Hope everyone had a fun and safe day yesterday and last night. We went over to my friends house around the corner and spent the evening letting the kids play in the pool and then doing fireworks. was getting ready to come home but the kids decided to go back in the pool and eat some more after the fireworks. I am glad they had a good time. It was an ok day I just wanted to stay home really didn’t feel like going ex was going the kids wanted him to. I can’t seem to walk out of the house with out him in my ass. Then if I say something it is a fight. started off not being able to find the baby’s outfit then they finally fount it. After we got to my friends it was alright most the evening until right before they stated fireworks. We were all standing in the front yard and I asked ex something and he started jumping all over me and saying stuff about me. I was so mad and upset. I went inside and got my stuff to leave and my friend didn’t want me to. Her husband came in and told me not to go anywhere. I know he wasn’t happy about it. i just wanted out of there because I am not going to stand there and let him talk to me that way and not say anything but I also am not going to stand there and get into it with him at someone else house with a bunch of people there. I started helping her clean up we were out back picking up and he came out there two more times trying to start with me. I just ignored him. He finally got mad and went somewhere for a little bit not sure where he went. I stayed there with them and watched the fireworks and things. He showed back up why we were watching them but I didn’t say anything else to him for the rest of the night. He won’t go somewhere with his friends or go do something with his family he has to stay in my ass all the time. I can’t stand it here anymore. I am so sick of sitting in my room all the time not having anything and not doing anything because of him. I really can’t stand being around him I can’t stand the thought of him being in the same room house or anything else with me. I just really don’t like him and don’t want to be around him. It gets harder and harder every day to be here around him. I am getting short with the kids and things I spend anytime I don’t have the little girl I watch in my room in bed. I am to the point I don’t even want to watch her anymore. I do but with the way things are here I don’t really I don’t want to do anything at all but stay in bed because of the way things are here. It is a fight every day to get up and do anything. I have to get out of here or get him out but I have to get a few things straight before I can and I don’t even know if I am going to be able to do that or not. I have some stuff up and I am at risk of  losing it and I really don’t want to lose it and one isn’t mine it is my daughters so I can’t. But things are so tight and so messed up with him not paying things like he is supposed to I don’t know how I am going to keep from losing my stuff. My friend said a friend of hers that comes to the parties and things that I know might be able to get me a job at the bank. She has worked there for 16 years and is a manager now. That would be great but it is in the day time and I don’t know what I would do with my kids why I am there. I still wouldn’t make enough to pay daycare for them all and to run them all over the place. I am going to check into a few things and see what I can work out if I can’t come up with something I might go do it once school starts back if she can get me on.

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