{December 28, 2012}   As Of Right Now We Have A Place

The relator called why I was making lunch and said that we got the house we turned the papers in on last night. They also lowered the rent $75 a month. That right there will pay my water bill for the month then all I have is lights to pay. We should be able to pay rent lights and water for $900 or less a month. It is about the same size as the other but it don’t have as many rooms as the other. The yard is ok size we just have to put up a little bit of fence in one spot to keep the dogs in. When you come up onto the carport there isn’t fence. The area is nice seems quite and the lady next to it said it was. There was an older couple across the street in one of the places. It is 3 bed 2 bath living dining kitchen. It has a fire place also. I am not crazy about the fireplace but I guess it will help with heating and keeping the light bill lower. I like that it has a little porch on the front where my baby boy can put some of his things and play in the day time. I just have to put a hook up where he can’t reach it and get out.

I talk to ex and told him the lady called. He said tell her we would meet tomorrow since he won’t be getting in until 7 tonight from work. I asked him what about the money he was supposed to return tonight and stuff and that we needed it. He said just do it. I finally told him if I set it all up and then he came home and gave the money back tonight that I was done being nice and trying to get along and help out to get us all a place. I told him if he did that then he would have to find a place to go and that he would have to take me to court to see the kids. That if he was to do them that way he didn’t need to be around or see them because he couldn’t care about them to do that. He just said he would call me back in a little bit.

He finally called me back said he talked to his dad and he said to just take the money and get the place. He wanted to know as soon as he got into it and everything. I told him I didn’t want him at my house after everything that has been said and done and that my kids still wouldn’t be going over there and around them anymore. That was a loan and he is getting it back and he had no reason to do and say the things he did last night. I don’t care if he had been drinking or what. don’t make up for anything or and excuse for any of it.

It isn’t what we were hoping to get but with rents going up and needing to get into a place this is nice and will work for us. besides it is only for a year or less then we can move. With the rent being as low as it is one of us could move at tax time and the other be able to pay it if we want to.


There is a small porch on the left side and then the carport there on the right. aplace

This is part of the living room                                                                More of the living room and the kitchen. when you walk past the fridge to the right you go into the dinging room

eplacebplacethis is the rest of the living room then that area where the fan is is the dining area. then that is the rest of the kitchen.

Master bath                                                                           part of the backyard.


{December 28, 2012}   Over Two Faced People and Drunks

Ex’s sister in law has been running her mouth and talking behind my back the last couple months. She has made the comment that she would take my daughter for a while if need be. But that she didn’t want the other two. Like I am going to split my kids up and send one states a way to live and take her out of her school and a way from her family. I am trying to find somewhere to stay now so they don’t have to leave their schools.

Well then ex’s dad lent him money to get a place he has to pay it back at tax time. When his sister in law found out she got all mad about it and started making comments and saying stuff. Well now they have been down and staying with his parents for the week and started more shit. He took the kids and went over for a couple hours on Christmas and his dad was making comments about us getting back together and his brother was saying something about it. I guess they didn’t like it that he wants too get back together. I don’t he does that is nothing new or different. Then his dad was saying something about the money and he wants him to bring it back until we get the place and all this that he is affraid we are going to lose it or it is going to get stolen. As if we don’t keep up with our money all the time and never have any problem with it getting stolen. I guess he told him he would bring it back Wednesday. I don’t know I wasn’t there he just told me he had to take it back and that they wanted them to come over and have dinner. They also said something about him using my truck and not having his phone on. Not my fault he hasn’t fixed his truck we haven’t had time with everything going on and not like we can run them both right now any way. Just more gas to run it all the way down to where we are staying to sit. Mine is bigger we have more room and it has the stuff we need in it. We figure we will get the other one going as soon as we get things settled and have time.

Well his sister in law texted my phone last night and wanted to know if they could see the kids because they were leaving this morning to go home. They weren’t supposed to leave for anther day or so. We were 50 miles a way looking at houses and filling out paper work on one then taking care of the dogs and things. We text back said we weren’t around we were up there and that we still had to get home. Then they wanted to know if they could take them out for ice cream. I text them back told them that we still had to get dinner and that the baby was sick and went to bed already. That if we had had more notice yesterday or something we could have set something up but it was late and not a good time. as far as they knew it was ex. I said he was wore out he been going to work at 4 am and then not getting home til 7 or 8 and trying to get a house and things. They send something back saying they were so sad to hear that and blah blah and then they said that he needed to call his dad that he was supposed to be there the night before and broken promises had caused a lot of hardship and pain bull shit. Said he would call and that we had turned in paper work in on a place and put money on it to hold it. Then they really got mad.

He called them when we got home and was sitting in the truck. His dad started that he was jerking him around and screwing him around and how he was supposed to bring the money back. He told him the agreement was he would give it back at tax time. He started that he needed to make sure we found the right house and all this this shit. By now I was beyond pissed. I said I don’t need anyone to tell me what house to rent my family has to live there. His dad sounded like he was about to blow I could hear him saying what did she say. Ex just said nothing or something he was saying she did what did she say I heard her I want to know what she said. So then they got into it more. He was having a fit on the phone he sounded like a 2 year old not getting what he wanted. I tried to take the phone because he started talking about me and what I was and ex wasn’t saying anything like always. I was mad so then I said more. He was saying he needed to control the money and that was it he didn’t care about the money and something and that was what he got out of it he didn’t have to have anything to do with him or the grand kids and me out of his life it was worth it and shit. I said non of them have to worry about ever seeing me or my kids because after today not one of them will see or speak to my kids again. He flipped over that after what he just said and that he couldn’t keep them from him and all this. Then he started telling him he would just go take the kids and he had the means to and all this. Like because he has money they are just going to hand my kids over to him or something.

I said tell him that won’t happen ever that if anyone got called and they said my kids had to be placed I have a family who they will go to before he ever sees them and that he still wouldn’t see them. That he needed to look it up and check into it that grandparents have no rights the only ones that have rights are the parents. No and he would fight it and if they had to be placed they are the ones they would place them with anyway and all this. I said nope because even if they did that they would ask me who I wanted them to go with because I am the mom and still have say in who has my kids. But they aren’t going to take my kids I already know. I have talked to a worker before and I have friends who do foster care they all know how it works. They worker told me if the rest of the parents they work with did half as much and cared half as much about their kids as I did they wouldn’t have jobs because they wouldn’t be needed.

Like I told my friend they may have money and they really don’t we all ready know they have said things to my ex and his grandma has told him. Money isn’t everything and just because I don’t have money don’t mean I don’t have people who know how it works and who will fight for me. It isn’t always about what you have as much as who you know and how you treat people. I don’t screw people over and start drama and I know all kinds of people who I get help and get along with very well. When you don’t cause problems and help it isn’t all about money. But like I said I am not worried about it he can’t do anything any way. He will spend a bunch of money just to find out he has no rights.

Like I told my friend and ex one lives states a way do they really think they are going to take my child split her up from her family and send her states a way when there are plenty of places right here that she can stay and plenty of people here willing to. Do they really think they are going to take them and give them to the drunk who lives maybe at the most 40 miles a way and only sees them if they are lucky 4 times a year and probably not even that? I don’t think so. I know they won’t.

They really need to think about almost 10 years ago when I first met my ex where he was what he had and who helped him and things when they wouldn’t even let him come home and stay a few days or a month to get back on his feet get a car or anything. He was making $60 a week if he was lucky paying $50 out for rent and had $10 left for food and gas. He was borrowing a friends car and trying to fix it all the time just to be able to get around.

We got together I took him to a friend who had a company got him a job making decent money working full time. I took my money from my job and bought us a truck and I went and found us a place to stay and let him stay with me at a friends house I was staying out until we got a place.

Just like now as of the first if I had not took him to my friends house, my sisters house and now my moms to stay when I move around he would not have any where to stay either. He would be staying on the floor in that cold empty house with no fridge stove or anything or in his car. When his car broke down my friends husband ordered him the starter because he could get it for way less than what he could get it for since he works for a shop and tow place. He wouldn’t have gotten the part to fix his car because he would be trying to save money to get a place or he would have had to take that chunk of money out to get it and been set back that much.  

Not one friend or family member of his that is around here has offered to let him stay with them for even a night. Or said hey you and the kids could stay here why you look for a place nothing. But then they want to talk about me. I have sold my truck and everything else for us to have money and the things we need. I have helped him with gas and food my friends and family have helped him. But then this is how they want to do and talk about me and do knowing my kids their grand kids are going to be in the street. I promise they won’t be seeing or talking to my kids again. They can sit back and say well we will see them when they are with their dad or what ever but they won’t. Because if he wants to keep seeing them he won’t take them places I don’t want them to be or around people I don’t want them around. He knows I won’t play games after someone does something like that.

{December 25, 2012}   Finally Heard Back

They called me at like 8 am yesterday and said we talked to the owner and she said she won’t rent the house so we are still looking. I haven’t told the kids I am just going to wait until they ask and hope we find something before they do. They think we aren’t going to hear anything until after Christmas. I don’t want them to think about it or worry about it for Christmas.

Today was an ok day the kids were excited they got a lot of what they wanted. They got to see all their grandma’s and grandpa’s today and their aunts and uncles. I am glad I didn’t have to see some of them and could have lived with out seeing a lot of the people I did see. Just not in the mood to celebrate. I really want to be and trying to be but can’t get into it. The kids had a good time and are happy and that is all that really matters.

Had to take baby boy to the ER at like 4am be started having a coughing fit and couldn’t stop or breath. They said he has a infection in his lung. Not to bad, I think it is a vires I think that being here at my moms made it flare up. They smoke and they smoke outside but you still smell it strong even if they do it is still on clothes and things when people smoke. It had been pretty clear and dry the last few day. But they gave him a shot and a meds to take at home and a inhaler.

It hasn’t been bad here but it hasn’t been great either. My mom is driving me nuts and getting on my nerves. quicker than normal. I am just stressed the kids are stressed. We have got to find a place soon. I can’t keep doing this and can’t take this. I am so miserable I know the kids are too. My baby boy keeps telling me he wants his hank and he wants to go home. Hank is his dog. I just want to cry I have been fighting all day to not cry I just want to cry now sitting here but the kids are running around and I don’t want to upset them.

I was upset at my friends house the other day and I started crying. My big boy came over and seen me he was saying there there dry them tears you don’t need to cry and things. Then he was telling me I am going to go I am going to let you be alone so you can handle this. I felt even worse. I am stuck here tomorrow with out a truck or way to go any were. I am 50 mile from where I am use to being.  A way from every one I know a way from where I am trying to go look at places and talk to people. It makes it so hard.

I found something that someone posted today saying that they had a 1400spft house for rent it is a 3/2. It says as is and that it is $500 down $500 a month. It is in a really nice area too. Ex called and talk to the lady about it and she said that it needed a fridge when he asked her what was wrong with it or what it needed. Houses in that area go for a lot more than that so i think it needs more than just a fridge. But at the same time she is coming about 60 miles a way to show it to us so I would think if it was to bad she would want to tell us the things wrong with it and see if we were willing to live with it or fix it. She wanted us to make sure we called her ahead of time if we couldn’t make it so she didn’t waste her time and things. It would be a wast of time to drive over here and show it to us if it had a bunch of stuff wrong and not tell us. But I am going to go look at it and see. I have went every other rout and can’t find anything. I told them maybe this is the bigger better that everyone keeps saying is coming along. It would sure be nice if it was.

Like I told ex right now we have money we can buy a new fridge no problem and put in it. We have put in floors and painted and we have money to do it if it needed stuff  like that even. I would be willing to go in and do some stuff like that if that is all that it needed. I have to do something. I have to have the house we are moving out of cleaned out and ready to be looked at in two days and have no where to take the dogs too. Ex is going back to work tomorrow at 4 am and has to tell them he needs off by 230 to go look at this house so that we can try to get it since we didn’t get the other. He has to drive about 40 miles to work then 40 back to get me then we have to drive the 50 or so to see the house and then turn around and drive back the 50 to my moms. Every time we have to do something like that now we have to do that because his car still isn’t up and going. We have to figure out how to get over there and clean the house our and everything tomorrow and where to put the dogs so we can set a time to meet this man Thursday. I am putting so much out in gas now because of all this and not have found a place. It cost me more to live like this than to have a place pay rent and bills. this is crazy and it is depressing and stressful.

Ex is on my nerves so bad right now too. He is driving me crazy with this wanting to get back together and everything. Everyone else talking about us getting back together and wanting us to get back together. I don’t want to be with him I don’t want to be back together. I don’t even want to move in like this but it is what we have to do for now for the kids. I just want to be a way from everyone right now. I feel like I live in a freaken bubble or something. I can’t keep doing this. I would almost rather be sleeping in my truck. If I didn’t have my kids I would be just to be a way from it all and everyone.

{December 22, 2012}   Stressful But Good News

We talked to the guy yesterday about our house and moving. He said we would hear back in a few days. We figured being the weekend and holidays we would hear something back after Christmas. He called me back today and said he needed to meet us today right a way and do a walk threw of the house. He said that if we let him walk threw the house today and would have everything out by the 27th they would give us $3500 to move on. that is great because then we would have the extra money we need to get into the other house and some to pay ahead on things. But now it gives me like tomorrow and the day after Christmas to get everything out and ex has to work both days. I have all three kids to take with me and deal with why I try to do it. But I will get it done so that I can the money. We can get more time but if we take more time it goes down to $2500 then $1ooo. so we just want to get it done since we have everything out but the dogs.

So now I am off at almost 9 to do my Christmas shopping. I took an hour trip today to get the two boys two trucks they wanted. I didn’t have time to order them and then have them shipped. Plus I got them for way less than what they are going for so it made it more than worth it. Now I have to finish the rest of my shopping. But at least I have some money to shop and know that we will be getting a house soon I hope.

{December 20, 2012}   So Much Going On

So I sold my truck today. Got way less than what it was worth or what I could have gotten out of it if it had been running. But I need the money for the kids for Christmas and to pay a bill. Not much left to work with for Christmas but at least I can get them something. I could cry I guess I have I have done nothing but cry just about all after noon. I really liked that truck and wanted to keep it. I like it way better than mine and would have sold mine if I had the money to get the other one running and the things it needed fixed on it. It is a better truck over all I feel but I had to do what I had to do. I sit back and look at where I am right now and all that I have been threw this year and just can’t believe that I am where I am. But can see why and see that it is all my fault and that I made a really big mistake and boy am I paying for it now. I will be paying for it for a very long time but this is probably the worse it could get. All though I say that and it only gets worse. My friend keeps saying it can only get better from here right but I truly don’t feel that way. I sure can’t think that way because it never does it just gets worse every time I think it is looking up. I keep coming here and writing and probably pretty much just rambling but I don’t know what else to do. All I can do is think about everything and try to figure out what to do and where to go from here. I am so tired and so wore out so exhausted from all this. All I want is a home for my kids I feel so bad that they are suffering for mistakes I have made the last few month. It isn’t fair to them and all because I thought someone cared. I thought that we were going to be together and have a place and family. If things had worked out like they were supposed to then we wouldn’t be in this mess and we would have a home. I have been looking for a job but it is hard to do not having a place to stay and the kids settled down. I have no where for them to be watched at and they would pretty much need to be watched in my home the hours I need someone. I need to call the man about my other house he says he can get us help moving and money to help us move. I’m supposed to call him by tomorrow and see what he can do. I don’t know what he can do or how much he can give us. I have heard anywhere from $1000 to $5000 and around $3000 if we stay in the area we are in more if we go out of state. But right now it isn’t the money down and all that we are having problems with. Now we are having problems showing enough income coming in a month. But maybe if I had more to work with right now I could pay a few months more rent upfront and get into something easier. I could tell them I could pay two or three months upfront and then still pay every month and be paid ahead. Then when I get ready to move I can let them know and be ahead a few months and save that money I would pay my rent with for them months to help move on. I am ready to tell this guy to help me move out of state. You get more if you move out of state.

{December 20, 2012}   Things Not Looking Good

Things aren’t looking so good with the house. They are trying to verify the letter with his job and they are saying we make about $400 less a month than what they want. They said we may need ex’s dad to co sign but I don’t think he will. He said he would if we couldn’t get get a place because of the house and things showing. But he has made comments about how much the rent was and how much we bring in a few times since we started looking. So I don’t know if he is going to sign if they say we don’t show enough income to get in. He will say if they don’t think it is enough then we need to look for something else. But there isn’t anything else anything less is way to small or in a really bad area. I know that I can pay the rent and the bills with no problems. I budget and it is only $400 less than what they want. I don’t have car payments, credit card payments and all that kind of stuff. I have my basic stuff rent, lights, water, gas if there is gas and then my car insurance, gas for the car and food. My bills are a lot less than what most peoples run too because I don’t run my air down to freezing and my water not having to pay for trash and all that is only $35 a month at the most unless we fill a pull or something then it is $55. We don’t have a pool to fill so I don’t have to worry about that and we only fill it once if we did. I don’t know I just wish people would let you know upfront what they want or that what you have isn’t enough. I feel so bad I have never been in this spot before. I feel so bad for the kids they were getting excited about the house it is 5 days til Christmas they were looking foward to being in a place for Christmas. I have bought two of the kids 1 thing each and that is it so far. I have no where to put stuff I buy but my truck and I was trying to wait until we got into somewhere. I guess I am going to my sisters tonight try to work something out with the house and see where to go from there. I may try to go shopping tonight or tomorrow and keep it at her house or my moms. I can see why so many people give up it isn’t easy to do but when you have done everything you can do and tried everything what else are you supposed to do. It just seems hopeless at this point. This is by far one of the worst times I have ever had to go threw and I truly don’t see a way out anymore. Even if I try to get a smaller place they won’t rent it to me because they say we have to many people. 4 kids and 2 adults in 2 bedrooms isn’t allowed. I just sit here and try not to think about it but I have to because I have to figure out where to go and what to do and all I can do is cry. I feel so bad. I have felt sick all day my stomach is in knots. we are down to the last day of school and I have no idea what I am going to do or where I am going to go. I can go to my moms but it is so small there it is only two bedroom and adding two extra adults so we are all in one room. Her husband don’t really care for us being there he isn’t use to having little ones around. My 2 year old isn’t use to living like this he is use to having his room and being able to go to bed at night and play in his room having his stuff. He isn’t use to having to sleep where ever and not having his stuff. So he is into everything and just wonders around he don’t sleep good at night or go to bed good. It has been so hard on everyone.

{December 20, 2012}   Still Waiting

They wouldn’t run the credit check or anything until we got the papers showing proof of income in. We finally go all that turned in yesterday around 3:30. I figure they didn’t start running anything until today. I pray they call us sometime today and tell us we have it. We really need to get our stuff out of where we are tonight they need to get ready for company that is coming this weekend. If we could get the key tonight we would move the stuff we have here and go over there and stay. Then start moving the rest of our stuff tomorrow. It is going to be a pain because I have no more money to rent a truck or trailer this time. I have a little set aside to go buy the kids stuff for Christmas. I can’t take the money I have for that and do it. Plus I have to do something about food and things once we get in there until we get checks next Friday and they are going to be short because of the holidays. It is going to be a ruff few weeks until we get into next year but I think we will be ok. I just have to get everything changed and paid to get in and see where I am at that point. I just hope that they take his paper from work and use it. He has been part time the last few months but just went back to full time. The boss was going to give him a letter saying he was full time. Then they said it had to come from home office in another state from people who just bought the place and really don’t know what is going on. She said she couldn’t put that he was at full time all she could put was and avrage of what he had been working. Then she just sent a letter saying he worked for that company working at $X an hour nothing about how many hours. His boss said just put on it he is full time and that if they have any questions to call him and he would explain because the other women didn’t know what she was doing. He has been trying to get her to send him income info for months. The only reason he got it yesterday was because one of the big guys from up there was down and heard him telling his boss that he wasn’t trying to be a pain or cause problems but that he had been asking for this from her for months and that he had to have it right a way or his kids were going to be homeless. He got on the phone and sent it. I think that is why she sent what she did because she was mad that she got in trouble. The guy had left by the time she sent it so she knew she wouldn’t have to deal with him. Our lady we are dealing with seem to think it was fine and said she was going to tell them to just talk to his boss here if they needed anything. That this girl hasn’t been doing her job and got in trouble and still isn’t doing things right. She said the vet thing they will give me so long to get once I get into the house. I am on pins and needles waiting to hear back from them. If we don’t get this one we have to start all over with another one. That means not getting into somewhere until after new years probably since it is Friday just about and then holidays. I really don’t want to go to my moms all the way in palm bay. But we can’t stay here either. We been here for like 3 weeks now. We have to do something. it was for a week maybe 2 when we started. I really hate waiting. I hope it don’t take 48 hours like they said it could take. They said 24/48 but that we were local and it shouldn’t take long at all. The kids can’t wait to get in and put all our Christmas stuff up. They will be really disappointed if they don’t get to do it this year. We have it up by the first most years sometimes before. We have never waited so late to put it up.

{December 20, 2012}   District Wide Threat at The Schools

When I picked my big girl up at school yesterday I had to go sign her out at the office. The principal came out to the cars in the loop and was telling all the parents that there was a district wide threat to all the schools in the area. She didn’t say what just that there was a threat made. I came home a read online that there was a man who went in a bank and threaten a shooting bigger than what they seen in Connecticut. Later I got a call from the school board saying that a private sector employee threaten harm to “people” that they locked down a bunch of schools just before the kids were allowed to go home. They had to wait for the police to get them a photo of the man who made the comment and sent it to all the schools. They asked the schools to keep and eye out for people being on campus.

Everyone was debating on weather to send their kids to school today or not. I said I wasn’t sending mine they could just stay home. All they are doing is crafts and movies and getting out an hour early. They aren’t going to miss much. Everyone was saying our kids are smart and they would know what to do and our school the way it is set up it would be hard to get into and do something like that. I said I really didn’t think anything like that would happen at either of my kids schools but that in reality it really could and that both of them were set up to the point that it would make it hard for any of them to get out and run if it did. And everyone thinks not at my school until it happens. I want to have that not at my kids school not worried mind set. But I can’t I look at the big picture and the reality of it all. And the reality like I said is no one thinks it is going to be at their kids school until it is or until it is down the street at a school.

Yes our kids are pretty smart and the other kids in the schools are too. But that don’t mean they are going to react the way they should if something were to happen. It may be do to no fault of their own. No one knows how they are going to react if something like that is to happen. We want to think we would hold it all together and do everything we could to get our self and kids out. That our kids would hide and do what they could to get out. But the truth we may freeze we may panic we may just go blank and not know what to do. The kids may could very well do the same things. Plus they are kids they are going to be looking at the adults in charge to find out what to do. What if they panic or something. Everyone can only move so fast and do so much even if they are trying to do the right thing. Who’s to say that the class the person walks in first and starts shooting up isn’t going to be their class. Then what how much can that poor class of kids do to get a way? May give other classes time to get a way and get out when they hear it but not that class. I just didn’t like the idea of mine going.

The kids were not happy about going they were all upset and crying they were going to miss their parties and this and that. I told them not to worry about their parties we would get cookies some candy cocoa and stuff and stay in our pj’s and have our own party and watch movies today. But you know kids that just isn’t the same. We just told them they would have to wait and see and do what we told them.

They were saying but there are extra police at the schools and they are locked down they won’t let them past the office and things. Some of the parents were saying the same thing. They have the campus closed they have to go threw the office. Ok so they close the campus no one can get on but to come into the office. The shooter up there went to the office first. He still got threw to the classrooms. Sure they go into the office and everyone there see’s what is about to go on and see’s them. But can they really stop him? Think about it, it is them against a gun just like up there. They can try but they are just going to shoot them and walk past them to the class or where ever he wants to go. So it really isn’t going to stop anything by making them go threw the office.

I just pray that all the kids are safe today we don’t have any copy cat people out there who thinks this was cool or neat and that this all gets back to as normal as we can by the time school goes back in Jan.

Later on the news they said the man was a unhappy ex employ of the bank and that he threaten the bank. That he would do something bigger than that at the bank. But they were still worried about it. They said he seem to suffer from a mental condition. Said they arrested him but if they did I don’t know why they would need to send his picture out to all the schools yesterday. I also read different places that over the last few days parents had made offhand comments and things that were being looked at. They had something happen and threats at schools in counts all around us the last week or so also.

The kids here ended up going to school today even one of mine. She got up crying and begging me to go to school. She just don’t get how bad this could be I don’t think or thinks it isn’t going to happen at her school. As a mom I had to really think about what to do. I would feel much better to have her at home with me where I know she is safe of course. At the same time I don’t want her to start being afraid to go to school or to worry that something bad is going to happen at school. I don’t like the way her school is set up and the things they are going to be doing today. The kids are not going to be in their class with their teacher. They are going to have a buddy and wonder around from class to class and do different cradts foods movies and things like that all day. Her school is all inside in one little building. They have the office and like 7 or 10 classes all in it. There everyone has to go to the office to get on campus anytime the way it is set up. But once they walk into the office they are about 5 feet from the classes. I don’t worry about them wondering around like that most the time. But my thought is if something like that does happen these kids are not going to be with their teachers. They are going to be scattered with all different kids with all different teachers. No teacher is going to know where all her kids are and no one is going to know if someone is missing or who is hurt until who knows when. Where as if they were all in their own classes and something happen the teacher could say X students were here and this is what happen or X students are hurt or what. Or if the teacher couldn’t they could go threw her roll buck pretty fast and see. The way things are no one is going to be accounted for they are not going to know who was or wasn’t at school who to look for or anything. I cried when I left her and felt horrible. I didn’t feel like anything was going to happen or any bad feelings or I wouldn’t have let her go. But like always there is that possibility and to me if someone was going to do something today would be the day to do it since there is no school for weeks after today. And hour and a half until I can pick her up I can’t wait. My boys are sick so we laid down and slept for a little bit after I dropped her off helped keep my mind off of it a little bit. Until the dreams started coming. What a horrible thing that we as parents have to worry about this when we send our kids to school.


{December 19, 2012}   Quick Update

A fast update since I have to leave to get my daughter in just a few minutes. Tomorrow is the last day of school so that means we will be moving from where we are staying now to about 50 miles or more a way if we can’t get in a house by the weekend. I REALLY don’t want to do this it means staying with my mom and her husband. I know he don’t like having us there and it is small. He isn’t use to having little kids around.

We went and looked at one of the houses we looked at the other weekend again and gave them the money for the credit check and the paper work they needed. But now I am waiting on them to get ex’s paper work from his job. He has been try to get them to give him a paper saying he works X hours a week at X amount. Just to show proof of income. But they say everything has to come from home office that is in some state forever a way from here. The women he has to talk to about it never gets back to him no matter how many times we call and leave a message. We waited for hours to get it yesterday and I guess she just went home and didn’t do it. I am going to call and complain here soon if she don’t get something faxed over today. He is trying to see if his box can just sign something for him. They said they will take bank statements where it shows it goes into his bank every other week for the last 3 months. But with being sick having a death and all this going on with moving he had been working part time. He wants them to show that he has went back to full time or we probably won’t get it.

I have to take the dogs to the vet and get their rabies shot tonight too so that I can turn that in. They won’t even run the credit report until we get all this turned in. All though the day we gave them the paper work and the money they didn’t say we needed this upfront they said they would need it after they ran it so we had time to get it. Now they want it upfront.

I have been sick with this head cold that is going around and feel horrible. My teeth are trying to start hurting and bother me. I think it is from the cough drops I been taking for my cold. I am so sleepy I can’t stand it. I am trying to help around here and do things and run around and get all the stuff they want and get it turned in. If we get it all turned in and they tell us no I don’t know what I will do. I will cry I know. I just want to be in a place of our own so that I can get back on track with the kids and we are able to have things the way we are use to them being. I was starting to think things were turning around but now I am not sure with the way things are going with the paper work. I had started to get a little hope and a little excited about being in somewhere in the next day or two. Now I am starting to feel a little down again and worry.

{December 17, 2012}   Stalked

As I am sure most of you have noticed I haven’t really put any personal information on here. I haven’t put my name or even simple things like location. I don’t use my name or names of my kids, friends or family on here either. I don’t want anything on here to make it possible to tie it back to me. I have shared it with very few friends and family even. That is mostly because I want to say what ever I want here with out feed back from all of them. I get enough of that from them as it is. I can be more open and honest on here than with many of them. I get better feedback here than from most of them. The ones I have shared it with are like the rest of you they give feedback they are open and honest but don’t try to force their view as the only way.

Yes I do write about our lives and things like that and that is personal but with out names and locations it is pretty hard for someone to tie it back and know it is me. I don’t know that this person would ever find it on here but all the stuff they have found out and know it wouldn’t surprise me. They have gotten phone numbers that were listed in other people’s names that were unlisted and all kinds of stuff. They know where my kids and my sister went to school and all kinds of things. Every time we move they know where we move. They have called and talk to my grandparents before. But they told them they were from the school. We figured they already knew but wasn’t sure. But that’s how we found out they knew where they went to school. Because they said that is where they were from and wanted info about us. We called the school they know us and the kids very well and they said no one from there needed any info and had not called.

This keeps them from finding it but most of all I don’t want someone else to find it and get any info about me or my family. You see for many years most my life that I can remember we have been stalked. I never thought of it that way until years ago the police said that if they could ever catch the person they would be charged with stalking instead of something else because it would carry more of a punishment and things with it. They have done so much.

We have moved many times set traps waited up and all kinds of stuff to try and catch them. The cops have hidden all around our house and the area around us watching for them and could never catch them. No joke this person sometimes would come two or three times in one week and as soon as the cops would set up and sit back and watch he wouldn’t come. We figured out what days and times he was mostly to come and everything. The cops would hide in trees sheds and all over the place with no cars around and he still never came.

My mom followed a guy once until the cops got there to get him. He had been looking in the window and even got in the truck. When it was all said and done he wasn’t the right person. He was just out robbing cars that night and looked in the window to see if anyone was up or where they were. They figured out he wasn’t the one who had done it all along because he had just gotten out of prison not long before that and it went on why he was there.

They do stupid stuff and things to let you know they were there. They use to knock on the window and run. By the time you could get up and look they were gone. Like they wanted you to wake up and know they were there. We have found bottles they left outside the windows and smokes. We have had them throw stuff at the house like chunks of block if they couldn’t get to the house. They would bring it with them because it wouldn’t be anything from around us and when we lived at different places it would be the same kind of block at different places we lived. They would even call us on the phone when we would come home from places. They got to where they would call me and my mom at work when we worked different places. They would never say anything but they would call and hang there until you hung up. They would call as soon as you walked in the door like to let you know they knew you just got home. You could never trace the call and the number never showed up on caller id.

I am positive I have probably talked to them more than once. With working in the stores by my house and different places around that are public places that I deal with people all day all the time. I would never know if they walked up to me and started talking to me or went through my line. I think this is why they never say anything on the phone afraid we might figure it out.

They had started coming back around again bad last year when ex moved out. RC was here a few times and went out to try and see who it was. He went all threw back yards and things and couldn’t catch them. It had stopped for a while when I called the police and went around talking to others who lived around me and asked them to start watching. I have noticed someone being out there again since I been back here the last few months. The other night my aunt was here and stayed til late. I walked out to the street to her car with her. We were standing there talking. I could hear someone waking around the back yard of the house next to me. No one lives there. By the time I got inside and went out the back to look around and get my phone they were gone again. It’s bad because everyone says get a dog but I have had three dogs now over the years and they just get use to them being there. I don’t know if they are sneaking around and feeding them or what. Or maybe the dogs have just gotten so use to them always being there. I know they have hit my big dog before so she is probably scared of them.

I am going to get a gun just as soon as I can. My dad was here the other day and he was telling me he had one or two he was going to give me that he got from my grandpa. I don’t like the idea of a gun but at this point I don’t know what else to do when the dogs aren’t afraid of them and they have tried coming in my house more than once with us in it. I know they have even been in my house when I wasn’t here. I have no clue how they get in or out because the place is locked up just as it was when I left. But things have been moved I can smell cologne or smells like someone who works with oil and grease in a shop with cars. No one around me does that no one in my house does. I come in it smells like someone has smoked through my house. I smell it strong. It isn’t like the air is pulling it in or something like that because it is off when I am not home. Plus you smell nothing outside the house. But I come home and my house smells like it all the way through it. A few times money has been missing. Nothing big change or a couple of dollars that got laid down. Just things to let you know they were there and so you know they were in your house.

A few times I have come home and found my door open. Of course the police come out go through the house say no one is here nothing is missing we don’t know who it was or maybe you just didn’t close it good and go on. The houses on both sides of me are empty and everyone else works so no one sees anything. It takes the cops forever to get here when you do call them so I feel that at this point with me and my kids being alone and me having to take care of my kids and protect us a gun is the best option. I have a few big knifes but they have to get so close to you before you can use a knife and could take it a way from you by that point. I am going to be signing my kids up for a kids gun safety class also. I will keep it put up but I would like them to still know in case. I also have to get a cancelled weapons permit because I want to have it with me when I am out. I am not so much worried about being out and something happening. But what if I come home and they are in my house waiting for me. What am I going to do say oh hold on let me go get my gun. I don’t think that is going to work.

I am not going to live my life in fear and stop doing things or be afraid to live by myself. But I am not going to be stupid either and not have some kind of protection knowing this is going on. I will still get up and go out all hours of the night if I don’t have the kids. If I can’t sleep and decide I want something from the little store or want to go shopping and get it done why there isn’t a ton of old people wandering around in the AM or kids running around in the after noon and why I don’t have my kids. I get up and go. My mom and ex have a fit and my friend I can’t believe you do that and you know we have this problem and how things are anyway with crime around. But like I said I am not going to live in fear but I am not stupid either. I park close to the store and things I watch around me. I am always looking around for anyone or anything that don’t seem right. I keep my truck locked up tight all the time. Heck sometimes I go sit at the boat ramp at night when there is nothing to do and I just feel like getting out and thinking. But I don’t get out I park and sit there in the truck. If someone comes up I can drive a way. I park so that I can’t get blocked in and even then I watch what is going on around me. Who is coming and going if someone seems to get close and things like that. Plus the copes sit down there all the time any way so they are in and out of there and everyone knows that too. It is lit up like a football field for what it is and the small area it is. So it isn’t hard to see all that is going on. But that is why I put a lot out there about me and my life but basic stuff isn’t out there. I am sure if they really wanted to there is probably some way they could find it but I don’t think it would be that easy or something they would really want to take the time to do. But I know if I put names of places and people or my name anywhere on here all they have to do is punch my name in and search and find it very easy.

You can read more about what has went on or is going on in my other post here Tired Of Being Watched and Followed

et cetera
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