{December 25, 2012}   Finally Heard Back

They called me at like 8 am yesterday and said we talked to the owner and she said she won’t rent the house so we are still looking. I haven’t told the kids I am just going to wait until they ask and hope we find something before they do. They think we aren’t going to hear anything until after Christmas. I don’t want them to think about it or worry about it for Christmas.

Today was an ok day the kids were excited they got a lot of what they wanted. They got to see all their grandma’s and grandpa’s today and their aunts and uncles. I am glad I didn’t have to see some of them and could have lived with out seeing a lot of the people I did see. Just not in the mood to celebrate. I really want to be and trying to be but can’t get into it. The kids had a good time and are happy and that is all that really matters.

Had to take baby boy to the ER at like 4am be started having a coughing fit and couldn’t stop or breath. They said he has a infection in his lung. Not to bad, I think it is a vires I think that being here at my moms made it flare up. They smoke and they smoke outside but you still smell it strong even if they do it is still on clothes and things when people smoke. It had been pretty clear and dry the last few day. But they gave him a shot and a meds to take at home and a inhaler.

It hasn’t been bad here but it hasn’t been great either. My mom is driving me nuts and getting on my nerves. quicker than normal. I am just stressed the kids are stressed. We have got to find a place soon. I can’t keep doing this and can’t take this. I am so miserable I know the kids are too. My baby boy keeps telling me he wants his hank and he wants to go home. Hank is his dog. I just want to cry I have been fighting all day to not cry I just want to cry now sitting here but the kids are running around and I don’t want to upset them.

I was upset at my friends house the other day and I started crying. My big boy came over and seen me he was saying there there dry them tears you don’t need to cry and things. Then he was telling me I am going to go I am going to let you be alone so you can handle this. I felt even worse. I am stuck here tomorrow with out a truck or way to go any were. I am 50 mile from where I am use to being.  A way from every one I know a way from where I am trying to go look at places and talk to people. It makes it so hard.

I found something that someone posted today saying that they had a 1400spft house for rent it is a 3/2. It says as is and that it is $500 down $500 a month. It is in a really nice area too. Ex called and talk to the lady about it and she said that it needed a fridge when he asked her what was wrong with it or what it needed. Houses in that area go for a lot more than that so i think it needs more than just a fridge. But at the same time she is coming about 60 miles a way to show it to us so I would think if it was to bad she would want to tell us the things wrong with it and see if we were willing to live with it or fix it. She wanted us to make sure we called her ahead of time if we couldn’t make it so she didn’t waste her time and things. It would be a wast of time to drive over here and show it to us if it had a bunch of stuff wrong and not tell us. But I am going to go look at it and see. I have went every other rout and can’t find anything. I told them maybe this is the bigger better that everyone keeps saying is coming along. It would sure be nice if it was.

Like I told ex right now we have money we can buy a new fridge no problem and put in it. We have put in floors and painted and we have money to do it if it needed stuff  like that even. I would be willing to go in and do some stuff like that if that is all that it needed. I have to do something. I have to have the house we are moving out of cleaned out and ready to be looked at in two days and have no where to take the dogs too. Ex is going back to work tomorrow at 4 am and has to tell them he needs off by 230 to go look at this house so that we can try to get it since we didn’t get the other. He has to drive about 40 miles to work then 40 back to get me then we have to drive the 50 or so to see the house and then turn around and drive back the 50 to my moms. Every time we have to do something like that now we have to do that because his car still isn’t up and going. We have to figure out how to get over there and clean the house our and everything tomorrow and where to put the dogs so we can set a time to meet this man Thursday. I am putting so much out in gas now because of all this and not have found a place. It cost me more to live like this than to have a place pay rent and bills. this is crazy and it is depressing and stressful.

Ex is on my nerves so bad right now too. He is driving me crazy with this wanting to get back together and everything. Everyone else talking about us getting back together and wanting us to get back together. I don’t want to be with him I don’t want to be back together. I don’t even want to move in like this but it is what we have to do for now for the kids. I just want to be a way from everyone right now. I feel like I live in a freaken bubble or something. I can’t keep doing this. I would almost rather be sleeping in my truck. If I didn’t have my kids I would be just to be a way from it all and everyone.

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