{February 5, 2012}   Is Depression Magnifying the Situation Or Is The Situation Causing The Depression

The lady soon to be ex’s grandma brought over the other day called me today. We talked for a little bit. She said she just wanted to see how my weekend had went and see how things were going. She knew that me and soon to be ex had been fighting for a few days this week. She asked me about church and things and invited me to go to church with her and her daughter. Said the next group meeting she was going to have was the 26 of this month. We talked about was there things to she could help me with and things. I have to get a hold of her because now I am not sure if she is coming Tuesday or not lol.

She said she was surprised at how much emotion and things that were there instantly when we started to talk the other day. She felt that there was more going on than just the stuff between me and soon to be ex. She asked if I had dealt with depression or anything in the past. I have in the past when I was 14/15 years old I missed almost a year of school because of panic and anxiety attacks. After I had my second baby I had about 6 months or more where I was pretty down. I ended up taking something for the first time ever for a few months. I think it helped some but not as much as the fact of things in life started changing about that time too. I haven’t taken anything since and have done really good. Most people wouldn’t know that I have ever had problems if I didn’t tell them.

Today she was talking about how being depressed will make other stuff seem worse than it really is and things. How it is hard to really see things clearly and figure out what to do or where to go when your depressed and things happen. She asked me if I thought I was depressed.

I have to say yes and no to that. I know that in a way I am but I don’t feel it is the depressed that talking to someone and getting some meds is going to change anything. I guess what I am trying to say is I don’t feel like me being depressed is making things between me and soon to be ex the way they are. I really think that the way things are between me and him is why I am depressed. I was fine until we started having problems and fighting. I feel so much better since he has moved out. Like I said in one of my other post I feel better about my life and where it is right now than I ever have before in my life. Even when things happen and things are not going good and I don’t feel good I still have that feeling that everything is going to be ok and I am going to get threw it and be ok. I have not been like that in the past. Most the time when I am going threw something I feel like there is not getting threw it and things are just going to get worse.

After he moved out and was still working I was doing better than I am now even. I wanted to be up and doing things. I was up cooking cleaning going threw my house trying to get it organised and things gone threw. I just felt so free and like I could do things again. I cared and WANTED to do things again. Now that he has lost his job and been hanging around more I feel myself getting back in that rut of not wanting to do things and not caring again. I don’t want it to seem like I am saying poor me or pity party for me because that is not what I am trying to do at all. I just know how I feel I know when I started feeling that way and I know how I felt after things started changing. I know what needs to be done to make me feel better and to get me in a spot where I have everything back together and under control as much as anyone person can have things under control anyway.

Most anyone who knows me and has known me I think would tell you that I was doing very good up until the last few years. That since things started happening between us is when I started becoming withdrawn and isolated and just not my normal self. If soon to be ex would really be honest about things I think he would say the same thing. He even says he misses the things we use to do for the kids and their friends and with them all. Just like I did here this weekend. How I don’t do that or watch the kids for everyone like I use too. We had full house all the time if we weren’t doing something together the two of us or as a family.

Praying GOD holds you tight in the middle of your storm.

[…] I first started my blog or not long after I wrote this peace on depression (Is Depression Magnifying the Situation Or Is The Situation Causing The Depression)  and just in the last month I wrote this one on Panic Anxiety . I thought I had done pretty good […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

et cetera
%d bloggers like this: