{May 27, 2012}   What a Fun Sunday

Today we get up and RC tells the kids he is going to take them fishing. He said he hadn’t been in a while and wanted to go and it would be fun for the kids. I got soon to be ex to watch the baby because taking him fishing just didn’t seem like it would be fun for either one of us. After he came and picked him up we headed to RC’s house to get the fishing stuff. We go buy some bait and he tells me go this way  is telling me where to go.

I thought we were going to go fishing but he wanted to go and try to catch some bait also. We go down into a wild life reserve area on this little dirt road with no room to pull off on the one side and a little room on the other. Water all around us. We pull off a few times and we aren’t having any luck so he says lets just go fish. I had been out around this area but wasn’t to sure were we were so I wasn’t sure how far ahead we had to go to get back out on the main road. I was worried about gas because I forgot to get some. I decided to turn around because I knew we were probably only a mile from where we came in. Not the best idea I have ever had I do have to say.

I pulled over to the one side where I could get off and went to swing around and do a 3 point turn. When I pulled up I knew I was in the grass what little there was on that side. But I wasn’t worried I was going to back up no big deal. Then why I am trying to do this RC starts talking to me. I turn to see what he is saying and he is telling me I am off the road. I said I know I’m not going faword anymore. Move my foot on the break and go to put it in reverse. The little bit of movement on the break let it go enough to let it roll the slightest bit. With the rain the ground shifted and I went over the edge almost into the water. There was no pulling it back out at that point. The back drivers wheel was off the ground and spinning in the air. Two of the boys start freaking out we want to go home we want to go home are we going to die. My big boy is telling them it’s ok just calm down we are going to live everything is ok.

I get out tell him lets get the kids out. I didn’t think it was going to move but still didn’t want them to jump around in it and it would get hot sitting in there. He called his friend to come and get him so he could go back to the house to get the other truck and his friend had no clue where were at so he had to run up to the road and meet him. In the mean time I been texting my friend at the store and I texted her and told her I stuck the truck. She was like what how and wanted to know how bad it was. She thought I was joking so I hung up and sent her pictures of it. She called me back and said we are on our way. Her husband just started driving a recker on the weekends like a week before. I called RC and he was already at the house just about he said he didn’t know if they should come. I had two guys come up they had been sitting out there talking and seen the top of the truck in the air and came to see if they could help. I told her just let them see if they could get it and see if RC got it if they didn’t. But she said they were headed that way any way that they could always turn around if they got it out. The two guys pulled on it a few times but it wasn’t going no where it just broke their straps. I told them I had a tow truck on the way but it would be a little bit before it got there because it was coming from farther a way. And that RC was coming back. They said they weren’t going to leave me out there until someone came and they stayed hooked to it since they had jerked it around so much.

RC got there like 2 minutes before the tow truck they must have been flying in the tow truck. He put the kids in the truck and went to meet them in the tow truck because they weren’t sure where we were either. They had to back the tow truck down and around in there to where we were because he couldn’t turn around either in there. But I am happy to say after almost rolling it over twice he got it pulled out. Three of the guys had to stand on the back to get it weighed down to get the tire on the ground still to help get it out and going once he got the front unstuck. At least he got it out because he couldn’t get behind me just beside me. That made it harder to get it out. Lets just say I won’t be trying that again anytime soon. Once we got out we took the kids fishing for a bit and they still had fun. That’s all that really matters and that no one got hurt.


Thank God for great friends it would have cost me a ton to get it pulled out if we couldn’t have gotten it and he didn’t have the tow truck.

{May 25, 2012}   Changes

Been staying at RC’s this week with the kids. Take them to school and go back once I pick them up. It has been fun the kids are having fun. I found out last night that my house was foreclosed on the 10th of this month. I am always the last to know about anything. They stopped sending me any info telling me what was going on with it. The bank still hasn’t sent me anything telling me or telling me we need to move. It was just seen on the clerk of courts website that they had done it. Kind of surprised I knew it was going to happen just didn’t think it was going to happen so fast. Everyone had told me oh it takes a year to 2 years for them to do it. It only took about 3 months for them to do mine. I figured we had at least 6 months or so to get things together and find a new place. I’m really not worried about it I’m thinking it was probably a good thing it has happened and that it happen when it did. The kids last day of school was today so I don’t have to worry about that. They are supposed to go spend half their summer with their dad. That will give me time to get a job and get some money saved up and find us a place. They want almost $300 a week for daycare and I just don’t have it. Most jobs are only part time and I will make about $189 a week so I couldn’t work. I am thinking about finding two full time jobs if I can that way I can bank my money why they are gone and have some to pay daycare when they get back. Plus I will show a job so I can get us a place to stay. RC wants me to come stay with him for a few months it will be cheaper for both of us and we both can save some money. Then get a big place together. I really wanted to wait a year or so before we did that but I don’t know. I am going to put my stuff in storage this weekend and go up there and stay. He knows I am not sure if I want to get a place for just me and the kids or a place together yet. We will cross that bridge when we get there. But for now it will help us both out.

The kids dad can’t tell me when he is going to take them for the summer yet because he can’t find daycare. He keeps talking like he wants me to keep them why he works and I told him no. He don’t care I haven’t had daycare all this time and not able to work. I have to find something or make it work when I have them then he needs too. If I am going to have them all day then it is kind of pointless for him to just pick them up put them to bed and bring them back. I may as well just keep them for the whole summer because I still can’t work. At least with staying with RC for a few months he will be there with the kids at night so I can work a few hours in the evening or work over night. We just live so far apart and the kids are spread across 3 cities with school he really couldn’t do it before.

It is going to be a busy week and weekend next week. I have to pack everything I want in my house and move it all next weekend when the kids go to their dads for the weekend. I am not taking a lot with me. Mostly just personal stuff. I have given a way most everything else in the house or soon to be ex is going to take it. I’m just going to leave the rest set up in the house when I leave. I have never done that but it is what it is this time. Nothing has been what they told me since I bought the house. My payment was way higher at closing than what we had been told. They never tell us anything we get letters in the mail after they have done something. Just like with the foreclose they never told me we had another court date or that anything was going on. As far as I knew they would send us the stuff and let us know. I am so ready to be out of here and make a fresh new start for us. This house is just dull and depressing anymore.

It is going to be a tight fit at RC’s but hopefully we will only be there a month or so once the kids all come back. We are going to take both sets of bunk beds with us so that all the kids have their own bed to sleep in so that will help. They each are going to be able to take so much of their own stuff with them and then take some to their dads so they should do good. They will still go see him every other weekend so they won’t be there all the time even when they get back.

Excited and a little scared for what the summer holds for us. But can’t wait to see!

{May 21, 2012}   A Nice Weekend

The kids were with their dad this weekend so I went and spent the weekend with RC and his kids at their place. It was a pretty good weekend. We just hung out at his place Friday night had dinner sat and talked after the kids went to bed. We sit outside and talk a lot at night when we are together after the kids go to bed. It’s nice relaxing.

Saturday was a busy day was a busy day we had to take the kids to his mother in laws and drop them off. She told him the night before she wanted to meet me. She knew I had watched the one a few days last week when they were sick and she said they told about me and my kids all the time. I normally stay at his place when he drops them off and picks them up. So this time I went with him to drop them off. It wasn’t bad at all. I figured it was going to be awkward and unconformable being it is his ex mother in law and being her house. But it wasn’t to me it was like meeting any one else I didn’t know. It didn’t bother me at all. I could tell she seemed pretty uncomfortable. She talked to me a little most the time she just talk to him. They were talking about a sale their church was having and things of the kids she had there they out grew she was going to get rid of and stuff. It was kind of funny we were standing in the kids room and they started talking about something they out grew she said oh I may save that who knows there may be another little one sometime. Then at the same time she looks at me and says hopefully later than sooner. I just looked at her and smiled.

I told RC when we left I should have looked at her and said oh you didn’t know I’m not fat. It will be sooner than later. He laughed he said don’t joke with her she has no since of hummer and with that. I said yeah you both probably would have fallen over. I think it would have been hysterical but I didn’t want to do that to him. He already knows I’m not but I didn’t want to cause problems between them lol. I can be very convincing when I want to be. I could have made her really believe it.

We grilled stakes and then me him and the lady who lives next to him all went out for a little while. We went had a few drinks and shot a couple games of pool. Had a really nice time. Then I locked our keys in his place and we had to get a key at midnight to get back in. that wasn’t cool at all. We dropped her off and was going to the store I ran in to go to the bathroom and the dog had gotten out of his cage I walked around to see what he had done and forgot to pick them. He was driving my truck so he didn’t grab his that night before we left.

I am sitting here bored and not in a great mood today. I am thinking I might ride back up to his place and stay the night tonight. It will be so nice when the kids are out of school. I won’t have to worry about running back and forth to take them and having to make that drive bright and early in the mornings and going so far back that evening if we want to. We can just hang out up there for the day.

{May 18, 2012}   Feeling Better

I have to say that I am feeling so much better from what I was in my last few post from a month or so ago. Not a lot has changed other than the kids aren’t sick anymore. But I am still feeling way better about things. I feel that there is a job out there and that things are just falling into place for me so that I can get it. I have thought about a lot of things and have a ruff idea of what I want and when I want it as far as moving the kids and school and my relationship with RC. Things are going really good with us and I am excited about that. He is great with the kids and the kids love him to death. Especially the baby he is all the time giving him hugs and wanting him to do things with him. My Big Boy said the other day when him and the kids weren’t here I miss them I love them him and his kids are nice. My Big Girl is still trying to a just and find her place  kind of. It is hard on her being the only girl out of 5 kids. The boys want to bother her and play with ruff with her like they do with each other. Normal sister brother kind of stuff and she don’t like it. They have never really been around little girls other than at school so it is different having one around all the time. They forget she isn’t a boy like them sometimes. And they get a rise out of her so that don’t help. But they all still beg and ask to go to the others house or if the other is coming over if we aren’t together even her.

The last few weeks if I’m not at his house they are at mine staying. Everyone keeps saying we just need to move in together and that we would be better off if we did. He wants to move in together. He wants to look for a place. I told him in a year if we were still together then we would look for a place. Everyone says oh you don’t think you will be together in a year or you think something is going to happen. That isn’t it at all. I think we will be together in a year. If I didn’t I wouldn’t be basing my plans for now and the nest little while on when we move in together. I just feel I need that space and things to get things on track and right for me and my kids. Sure I could do that if we moved in together but I feel I need to do it on my own first before I think about moving in with someone. I also know that I have wanted this divorce for over a year now and things weren’t good for a little while before that. So I am at that spot where I am ready to move on and ready to have someone else in my life. But even though my kids like RC and his kids they are still dealing with what is going on and still trying to come to terms with the fact that daddy isn’t coming home and mommy and daddy isn’t going to be husband and wife as my big boy puts it. He still says oh daddy your home half the time when soon to be ex comes to pick them up like he is coming back to stay. He was telling RC the other day my mommy and daddy were husband and wife they are and they are my mommy and daddy. The kids don’t understand the divorce and how that works and that it makes you not married anymore. He asked me when we were talking about soon to be ex not coming home to live anymore if that meant we aren’t husband and wife anymore. I just told him yes. I didn’t want to confuse him with well we have to go see the judge and all that. He said but you still look like my mommy and daddy. I told him we would always be mommy and daddy to him and his brother and sister. We just weren’t going to be husband and wife. He said ok and seem to understand. But like with any kid they still want that and don’t understand fully. They really knew nothing until about 6 months ago so they haven’t had the time to work threw things and be ok with it and get use to the idea.

That is a big part of why I haven’t been on much the last few months. Like I said before if I’m not there they are here. By the time we get dinner done and the kids to bed at night after work it is late. We try to spend a little time together before we are passing out it is so late. I have been extra sleepy the last few weeks too seems like I get a few minutes and sit down I am passing out even if I am online. I wake up in the middle of something I was trying to do. I think it must be because I was trying to fight this stuff off. They say mono makes you really sleepy and that you just have to rest because it is from your system being wore down already. When we are together we are always doing something for or with the kids. With 5 kids one is always wanting to do something or wanting something or needing something if they aren’t fighting with each other. But we love every minute of it and each other and wouldn’t want it any other way. I am going to try to get on more often and write. I really enjoy doing it and reading I just have to find a balance in everything. Find that me time again. I’m sure things will be a lot better when I’m not sick and feeling so sleepy all the time too.

Soon to be ex hasn’t been great to deal with either the last few months. He can’t stand it I am seeing someone. He don’t like it that the kids like him and he is so good with the kids. He wouldn’t like anyone I dated no matter who they were though. He still hasn’t gotten over the fact that it is done between us and that we are not going to be back together ever. He says he found someone else but I don’t think he really has. I think he is talking to someone but it really don’t have a chance of going any where because he won’t get over us. He thinks he can just find someone else and when he does then he will be over us and move on but that don’t seem to be working. He is always making rude comments and remarks when he is here. It got to the point the other day I told him to leave and not to come back in my house he could get the kids at the door and go. He refused to leave I threaten to call the cops and then he showed his ass in the yard and threw a fit like a kid. Then he says if I stop making comments then he will. I don’t make comments about anything. I am making comments because he tells me he is going to do something or pay something and don’t. Then the kids miss a lesson or something because he didn’t pay. But I’m not supposed to ask why he didn’t pay it or why he isn’t giving me money to help with the kids. He thinks he can had me a couple dollars a week and that is supposed to take care of it. No where near what the court papers say he should have to pay once we go to court. He see’s nothing wrong with the fact that I spent my savings taken care of what he wasn’t when he was giving me no money for over 3 months. It’s ok that I can’t get things and do things I need to do now because my money got spent. Then he complains about what clothes the kids have or shoes and when I ask him to help buy them new ones he cries broke. Other than dealing with him everything else is going great but he can put me in a bad mood from a great one in a matter of minutes. I am really working hard on not letting him get to me but it is so hard. I’m a fighter when I know I’m right or when I’m being called a lire about something.

{May 18, 2012}   One Big Ball Of Sick

Not a lot has changed or gotten better but I am feeling a lot better mentally and emotionally. I haven’t been on in a month or more there has been so much going on. I have been to the hospital 5 times in the last 3 to 4 weeks. I had sick kids for a week straight. Spent a day in the ER with my baby boy with a fever of 104.6 he wouldn’t eat drink or move. They had to do a bunch of test and things to him. Finally got the fever down and he started drinking so they let him come home. Said it was a virus. He was sick another week after that from a shot they gave him and whatever he had.

A week to the day later I was in the ER I woke up at 6am in doubled over in pain and sick to my stomach. I finally got the kids to school and got someone to watch the baby so I could go to the hospital. RC was here when I got up in pain and sick. I he had to take his kids to school. I didn’t know it he called me when I was on my way home and said he had taken the day off work before he ever left my house. He came over and took me to the ER. They did blood work and ordered a CT scan. Took me down an almost gave me someone else x-ray the pink ladies went to the wrong bed and had the wrong person. Then the nurse came in told me there are no stones. I said that’s good she said well no you have one it’s kind of big. I didn’t know what she was talking about they said I didn’t have kidney stone but I had a gallstone. Then she starts talking about surgery and all this. I was like I am not having surgery I just want to know what is wrong with me. She says oh the doc is going to have the sergon come talk to you see what they think needs to be done. In a little while the doc comes over tells me I have a cyst on my ovary and that it is normal and that sometimes you will have pain. That it didn’t look like anything to be worried about. You have them every month it will go a way in a few days to week. Never said anything about the stone so I ask him and he says oh it is fine. He said you get them from time to time and you will pass them it isn’t big enough that it shouldn’t pass and that where the pain is and how it feels the stone isn’t what is causing the pain. So the nurse had no clue what she was talking about. She should have never said anything about it at all. When I got my paper work to leave it said not only did I have the cyst and stone but I also had a UTI that no one told me about but wrote me meds for. I wasn’t happy I had never had such things happen at that hospital they have always been on the ball and gave great care.

Glad to say the baby is doing much better my big boy is over all this too. I was in pain for a few more days and then it finally went a way and I was alright. I am so glad they were right about the gallstone and it wasn’t that. I have had pain before and they told me they thought it was a gallstone and it didn’t feel anything like that. I thought we were all going to finally be healthy and happy and not have to deal with a bunch of mess for a while. Boy was I wrong. I noticed my lymph nodes on my neck were swollen on the right side a week or so ago. But my throat didn’t hurt or anything like that. I didn’t do anything about it. Then around mothers day my tonsils started swelling up but they didn’t hurt. Still didn’t think much of it or do anything about it. I have to say I never go to the doctor. I don’t have great insurance I don’t even have good insurance  so I don’t have a doctor that you don’t have to wait hours to get into see only for them to blow everything off and not do anything for you any way. So even if I get a sore throat or sick with something I just wait it out until it goes a way. I figured I do the same it wasn’t hurting so why go any way. I kept noticing that they seemed like they were pretty big compared to normal when I have problems. Then Tuesday night my throat started hurting like I never felt it hurt before. RC looked in there and said that they were so swollen you probably couldn’t stick something between them they were almost touching. I went to sleep and when I got up Wednesday it hurt worse and the inside of my mouth was itching. I have never felt suck a thing but it itched so bad and I couldn’t get it to stop. I had the soon to be ex come get the kids when they got out of  school and RC took me back to the ER. They couldn’t believe how big they were swollen and said there was a lot of white on and around them. They started feeling my stomach and stuff too. They did more blood work and a strep test. They come back in a few minutes and said I have Mono. Nothing they can do for me but tell me to rest no sports or work for a few weeks and that it can take months to get over. I said rest I’m a single mom of three how am I supposed to rest I will never get rid of this. I asked them how I could get that I am the only one sick. the kids aren’t sick RC isn’t sick and from what I had been told about mono is that you get it from kissing or drinking after someone who has it. They said that it is very contagse and that is the big ways you can get it. But that if your body is wore down so much and stressed that you can get it that way too. So with the kids being so sick and being up with them pretty much around the clock and with other things going on around my house making it so that I can’t sleep much then running and taking care of everything on top of it I just wore my self down enough that I got it.

Of course soon to be ex was an ass about it when I had to tell him what I had. Right off the bat it was I got it from RC who even when all the kids where sick never caught anything and who isn’t sick now even with me having it. Then it was maybe I got it from someone I seen for a short time 6 months ago or I must be messing around and seeing someone else other than just RC. He gets on my nerves so much. I am with my kids or with my kids and RC all the time any more I wouldn’t have time to be seeing someone else if I wanted too.

My poor big girl was sick so I tried to take her to the doc yesterday to have her tested and just make sue she didn’t have it too. Not that they could do anything for her but they don’t want the kids out running around and playing or being around the other kids in school if they have it. They have her insurnce a mess and have her with some doc that we don’t even know. I called to change it and it won’t change until next month. She can’t see her doc because she can’t take it. So we ended up back in the er yesterday to make sure she didn’t have it. Thank goodness she don’t.

I feel like someone dropped a bomb of germs in my house and it is attacking us all. I just want to go threw the place and spray everything with bleach and scrub it like crazy. I hate bleach and the smell of it. But this weekend soon to be ex has the kids and me and RC are going to come in here and go threw everything and scrub everything from top to bottom just so we feel better and to try and make sure none of the kids catch this from me. I won’t let them drink after me or kiss me. I won’t let them sit on me or carry them around. I try to stay as far a way from them as I can. So that is the last month in a nut shell.


et cetera
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