I have been thinking about filing for disability. I really don’t know if I would have a shot at getting it or not. But with the accident I had a few years ago and all the stuff they say is wrong with my back other than that. I kind of think I would because I am not able to do the jobs that I use to do. I can’t lift things like I use to I don’t have a lot of the strength in my arms and upper body like I use too. I didn’t get much from the accident everyone says I should have gotten more but a lot of what is wrong is not from that. It is genetic, my mom has some of the same kinds of problems I have and my aunt I found out on my dads side does too. Even if they didn’t give me full and said I had to work some to it would be better than nothing. I could find something part time even if I had to work in a store or something. I can stand for a little bit just not all day and I wouldn’t be able to do stock and things I would have to cashier or something like that. I have had a lot of people tell me I should try before because of the depression and anxiety and my heart. But I never had a problem with the depression as bad as I have the last few years and no where near as bad as it has been the last year. The heart thing I don’t think would get it at all anyway. Then I had the accident and messed my back and neck up they said try because of that. But at the time I was working I missed a few days and took off early a few days when it first happen but other than that I was able to do my job. It was in a office and I sat most all day if I needed to get up and stand I could or walk around some. It really wasn’t a problem. But then I got laid off. I didn’t have all the problems with my back as I do now then. I just had hurt it in the accident. I have always liked to work and wanted to work so I didn’t want to get on something like that and them tell me I couldn’t work or could only work a few hours a month or something. But now with the way things are and as bad as they are saying my back is I feel like maybe I should go and file.
I know of so many people that use to come into different jobs I had or who lived around me different places who were on it. Most of them had nothing wrong with them at all. If they had something it was something that was hard to prove or disprove. I know of a lot of older people who have worked for years and all their life who are really sick and need it and have to fight and get lawyers and everything else and to get it. Then some of these people get around better than me. I asked them if it was hard to get and things like that or how they got it because they seemed ok. They say oh just go down there apply tell them whatever is wrong with you because you are going to get turned down anyway. When they turn you down reapply after the 3 or 4th time you apply they get tired of dealing with you and they will give it to you. I thought this had to be a joke or mistake. But I have had so many many many people tell me that over the years. But then here I sit with the problems I do have and still go to work and want to work. Right now I am having such a hard time finding something and I know a lot of it is because I can’t do all the pulling lifting and things like that that I use to do. That is what it is there for people who can no longer do the jobs they are use to doing. I wouldn’t even care if they turned me down and wanted to train me to do something else instead. I seen on their site it said that sometimes they will retrain you instead of giving it to you. At this point I would do that because if I knew more on the computer or something like that I would get a job doing something like that. I would rather work but if I can’t because of this I have for years my ex has for years my dad and things have and paid into all these people who basically tell you they have nothing wrong with them but they just give it to them to get them to go a way why I don’t feel as bad about going down there and at least trying.
The worst they can do is say no. I won’t be any worse off than I am now. The best they can do is say yes and even if I end up somewhere in the middle and they retrain me. I won’t be worse off I will at least be a little better off than I am now. I keep telling myself not to do it and a job will come along and things but I been looking for 6 months and can’t find one. The longer I put it off the longer it will take to get it started. Then I could be worse off because if I don’t find a job and haven’t applied then I could maybe be getting something that I’m not that could be helping.
I just don’t know half of me says do it and the other half says don’t. I for whatever reason feel like I don’t deserve to get it or shouldn’t get it even if they say I should. I don’t know why I feel that way but I do. I tell myself it isn’t like I am just going and getting something with out anyone knowing. I have to go threw all their stuff and they have to decide if they think I should get it or not and if they think something is bad enough wrong then what shouldn’t I get it? I have worked and paid in off and on since I was 14 years old. I should have it if they say I should as much as the next person. But I never do or get things for myself so I guess this kind of goes along with that. I am going to think about it the next few days and decide what to do. If I am going to apply I need to do it now because it takes at least 6 months from the time you apply before you can get your first check. But if they say you get it they back pay you from the day you applied.
What do you think should I apply or shouldn’t I?