{June 18, 2012}   A Nice Fathers Day

Today was a pretty good day over all. I took the kids Friday and gave them each a little money to spend to get their dad something. As much as I didn’t want to I did it for the kids. I remember when I was their age and my mom and dad were split up and divorced when holidays came around my mom never took us to get anything for my dad or gave us money to get him something so most the time we didn’t have anything. I know my dad knew why and what was going on but I still felt so bad because I didn’t have anything and he didn’t get something. We don’t have family on that side that are close and they aren’t close any way they hardly ever talk. He has done a lot of things and said a lot of things but I’m not going to let my kids feel bad over something like that. I gave the two oldest ones $5 each and told them to get something and that it was from them and their brother.

My big boy got him a coke glass because he knows he likes coke stuff. He also got a balloon, dice, checkers and a gift bag. My baby girl got a balloon, cards, chest,  card, a book and gift bag. They thought that was the greatest thing in the world. They said they would have stuff they could play and do with daddy when they were there. He would have his book to read when they weren’t and his glass to drink out of all the time.

I took RC’s two boys after mine left Friday to go to their dad’s. I was already thinking about picking them up early from daycare but then it got late so I din’t. Then he called me an said he wasn’t sure if he was going to get off work on time or not and asked me to go pick them up if I wasn’t busy or to call the school and let them know he was going to be late picking them up. I told him it was fine I would pick them up and meet him at home. He didn’t know I had thought about picking them up even.

The boy’s put their money together and bought him a watch. It took them a few minutes to agree on what one to get and what color to get but they ended up with the one I thought was the better of the two. It looks like a clip and it has a watch and compass on it. You just clip it to your belt look instead of putting it in your pocket or on your arm. Then the little one told him after we got home what we got him. He didn’t mean too they were talking about something and he said something about it. But they still waited to give it to him until today. I was supposed to help them make dinner tonight. Well they were supposed to help me I should say. RC wanted me to make my oven fried pork chops the other night. I told him I didn’t have time but I would make them for him today. Boy I didn’t know what today would bring or I wouldn’t have made that promise.

We got up had to go a couple places then came home had lunch after we picked the boys up from church and went fishing. RC said he wanted to just relax and go fishing today so thats what we did for a little bit. I spent most the day running around getting my baby girl ready for her trip. I had to meet with them at 7 they were picking her up. I had to fix her stuffed animal that she has had most her life find her clothes and everything else. I wanted her to be able to take pictures and have her phone and ds and things she asked to bring. I think I found it all and sent. I had to run all over the place to get a check cashed so I could give her some money why she was there. She ended up with $60 to take with her. I gave her $2o and told her dad to give her $20. I figured that should be more than enough. Then my sister gave her $20 when she seen her over the weekend. Now I know she has way more than enough. but I know her and she will probably want to buy the boys all something and bring them back when she comes. She is really good with money so I know she won’t blow it all on junk. Plus they wouldn’t let her just take it and waste it. This is the kid that saved her money to get a bike. She got up to $50 and then took it and bought a set of  books to read instead. Then she ended up with like $80 for her bday and she bought a few whatever things with it. But most of it she spent on pretty nice decent stuff.

I didn’t get there until late since we didn’t get out to fish until late and back late. So we ended up having a pretty late dinner. But the kids all ate early so it was ok. I am wore out and so sleepy I can’t hold my eyes open. It has been a busy weekend even though I didn’t get anything done I needed too. I’m still not happy about that and I told RC today a couple times when we were talking and he said a few things that I wasn’t happy still and that I was a little mad. He asked me why the last time but I had to get out of here and go see my baby girl before she left. I told him I don’t have the time to talk to you about all this right now we will talk about it later. He hasn’t said anything else and is now sleeping. I know he get up early so i didn’t say. anything. I will tomorrow or the next day that is for sure. Until later today or sometime tonight I am going to go and get some sleep before my computer falls in the floor. I may have to cry if that happen. Hope everyone has a great day and happy reading.

{June 17, 2012}   A Lot About Nothing

It’s 1:30am and I’m still a wake you would think I would have a really good reason or at least have something accomplished today and I have neither. Just got back from washing the clothes I really hate not having a washer and drier. I’m use to washing them and throwing them in to dry before I go to bed or washing threw out the day as I do other things.

To much on my mind to sleep. Thinking about heading back to my old place and packing some stuff and loading the truck so that I can at least feel like I got something done today. Probably the only way I will get stuff out of there at this point. Funny just when you let your wall down and believe people you are reminded so fast why you have it up.

I have been wanting to get back in church for a while but have no clue where to go. I haven’t been to mine in a long time. I had started going to one on the island right before me and RC got together but wasn’t sure about it or the group I got into and the person who got me going there. I found out about it threw soon to be ex’s grandma. The lady she brought to my house that one time after we split up went there and had a group I had started going to. I don’t know what it was I liked the women in the group the church was ok but there was just something about it. Plus now I have moved and I am farther a way. It is probably about 20 miles a way. I was going to go with a friend of mine and her family I asked RC to go with me but he don’t want to go he don’t like it there because he went a few times for holidays and didn’t like it. I went a few times many years back and wasn’t crazy about it but they say things have changed so I am willing to give it a try.

The lady who lives next to us up here wants me to go to church with her but I can’t go there. RC goes there and his ex and her mom and dad go there. They take the boys sometimes still but he hasn’t been but once since we got together I don’t think. I have seen a few around town I am going to check into. I just hate to start going somewhere and then move in a few month.But if I found one I really liked I would come back and go to it probably. It just makes it harder when I have to go off to get there with the 3 kids and now having 5to get ready and out the door on time. I may need to find one we can walk to then drive to it and we may get there on time.

I don’t know why I have felt pushed to go to church so much the last few weeks. I have been thinking about it a lot. Really a few month now. I think because I really like to go when i have somewhere I feel comfortable. I hadn’t been in a long time when I started going with his grandma’s friend and had started going every Sunday and now not at all again. Even if I’m not 100% sure that is where I want to stay going somewhere is better than nowhere to me.

{June 15, 2012}   The Power of Negative

This kind of makes you think. Thanks to my friend Rebecca for sharing it. Not sure where she got it.

We all know that the people we hang around with and the conversations we have with them determine a lot of our mental attitudes. If you hang around with positive people, they will always encourage you to reach your full potential, but a negative influence or word can set a person on a downward spiral.

We are taught that “Positive” is Good and “Negative” is Bad. But, this is not always the case. Negative can be a powerful motivator if you know how to use it correctly.

When a negative comment is thrown a person’s way, 95% of the time, the person will react in a negative way. This causes hurt, fear, anger and even destruction. But, just imagine if you could harness this most powerful energy and devote it to something that would promote, build and help the lives of others and yourself.

I was reading an article recently on a man who was rejected from riding a rollercoaster because of his weight. He was told he was too big and he would have to leave. No doubt, this caused the man to feel hurt; probably even devastated inside. I would guess he may have even wanted to go home and just hide away from the world, but NO, something inside of him said, “I will not give into this pain, I will use it to motivate me!” Now, this man has set a goal to lose weight and is more determined than ever to make this a reality. He has an overwhelming desire that was not there before. He found a way to use that negative for the positive.

Many of my friends that have run for a public or state office have often told me that the one thing that contributed to them working harder and reaching their goals was when someone said, “You’ll never be able to do this. You aren’t good enough.” It was the fire they needed to fight harder and do a better job. It brought them from being the underdog to reaching the top.

I want you to try something. The next time a negative comment or hurtful conversation is directed at you, notice that powerful energy that is building within you. Instead of blowing up, hiding away or doing something that could result in harm, immediately focus it on something that will help either yourself or other people. The end result is going to be in your favor and the pride of accomplishment will soon take the place of the negative. Positive or Negative, it’s YOUR energy, use it how you choose! YOU have the power!

{June 15, 2012}   Minnie Vacation

My soon to be ex called earlier and said that his brother called and his niece wouldn’t be able to make it down with the family from NC for Christmas. They wanted to come pick my daughter up for two weeks this summer and take her up to NC for some girl time with her cousins. They have two girls that are older and she loves to spend time with them. They only get to see each other once a year most years. I like his brother and his family and trust them with her and think everything would be fine. The only problem I have is the fact that my son is being left out again. I know everyone says she is older but they really not that far apart. They are one day from being exactly 20 months. Most the time it is because they don’t want to deal with him. I know there is no way my boy will want to go and be a way from me for two weeks. He don’t like to go to his dads and stay two nights. He goes Friday some time and if I talk to him Sat or stop over he is asking when he can come home. But at the same time he don’t understand how far it is and things. He just knows sissy got to go for a while and he didn’t. I talk to soon to be ex and I think he is going to drive up to pick her up and take both boys up with him. If he can get the time off he can get there on Friday spend Friday-Sunday and be back Monday after noon. That way Elisha will get to go see everyone do something fun for his summer. But he will still have one of us with him and he won’t be a way from home more than normal really maybe a day.

He talked to his brother and they thought that would be great. He just has to talk to them at work about it and see if he can get the time off. If he can get the time off to do it then they will head down to pick her up. It will be odd with her gone and I will worry because I am still mom but I think it would be good for her. I never got to go places and do things when I was younger and I want my kids to be able to do things like that if they get the chance. Even if we got the chance we were never allowed too. My mom was way to over protective of us.

Soon to be ex also has to get all the paper work done to fix the divorce before I let her go. I really don’t think he will try to take them like he threaten too but I want to be sure he can’t. He don’t want to have to do it all day every day and he knows he can’t. He was about to freak out trying to figure out daycare just for half the summer. He could never do it all the time on his own. I guess I will know tomorrow if they will be going. Then I have to go and find them some stuff to take on their trip with them. I know I want to get them each a camera and a card to take with them. Not sure what else.

{June 14, 2012}   A Nice Long Talk

Last night after we got the kids all settled down and in bed me and RC sat outside and had a long talk about things. He wasn’t happy about the way court went and thinks soon to be ex did it just to keep it from going threw. He wasn’t happy about it at all. I don’t blame him I’m not either but what is done is done now all I can do is hope he follows threw and fixes it like he says he is going to. I guess we will see Friday if he goes and gets his stuff from the court house or not.

We finally talked about where we were going to get a place or at least want to look for a place. We like an area just south of us but there has been a lot of problems with people renting house out that are being foreclosed on and not telling people. They get moved in stay there a month or two and are told they have to move. We don’t have the money to move again if that happens and we lose all the money we put out to get into the place. Plus he has a pit and I have a mix dog and we both have a hard time finding a place with just one of them much less the two of them. But he said he thought that was were we had agreed on looking. I told him we had never really said for sure this or that was were we wanted to look and that if we had I sure must have miss understood. With the dogs we figure that we probably would have better luck finding a place a few miles north of us. It is more out and rural area and you can have pretty much whatever you want.

I also asked him about schools and what he was going to do with his kids if we moved north of us he said he was still working here he would just bring them here. I asked him why and he didn’t say anything and we got off on to something else. Then in a little while he said something like we were done talking and going to go in. I said no wait if we go here or there what are you going to do about your kids and school and he said again he was still working here he would just drop them off until he found another job. And he said something about not wanting them to be in daycare if I didn’t work. I said wait so you think I am going to drive across two towns to pick them up from school instead of them going to daycare if we move up there and you are working down here? He said no no that’s not what I am saying. I said what does your job have to do with it and where they go? I said if we do that we are still two families living ours lives in the day time coming together at night having mayhem every night and spending the night together and I am not going to have it. If that is what we are going to do then I will just go and get me and the kids a place to stay and you all can stay here and we will have to see where we go from there.

He just sat there and didn’t say anything for a long time. Then he said your right and I guess I am still trying to please P&T and I can’t do that it isn’t right. If we are trying to have our family and have one family we can’t and it isn’t right to you. That is his ex’s dad and mom. They wanted the kids to go to private school and they are paying for it and getting them grants or whatever to go. I said no and it isn’t going to work. He said find the schools in the areas that are north of us that we are thinking about going to find out what days they are open and the earliest and latest times we can go there check them out. He said once I got that info he would take off and we would go up there and check them out. I got the names and things together but I still have to call them. I got side tracked helping someone else out and talking. I asked what if the schools didn’t have what we needed and we went to the place south of us. He said that he would like to check into putting his one son over where my big boy goes to school and that he would send the other where my baby girl goes. He said if I have already been there and went threw it and would send my kids there he wasn’t worried about checking it out he would let his go there. She goes to a charter school. I found another charter school that is in the middle of here and where we want to go south of us that is supposed to be really good with all kids. Even the ones that have spacial needs and things. I told him I want to go check that one out when we go to the others too. He said ok. I would be willing to drive two or three of them the extra way if they are as good as everyone says they are. I have heard a lot of good about them from a lot of people. It was just way to far for me to drive from my old house to take her. It would have been a 30 mile trip a day just to take her or more. If we go south my big boy would ride the bus and go to his old school. His little one could ride and go too if he gets in. Maybe if they don’t take the voucher we have and he really wants him to go there P&T will pay for him to go there instead of the other. But I don’t think so because I don’t think they are going to be happy he isn’t putting them where they want them to go. They are already not happy we are staying together and me and the kids moved in up here.

He did say that if P paid for it the kids would have to go there because he didn’t want him to lose his money. We needed to check these places out and decide. Or if we didn’t get moved before school started back to get big girl a grant and send her over with his kids. I said no if we don’t get moved by then we will just plan on moving south of here and put them in the schools they would be going to when we move. The school she goes to is like 8 miles from his house. It was right around 7 or 8 from my house it wouldn’t be any farther of a drive than what I was already doing and they won’t have to change schools and he won’t have to worry about anything getting paid and not being able to get money back at the other. He said that sounded like a good idea too. I am going to call and see what times the schools are going to be open and hopefully get there next week to check them out and see what we find. Once we see the schools there we will know for sure where we will be moving too as far as area.

{June 13, 2012}   Update On Court

Well everything crashed and burned in court today. I get there and he was already there that’s fine I figured most he was going to show. We get into court watch them do a case with a couple who was pretty well off and they were fighting over money. They settle that case and the judge says he has to leave he will be back in a few. He comes back they do a divorce like ours where everything was decided before hand the judge asked the guy a few things and granted the divorce right there. Now it is our turn.

The judge starts by telling us he is concerned about the paper work and that it wasn’t done right and all this. Then he tells us that he is going to ask us some things and try to go ahead and grant it anyway. He ask me what seemed like a million questions. Then he says something about two hand written papers I told him I wrote them we aggerred on it all. He says they weren’t signed or anything. We just filed them because thats all they told us we needed to do with them when I was turning stuff in. He has us sign them and files them. This was to replace some of the paper work he was talking about not being done. But any way, they get to the child support part and he ask my soon to be ex if he agrees with the amount. He says I was thinking like $200 instead of the $350 whatever he signed saying he would pay before. He has only been giving me $200 a month the last few months and nothing before that. The judge says I can’t tell you what to do or how much to pay you need a new form and you need to talk to legal counsel if you don’t want to agree to it. He says no he won’t agree to it so the judge says he won’t grant any part of the divorce until we get everything in the paper work that wasn’t right right now and the child support thing figured out.

This point I was beyond mad I told him after the other day he couldn’t see the kids he needed to go get a court order and that I was going down to get a order for child support and it would be done once and for all. I also told him that I would file a injunction against him so I could get custody. He staid at the court house when he called he said he was filing for custody and all this stuff. We went around and around about it. The phone kept dropping calls and thins. I finally get home and he calls me again and is talking to me. I said you shot yourself in the foot because you are making more money now than you were when we came up with the $350 whatever figure so now you think that is to much your going to have to pay more. I was willing to just take the $350 and go on. He says yeah but I can’t afford that I want to give you $200 out of each check. How is he going to pay $400 a month when he was just saying he couldn’t pay $350. I ask him what he is talking about that the court was going to let him go paying $50 less a month. He says oh shit I screwed up I really really messed up this time. I said what are you talking about how are you going to pay me $400 when you told him you don’t want to even give me $350. He said I thought he wanted me to give you $350 out of each check every two weeks. I want to give you $200 out of each check every two weeks. I have told him and told him that it was so much a month. Some how he screwed it around and thought he meant every two weeks and refused to do anything and they didn’t grant my divorce.

I told him he better fix it. He says I don’t know what to do or how to fill out all this stuff and where to get it. I told him I did it and he screwed it up it was all up to him at this point. I was going to file a injunction and for child support and it was up to him to file and get us divorced now. I can’t do it this week I have to find someone to watch my kids. He says that Friday he is going to get a new pack of papers and we are going to go down together to a paralegal and have them fill them all out he is going to pay for it and he is going to pay for court cost and filing fees. If he don’t I will go down Monday and get a injunction against him to get temp custody until I get a court date and then I will go to child support enforcement and let them go after him for that. I can not believe the way this all went down. I really thought this was going to be it and I was going to be done with this mess once and for all today. I guess it will take about a month once we get the stuff turned in this time. By the time we do it now we will have been married 9 years.

{June 13, 2012}   Court

Anyone want to go to court? Yes please take me take me. Walking out the door to go to court. Hope everything goes as planed and he don’t try anything stupid. will update later. wish me luck. really hoping he don’t show.

{June 13, 2012}   A Bad Move or Not

I have told RC from the start I didn’t want to move in together and things for at least a year and here we are staying together already. I really didn’t have anywhere else to stay. I get no help from my family and my friends all have 3 or more kids and families of their own. They don’t have room for 4 more people. Not that we have the room for all of us now but that’s besides the point. I am trying to sell my truck so that I can move and get into a bigger place. We talked about getting a bigger place together. We are already living together whats the difference now I figure if all goes ok until I get ready to move then maybe we will give it a try. But I want to be able to get a place and keep a place on my own even if we do move together. That way I am not in the jam I am in now again down the road if something happens. I really don’t think it will but you never know.

But now I am having second thoughts about getting a bigger place together. I know I am stressed because there isn’t room for everyone here and everyone else is stressed because we are all right on top of each other and everyone has to get use to everyone being together. Once we get a bigger place and the kids all have a good space of their own then I think things will be better with all of them and between them.

But I have tried and tried to talk to RC about things like where to move, what schools to put the kids all in and things like that. All he says is we will have to see when the time comes or we won’t know until we get moved or when we get the money and start looking. I need to have some idea of where we are planing on looking at to move because I have to figure out if my kids can go to the same schools as last year or if I am going to have to change them. My son is in a private school for speacial needs kids and my daughter is in a charter school. So no matter where I live they can go to the same school as long as I drive them to and from. I don’t mind doing that I did it last year but I would like to get closer to their schools if I am going to have to do that or find a area where they can go to the local schools. I was driving 50 miles a day just to take them to and from school most all of last year. His kids are going to a private school and then to daycare not to far from where he lives and works. What gets me is the fact that when I ask him about all this and ask him what about his kids and school. We are planing on moving a way from where he is living. He say well I still have to come back here to go to work so they can just stay where they are. But at the same time he is looking for another job. He could get that tomorrow or 3 months after we move you never know. I don’t see why his kids need to go to school then go to daycare every day after school until 530 when he gets there to pick them up if I am going to be at home with my kids after school every day.

He was saying before that when we all move in together it will be easier than when we try to stay at each others house and things because we won’t have to drive after we get off work or the kids get out of school. We will just come home and we will all be there. Because when he came down after work it would be 6 or 7 at night the kids would want to play together they would all have to eat and take baths and they would get to bed late. Then they would have to get up early to get to school and work on time because they had farther to drive. If I came up after the kids got out we had the same problems because even though I got here at like 3 or 4 he still didn’t get home until 530 with the kids.

I keep trying to tell him if we put the 3 that don’t need to go to private school in the same school I could pick them all up from school get the other one from school and take them all home. Do just like I do with my kids give them something to drink and a snack then make them do homework. Once homework is done they can play and have the rest of the afternoon/evening to play and do whatever together. I can be picking up and making dinner. Then when he gets home they can eat see him for a bit and then get showers and go to bed. That way they could all be in bed by 7 or 8 every night. I am going to get something working nights or over nights when he gets off in the evening so this would give me time to see them and do stuff with them all too. But he just don’t seem to get it.

The way things are right now it is like two families trying to live 2 different lives but in one house and when we move it isn’t going to be any different. It is always going to be stressful and a hassle. Just like now he says he can’t go to things at the school because of work. Well if they were close or all in the same school I could go and be there with them if they had something going on. Even if one of them is sick and needs to come home or forgets something and needs something. I am going to be the one who has to bring it or pick them up and I am going to have to drive to do it. If my kids and his has something at the same time going on or close to the same time going on I can’t be at both places at once. I am not going to tell my kids I can’t come for them because I have to be at the school for the others. At least if they are in the same school it would be together or I would all ready be right there I could go to whatever with one for a little bit then go over with the other for a little bit. Some places we are talking about moving are to far for me to drive my kids to and from every day so they would have to change schools. But then how is it far for me to tell my kids they have to change schools and leave their friends and things behind but then his are still going to be going to their old schools.

I just don’t know there are a few other things bothering me too but it seems like anytime I try to talk to him it just gets blown off or we don’t get to really sit down and talk. I wasn’t in a good mood at all today and he could tell. He came home twice today from work once when he went out to do some stuff and again at lunch. He kept asking me what was wrong but I didn’t say anything. I was so upset I just wanted to scream and I know it isn’t just this stuff that is bothering me it is other stuff too. So I am trying to not take anything out on him and trying to not let it all come out wrong. He text me when he got back to work after lunch and asked me again what was wrong. I told him a lot of it and he said we would talk after work but we never did. I said something tonight when we finally got home and the kids went to bed. He just he was to tired it was late and we would talk tomorrow. I also told him today that he can’t tell me anything and this is how he leaves things that yes I am making plans for me and my kids and when the time comes we will have to see where we are since we haven’t really talked about it. He said today he thought that we had talked about things and knew what we were doing but we haven’t. this when it happens or we will see isn’t good enough. I am pretty aggravated we didn’t talk tonight. I have court in less than 8 hours and can’t sleep and it isn’t even because of court it is because of all this other shit on my mind. Maybe it is just because I am sick on top of being stressed. They said it would take a few months to get rid of I needed to rest but I never get to rest so who knows if I ever will get rid of it. But I don’t think I am wrong and I have talked to a few different people they all said the same thing. If him and his kids are still going to keep doing the same old thing and we are going to do our same old thing but we are the ones having to move and give up stuff and my kids are the ones having to move schools and things it isn’t right. It isn’t right to his kids to sit in daycare all day when there is no need for it either. We are still right back where we started from two families living their lives coming together at night to stay the night together. If that is going to be the case I would rather just have my own house and go back and forth when ever we all feel like it.

{June 10, 2012}   What A Bad Evening

Today was such a nice day until I had to contact my soon to be ex about bringing the kids home. Then it all went to hell. He was supposed to have took them last weekend for half the Summer but then got all in a huff because of daycare and work. He has to be at work between 5 an 6 and daycare don’t open before 630. He complain about how much it was going to cost him and everything else. Now instead of taking them half the summer like he was supposed to he just takes them ever weekend instead of every other weekend. Not to great for me because I am now stuck with everyone in this apartment and can’t really go get a job right now like I was going to do because I now have the kids.

Since I have moved in with RC he has been here once to drop them off and that was it. I met him friday close to his house because I had to go down there to take care of somethings. When I met him he asked me for $40 until this Friday for gas. Then after I dropped them he asked me for money for milk and juice for them. We got into it over that he just got paid last Friday and he only gives me $100 every two weeks when he gets paid. Then in a week you are going to ask to borrow half of what you gave me back. I told him no I only had so much left to buy gas diapers and everything else I needed the rest of the month. He freaked out about that and got all mad. Saturday I called and ask him where something was from the house since I haven’t gotten all my stuff out of there yet and he has been going in there taking stuff. He freaked out on me again then. I let it go because the kids were standing right there with him. I told him if he was going to act like that in front of them I would come get them.

To night I text him and ask him what time he was bringing the kids. He said around 7 then turned around and asked me if I could pick them up. I told him I was not near him and had things to do it was his place to pick them up and bring them home and that I had brought them to him. He started about not having gas and not helping him out. I reminded him that I was helping him out by not making him take them for half the summer and letting him have them for every weekend instead and asked him what more was I supposed to do to help him out. Told him it wasn’t my place to supply him with milk and things for the kids and that if he didn’t have the things he needed for them and gas to get them back and forth not to come and get them. Then he said he had it worked out. By this time we are talking on the phone and he freaked out again and started talking about me and calling me stuff and talking about RC and saying all kinds of stuff about him. RC could hear him he was standing right there. He was pissed off. He left I figured he was on his way to his house. He already don’t like him and wants to say/do something because of the way he talks to me treats me and the fact he has put his hands on me. I got off the phone with soon to be ex and decided I was going to go get the kids because I didn’t want him coming up here. If RC wasn’t on his way to his house if he came here it would end in a fight and cops being called.

I got gas and headed down there. I text him on the way and told him to have the kids ready. He said he was cooking dinner and that he said he would bring them. I told him I didn’t want him at the apartment just get them ready I would feed them. I got there and pick the kids up and said something about the way he talked to me on the phone and thing he said about RC and me. He started freaking out on my again there. He walked out and went to the truck. I followed him to leave and said something again to him about it and he was screaming and yelling at me. I was talking normal to him. Then as we walked by my other truck he said something about knocking the windshield out of it and wanting to knock the hell out of me. I went to my truck I drove there and told the kids to get in. He was getting the baby seat out of his car and started yelling at me some more. By that point there was no holding back we got into a huge fight in the drive way. The people in the house next to him was sitting there a few feet a way. I finally got in my truck and told him to put the baby in. He got up between my door so I couldn’t close it and was screaming in my face. I was telling him to get out of my face and he kept screaming at me to get out of his. I told him I was siting in my truck and he was in the way of me closing my door and that he was in my face i couldn’t go any where. He still kept screaming at me to get out of his face. Then he was telling my daughter to get out of the truck and telling my other not to get in the truck and refusing to put the baby in the truck. I had told him that unless he could get them and have what they needed and he stopped talking to me and treating me the way he did he wasn’t getting the kids again. There is no court order if he wanted them then go to court and get one. We have a court date to get everything finale this Wednesday. Things have gotten worse since we go the court date last week. He was hanging on my truck and wouldn’t get off or let me close the door even after he put the baby in. I told him I was going to leave I didn’t care if he got off the door he still wouldn’t. I don’t know what finally happen but he finally got off and I got out of there.

I was so upset and so sick when I left there I could hardly drive. I went a few miles down the road to a friends house and sat there for a little bit and talk to her. She said I needed to go home and make a police report. I told her they wouldn’t do anything. But I did I came home and called them. They came out said he didn’t do anything wrong and that he could say anything he wanted to do unless he hit  me or swung at me he was fine. They said he could take my kids and keep them unless one of us went to court and got an order. I already knew that. That is why I am filing the divorce. Her husband drives a tow truck he was out on a call so when he got home he met me at the little store down the street from soon to be ex’s house and I called the cop out there. I told them I had to go get my truck before he did something to it and this was the only time I could get it when I had help. They sent the cop we went over there they told him to get his car out of the way so that I could get my truck. He was pissed I came and brought the cops with me. I tried to get him to slip up and admit to pushing me around the house like he did earlier in front of others but he wouldn’t.

SO now my truck is here and I can finally get someone to work on it and get it on the road and sell my other one. I couldn’t get anyone to go over there and take care of it for me. They don’t want to deal with him. If I come over there to work on it or have someone to he comes and stands around and tries to tell them what to do when he don’t know what to do with it to start with thats why someone else had to do it.

I hate it because anyone else talk to me or treat me the way he has I would have done beat the hell out of them. I don’t let no one talk to me and treat me that way but he knows he kind of has me in a corner because of my kids. I am not going to risk doing anything that would make them maybe give them to him when we go to court. I just pray that when we go to court this week everything is as they want it to be and they grant it all right there. I was worried because he is working now and making more than he was on unemployment that it may hold it up if I ask them to re figure that. But if they say they can’t re figure it with out holding it up I will tell them I will just take what is down there. I can always go back to the child support office at any time and have them look at it at any time if I think or know he is making more. That’s just what I will do to.

{June 6, 2012}   Our Last Night

Last night was our last night in the house. It didn’t seem any different than any other night really. I gave the kids a bin to pack the stuff they wanted to take with them and not send to storage and that was about it. RC and the boys came over and stayed. Everyone went to bed kind of early was surprised about that.

My big boy is having a little trouble with all the changes of school getting out not being in school for the summer then moving on top of it. He don’t like change and he has a hard time with it until it happens and he gets use to it. He has been up and down all night for the last three nights. He has an ear infection now too so that didn’t help.

My baby girl hasn’t said much about it. She keeps to her self and just stuffs/bottles it up until she explodes about something. I talked to her a little yesterday and she talked some. She said she was a little sad about the move and she isn’t thrilled about staying with RC and the boys. It’s hard being the only girl in 4 boys. I was the only girl with two boys didn’t like it. Then she said but our house has all our memiories that she didn’t want to lose them. I told her they were in her head and heart and that she wouldn’t lose them. She didn’t say to much more. She has spent a lot of time in her room reading and doing whatever. She has pretty much always had her own room. I know she is going to miss that until we get moved to a bigger place. Right now we are all going to be staying in a two bedroom apartment so all the kids are going to be sharing a room. We are going to take the two sets of bunk beds so they all have a bed. The baby will sleep in the crib or pack and play.

Tonight they are going to their dads and when they come home we will be moved 15 miles a way to a smaller place with just about nothing. It is going to be hard on all of us I know but hopefully it is just for a few weeks and they are going to be at their dads for half the summer so they won’t be here much. Mostly just weekends now and then. I am going to stay at RC’s tonight and we are going to come down tomorrow pack and move everything. Not looking forward to all that.

et cetera
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