Yesterday ex got his first paycheck from his new job. Wasn’t anything big just a days pay but right now we need every little bit we can get. I asked him how much it was for and he told me and it was $40 less than it should have been. So I was asking him why and of course he lied and swear he didn’t know why. I finally have him get his stub and he had already cashed the check so he had to of looked at it already. He comes in brings over to where I was and goes oh that’s why I only got paid $X an hour. He is only making 50 cent more and hour at this job. He was supposed to be making $4 or more an hour if he took this job. I asked him the day he started if he talk to the guy about pay and find out how much he was making for sure and he told me yes and it was the 4 not 5. The guy had told him one or the other but nothing for sure. So he says who knows. I had said something to him a few times this week about his checks and how much he was going to be making and him talking to the guy and he was sure the guy said this when he asked him two Fridays ago about it when he started and he said every time and it is 4 more than what I am making now. I had planed on this worked bills and things around this and everything else. He hasn’t paid half of anything like he was supposed to since we got moved in here. I get the little bit of money I get on the first and 99.99% of the time it is gone by the next day or two because I have to rush around and pay on bills and make sure rent gets paid. The last few month with him not making anything hardly and not getting 40 hours a week we have not even been getting by. I have pawned all my stuff to just keep us from going under and am down to I have nothing left to do anything with. I had been worried about losing my stuff that is in pawn because things have gotten so bad and everything else. He a sure me he had this job he was going to be making more we would be able to get everything out of pawn get things caught up and he could start saving money to move on. After I find this out last night I know most I am going to lose all my stuff. He said no you won’t don’t worry about it I will take care of it but he never takes care of anything if this isn’t a good example of that I don’t know what is and he has no way and no where to get any money that’s why all my stuff is in pawn now. I am so mad and so upset it isn’t like the stuff I have is really worth anything. Well I take that back I have one piece in there that is worth a lot of money. The other just means something to me it is stuff my dad had made and gave me stuff my grandpa who just passed last year gave me and stuff like that. I would normally never have done something like that but I had no other options. I have even gotten money from my dad and owe him money now that I was supposed to have paid back already and can’t. I am so ready to just give up. I spent all of today in bed but a few hours that I want and sat with my friends kids so her and her husband could go out.

I feel so stupid for believing him and for thinking that maybe just maybe for once things were going to start to get better and there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t think I am in a tunnel anymore I think I am in a grave that has been pretty much completely covered over. There is just enough gap that I can gasp for air and that’s about it. It isn’t even a big enough gap to see light anymore.

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