{June 28, 2012}   I’m Going To Be Lost

In just a few hours my two boys will be going to spend the night with their dad. That isn’t so bad he isn’t that far a way but then sometime between like 2 and 6am they will be leaving to go to NC until Monday. My big girl has been up there since last Monday and will be coming home with them. That is the longest and farthest any of them have been with out me. I have missed my girl but I think it is going to be harder on me with my boys. I watch over them more with the autism and the other not even 2 yet.

I am worried my big boy will get up there and be upset and want to come home. He don’t like being a way from me. My baby I don’t know he is pretty happy with me or his dad. He loves and misses his dad so I hope it isn’t hard for him when they get back and come home from their dads.

I know I need the little bit of a break it is going to give me. But I feel bad for looking forward to it too. I will still have RC’s 2 here all but maybe Monday. I told them and the little boy next to us I would take them to the movie Friday. The theater shows a free movie once a week over the summer. I took all the boys last week but the baby got to upset and we had to leave. Figure this will give us some time to do somethings just the two of them.

I am so over people today. As if the rude comment from the owner of the daycare wasn’t enough, my soon to be ex calls and says that there is a note on my door at my house saying it is empty and they are going to clean it up. I still have stuff there I need to get out. I have not been told I need to leave the house I left because I wanted too so there should be no one going in to clean up. It was to late to really call anyone or do anything about it last night so I figured I would take care of it today.

Before I could ever get out of bed my phone was ringing  and it was a number I didn’t know. I wasn’t going to answer but figured it maybe someone about the note so I did. The guy ask if I was so and so and said he was from animal control. He said the lady across the street called and said I told her husband I wasn’t going to take my dogs with me and that I wasn’t going to be back to feed them anymore Saturday. There has been someone there every night since I talk to him Saturday to feed the dogs. He was supposed to take the little dog and give her a home Sun or Mon and I was then going to go back and get the other two. I just didn’t want to leave her there by herself. I don’t want to turn her into a shelter. I told the animal control guy that too. He said he was going to drop her off to a friend that wanted her. The animal control guy was mad and said he was going over there to talk to them and tell them he didn’t want to hear from them again. He said he was tired of them calling him out there for nothing. I never heard anything back from them so I guess that has been taken care of.

Then I called the 1800 number that was on the note on the door. I told him I got the note and wanted to know what it was about. He said he got a call about the yard and was told it had been left and their people went out and found it to be empty. I said how did they find it empty when there is a trailer and my kids stuff in the yard and my dogs in the back yard barking at them when they come up to the house. They bark anytime someone comes to the door so I know they did. I said I have not been told I have to get out of my house and if someone comes over here to clean it out I will call the police and have them locked up for breaking and entering, trespass and theft. Because it is still my home. He said no no you don’t have to worry about that I will take care of it. He asked if anyone had moved or if we had been a way. I said yeah my husband moved and I was a way for a little bit. I said but just because I’m not there to answer the door when they come out and someone says I left it don’t mean it’s empty or I don’t stay there. I said how do they know I wasn’t at work or went out to the store when they came by. I told him I was going to be a way again for a few days and that I didn’t want to come home to my stuff in the trash or gone and that if I did there would be a problem. He said he made notes that someone was still in the home and that if I got another note then to just disregard it or call them back. I said if I disregard it then they will come and clean it up like they were planing. I said I better not get another note and if I do you will be getting another call. I told him the people across he street was calling places and starting stuff. He don’t like it because the yard isn’t mowed and he is one of these that if his grass is over an 8th of an inch tall he has his daughter out there mowing and weed eating it.

He don’t want to mess with me I will call them every time and tell them not to come once I get my stuff out and let it grow to the freaken roof or higher. I don’t say anything about what anyone does in their yard or street around there. I could careless. I don’t own their house I don’t pay the bills or rent or whatever on it it is none of my busness what they do. I feel the same about mine they don’t own it or pay anything for it don’t call an complain or try to start shit places. It isn’t in your yard. I could see if they said my dogs were making nose or causing problems even. But nothing like that just that I left them or that I told them I wasn’t going to take care of them and there is someone there every day feeding them and giving them water. They are just doing it to start trouble. In the 6 years that I have lived there I have only talk to them a handful of times and most the time just to say high or tell them if something was going on I thought they may want to know about when some stuff had gotten stolen or there was a man messing around the houses. There daughter would come in all hours of the night and park between the two houses where there was no light then have to go across the yard to the other end of the house to go in. I told them someone was messing around they may want to tell her she should park over by the light or just to be careful and know that someone had been out there a few different times. Other than stuff like that I didn’t talk to hardly anyone around there. I kept to myself and left people alone.

People like that just get on my nerves and make me mad when they do shit like that and just try to cause problems for others. Then to lie to do it just ads fuel to the fire. I want to go down there but I’m not because I know it will just cause more problems but when I go there Friday or sat and he is out I am going to tell him about it for sure. my soon to be ex said he was going to go over there and say something to them but I don’t think he will. RC thinks that soon to be ex called because he was mad. I told him I knew he didn’t call. I know he has done some stuff the last few month but I know him and I know that calling people like that he wouldn’t have done. He would be afraid he would get in trouble about the dogs because they are his too and they are the kids and he don’t want to hurt them. The house he really isn’t that smart he wouldn’t know where to call or what to complain about anything. Plus they called about just what I knew it would be the yard and animal control told me the lady said you told her husband. he is the only one I have talk to when I was up there the other day and he came to me and asked me about the dogs and even lied and said he didn’t call. Animal control said both calls came from them and he was tired of it.

{June 26, 2012}   So Rude

I was having a pretty good day I took my boys for lunch and then picked RC’s up from daycare. My girl is still in NC until next week and his boys had been a way since Sat. They got dropped off at daycare so I decided to go pick them up since he was at work. Plus my boys will be leaving Thursday after noon until sometime Mon or Tues. Figured I would let them play together. Elisha has really missed them the last few days.

I have picked them up a few times and talk to the owner. She was telling me about a job before but I didn’t live up here it was to far for me to drive. The other day she told him to tell me the place was hiring again. So today I go in and she is there. They have all the kids in one room watching a move and about 5 teachers standing around there. She tells me I need to sign them out. I turn around to sign them out and she tells me the place is hiring. Then says I told him to tell you the other day. I said he did. She says I told you they were before didn’t I? I said yeah before I lived up here. Then she says you just don’t want to work do you. I went from in a great mood to pissed in just a second. She don’t know me from anyone there she don’t know our home situation or anything. Or what me and RC have worked out between us.

I turned around and looked at her. I said yes I want to work but it don’t make any since for me to go to work and make $180 a week and pay out $213 in daycare. She said you don’t think $213 a week for 3 kids is cheap? I said I guess it is if you are making it. I told her I’m not going to go to work and pay that much for someone else to raise my kids when I am not even going to make that much in a week. It didn’t make since for me to work for less than what I would even pay in daycare a week. I said besides I have $1200 a month coming in that’s as much or more than I would make in a month at most jobs so I’m not worried about it. She just said oh oh well then. I said come on boys get your stuff and come on.

There was so much more I could have said but I was trying to not cause to much of a uproar because his kids do have to go there still. I wanted to say not only have I been to school and been a temp bail bondsman but I am a doula and a massage therapist. And I am getting ready to go back to school to be a psychiatrist.  What have you been to school for other than baby sitting kids? But I didn’t. I was so mad when I left there I text RC and told him I would not be picking up the kids anymore. He called me in just a minute and wanted to know why. I said she is about one of the rudest people I have met in a long time and the next time I am going to say a lot more and I’m sure it will piss a lot of people off. I told him I would pick them up if it was emergency. Other than that they could either stay home for the day or get picked up when he got off.

I figured he might get mad but he agreed she shouldn’t have said it. Little does she know they could just stay home from now on and not come back she would have two open spots to fill. The only reason the kids are really going right now is because the place is to small and it gives them all a break from each other. When school starts back they won’t be going there anyway.

Me and RC have already talked about it he works days I am going to find a job working in the evening if I do go back to work. That way none of the kids have to be in daycare.

{June 26, 2012}   Poor Baby Boy

My poor baby boy got on the top bunk and fell off face first into the tile floor. My poor big boy was so scared and upset. He came and said mommy baby is on the top bump. I said ok and finished washing my hands and turned to go get him. About the time I turned around to head to the other room I heard him fall and hit the ground. Then I heard him crying as I ran in there to get him. He was standing up choking a little and crying. His nose was read his check was red. I was trying to see in his mouth to see if it was ok. The corner of his nose bruased right a way. I tried to call RC and couldn’t get my phone to work. I went outside to see if the lady next to me was home still her and another friend of ours had just left. I wanted someone to help me hold him and check him out. I called and called RC and it keep going to voice mail. Finally after like 5 times he answered I told him he fell off the top bunk and hit his face. He was here in just a few minutes. Why I finally got him to stop crying hysterical and was able to check him out more. He had a big bump and scratch on his forehead too. It was bleeding but not bad. He just laid there and whined he wouldn’t move. Most the time he falls he will cry a minute and go on. After about 5 minutes he still wouldn’t do anything but whine and sniffle. He had a little bit of bloody snots come out of his nose. RC got here about that time looked at him and said we are going to the hospital. He went and pulled the car around to the back door since we were sitting right there. We didn’t want to move him around a lot.

I was scared on the way to the hospital I noticed his eye brow and eye lid was kind of swollen too and he would just stare off and didn’t really look when we would talk to him.  We got to the hospital and RC carried him in and I went in there was people standing around in front of us talking they were walking in as we were. I went around there an grabbed a clip board and started filling it out. As soon as the guy seen RC walk around with him he said you don’t have to fill that out whats his name and bday come this way and took us right back.

They came in checked him out said that the lump on the outside of the head forming was a good sign and that his nose and mouth looked ok. But they did a CT scan anyway since it was from so high and onto such a hard floor. It came back they said there was no bleeding on the brain or in the head and that there was no fractures and let us go home.

He didn’t learn anything from it before we went to bed he went back in there and got right back up on the top bunk. He keeps trying to get in there today. I have to get locks to put up high on the doors because he can unlock them from the outside.

My poor big boy he was saying I’m sorry mommy it’s my fault I should have told you sooner. He told me in time he didn’t fall until after he told me. He wouldn’t leave the hospital when we got there. RC was going to bring  him home because he knows it is hard for him to sit there. He wouldn’t go. Then when they took him for the CT scan the had to stay in the room. When we got back to the room they weren’t there. I text RC told him we were back he said they were at home. He said my big boy started freaking out because they wouldn’t let him go so he got him to go outside and go home. When they let us go home we were getting in the car my big boy said I was so scared I thought he was going to die. I felt so bad for him. He is very close to his baby brother.

{June 21, 2012}   Good News

I was so tiered last night all 4 kids were in bed and a sleep by 10 and I went to bed too. I was to sleepy to even think about getting on here. But I got a text right before I went to bed about my grandma. My mom said after about 36 hours she came around was able to talk and eat. She can walk but has to have a walker to help her. They let her go home last night finally. The test don’t show anything wrong. They think she is just her body is just exhausted from her mental state.

My grandma is one who if something is wrong you don’t tell anyone. She worries about what others will think of her because of it. She don’t tell the doctors or anyone. She has finally talk to a neurologist and a psychologist and they are going to start seeing her. They also referred her to a good doctor. She says she is going to go see them and tell them everything that is going on. I just hope that they can do something to help her and get her to feeling better.

Nothing else really happen yesterday I got a sitter for the kids for a little bit and went to a friends house and hung out. I was going to go see my grandma but they said she didn’t want anyone to come to the hospital. I picked the kids up and met RC after work we went with him why he cut a tree up so we can haul it off this weekend. Came home an tried to do a few things to the truck but it started to rain. We ended up standing outside letting the kids play in the rain for about an hour. They had a blast.

So far today we tried to go see a movie but didn’t get to stay for it. I told them before we went that we wouldn’t be able to stay if baby boy didn’t sit still and caused a problem. He would have done better than he did but they didn’t start the movie until late. We made it threw about 30 minutes of so of it. Then we had to leave. Glad it was a free movie we went to see and we hadn’t paid to get in.

Since we didn’t get to see the movie and we hadn’t gotten popcorn and stuff we went to lunch. They all wanted a sandwich and drink so that’s what we got. If it don’t rain RC has a lawn to cut when he gets off work then we are going to try and take them fishing this evening for a little bit. Right now they are all laying down taking naps. Well 3 out of the 4 are a sleep. Waiting on the baby to sleep. Hard to get him to lay down and sleep when he climbs in an out of his bed. I have got to figure out something to do with him.

{June 20, 2012}   Please Pray

I got a phone call a little while ago telling me that my grandma is in the hospital. I am upset because they didn’t tell me until so late. But they said that my grandpa called them this morning and said she was being taken there. He said he talked to her last around 8pm last night. He went to bed late so he got up late. He want threw and she was sleeping on the couch he didn’t think anything of it. In a little bit he came back threw she was sleeping but sliding off the couch. When he tried to wake her and get her to get up she wouldn’t respond. He called 911 and they came to get her.

They have done a ton of test on her and have no idea what is wrong they don’t know how long she was that way before he found her or anything else. They said all her vital signs look good. They have done some test to look at things but not others or didn’t do them other ways where they could see more.

My mom said that she would wake up a little bit and try to talk to them but she had a hard time getting what she wanted to say out and that she would just go back to sleep. It was to late when I got the call for me to go there she is about 50 miles or more a way from me. They wouldn’t have let me in when I got there to see her. I am going to get up in the morning try to find someone to watch the boys and go straight down there. I just hope that I can find someone to watch them. I hate for them to have to sit there and wait why we wait to see what they find or if they find anything and what they tell us. I haven’t told my baby girl anything yet. She called me right when my mom started telling me what was going on. I text her and told her I couldn’t talk to her right now and that I would talk to her in the morning when she got up. I text her aunt and told her I got some bad news about my grandma that I didn’t want her to know but that I wasn’t able to talk to her right now she would know something was wrong. Please just pray that they find out what is wrong and that she is ok and gets to come home with out any effects that are to bad from whatever happened.

{June 20, 2012}   Hard To Find A Church

Like I said in my other post I want to get back into church but need to find another one. When I met RC he was going to church not sure how often or how into it he was. But probably more than I have been the last few years. We were talking last night and something was said about the weekend and what we were doing Saturday. Then he said and Sunday. I said and Sunday I am going to church. He said I know I want you to go to my church and just try it one time. If you don’t like it then that’s fine we will go to some others.

I wouldn’t mind going to his church but there are a few different reasons I don’t want to go to his church. One I didn’t really believe what his church believes in. Not so much what they believe in but that a lot of them don’t believe and preach different parts of the bible that I believe in and if it is there in the bible how can you say you don’t believe it or preach it or preach ageist it. Then turn around and say you are bible biased and preach what the bible says. He said he understood that. I would still be willing to try it and go a few times maybe they are different because I know not all of that kind of church is like that.

But the main reason I don’t want to go is because his ex and her family go there and are big into the church there. I don’t feel comfortable going there. I feel like that is their church or where they go and it would be rude of me to come there in their face all the time in this situation. I know it is church and anyone is free to go there and things. But it is just the point. He said he couldn’t balm me for that and that he couldn’t really say anything because he wouldn’t want to go around my ex or his family like that all the time either.

I feel bad because I know he likes it there and knows a lot of people there and went to groups and things. But I know that is just something I couldn’t get use too and would feel funny about all the time. I have asked him to go to church with me where I use to go but it is different there. Yeah me and my ex went there and got married there but there are a lot of different people there than there was then. Plus the ones who are there most all know how things went between me and my husband and things. They understand why I left. Plus nither of us have went there for a while and he don’t go there now. He started going to a different church. None of our families go to it or anything like that. I don’t really want to go there all the time either but I wouldn’t mind going there until we get moved and find some place we like. I had been looking for a new church for a while. But if he don’t want to I will understand that too.

I have been looking today trying to find a church to go to but really haven’t found much online. I have seen some in the area but don’t know anything about them. The few I did find that I thought I might be intrested in don’t seem what I am looking for either. It is hard to find something because I want something with good adult and kids programs and things but I don’t want something with 1000’s of people. Or what seems like 1000’s of people. I am sure we will find the right place we just have to get out and start going to some and see what they are really like and what they have to offer. I did find a few that haves schools also that I did not know where in the area. I am looking to go back to school here soon so I was glad to find that out.

{June 19, 2012}   Boy Am I In Trouble

In just a matter of no time my 21 month old has learned how to not only open the doors to the bedrooms and things, but he can also unlock them. We have the knobs you can take a coin or something and open. He also has figured out how to get the water to the bath tub on. That’s really bad because he only turns the hot on. I am going to have to get a hook and put on the bathroom door to keep him out of there. He seems to know that it is hot because he just turns it on then leaves it alone. But I don’t want to take any chances. I love my baby boy but he is growing up way to fast and is way to smart for his own good right now.

{June 19, 2012}   Maybe He is Praying

I am always telling the kids to close the door to the bathroom so the baby don’t get in there and play in the toilet. Last night we were sitting here and I hear something. One of the boys come in and say baby boy has his head on the toilet. I get up to go in there and my big boy says maybe he is praying maybe that’s how he prays. I have no clue where that came from.

{June 18, 2012}   Just Checking In

Seems like it has been such a long day when really it hasn’t. It was just me and the boys home today, I didn’t get to bed until late and I wasn’t feeling good so we sleep in pretty late. Got up ran around paid some bills and went home. Then I fell a sleep again why the baby was napping. I can’t get rid of this mono. My throat isn’t sore but I am still so sleepy and wore out and I don’t have to do anything. I know I am not getting to rest like they say I need too. I get to rest a day or two and start to feel good but then I am back at it and running again doing something. Then I’m feeling bad again. Everyone keeps saying it can’t still be the mono but the way they explained it to me I think it still is. I am still stressed and wore out all the time. I don’t know maybe one day I will be over this. I am just happy that no one has caught it from me.

On a good note I heard from my baby girl my sister in law text and said they were two hours from about and hour and a half ago. Not sure what time they left today it was supposed to be a 9 hour trip but I know they stopped for lunch and dinner and I am sure with it just being the tree girls they stopped check out other cool things they seen along the way. I am so glad she is getting to do this I think she really needed it about now with everything going on.

My boys are doing good my baby boy don’t really know any different and my big boy just says she went to spend the night. I am sure he will start asking about her and when she is coming home. But he still would have never went and stayed for a week much less 2. He talks about when him and daddy go to get her but he still don’t get how far a way it is. But I am hoping he dose ok since his dad will be there. He wants to come home Saturday when he goes to stay the weekend with his dad on Fridays. I feel good about it and know that he will be ok as long as he can call and text me. He will probably call and text me more than ever when he is up there but it is good for him to get use to not being with me and having me right there all the time. I know he is still kind of young but with me and his dad getting divorced he is going to spend summers and things over there that he won’t see me for a while. Better to easy him into it. I think i will be more nerves about him being gone and the baby.

et cetera
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