{November 2, 2012}   A Long Night

I went to bed early last night. I always go to bed early 3 or 3:30 am is early right? Well I went to bed about 2. I was so sleepy for some reason I had already fell a sleep once why looking online. I was just getting to sleep good and ex came in and woke me up. He wanted to talk. He sits down on the foot of the bed and started rubbing my feet. I asked him what he was doing he said he just needed to talk. He starts telling me how he bad he wants sex and how he wasn’t over us and he wanted to get back together. Going on about how he couldn’t find anyone else. He tells me he can’t find anyone else because he picks them apart he is trying to find someone to replace me someone like me. I am laying here just thinking I can’t help you and we aren’t getting back together. I just told him that he wasn’t going to find someone else and that he wasn’t going to have a relationship because he can’t go from a relationship to another with out being done and moving on from the one you left. He says but I do then I get with someone and I start feeling so guilty. He says I think I just need a friend right now I think that’s all I want is just a friend. It’s been so long and I really don’t know what I want or what I’m doing other than that.  He started about how he didn’t know how I could just do what I did and that I must have had feeling for dk and that he knows that I like him have feelings for him and that we were together not just friends. We wouldn’t have done what we did if we were only friends. How I was when I wasn’t talking to him. How he gets a second chance but he can’t.

Number one we weren’t together we were just friends and we did what we did. I wasn’t mad at him when we stopped hanging out. I was going threw a really hard time I was mad at ex I was upset about my grandma and stressed. He made a comment and I snapped and went off. I shouldn’t have and like I said before it was one of them things he just happen to be the next one who said something that bothered me. If ex had said something or someone else had said something it would have been them I went off on. I was mad at myself for being so mean and so nasty to someone who really didn’t do anything at all. Yeah that is who I am going to see it isn’t a big deal we are both adults we aren’t seeing anyone we are friends we have known each other forever. What we do or don’t do when we hang out is no ones business. He started about how he hated him and how he hated RC and this and that. I said you have no reason to hate him you have never met him you don’t know him you don’t know anything about him you have no reason to hate him or RC because he has never done anything to you either. Well I don’t care they have they talked to you and were with  you and that isn’t right blah blah blah. I said we weren’t together we weren’t going to ever get back together and your the one that wouldn’t go threw with the divorce. Well it don’t matter. It is now their fault we aren’t together even tough I didn’t talk to either until he had moved out. Me and dk started hanging out not to long after but we weren’t before. Me and RC never got together until 5 months after we had split up.

We went around for like 2 hours or more. I finally just said look we are never going to get back together I never planed to get back together with you when I left you just need to get over it and move on. He started say well you don’t know if 5 years what might happen and they did this and that. I said so what you think I am never going to move on and talk to anyone or go out with anyone because you have it in your head that we might get back together? Well no but I said well then like I said you have no reason to say the things you have or feel the way you do. No one stole me from you you pushed me a way.

He tried to say I was putting what I wanted and going out over the kids and how I shouldn’t be going out Saturday night. Because the kids might want to spend time with me that night. I said I am here with my kids all the time. I have them for two weeks straight and don’t go out or do anything. The only time I go out is when they are with you. I don’t get a sitter and dump them when I only get them two weekends out of the month and if something comes up and I have them I cancelled my plans to be there with/for them. He says well you act like I have all this time in the world to do what I want and to see people and things. I have them all the time and I work all the time when I don’t. I said no you have them 2 weekends a month and maybe just maybe one or two other days for a few hours. Well I work I get up go to work and come home and I’m wore out I work til dark or after. I said that’s your doing you could find another job that you have a set 9 to 5 or whatever. You could go out after work and on the weekends you don’t have them. Well he is to tired and has other things to do. I said well just like when it was me and you and now you and your kids or you wanting to go out and do things. You have to make time and decide what your priority’s are. Right now you still haven’t figured that out or don’t have them in order like they should be. He don’t think so he thinks it is fine to drop his kids with a sitter and go out because he might get some when he only had them two weekends a month.

I told him lets go talk to his concealer and that I wanted to go with him because I didn’t think she would be telling him all this stuff he is doing is fine either. He got mad well lets go because I know I’m right I want her to tell you. I am sure he won’t ever do it because he don’t want to be told he needs to spend the time he has with his kids not with some girl. I can’t even think of half the stuff he said I just sat here looking at him like he was crazy why he ranted on and on about everything. I finally said it’s late I am going to bed you can sit here and stew or whatever you want but I am done talking about this and going threw it again. I got up and went to bed. He just got home from work he just acts like everything is fine and nothing happened. Jekyll and Hide I tell you.

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