{October 31, 2012}   One Year Ago

One year ago today my ex husband moved out of our house and around the corner with a friend. It felt so good to have him out of the house and to finally feel free. It was nice to be able to walk threw the house and not have  him there. To go out and sit with the kids with out him being there. It got to where I stayed in my room most of the time when he was home. We started doing things again and having fun. We started living our lives again. I had been so down and so unhappy I kind of stopped doing anything. I started going threw my house and cleaning it out and putting it back together how I wanted it and everything.

The kids weren’t sure what to think really my girl wanted to go live with her dad when we told them what was going on and he was going to be leaving. My big boy didn’t really say much he didn’t really act like it bothered him but I could tell it did. He would get up in the night and come get in my bed he never done that. He would ask things once in a while. He I think had a harder time understanding what was going on so it didn’t hit him right a way. Later when he understood better he would talk about it a little more. The baby had no clue what was going on it really didn’t bother him. Ex still came and took the older two to school and would come over after work and on his days off and see them. He just didn’t eat here and stay here at night. They would go with him on the weekends and stay. To everyone else it was a huge shock and they all thought it was just a temporary thing. They all swore we would get back together and just knew we could work things out. We were the “perfect couple” as everyone said.

I had made so many plans and knew what I wanted out of life. I knew what I needed to do to get there and was in the process of putting it all together and making it happen. I had started going to church again and even got into a group for women dealing with divorce and different things in life. I was getting out and seeing old friends and making new ones. Everything was going great.

We got threw the holidays and I got a job. We held out until tax time got our many back and me and the kids moved into a new house just the 4 of us and the dogs. We went threw all the rooms and got new stuff and decorated them just how we wanted. We were able to do them all not just the kids rooms. We had a home that felt like home again. It was alive with all the laughter and friends who would come over. It still bothered the kids that me and their dad weren’t together but they were getting more use to the way things were.

We had a fun summer they went on their trip to NC and stayed with their dad for half the Summer. He was coming around and starting to realize that it was to late and that we weren’t getting back together. He was starting to focused on the kids and do what he should for them and really be a dad. Summer came to a close and we all started school in August  Me and the two older kids. I started some online classes so I could work them around all the kids had going on and work it’s self. Our new place is right by the school and the bus stop so it makes it so much easier and the daycare is just down the road. I have two really close friends that live close by so if something comes up and I really have to I can call one of them and they are around to help out. It’s nice because we all help each other out. We are all doing really good in school and waiting for the holiday break so we can spend some more time together. Sometimes it is hard to get in all the time we want or to get to go to the places we want with all the different schools and work and activity’s but we are still happy none the less. But we always love spending that time together. Getting ready for the holidays.

This year at tax time we are talking about moving a way. We want to go north some where. Maybe GA or SC not really sure yet. Tenn is nice too but don’t really know to much about that area. We are going to do some research and see what we find for jobs places to live and schools for everyone. We want to move somewhere we can be out in the country and a way from every thing. Well not to far out but just out where we aren’t right on top of the person that lives next to you. Somewhere the kids can build forts and tree houses and run and play and not worry about a thing. If we decide not to move this year then we are going to start a business and get a new truck. Well a new to us truck. We got one last year at tax time and it is nice but it is still small for us. Not really small we can go places and take people with us with out cramming everyone in or taking two cars. But it just has no room if we buy things and we have anyone with us. We want to have room to put things if we decide to go out shopping for the day or buy something that is bigger than can fit on your lap and room for the dogs if we decide to take them somewhere with out having them on the seats. Not sure what we are doing just yet. But either way I will be happy because we are all doing so good and are so happy with our new little family. We will be happy doing either way.

See how great that sounds and how easily it all happen and fell into place? If only that is how it went and it had really fell in place that easy. Unfortunately that is no where near what really happen or  how things went. The kids did go on their trip to NC that’s about it. Unfortunately I met RC and you all know how everything went from there. and now I am dealing with consequences of believing that someone really was what they said and really did love me. I did get my 4th and last baby I just never thought it would be this way when or if I did. But everything happens for a reason. It is depressing to think how different things really went and how much we have all been threw this last few months.

Funny how easy it is to know just what we want in life and when we want it to happen. Yet it can be so much harder to make it happen and take so much longer to accomplish it when you start trying. And the littlest thing can come along distract us and throw everything off by so much. I figure everything is off by at least a year or more now. Since I stayed home with the all the kids up there and didn’t work I won’t get tax money back. I can’t start school now because I have to worry about getting a job and then getting us moved. I won’t be able to work for a while once I have the baby. So I won’t get to work as much next year. I hope that we can truly get moved a way at least this year by Feb or March. But even then it will be a temp place for a while until I can go back to work. I may get to start classes next year when the kids start but I don’t know. I won’t be able to get a truck or start a business this year for sure. It will have to wait until the following year if then. I guess we will just have to believe obey and follow. Know that we are where we should be rather it is where we want to be or think we should be.

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