I knew if I finally met someone I wanted to be in a relationship with it wouldn’t be easy. Not only have I been through so much the last 2 years with him but I now have 3 kids to worry about and thank about. It isn’t just me and my feeling I have to consider if something goes wrong and things don’t work out. But I really thought my main concerns and worries would be with trusting, finding that balance of when to bring the kids into the picture and how to handle it with them.
I met someone a couple weeks ago and we have gotten pretty close in that time. I had met him once or twice before threw a friend but it was nothing more than just this is so and so at different get together. When my friend told me about him I didn’t even know who he was talking about until I seen him. Once I seen him I knew I had seen him at our friends house before. But we hit it off right a way and have been spending a lot of time together. He has two kids that are younger than my older two but older than my youngest by a few years. We have already gotten them together even and let them do things together. Of course they love being together it’s just new friends to all of them. My poor baby girl is kind of upset she is the only girl out of the 5 of them.
All the things I thought I would have a problem with are not the things I am having a problem with. I trust him when he tells me things. I trust that if or when I am not there he isn’t talking to other people or that he isn’t intrested in talking to other people. I brought the kids into the picture a little earlier than I had planed or wanted too. But I felt ok with that. Most the time I don’t like my kids to meet people I just met friends or other wise. Once I get to know them better then I will bring them around for the kids to meet. The kids love hanging out with him and his kids. They all play and get along most the time. They don’t really seem to care right now what is going on between me and him. They are to into themselves. The asked a few things and I answered them and they were happy with that. It’s funny because I am finding the trust thing I have more of a issue with people I already know verses someone I just met or someone I am interested in.
The things I am having problems with are the fact that there are feelings there that shouldn’t be this early into things. There are feelings there that I have never had for someone so soon. I feel like I shouldn’t have these feelings and that I am rushing into something. I’m not trying to but it just seems to be going that way. Before I would just say oh well lets just see what happens but there are 5 other lives that are in this now that we have to think of. He keeps saying that too. I think the biggest thing that is bothering me is the fact that he is still married to the kids mom. I know sounds bad. But I am still married to my ex too. We are working on taking care of all that. She is a way right now but I know she will be getting out soon and I guess I am afraid that when she gets out if she wants to come home and work things out that he will because it is the kids mom. He has moved them out of the house and gotten a place and he says there are no feelings there for her any more and that he is done. He says he has been doing this for years with her and he isn’t going to do it anymore. He says don’t you trust me when I tell you stuff? I do but there is always that chance even if he don’t intend for it to happen if she comes back and she is great and doing great he could change his mind. But he is talking about getting the divorce done before she gets out and comes back around. He was talking about it before I ever told him any of this. I didn’t want him to go file because of me or whatever. I guess we will see what happens.