it. I still feel good about buying it.

All though that takes the money I had to get the other things that I wanted to get for my truck and what I had put aside for a new hood. I now have to wait until I sell the other to get the stuff.

I did get a text Saturday from one of the guys I talked to about pulling the dent in the hood. He is one of the ones that talked to me for a long time about it and told me all about it and asked to see pictures before giving me a price. He is also the one that everyone kept referring me too when I asked around.

He asked me if he could use my hood as a demo. I told him it depended on what he wanted to do to it because I now had to drive it for a while before I could fix it or get a new one lol. He said he wanted to fix it. He said it wouldn’t be 100% perfect but it would look a lot better than it does now. He said he wanted to use it for advertisement. He is re doing his web site and wants to put it up as some of his more extreme jobs he has done. I told him he could but that it wasn’t running yet that it should be up by today. He got in touch with me today and I had to tell him that I had ran into a few problems. He said get a hold of him as soon as I got it going.

Tomorrow it has to be put back together no matter what. At this point I am ready to get under there and start putting it back together myself if I have too. I am trying to be patient and I understand things have happened but I want to start driving it. Plus I hate being with out my truck. I feel like a hamster rolling around in a ball or something in what I have to drive right now. It’s a great car just not for me.

{February 20, 2012}   Free Will

Everyone thinks oh god can change this or that. He can make everything all better so why am I still in this situation or why are things still the way they are for me? Why don’t he change it and make it better, why does he want me to suffer or why is he punishing me. I have heard many say these things. What some people forget is sometimes he can’t because everyone is under their own free will. Just because you are doing what you can or feel you need to do to make the situation better does not mean he can change it. He don’t want to see us suffer or hurt but he can’t go against someone else free will. God can only help the ones that truly want to be helped. He can’t help them because you want them to change or because you pray for them. They have to want to change, he can show them things or give them signs just like he does for anyone else. But he can’t make them do what they need to do. It is up to them to listen or not.

I also believe that he does not leave us in a situation with no way out. It may not be the ideal way out or a way out we are crazy about. It isn’t always going to be a easy way out either. He never promised everything would be easy he just promised he would be there. I feel that sometimes the way out he gives us isn’t easy because he is trying to see if we really want out or if we just say we want out. To see if you are willing to work to get out and have better or if you are just looking for the easy way out. To see if you really trust him like you say you do. Sometimes I think he gives us a hard way out to show us that we are stronger than we give our self’s credit for. Other times I think its us who see it as the hard way out or that there is no way out. But there is always a way out. We may have to give up somethings we would like to keep or do somethings we would rather not do. But it is all part of his plan.

I know sometimes we look at a situation and the only ways out and think there is no way we could do that. We don’t have this or that. How would we do it how could we possibly make it through all of it. I have felt that way and said the same things. But then that’s when you have to remember you are trusting him and listening to him. You are relying on him to get you through. I truly believe that if you get out of it he isn’t going to let you go with out. You may not have the best of everything or the greatest of everything. But I believe that your needs will be met until you can get back to where you can do what needs to be done. I also believe that if you do the best that you can with what he gives you and strive to have and do better. He will let us have and do better as long as we don’t forget how we got there.

But even if you are in a situation and you are trying to make it better or fix it if it involves anyone but yourself it may not be fixable. Not because of anything that you have or haven’t done but because of every ones free will. It is your free will to try and fix it. But it is also their free will to keep doing what they are doing and careless. In order for us to be in any situation that involves anther person and have it work we must work together. No matter how great it would be if everyone seen that and it happened it just isn’t always going to be that way. Because we are all free to do whatever we want. Sometimes we have to just decide what is best for us in the situation we are in and do it. Because your free to do whatever you want with or with out that person.  Sometimes it takes doing something drastic to make them see and want to change. Sometimes that don’t even work they are happy just being the way they are. But you don’t have to be happy with it and stay and live with it. You have the free will to change things for your life and to make the best of your life and be happy. You deserve to have better and to be happy even if you think you don’t. Like I said before God does not want to see us unhappy hurting or suffering. That’s why he always gives us a way out. Now it’s all up to you from here, are you going to keep sitting in the situation making excuses or are you going to find your way out and make it happen?



et cetera
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