{July 18, 2012}   Changing Fast

It’s funny how fast things in life change. I sit here and think about where I was a few years ago and just 8 months ago and where I am today. Things haven’t went how I planed but do things every go as we plan for them too. A few years ago I was hating life and had no plan all I knew was that I wanted out of the situation I was in. I was worried about my family my kids the most and how it would effect them and where we would go what we would do.

8 months ago I was even more unhappy and miserable than I was a year or two before. I finally decided enough was enough things were going to change we were getting out. I didn’t know where we were going to go how it was going to effect any of us or what we were going to do. I just knew we had to get out and we had to get out now. Things between me and soon to be were worse now we hardly spoke to each other and when we did it always turned into a huge fight. It was to the point I didn’t care anymore and I knew it was going to come down to blows. I wasn’t going to let myself get in trouble for something like that and risk losing my licence and not being able to work down the road. I finally told him he had to get out and sat the kids down and told them that he was going to be moving out.

I was already ok with my decision I knew a long time before that I wanted out there were no feelings there for him at all. I was at the point I wanted to go out and date find someone new to be with. I wanted someone to talk to someone who cared how I felt and what I wanted not just about what I did for them or what they wanted. I wanted a relationship again to feel that closeness with someone again. I figured it would be forever before I found someone that I would want to even be in a relationship with. To my surprise it wasn’t long at all. About 4 months later I met RC threw my friend and things have been great.

Things are hard right now trying to get moved and get the kids settled since we hadn’t really planed on moving like this right a way. But other than that things with us are going good. The kids are all doing good and taken care off. It’s hard on them with the space and getting use to each other but I think they will be better once we get moved. They all want to know where the others are and when they are coming home if some of them are gone.

I’m still working on going to work and getting back in school. Like I told RC just because we moved together don’t mean I’m not going to still do the things I had planed to do. I planed to start working and take some trips when the kids are out of school and with their dad or on the weekends when they are with their dad. I want to get new stuff for the house and things when I start working. I am going to go to school for sure. And with in a year to two years I plan on having the truck I want and if everything goes as I want it to in court be moved out of FL in a few years.

He understands and don’t have a problem with it. He said something once about not being able to go to school and work with the kids and him working and things. That I would probably be able to just go to school. He would like it if I just went to school and not work any way so that I’m not trying to jaugle so much and I can do good in school. But like I told him this was already my plan and I’m not going to change that. I know the things I want and where I want to be in a few years and I know that in order for me to have them and to be where I want to be I am going to have to work too. I don’t mind doing that. I am not one who sits there and thinks he should make enough to cover everything for the house and everything I want or want to do. I like to work and help out with things and to have the extra money.

I don’t know how things are going to work when I want to take trips now and then I guess that is a bridge we will have to cross when we get to it. My kids go to their dads on the weekend and things so I know I have x days free. His don’t do that right now they go to her moms now and then but it is just for the day or maybe over night now and then but that’s it. I want him to go with me but I’m not taking kids it is time for me to get a way and do something I want to do kid free. I don’t have to make a ton of stops on the way and I can hang out with my friends when I get there and we can get up and do whatever we want to do when we want too. We will have to work on finding someone to watch them for the weekend or what ever time we are going to be going. But that is the least of our worries right now. Right now we just have to get moved and threw the birthdays and holidays. We have 3 birthdays with in 2 weeks coming up and then go right into the Christmas.

The last 8 months have brought a lot of change mostly for the good. Can’t wait to see what the next 8 months bring. Hopefully more great changes.

I found this post to be so encouraging! I feel so stuck and no way out and my life is never going to ever be any better. But obviously, it can be. You have done it. You got out. You found someone. I know you still have challenges; life always has challenges. But it doesn’t always have to be in the pits, like mine feels like it is now. Thank you for writing this post! 🙂

I am so glad you found it so encouraging. Life still has challenges but they don’t feel anywhere near as big as they did when I was facing things with soon to be ex. Even when I was alone I felt more alert and more capable of handling them than I did when I was with him. When I was with him I did it because I had no help and I had to for anything to get done. Alone it is the same way I am now the only one to handle anything the kids are to small. But I resented him for having to handle everything a lot of things didn’t get taken care of or care of like they should have been because I would get so mad that he should be doing it and he wasn’t or he should be helping me but he wasn’t. I know it is going to be hard for you but I would much rather be in your shoes and have to do it than in my shoes and have to do it. I know you have your daughters to worry about but they are pretty much grown and one you even said going a way to collage. They are at least old enough to understand everything that is going on. Mine have no clue they just know mommy and daddy aren’t living together and now they have to go back and forth. Like my middle son put it spotty and boo are tired of being bounced around. He even went off on me the other day because I told him I was going to move us to a bigger house and I haven’t and we are still living where we are the way we are. He don’t understand that if daddy had taken them half the summer I could have moved us before now and that now I have to sell my truck I just got to be able to move us. He just knows mommy said she was going to do this and it hasn’t been done.

Yes, I am thankful that my daughters are old enough to understand. They want me to be gone already! My younger one just turned 18 so she is no longer a minor. I do have to support her because she is not quite yet ready to be on her own yet, but I don’t have to worry about joint custody or anything like that. I know it is so hard for children to be bounced between two parents, but you are doing the best you can. I know they don’t understand everything that is going on and I know that makes it even harder for you! But you are working it out for them. You can’t control their dad’s actions; they don’t understand everything that is going on with him. Someday they will, though. Don’t beat yourself up! I read that post, too. 🙂 You’ll get them moved, even if it takes a little longer. I admire your strength in getting out. I just can’t support myself yet, but as soon as I can, and as soon as I find a place to rent, I have to get out! I am so tired of it all!

I know what you mean about supporting yourself and still helping your daughter. It’s great you are still help her I see money women when the kids are 18 they just get out and leave the kids and I think that is wrong even if they are 18 they still need help. If it wasn’t for child support and disability I wouldn’t be able to do it with the cost of daycare and things. I tried to get help with it and housing just to get on my feet better and can’t get it. Not like I am asking them to help forever just a few months to let me get things settled. But nope nothing. You are a very determined person I am sure that you will be able to get out sooner than you think. You are trying good things are going to come your way.

WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

Change is my theme at the moment too, is happening in my life. Great post. I wish you the absolute best 🙂

Thank you hope the same for you. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

et cetera
%d bloggers like this: