{September 25, 2012}   Pretty Much Decided

I have decided that I am going to get a temp job here work it for two or three weeks to get some money. Then I am going to pack my truck and head north. I have wanted to move for a long time the lawyer said just what I figured move now or he will stop it. I am going to start over I may as well start over somewhere new. Someone said today it would be hard starting over somewhere new with out a support system and things and what I would be leaving behind. But truth is I really don’t have anyone here either. I have one friend I can say is a true friend and has been there for me 110% and stood beside me threw everything the last year or so. But she is limited to how much she can really do too she has 6 kids and her husband and things. The kids dad is here and he has been a huge help the last week and says he will help me no matter what. But I know how that it is it is just a matter of time before that comes to and end. Once he don’t get what he wants or gets mad about something. Or when he see’s that I really mean that no matter what we are not getting back together. Other than that I have my mom sister aunts cousins and things like that here. I hardly ever see them and they are really no help at all. They are all drama and never have anything good to say about anything and never nothing supportive to say or do. It is all about them or they could careless. If you are not doing for them they get mad. I don’t need that. I can put the kids in daycare and work and their dad does want to move around where we go just so that he can see them like he does now not just holidays or summer. I understand that and don’t mind that because he is a part of their life he has been all their life and he is starting to try more with them. He really stepped up this last week I am surprised. I figured it was going to be a big deal and he was going to give me 50 reasons why he couldn’t take them for a few months. But he didn’t he even took off work and said bring them on down when your ready. I won’t tell him he can’t be close to them. It would hurt them to much. It isn’t like we are going to live right on top of each other he can move to the next little town over or something.

I have been looking at GA and SC but don’t know a lot about either one. Been looking at Warren Robins GA and Rome GA. Looking at going up around Anderson SC. So any of you all live around these areas know about these areas any info would be great. I want to know what the jobs are like, schools (I have son with autism this is big) rents vs pay and crime. Any info you can give about any of them would be greatly appreciated.

I had pretty much just decided to go straight to SC I have a friend there. But tonight I was thinking about it and I thought if I am going to work and have some money for gas and I am going to go threw GA anyway I am going to be by myself I may as well stop these few places and check them out. I think that Rome is supposed to be a little nicer area then what I am looking at in GA so it may make since too. I have done all kinds of work from working gas stations/little stores, grocery stores, call centers, manager/photographer, bail bondsman, daycare. I am a Douala and a massage therapist. I would love to get back into bail bonds but know it isn’t something I could do right a way. Right now I would take anything I could find that paid ok so that I could get a place asap so I could come back and get my kids. I would like to have them moved before their Christmas break here is over. That way they move at the start of a new semester not in the middle of or right at the end of the year.

Again any info about any of these places or even other places in GA or SC would be great. I have been looking online to get some. But it is hard to really tell by that sometimes.

{September 24, 2012}   Decided To Lawyer Up

So he has threaten me with this taking the baby things from the first night. Then he started about how he was going to get a lawyer and that he had talked to his family and they were going to get him a lawyer and told me I better lawyer up because he wasn’t backing down. I didn’t really think there was much he could do right now since I haven’t had it and all but wasn’t sure. I have heard of some strange things happening and the county we live in you never know. I was laying here with my baby boy trying to take a nap and couldn’t stop thinking about it all and what to do and wondering if I could get served with papers out of the blue. I decided to call a lawyer and set up a meeting. I have the name of one that is really good from what I have been told but don’t like going places I haven’t been before. I decided to call the one I had a few years back when I had my accident and see if they handle anything like that. I kind of figured I would be refereed somewhere else and probably to the one I already had a number for.

When the lady answered I asked her if they did family law and custody. She said yes hold on. I thought she was getting the other line or something the next thing I knew the lawyer was on the phone talking to me. I told her what was going on and how everything happen. She asked of course if there was any drug use or anything like that that he would have grounds to fight on. I told her no. She asked how many other kids I had and how many fathers they had and things. I told her. I told her how many he had and how many moms. We went over everything she talked to me for a while and was very helpful. She told me he can’t do anything until the baby comes. She said the only thing I could really do right now would be to hire her and have everything ready so that as soon as I had it they could test prove it was his and go to start child support right a way instead of it being drug out for months after I had it. I am not worried about all that. I just want to make sure he can’t take it.  It is better for me the longer I can hold off and not have to fight the better. At least I feel like now I can kind of relax and make a plan and get it in motion.

She said that if I wanted to move out of state I need to do it right a way. She said if I wait the year or so I wanted to and he did take it to court then he could make it so that I couldn’t move at all. She said that right now if I move he can’t do anything still until the baby is born. She said once the baby is born I can file from that state because that is where the baby lives is a resident. She said if he beat me to it and filed here then I could file a motion to have it thrown out on the grounds that the baby does not live here and that the state the baby lives in should be the state to decide for the baby. But they don’t have to go with that they could still do it here even though they really shouldn’t. So once the baby is born I should file and get it started so that he can’t file here. This he would have to come there and fight it and they are not going to do  50/50 custody or every other weekend kind of things with us being in two different states.

She seems to think that with his record and all the kids and mothers and the fact that the only reason he has the two he does is because DCF stepped in and took them from the mother he isn’t going to come around by the time it gets here. If I leave it alone he will too. But I don’t know just like he just now decided to find his daughter after 9 years of never knowing her. He told our friends he just don’t want me raising it that’s why he is going to take it.

All he has said from the time we talked about having a baby and said we were going to wait until next year is how he couldn’t wait to see me with a baby and how good he thought I would be with it. He has even said that he wouldn’t take it from me if something happen and we didn’t work out. But now it isn’t even here and that’s all he can say is he is taking it. I am thinking that this move is really what I need to go ahead and do. I have wanted to do it for a while keep waiting til the “time is right” and something always happens. My kids have begged me to move for a while now and since they went on their trip to NC over the summer they ask even more. They loved it up there and talk about it all the time.

So he said lawyer up I have. I have to take her $2000 if I decide to stay here or can’t get moved before then and she will take care of it. If it goes over that then I just have to make her payments. But it will be worth it if she can put a stop to all this mess.

{September 24, 2012}   Now I Know

Well I talked to my friend today that came and helped me move. Her husband came yesterday and towed my truck. Me and her road up together and him and RC road up together in the tow truck. We got the truck and brought it back here. She road with them when they left here. I called her and was talking to her this morning about things and about the panic attacks. She then told me she had to tell me something. She said RC is with someone else. That is why he moved and things. He is moving his ex his daughters mom and all her kids down here. After telling me there was nothing there how she did him and things. That he was only going up there to see his daughter and that was it he didn’t want anything to do with her.

Things changed shortly after he started talking to her. He was on the phone 24/7 with his “daughter” any time I was around it was her on the phone I didn’t think any thing of it. He told me she said he could stay there but that he wasn’t going to do that since I wasn’t with him and that he was going to stay with his grandma she wanted him to. His ex is married and has a kid with this guy and stuff. He said they weren’t together and things but then he was staying there with them. He could hear him in the back ground and things when he talked to his daughter and she called one night all upset because they were fighting.

Me and her were just talking about this yesterday how we went from where we were to this almost over night it seemed. It didn’t make since to her either because she had been around from the start and knew how things were. Then her husband told her that when they were together yesterday he told him all this. I can’t believe all this. It is crazy.

He told him that they are going to fight me for the baby he don’t want me raising it. What judge does he think is going to take this baby from me and give to him when he leaves me 3 months pregnant to move his ex he hasn’t talked to in 9 years down here.

But at least that answers a lot of questions and now I know that it wasn’t what I done it was him. It wasn’t like there was major problems or anything like that. We had your normal couples disagreements once in a while and we really didn’t have them. Most the time if something was wrong we would talk about it and work it out. Our friend even said that explains a lot and answers a lot of questions. She couldn’t figure it out either.

{September 24, 2012}   Panic Anxiety

It’s back and it feels like it has consumed me and it is just going to get worse although I am not sure how it could get worse than it is. I don’t know why I didn’t notice it before I just blamed it on the hormones. I know a lot of different things play a factor in it, it isn’t just the hormones, whats going on or nothing else. It is everything all together. The panic and anxiety the fight or flight is a big part of what has been wrong and why I feel the way I have. It’s the panic attacks they have come back worse than ever and all at once. I have not dealt with them in almost 15 years. I may start to have a little one here or there but I know when it is trying to come on and can bring myself out of it. That is maybe once or twice a year if that. These just hit all at once and with out me even realize it until now. I guess maybe I just got to comfortable in not thinking about it and thinking that I was ok. I went through really bad depression and anxiety when I was in Jr High. I have dealt with depression a lot over the years. Way more than the panic attacks and things like that. Before I had the panic attacks and things supper bad. But since then it was always just dealing with depression from time to time. Most the time all it took was to change things and get out of what ever it was that was causing the problem.

I think the attacks came from feeling like I was losing had lost control and everything I didn’t want was happening. Then the fear of causing problems and things didn’t help I just kind of shut down. The attacks took over. I didn’t notice it was the attacks and not the hormones until tonight. The kids dad is going back to work tomorrow I have to get them to school and keep the baby all day until he gets home at whatever time tomorrow evening. Probably 8 or 9pm and he will leave by 5am. I have done nothing but think about it all day it just keeps nagging at me and bothering me. I know it isn’t a big deal I can do it I have done it many times before, I have been doing it for months now. But at the same time all I can think is how horrible it is and how all I want to do is run and not be here. The thought of waking up here tomorrow I feel like something is sitting on my chest and smothering me. I don’t feel down or unhappy anymore, I don’t feel depressed any more. I just feel fear now. I feel like I could just cry and I probably would if I hadn’t done so much over the past few weeks. I don’t know if I could cry a tear if my life depended on it at this point. I feel bad for the way I feel because I love my kids and want to be here for them and do everything they need done for them. But  at the same time I just want to be left alone. Locked in a cool dark room and left to just stay until I feel better.

It is so hard to be nice right now. I keep snapping at the kids. Their dad is driving me crazy I have made it very clear I don’t want to be with him I haven’t in years and nothing he can say or do at this point can change the way I feel. If he wanted to do that he should have tried harder before it got to this point. He keeps wanting to touch me and rub me and pat me. I keep moving pulling a way and stuff but he is making it very hard to not just go off on him. He keeps telling me how bad he feels for what happen and how bad he feels that we aren’t together and how he loves me so much and wants us back together and on and on. It is so hard to even act like it isn’t driving me insane just having him in the same house. Then he says to me tonight can I just hold you? I said no you can’t he went on. I am going to be moving into my truck tomorrow night because I am not in for another day like this. Right now I am so sleepy I can’t hardly hold my eyes open.

{September 23, 2012}   Not What I Expected

Well RC left the 15 and went to Tenn to see his daughter. He got delayed so he didn’t get there until that night. I talked to him he said he was there eating about 9 Saturday. I never heard anything from him again until Monday morning when he sent me a text wanting to know why I hadn’t paid a bill. I had went to pay it Sat but he said they closed at 6 and they closed at 5 and wasn’t open Sunday. I went and paid it and came home to finish some stuff around the house before he came home. My friend came over Saturday evening and helped me get the place cleaned up and looking decent again. My kids had come home so I got them ready and in bed.

He came home about 1am I had fallen asleep but woke up when I heard him come in. He never said anything went threw some stuff and he brought back and that was about it then just sat there. I tried to tell him something that happen why he was gone and he go smart. I finished telling him he didn’t say anything. Then he told me the only reason he came back was because of his boys. We started talking a little bit and I asked him a few things he said you don’t want to come out of this hating each other do you? No I wanted to work on things and fix things. We had some problems but it wasn’t anything that big and nothing that couldn’t be fixed if we worked out it and got moved. We ended up going back and forth and then he got up and left. I went to bed and he came in later and laid in the chair I told him I didn’t care if he came to bed it did’t bother me I was going to sleep. He ignored me.

Oh and when we were talking I asked him if he wanted the baby and he said yes. Then he told me that he was going to have it when he wanted it and that he was going to have it every few days or so. I told him it wasn’t right to the baby to jerk it back and forth every few days and that it was no life for the baby to be done that way. He said it would either be that way or he would have it and I could see it when he said. I tried not to say anything because I knew we were both mad and things. But he kept on and I told him I would just leave and not be around here then he couldn’t do that or take it. If he didn’t know where I was. He said he would find out when I filed for support where I was at. I told him I wouldn’t so it didn’t matter I didn’t need support from him I would take care of it. He kept on and I was so mad and upset I told him I just wan’t going to have it because I wasn’t going to let it be jerked around and that he wasn’t going to take it from me that we weren’t going to fight over this baby from now on. He just said that he was going to be watching and if I did have it he was taking it.

The next day he got up and went to work. I kept my older kids home I hadn’t slept I didn’t know what was going to go down and happen and I wanted them to get their stuff packed so I could get them out of there. I called their dad and told him he was going to have to take them for a while and that I had to get a job and a place for us but that they couldn’t stay there anymore they needed to leave that day. I packed them up and took them over there and went home. I had stuff there that I had to get moved out and brought somewhere to store until I can get a place. I was in the bedroom when he came home and he started about wanting me out and that I needed to leave now and all this. He got mad because I took $200 that was supposed to go to rent. He let me get a loan against my truck Friday before he left and it all had been spent on catching stuff up and things. I had no money to buy food pay my phone or get gas and have no more money coming in. I had other bills that needed paid that didn’t get paid because it went to everything else. I thought we were going to pay the other stuff when he got home out of what was left of his check. He told me it was gone he didn’t have any money left. He was a month behind on the rent when I moved in and I started paying half of the rent and lights he was supposed to put extra with it to get it caught up and never did. The loan was supposed to be to move on but then it was we need to do this and this and we will have enough of my next check to move on. When he came home it was he wasn’t moving and he wasn’t changing his kids schools and all this other stuff on top of everything else.

I told him I wasn’t leaving and I didn’t have to I lived there too I had for months and paid half the bills there. He started about the baby again. I don’t know what made me say it or where it even came from I said it before I even knew what I had said. He said something about the baby having his last name and it was a this not a that and it would have his last name and things. I told him it may not be his. I should have never said it there isn’t a chance that it is anyone else but I was just so upset with him standing over me telling me he was going to take it and how things were going to be. He has said from the time we found out he knew it was his and he knew it wasn’t anyone else and there wasn’t a thought in his head it was anyone else. Then he said yeah I kind of wondered but I wasn’t sure and I let it go but it figures. First thing he did was get on the phone and start calling his mom and everyone and telling them. Then he tells her and his ex to come over and have some drinks and that he is going to give them a key and they can come over tomorrow and go threw the house and go threw whatever they want and do whatever they want. I called a friend to come over and help me pack my stuff so that I could at least put it in my truck so they couldn’t go threw it. But I still had big stuff there dressers and things to get I wasn’t leaving and not taking them.

Before they could get there to help me his mom and ex come down and they are sitting in there talking shit and making comments. His mom got up and came to the bedroom where I was and stood there over me yelling and telling me to get out and what I was and what I better do. I never looked at her or said a word to her. I wasn’t going to let her say I did something and have me locked up there three of them against me. My friends got there and one was outside talking to him and the other came in the bedroom where I was. I closed the door to change my clothes because I had already gotten ready for bed before he came home and all this happen. His mom come in there pushing the door open and starting again. I had it I shoved it closed and told her I was getting dressed to get out. Then she kept pushing it open and shit and telling me she was going t sit my stuff out tomorrow and call the cops and have them remove me. I had enough. I told her she was a bitch and that she needed to learn the law before she come telling me how it was and what she was going to do. She really hit the roof when I called her that and was trying to break the door in and come in telling me she was going t hit me and all. My other friend told RC he needed to get her and make her stop that it was enough and should not be going on. In the mean time I told her I would call PD and let them tell her she couldn’t just put me out and that the office couldn’t either just because she wanted me out.

PD showed up told her she needed to leave then they asked if I had somewhere to go and I told him I didn’t and I wasn’t leaving until I could get my stuff out. Then he asked him if he had somewhere to go he said no and things. He was telling me I needed to get a truck and get my stuff out of there the next day and that I needed to leave until tomorrow when I could get it. I told him I knew I didn’t have to leave and that I wasn’t. That I didn’t have money to get a truck I had to get someone to move it and a way. He kept on I finally got mad and told the cop he got my stuff here he wants me gone tell him to take it back where he got it. RC then said he didn’t have a way I said he had the truck out there he said it wasn’t his and he couldn’t use it his farther in law hated me. I have never said two words to the man and could care less what he thinks of me. I told him it got my shit there he could get it out with it. He finally got mad and said I don’t want gas or anything if she will go I will load it and take it where ever she wants it tonight. So the cops had to stand there why it was all loaded and packed. Then they kept telling me I needed to hurry and they didn’t know I had that much stuff to get together. I said I have 5 people to pack for you all said get it all out and that’s what I am working on. I got most everything out and they finally told him I needed to come back in the morning to get the rest of it and not to have his mom and ex down there in my stuff or they would be in trouble. So me and my friend went back the next day and got the rest of it. I did forget a few things. I told her I was forgetting something big and I did. I am supposed to be going back today to get miscellaneous stuff that got left and to get my truck towed out of there.

I really thought he was going to go up there have a good time have time to relax think and unwind and come home in a better mood. I didn’t figure everything was going to be fine and great but I figured he was going to want to work on it and fix things. Not just not care and be as nasty as he was. I have been having the biggest problems and he has had the most complaint about things since I got pregnant and like I told him I just need a little extra help and a little understanding. I can’t help the way I feel and things. But he don’t seem to care. I also told him things would get better with the kids and with the house being picked up when we moved because we would have more space. the kids would have their own space there would be room to put stuff not just have stuff sitting every where like it was there because there was no where for it and things. He just said yeah whatever he didn’t think so and he wasn’t moving and things. But here all this happen Tuesday and he is moved him and the two boys into a 4 bedroom house yesterday and today. His boss had for rent. I just asked him before he left if he had anything he told me a 3 bedroom and we were talking about looking into that even. then all this when he gets back and now he all of a sudden has a 4 and he is going to move. What does he need a 4 bedroom for him and two boys?

{September 14, 2012}   Losing My Mind

I haven’t been around much because I have been way to much of a mess to do anything the last few weeks. I feel so sleep deprived it isn’t even funny. I can sleep 5 hours or 10 and still feel like I haven’t slept at all and can’t hold my eyes open. It is all I can do to hold them open and watch the kids all day. They are all on my last nerve from the time they get out of bed until they go back I can’t wait. Just being around does it. I know it is from being so sleepy. My little one won’t nap in the day time and is up by 63o most every day. If he naps it is right at time to leave or in the truck running around to pick the other kids up.

Me and RC haven’t been talking much he don’t understand how I feel. He says every time he talks to me I cry I know I do. i can’t help it by the time he gets here in the evening all I want to do is cry or run a way. By the time I get the kids to bed it is all I can do not to cry and I lose most nights. The other night I wanted to drink a bottle of liquor but I know that won’t help anything and that I can’t so I didn’t. I just cried and took a shower. Crazy thing I never cry in the bathroom I don’t know why but that is always been my one place I can go and get it together and not cry. That don’t even work anymore. The house is a major mess I have slacked on it so much the last couple weeks. I know he is really unhappy about that. I know he is working longer hours and doing a lot of work when he is at work and he is tired when he gets home he don’t feel like doing it. He shouldn’t have too. But when it is all I can do to hold my eyes open and make sure the kids don’t kill themselves or each other I can’t force myself to get up and do anything hardly. I have done a few things that needed to be done. But nothing major and not what really needs it.

Tomorrow he leaves for Tenn until midnight Monday/Tuesday morning. The kids are going with their dad sometime Saturday evening until Sometime Sunday evening. I can’t tell you how happy I am for that and how bad I feel for wanting them to go and not wanting them to be here. They are my kids and I love them but I need a break. I need a big break but that isn’t going to happen so I am grabbing any little one I can get right now. No matter how much I sleep or sleep in I am still sleepy no time after I get up. My friend is going to come why everyone is gone Saturday and help me try to get the house back in order and put together a little better for so many of us living here right now.

I know RC is stressed too with talking to his daughter and all that is going on with her. I know he is worried about her and things too. I haven’t really talk to him about it I have been so wore out. I feel bad I haven’t talk to him about it but by the time he gets done talking to her in the evening and I get the kids to bed and the way things have been with us I just hadn’t. It isn’t that I don’t care I just hadn’t really thought about it. He had been telling me and we had been talking about it but then the last week or so with things the way they are he hasn’t and I haven’t asked. He said something about her last night I don’t know what to say to him. What do you say to someone who just found their kid and then to find out they are so sick and things. I hope that everything goes good when he goes up there and they don’t end up at the ER or in the hospital for something. They are going to go to the mountains, fishing and out to dinner why he is there. He will get to spend Saturday evening all Sunday and most of Monday with her. I hope they have a good time.

I hope that this break everyone is getting from everyone and the break I am getting from everyone helps. Everyone has been in a crabby unhappy mood lately. I have been the worst one of them all and I am sure that is why the kids aren’t happy. I try not to say to much to them because they really aren’t being that bad just doing things kids do. But feeling the way I am right now they may as well be setting off bombs and stealing cars or something. It is so late and they haven’t eaten and I just want to send them to bed. They are asking to eat and I am waiting on RC to get back from seeing his boys and bring a pizza so they can eat. I am getting ready to just make them sandwiches and send them to bed. I feel like such a horrible mom for feeling this way and thinking like that. But for my well being it is the best thing at this point.

Tuesday night we stopped getting text from RC’s little girls mom. We figured they were done with test and they had went to sleep for the night. She kept telling him to get some sleep and she would let him know something in the morning. She knew he had to work the next day. He text her a tried to call a few times and didn’t get them so we left it alone and went to bed not wanting to wake them up. An hour or two later we got a text saying that she was in recovery and doing good that she would probably be in the hospital for a few days. I guess after they did all the test on her they decided that the stint was to bad to wait and they took her in that night to do something about it. Not sure if they replaced it or what.

He got a text yesterday afternoon from his daughter saying she was feeling better and that she was getting to go home. She don’t know they went in and did anything. She was out when they got her to the ER and they just put her under and did the surgery. They don’t want to upset her or make her worry so they haven’t told her what was wrong. She just thinks she was sick.

The kids in her class got her a card and everyone signed it and they got her one of the really big cards and gave her. That made her day. RC said talking to her she was happy joking and things just like the day before. She text him from the time she gets up until her mom or him tells her she needs to get ready and get in bed.

RC is going to fly up sometime next weekend to spend some time with her and meet her. He was going to surprise her but she called and he was talking about it with a friend. He wasn’t thinking and answered it and she heard him. Neither one of them can wait. It’s all he talks about. He is just as excited as her and scared to death at the same time. I wish I could go with him but he wants to go alone plus I have to be here with all the kids. I don’t fly either and he is flying up and back.  We looked at some flights last night and found what we felt was a pretty good price. It was doable for us and a price we were willing to pay. He talked to his boss today about having time off to go up there. He said he thinks he can get him a price a lot better than what we found so he is going to look today. I have never booked a flight before since I don’t fly and he hasn’t flown in a a very long time some one else got the tickets and done it all then because he was going with someone.

He is going to get his tat done today after work. He has his two boys names he is going to get one for her and her name on it. Then when he gets there he is going to let her do some stuff to it and have the guy ad it when he gets back. He wants to get it done now so that it will be healed and look nice when he gets there to see her.

It’s so nice all the kids here are excited that he found her and they are talking. They all want to know when they are going to get to see her and want to talk to her. Even my kids tell him to tell her hi and ask when they are going to get to meet her. I don’t know if she will come down when they get break for Christmas and new years or if we will wait til summer to bring her down. I’m sure if she ask to come then we will work it out and get her here. If she don’t ask to come we will probably just wait until summer to bring her down. We will be more settled and prepared but we aren’t going to tell her no if she ask.

When I met RC he told me he had a daughter up north that he had never gotten to see or talk to. He talks about her all the time and thinks about her. I have told him he should try to get in touch with her. I told him I would help him or find her if he wanted me too. I have done it before with next to no info. He has a ton compaired to what I had to work with before. He was worried about what she would say what she would think if she would want anything to do with him and what her mom had told her about him. He kept saying when things settled down and that she probably didn’t want to hear from him anyway.

Some how it came up last night and I asked him if he had looked on facebook. He said no he just got it not that long ago and hadn’t had inter net at home until I moved it. He hardly ever is online. Today we got to get ready for work and school and then my boy ended up not going because he is sick so it was way to early to leave. He got the computer and started looking up names. He found her sister and then her mom. He send them both messages asking them if he could talk to her and gave his number. They left and went to work and school. We figured it would be a while before we heard anything.

It was no time and he called me and said that her mom sent him a message with her number and said he could talk to her but she didn’t get off school until 3. He has been so nerves and not sure what to expect. I told him to expect the worst be prepared for the hard questions that may come and hope for the best. Really all that you can do. He called later and said he had talk to her mom and that she was telling him about her and things.

This poor girl she is 9 and she has had two heart surgeries and has two stints in her heart. She has or had a whole in her lung. She has scares and things from it all and the feeding tubes they have had to put in. They said she has places her hair has fallen out and won’t come back from everything she has been through on top of it. She was just over 2lbs when she was born and had a bunch of problems. He was really upset hearing that.

Later he called me about in tears he got a text from her when she got out of school she was so excited to hear from him and so happy. She said she been waiting her whole life to hear from him and she loved him and that she had a picture from him that she took every where with her. His ex told him she tried to call and tell him about what was going on and how sick she was when everything was going on. She found a number for him and called. She got his then wife and she told her he wanted nothing to do with the kids and didn’t want to be in their life not to call back and never told him they tried to get a hold of him. He was really upset and hurt about that. She text him and said thanks daddy for this. Because he found her and got in touch with her.

He called and talk to her tonight on his way home from work. They talked for a while. She took picture of herself and sent him and ask him to send her a picture she wanted to see what he looks like now. She told her mom she had to take a vacation so she could come and see her daddy and that she wants to come down and spend the summer with him. She was excited that she has brothers. He said something about his girlfriend and she asked him something and he told her that we all live together and things. She said i’m so glad daddy you have someone or something like that and she was glad for him. He said she talked to him like he had been with her all her life and he had just left her house from seeing her.

She text and called off and on for a bit. Then he got a call or text saying that she was having trouble breathing and blacking out they were rushing her to the ER. They said they would let him know something when the found something out. He is so upset and worried. I hate we are so far a way I wish he could go there and I know he does too. Said she keeps telling them she just wants her daddy. It is killing him.

So far all we know is that the valves are ok in the heart but there is a problem with one of the stints. Still waiting on more test and things to find out what they can/are going to do for her. I pray they don’t have to open her up again they have twice already. I hope it is something easy that isn’t to invasive.

She was just so happy and excited with everything going on today I guess. I know he feels bad because she was excited about talking to him and started having problems. But like I told him there is a reason he out of the blue decided to try and find her today and contacted her and got to talk to her so fast. What if he hadn’t tried or he hadn’t got to talk to her and she didn’t know he tried? What could she have maybe been doing when she had problems and they had to take her in and found it. So many kids just fall out at school before anyone knows there is something wrong. It could have maybe been much worse. This way she was at home with her mom and family they know what all is wrong all ready and she was getting to do something she has wanted to do for years. I think she is going to be ok. She now has a lot more people praying for her too since he started talking to her today. We all have people all over the place praying for her and I ask that you all please do the same.

Like I told him if she is that bad when he goes to see her he will probably have to go with her to the doctor then too. We don’t know how bad things really are when she isn’t having problems with the stint. She may be fine she may have problems like this all the time if something that big happens. I am glad and proud of him he hasn’t once said he wish he hadn’t talk t her or that he didn’t know or anything like that. All he has done is talk about getting up there to see her and bringing her down and worried about how she will be if she does come to see us. A lot of guys wouldn’t have even wanted to talk to her or even wanted them to tell her he called if they found out all she had been threw and goes threw. Like I told him we can’t do anymore or any less than what they can do for her at home if she is here and has a problem. We can rush her to the ER or we can call 911 and get her there. Then just be there for here and do what has to be done.  As long as we make sure we know all that she has had and all that we need to watch for and worry about.

Going to try and get a shower get him to eat and at least lay down for a bit. It is killing him he can’t just go there he is waiting and calling all the time to see what is going on. But he needs to rest in case he does need to leave and go up there. it’s a long drive. I think we will look into flying him if I can’t go with him. I don’t want him driving that by himself. I know him and he will drive it straight threw and just stop for gas.

et cetera
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