I am sure you have noticed if you read my other post  New Girl In Town and  Update On New Girl In Town there is a person missing or not talked about. That would be her dad RC, he has seen her one time since I had her 3 months ago and she was 3 1/2 weeks old then. He has not called or tried to see her since then. He didn’t even hold her because he had a couple drinks.

I was here at the house with my dad who came to stay the night ex and the kids. I was putting the baby in the carseat because my friend was on her way to pick us up and so we could go shopping with her. It was about 9pm. I was running around trying to get stuff together when my phone rang. I didn’t know who it was so I just declined it, well in a minute it rang again. I don’t remember if I sent it to voice mail then and answered it the next time or if I just answered it then since they called right back but anyway. I answered it and had it on speaker or I can’t hear. Someone said hows my kid or hows the kid? I said what I knew I should know who it was but I couldn’t hear good with everything going on around me and at the same time I am thinking I don’t have anyone’s kids here but mine so why are they asking me how their kid is. They must have the wrong number. Then I though it was my friends husband the one who was on her way to pick me up. We have this joke about the baby. All this is going through my head in about 2 seconds and all at the same time I realise it is RC. He sounded different he sound old and tired. I said I am trying to get the baby ready and in the truck I am getting ready to leave I might lose you walking around in my house and I can’t hear you so just hold on let me get outside. I didn’t want ex and everyone to know who I was talking to so didn’t want him to say anything. He said I will just call you back in a few minutes and hung up. I got outside and got in my truck to put the baby in her seat and get out and he called me back and asked how she was. I told him fine and that we were getting ready to head his way. Asked him what was going on what he was doing. He never calls if something isn’t going on. He can’t talk to me and he don’t feel right talking to me and she won’t let him talk to anyone and for sure not me. If she knew he would be in a lot of trouble. He said he was at his ex wife’s old house dropping his stuff off , It has been forclosed on no one lives there now. I asked why and he said because the cops got called at the house and he had to leave for the night. He said her older daughter got up in his face and started and his little girl got scared and called. They made him leave. He asked me about the baby some more and where I was going. I told him with our friend shopping up by him. I asked him to meet us at Denny’s so we could talk and he could see the baby. He said no he didn’t want to and he didn’t have gas. It isn’t that far from where he was. I told him we would come pick him up and he kept saying no. He said he didn’t want to talk and he didn’t want to see her. I asked him why he didn’t want to see her he said he was done he was going to do something stupid and that he just wanted to end it all and things. We talked for a little bit by text at one point then he told me he was going to do something stupid. I called him he argued with me he didn’t want to see me or her and he didn’t want me to see him that he had already done it it was to late. He said he was going to be by the water and stuff. He loves to fish and things. He finally told me we could come but it wasn’t going to change things. I asked him where he was he said in a parking lot. I said what one he was being a smart ass and said a big one. I said stop being a smart ass there are a lot of them around here answer me. He got a little pissed I think but he told me. He was at the old closed down mall. We went over there. We pulled up he was laid back with his eyes closed my friend was saying look he is a sleep is he ok I think something is wrong. I said no nothing is wrong with him he isn’t sleeping he is a wake. we had pulled up with our lights right on him and then was siting right beside him he hadn’t looked over or anything. She was starting to get worried I could tell she was getting her phone and saying no he is a sleep somethings wrong with him. I said i’m going to go talk to him she said you think it’s ok. I said yeah it’s ok just wait a minute he is fine. She was worried he was going to really start a fight too and try to take the baby and keep her. I got out and walked over to the window and said something to him and he looked at me and started talking. I can’t even remeber what all he said and then he said something about the baby. I said yeah she is with us she’s in the car. I walked to the back of the car open the door and took her out of her seat. She had been really upset and wanting to eat. I walked over to the window again and showed her to him and he just started crying. I turned around and told my friend to go get me drink up the street at the little store. She didn’t want to she asked if I was going I said no thats why I gave you the money. She didn’t want to leave me and the baby there alone with him I know she was affraid something was going to happen. I said i really need a drink just go over to the fast food place get me one through the drive through. She finally went. I wanted to talk to him with out anyone there because I didn’t know if he would open up and talk to me with her there or not. I walked around to the other side of his truck and tried to open the door it was locked. I knocked on  the window and told him to unlock it. He was talking to her before she left. He open it I said I got to get the baby out of the rain it is trying to rain again plus she wants to eat. I had my shirt and a tank top kind of shirt on that was a nursing shirt so I took my shirt off so I could nurse her better. We sat there and talked for what seemed like ever why she was gone and then when she came back he didn’t even know she pulled up behind him he just kept talking I didn’t say anything just kept talking to him.

He told me again how sorry he was for what he had done to me and for the way things where. He told me all about what had been going on since I had left and he brought her down here and things. He had had her back to Tenn like 5 or 6 times at that point so like once a month almost. He can’t afford that and I know it. That is why they hadn’t had money for food and things. He told me about not having his boys and some of how that came about. Then he dropped the bomb and said he told them he wasn’t their dad and signed his rights up to them. I couldn’t believe it. I had asked and asked him about them before and how they were and if they were ok and things. He would just say yeah they were fine and that he only had the little one. Then I seen he didn’t have either on of them. He was upset again and telling me how she didn’t want them there because they wouldn’t call her mommy and how she treated them and that she got mad because everyone would ask how they were but didn’t ask about her daughters and their daughter they had together. Like he said no one knows them no one knows her because I’m not allowed to see my friends I’m not allowed to talk to them. She got him a new number and phone and took all his hold contacts out and put the ones she wanted him to have in it and that was it. She went through his facebook and blocked a bunch of people and took them off his page and added her family and friends. I couldn’t believe all he was telling me. He told me how he didn’t have his job at the station or towing anymore and why and was really mad and upset about that. He was telling me where he was working now. I already knew and knew where he lived he didn’t know I knew any of that. I was telling him you can get out of it you know and you can maybe get things fixed with the boys so that you can have some rights to them and see them and things. I even told him I would help him. He just kept saying he didn’t have anything to offer anyone and he had lost everything and how things where there and things. I told him he could do it and it wouldn’t be easy but that I knew he had friends that would help him if he really wanted to move out and try to fix the mess he was in and that I would help him and that I would talk to some of these people with him. He wouldn’t do it he was talking about how she felt about him and what everyone else thought of him and felt about him since all this stuff had happen. I told him he knew how I felt and that others understood or would understand. He just told me to forget him and give up on him. He said you know you were so faithful and loyoal and always there but you didn’t do anything that was our problem. I wanted to say something but I didn’t. I didn’t want to be nasty the shape he was already in and things. He called her a bitch he said I never called a women that but she is. Then he said I’m wrong I called you that once when we were fighting. I said I don’t remeber you ever calling me that or anything. He said yeah I know I did and i’m sorry I feel so bad about it everytime I think about it. I said you may as well stop and forget it because if you did I either didn’t hear you or have forgotten about it. He told my friend there was still feeling there and things because at one point we were all talking there. She told him he needed to get his balls back from her and be a man again and get out of the mess he was in and fix the messes he mad. I figure he was going to get mad or say something he just looked at her and said get my balls back and be a man again and kind of half laughed. He got out of the truck and was standing there between the cars. I said what are you doing it’s raining get back in. He was smoking. He said no I’m not smoking around the baby. I hold it out the window on your side he wouldn’t get back in until he was done.

He was standing out there talking between the two cars to me and our friend she was still in hers. He was talking about the baby he kept saying it or the kid. He finally said I don’t even know my own kids name I keep calling her it. I told him her name. The hospital came up and about when I was there having her. He said he was in the other hospital with kidney stones the same time I was having her. He said she had his phone came in and said oh by the way your ex is having or had your daughter. If you want anything to do with her you need to go be with her. Then she went in and blocked me our friend and our friends daughter. So that none of us could get a hold of him. We didn’t have the number. I wanted to call him once they got me settled in at the hospital and I knew what was going on for sure but they kept messing with me then moved me to the other room when I was getting ready to call and with in 30 minutes of being put in the other room I had her. Everything happen so fast. I sent him a message that night and then tried to send one the next day. But by the next monrning I was blocked. He was standing there looking in the truck at her why we were talking. He said we did good, he said no you did momma you did a good job. He went to wal mart with us for a little bit. I kept telling him to let me drive him over there or to ride with us he wouldn’t do it. He said you let me drive you before but you won’t let me drive myself now just be cause I have had a couple drinks tonight. I wasn’t worried about the drinks at all it had been a little while since he had them and I knew he wasn’t drunk but he had also took a bunch of sleeping pills. I didn’t want them to start working on him why he was driving. I said fine I am going to ride with you if you won’t let me drive you or go with us. He said no your not I don’t have a car seat for the baby. I said the baby isn’t going with us she will go with our friend she will meet us there. He was telling me no get out of the truck. I wouldn’t do it . He was telling out friend to get her friend and the baby and put us in her car. I said let me put the baby in the car and then I want to ride with you I want to talk to you about something. I got out and as I was putting the baby in the car he took off with my door open and everything else. My shirt phone and drink were all siting in there. I was so affraid he through my phone out. By time I got in the car and close the door he was to far gone we couldn’t catch up with him. We got to the store and he was sitting there in the truck with the door open. I walked over to ask him what the hell he was doing and if he still had my phone. There was something on the ground he had gotten sick. Nasty but I was glad to see since I knew he had taken all them pills. He walked around the store with us for a little bit then said he was going to the house to get something. We told him he should wait til the next day he said no he was going to get it they would be sleeping. We were there a while longer when we left we went by his house to see if he made it home and make sure they weren’t fighting and things. His truck was pulled up in the middle of the yard right up to the door and he was no where to be seen the house was dark he had went in and went to bed. I talk to him the next day he told me not to call that phone he was giving it back to her and going to get his on in a week or so and moving in about 3 weeks when he saved some money. He said he would call me when he got his phone on and give me the number and stuff. That’s been what 10 or more weeks ago and I have heard nothing since. Some one unblocked me for a little bit I sent pictures of the baby and things but no one ever responded. He let her suck him back in is all. He is going through severe depression. I know how he feels and how it is. I went through it with the other one before I finally told him to leave and am now. It is hard to leave when you feel you have no where to go and no money to go on no help or family and things. He don’t even really have a truck or car now. She talked him in to turning his in and got him a truck but every time she gets mad about something or decides she don’t want him to drive it she tells him it is hers and makes him walk and things. He is only making $8 and only getting 20 hours a week. He is leaving her in the house with the kids so he has to get a new place on that. He feels like non of his friends want to talk to him or have anything to do with him because of stuff that has went on since him and her got together and him not talking to them and things. He feels he really has nothing to offer and no where to go and that no one cars. He told me a few times I am just getting what I deserve for what I did to you and things. I know there is a lot going on and a lot he is thinking he has said it and he don’t have to I already know what it is like. But at the same time he needs to decide enough is enough and get a way from her. He has already lost everything and has nothing. Not trying to be mean but he even said and he really has. I am afraid that he really is going to do something to himself or something is going to happen to him.

I go between understanding what is going on and the shape his is in to being so mad and pissed off at him. I just want to go knock on his door and tell him how I feel and what I think. But I just try not to think about it but you really can’t. That’s another post for later in the day or another day. It is already 5am I have to be up in an hour and a half and don’t even feel sleepy. I sure hope all the kids want to go back to bed when we get home in the morning.


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