{August 27, 2013}   We Went Out Saturday Night

Saturday night I finally go out for a while with no kids at all. It was my friend that lives around the corner from me’s birthday. We went out on the gambling boat Saturday evening. I left here a little before 5 and didn’t get back until 1 something. We had fun. Well me and the birthday boy did lol. I think the others who went got a little aggravated with me and him. Lets just say we drank more than the rest. I had about 6 and a half mixed drinks and the last two were the size of about two or three of the others. I wasn’t sure about going at all because I had never been out on a boat like that or a cruse nothing. just out with friends on their boats and I could come back when I wanted to and things. Not a ton of people around. Wasn’t sure how it was going to go with my panic attacks. I was afraid I may have one with everyone out there felling crowed or being on there and not being able to get off. But it wasn’t bad at all really. My mom such a huge help and ex kept talking all day about how sick people get when they go out there and how bad it was to be sea sick and things and that I would get sick since I hadn’t been out before. Just like them to always look for the worse and try to find the negative in everything and have no faith in you or anything nice to say.

We got there early like they want got on got our playing card and dinner pass. Then we went down to eat before it got to crowed. After we ate we sat there for a little bit and I started thinking about everything. My attacks and them talking about getting sick I almost had myself talked into getting off. But I didn’t, I told them we needed to go find something to do to get my mind off things. I had done decided no matter what I wasn’t getting off what ever happened would just happen. But really felt everything would be ok. We went up to the deck and out to the bar out there. We all got a drink and hung out til the boat got out far enough we could gamble. The guys took off and it was just us three girls. We wondered around and played then went back out to the bar and had a drink. We wondered around for a while. I seen the witches dad when we were eating, The one who told my ex he could do better and ran and told him everything we had talked about and things.  I told my friend I was going to go say hi and chit chat just because. I knew it would get back to her. I talk to her dad all the time just not her. She is the type that you shouldn’t go out you shouldn’t drink smoke gamble nothing like that. But then the things she dose it’s crazy. I figured she already has nothing better to do than talk about me and how I am I may as well give her something to talk about lol. Toward the middle of the night we all ended up on outside by the bar. We were all on the back off the boat. The birthday guy was out there he went and bought us all drinks. We were all just standing around there not really doing anything. I said I will be back and walked up to the front where he was standing and started talking to him. He was surprised I was dressed make up done. He said I had to do a double take when I seen you earlier I wasn’t sure that was you. We talked for a few and I went on. He had some younger guy with him he introduced himself I said hi. I went back to where everyone was at. My friends husband said that old guy you were talking to keeps looking at you lol. I said yeah its ok told him who he was and what all happen he laughed. the rest were gone it was just him and his brother in law standing there we talked they had went to the bathroom. He said you want another drink. I said mines gone he said i know that do you want another. I said hell I always can go for another so he handed me money told me go get one. Thats when I got the monster hurricane bucket like 32 oz. I drink it in just a little bit and went and refilled it. I probably shouldn’t have done that. Even though I didn’t even end up drinking but half the refill or less. they think I had 3 or 4 of them. They didn’t know I never drink the other until long after I got it. They still don’t believe me. But I know because I didn’t have money to have filled it that many times and I still had all the money I left with but the money it cost me to fill it the 2nd time after he bought the first one.

But anyway we finally found a table then my one friend walked over to smoke I walked over with her and smoked. I never smoke but once in a while I decide I want to and I do. I have never been one that had to have it all the time. Like I had one or two then and don’t want another. Mostly just when I drink. Well my friends dad was standing there again and we started talking. His friend came over and started talking again. My friend decided she wanted to go back to the table so she was trying to get me to come I kept telling her I would in a minute I was talking. But her being her and thinking I was to drunk kept pulling me and telling me to come now. She ended up breaking my shoe. I was so mad. We went back and sat down the boat was about back to port and the birthday guy gets up to go somewhere do something. He don’t come back in a few minutes his wife goes to find him. In a little bit they didn’t come back I got up to go look for them.

I am always the one when I go out who no matter how much I have had to drink to keep up with everyone make sure everyone has a safe ride home and isn’t leaving with someone that they shouldn’t be. I use to pull the girls out of guys cars and put them in cars with other people when we went out because they meet these guys or sometimes even know them and be so drunk and going with them. I didn’t like the guys or they just met them I pull them out of the car send them with someone else. They say I know them or they are ok I’m going with them. They guys be saying oh I’ll take them home. I say nope talk to them tomorrow to night they going over here. I put them in the car with a dd to take them home or back to one of the agreed upon houses to stay if we didn’t go home.

Well my other friend stops me at the stares and tells me no go sit down and everything. I told her i was fine i was going to look for him we weren’t just going to let him wonder around and wait for him when we got off or leave our other friend wondering around looking for him alone. Then one of the other guys that were with us grabbes me and is pulling me back. I don’t remember where we went from there. The next thing I know me him and his girl are looking for a bathroom. She had to go and couldn’t wait to get home. We went in the womens it was packed. We found a men’s room. I walked in right into a guard washing his hands. I said oh honey we can’t go in here we are in the wrong bathroom we have to find another as I was turning around and pushing her out the door. I said when we got out of there I would have went in there but it was a gaurd had it been anyone else we would have stayed just wait til you get home. But she wouldn’t so we had find another one.

We finally get off the boat and headed to the truck she takes her shoes off mine is broke and driving me crazy. Her guy still had a hold of me walking me along. I probably wasn’t walking to straight at that point and i was tired I didn’t really care. I stop try take my shoe off and can’t he holds me up and we get them off. I through them to the side and left them. Then we get to the truck and it is lifted way to high. I manage to get in on my own. My friend says get in the back all the way in the back. She has an excursion so i climbed in the back behind the seats. There was some stuff back there but I laid down and was conferrable. I was about a sleep when I hear them telling me to get up into the back seat and buckle up. I said i’m fine here we aren’t going far.  Then I feel this hand on me it was birthday boy grabbing me he was tossed to the back with me. He was grabbing me telling me get up get in the seat. SO I finally did so they would hush and we could leave.

Then he starts trying to rub all over me and talking shit. I kept telling him no we aren’t doing that and knock it off and things he kept on. I said oh I got to make a phone call I pulled my phone out and called RC. One or two rings he answered sounded like he was wide awake. I said hey how you doing what you up to tonight. He says who is this. I said really you don’t know who this is. He says no no clue. I said it’s your daughters mom and this person and that started naming who all was with me. I said we just thought we would call and see how you were doing hadn’t heard from you in a while. Well his stank whore came on and said something. I said some stuff back they hung up. I tried calling back a few times then I get a test lose my number I told you you have the wrong number. I said funny it’s such a wrong number he just picked up. Then I had a lot to say they wouldn’t answer and I couldn’t get a machine so I sent some text. One time he picked up birthday boy was yelling at him to be a fing man and pay some support and take care of his kid. Everyone else wasn’t saying anything they were just like oh shit. Then birthday boy was reading what I was sending and stuff he said oh shit she is killing him. He said no they turned the phone off all them text going come rolling in when they turn it on in the morning and she is going to killing him he is so dead. He kept on trying to mess with me why we were riding and stuff. I remember grabbing his hand and us sitting back there holding hands the rest of the way home so he would stop. I said now look we will just sit here and behavior our self the rest of the way home. I made them stop and get me something to eat on the way home. I was so hungry.

We dropped the other girl off and i think I must have fell a sleep for a few minutes. I remember all I could think was how hungry I was and how sleepy I was. I just wanted to eat and sleep. The next thing I remember is them saying get out we were there turning around and ex standing there. I said what are you doing here he said getting you out of the truck. Guess he thought he was going to get all handsy and pick me up or what. I said I don’t need help move out of the way and got down out of the truck. I get to the door there stands my friend and mom. She got out and went up and was talking to them. She told them she was sorry for bring me home this way and that I was saying all kinds of shit so be ready. I had been but I know everything I said. It wasn’t anything I hadn’t said before.

When I got inside I sat down at the table and ex sat down there and started going off because I had went out and I was drinking. He knew I was he took the weekend off to watch the three older ones so I could go and even offered to watch the baby. He just didn’t like it he wasn’t asked to go and stuff. Then he started on me about why I was in the back and what I was really doing in the back with the birthday guy and all this shit. I got pissed. I said we were riding I have no idea why he was back there I got in first and was told to get in the back I got in the back then i got in the very back to get conferrable and they said i had to move to the seat i did and the next thing I knew he was back there with me. I said we are just friends and she is my friend I am not like that and wouldn’t do that. I am tired of you always insinuating that I am or would do something like that. I said and farther more we are not together haven’t been for a very long time and aren’t going to be ever again and I don’t have to answer to you. My mom came in and got into it and was telling us to shut up we were going to wake my grandma and the kids up. I was so mad and worked up and upset I my ulcers started and I went to my room to the bathroom. I through up one time and I don’t know how I missed the toilet but I did and it went all over the place. I was so mad and a mess. I got ready and got in the shower. Then I look up my mom is standing there with the door open asking me what I am doing. I said I am taking a shower I am fine go on. I finally got out they were all worried I was going to fall. I went to bed never even ate my food then ex comes in here sits down and starts talking to me. His I still care about you and this and that. I didn’t even listen i went to sleep. Oh and when I came out of the bathroom they had taken the baby a way from me. She was in her little bed in my room and they took it out to the living room. I was kind of mad but didn’t really care at the same time. It made me mad they act like she shouldn’t be in the room with me. Like I would do something to her or something. But I didn’t say anything my ulcers were already bothering me I didn’t want to get anymore worked up. I didn’t plan to pick her up or do anything with her anyway it was the middle of the night she was sleeping. she got up a few hours later. I went and made her a bottle then I hear my mom the one who is supposed to be watching her call ex to make her a bottle and take care of her. I was already doing it. I said here she probably needs a diaper and handed him the bottle and went back to bed.

We had fun I told them we need to do it about once every month or two to just get a way and have a good time. I probably shouldn’t drink as much as I did that night but hell we all have to have a little fun sometime. As long as no one gets hurt who cares. We only live once.

{August 16, 2013}   A Good Day So Far

I am on facebook and in the last couple of months I have found groups on there to buy sell and trade with people in my area. Well I have found a few things here and there and picked up. I got something for my friends daughter and bought some clothes for the baby. A while back a lady had a bunch of Rescue Heroes stuff listed on a free site. I got in touch with her about them. Well she had to go out of town and we were just now able to meet up today.

In the mean time Tuesday I found 17 of the glass bottles I have been looking for. They are the 8 oz ones. I have enough of the little ones. She had them too lol. I was going to order some but hadn’t yet since I found the 8 oz size at a store here. But to order them was going to cost me $2.60 a bottle. I got all 17 for $17. I don’t think i really need that many but I know some will get broken when she gets bigger and I have a friend that wanted some so I am going to see if she still needs them.

I also found a lady that had cafe stuff to go in my kitchen that I really liked. I talked to her and got that from her. She had a rug napkin holder two pictures and a table runner. All would have been great and worked perfect in my kitchen.

The problem is the closes one to me was 31 miles a way and the next two were about 40. I had set it up with the first lady to get the stuff today and asked the other two if they would hold until today also so I didn’t have to make two or three trips. That is what we did. i picked up the little girl I watch at 730 and headed right to the first ladies house.

Well on the way there I was listing to the radio and they played this sound back wards and you had to call in with the name of the song and who sung it. I called got throw and won a $25 gift card to use any where. I am going to save it for next week. Maybe I will find someone who wants to go out and can find a sitter.

Wasn’t happy with the lady with the cafe stuff. I have tried to get a hold of her for 3 days now. Really sucks because even if she was to get a hold of me now I would’t be able to get it because it is to far of a drive for me to run down there for nothing.

{August 16, 2013}   Beef and Veggie Soup

The other night I made pot roast and tried making it different this time. It came out so good. Here is the recipe  The Best Pot Roast. not sure why it isn’t letting me link to it but if you look under my other post you will see it.

What you need

The left over roast and all the liquid from the it. store separated

Red potatoes chunk-ed up peal on

Bag of baby carrots cut in half


12 oz can Pepsi

1 package of Au Ju mix

Cut all veggies up and put in large pot. Ad a stick of butter and enough water to just cover the veggies. Boil until done. Why that is cooking take the roast and shred it up. Pour the left over liquids into a sauce pan ad he Pepsi. Bring to a boil whisking now and then.  Once it starts to boil ad the Au Ju mix and whisk it in. Then ad the shredded meat and let boil until meat is hot. Drain veggies ad meat mixture to veggies and serve.

{August 16, 2013}   What A Day

As if yesterday wasn’t enough adventure and fun for a few months. There had to be more today. I got both kids to their buses and picked up the little girl I watch. I was awake and feeling good ready to get out and do something. The petting zoo farm place was having a play date day or something. It is $5 for each kid adults are free and the baby was free. I told the kids lets go home eat and get ready and we will go grab some carrots and go. You are allowed to feed the animals if you bring some.

I am in my room finding me and baby something to wear so we can go. The girl I watch is standing by the baby bed talking to her and me. All of a sudden my little guy comes running through my room and goes in my bathroom. I think he is going to the bathroom. In a minute I forgot and went to go in there and he is getting up on the toilet and trying to turn the water on and drink from the sink. I said what are you doing get down from there. He turned around and looked at me with this horrible look and had his mouth open as big as he could get it telling me hot.  I said what did you do did you eat something he said no. I said did you drink something he shook his head yes. I said what he said he didn’t know. I had to make him go show me. He had gotten my daughter dove body spray out of her room and drink a quarter of the bottle. I freaked as he ran a way again. I came to get him he was drinking down a big cup of tea. I told him not to didn’t know if he should be washing it down. I grabbed my phone and it wasn’t working again. (It’s a real POS) I couldn’t find the number for poison control because it wouldn’t work I couldn’t call anyone. I grabbed the poor baby who had fallen asleep up out of bed and told them all to get their shoes on and get in the truck. I stuck him in the front with me in case something happen. I didn’t want to have to pull over get out get to him in the back and have to get him all unbuckled from his seat before I could do anything for him. Their doctors office is only a few minutes away like 2 or 3. Way closer than the ER that is like 30 or more probably, We got there I got out and noticed I was still in my gown. I have this mans shirt that is really big I sleep in. I had put my jeans on but not changed my shirt. I tucked it in my pants got them out and took them inside. I walked up to the counter and the three ladies know me they said hi and were talking to each other. I said I’m not sure what to do we don’t have an appointment but my son drank this and sat the bottle on the counter. They were like what how much whats his name and everything. One went to find the doctor. In a minute the doctor came out to the waiting area. She asked what he drank how much and how long it had been. I told her she said take him to the ER. I said really she said yes he should go. I really didn’t think it would hurt him because it had been close to 10 minutes by now and he acted as if nothing was wrong. I just wanted to make sure and to know what to look for in case something happen mostly what to do for him until I could get him help if it did. She said looked at him and seen the other two kids too. She said I want you to call poison control tell them everything and see what they say. She told them to give me the number and take me in the back where I could sit with all the kids and be able to hear and keep them where they needed to be.

I called them they asked if it had Alcohol in it. I told her it was the first thing listed on the bottle. She took down the other information and said to make sure he had plenty to drink and give him a snack. She said he may stumble around some and that as long as he had stuff to drink and eat it shouldn’t hurt him. She said they worry about their sugar dropping from the alcohol other than that it was ok. I told them the doctor said go ahead check him in there she would document it and check his vitals and things. I felt good about that. I wanted it to show that we had been there and they were aware of what happen that I did bring him to get seen or to find out what needed to be done at least. Just in case anything happen later. No one could say I didn’t get him help or didn’t try to. Just with the way things are and the problems I had two summers ago. Everything was good so we got to go home.

We got home past time we should have been leaving for the farm. I didn’t figure he should be in the heat after drinking it either. I just told them it was to late we would try to go next time. I was so mad at my oldest she always keeps her room locked and I had told her a few times about that being down. She is not allowed to have anything like that anymore for a while.

I know have poison control saved in my phone. My oldest said mom it is on the fridge. I didn’t see it told her to get it it was on the side holding a paper at the bottom almost. I made them put it on the front of the fridge on the top.

{August 16, 2013}   First Day Of School

The first day of school went great for the kids. My oldest loved her new school and next in line loved meeting all the new people who started his little school. He was also excited he got a new teacher this year. He thought he was going to have the same one form last year. As it is small and they have a few grades together a lot of times. They got a new class with a new teacher and a new teacher for one of the other classes.

Oldest wants to join art and maybe chorus. That is about all they offer at her new school for clubs. That was one nice thing about her other school they offered all kinds of after school clubs every year. You could go to two each semester. She was so excited that they had 3 kinds of milk and offered a bunch of different selections at lunch. Her other school they didn’t have a lunchroom so they got their food from the school around the corner from them. They didn’t get to pick they only had one selection and it wasn’t always as hot as they would have liked.

They were both so tired when they got home they had a snack and fell asleep. They got up different times in the evening had dinner and went back to bed. Today was better since they got some sleep yesterday. They were at least a wake to have dinner then they went to bed around 830 or 9. Even my little guy went to see why I didn’t hear anything and they were all in bed sleeping. so nice.

First day of school for me and the little ones on the other hand wasn’t so great. It started out ok. I dropped my oldest to catch the bus then went to pick up the little girl I watch and took my son to school. I wasn’t feeling good so I decided to take the 3 little ones to breakfast. Ex was 2nd on call for the day so he went with us. Wasn’t thrilled but I didn’t say nothing because of my baby boy. He wanted him to go too. After we ate I went to the little flea market and then stopped at the bigger one. The little one was nice it wasn’t to hot the bigger one was so hot I thought I was going to pass out we did’t even walk around all of it and the people who were selling were packing up and going home. It wasn’t even 11 yet.

When I got home my friend said she was looking for someone to take her to the island to see about a job. I hadn’t gotten the kids out of the truck yet so i told her I would take her. We did that and went to go home. We got a block a way from the place and ran out of gas. Me and her had to push my big truck out of the road and in order to do that we had to push it into the bigger road between breaks in traffic and get it to turn and into the grass. It was a mess I am trying to help her steer and push and can’t reach the peddles. Once it started going I had to jump on the running board and get in to stop it.

I was going to call someone to come help us but I thought about it the store was right down the way about 4 or 5 blocks. I figured by the time someone could get there I could have walked up there and back and be on my way before they got there. There was a guy mowing the yard at some offices and warehouse across the street. I walked over and asked him if he had a gas can I could use. I took it and walked up to the store why she stayed with the kids. I got to the 7/11 and they had no gas. Not a drop of any kind what so ever. I thought I would at least get some water because it hadn’t gotten any cooler out. It was still as hot or hotter than when I left the flea market. The place was empty I don’t even know why they had the women in there working it was that empty. If they had sold everything left they wouldn’t have made enough to pay her for being there hand having the place open for the day or any of the bills.

There is a big two story building behind it this guy seen me walking over and offered to give me a ride to the other store. He said there was a 50/50 chance of them having gas because they hadn’t been. He said he would wait around the corner for me to come back by and if i needed a ride to come let him know he was in a big black truck over there. He was nice but there was something about him. When I went by he hollered at me I just told him I had it taken care of and kept walking. He looked funny and said ok.

I went back to where the guy was doing the yard across from the truck. I was going to ask him if he was going to be done soon or if he was going to be a little bit. I needed to know so that I knew if I had time to walk the other way to the other store. He just said I will be done in a few minutes hold on and left me standing there. When he got done he said he would run me over to the other store to get gas. So we walked back to his truck and he was closing the gate and things for the trailer and putting stuff a way. I started to open the door to the truck and just sit down with the door open he was about done. I thought no I don’t know him I don’t want to do that he may get mad or try say i did something. About that time he looks up and goes I got my two dogs in there. It was running I wondered why. The windows were like my truck I just got rid of very dark tinted you couldn’t see in unless you were right on top of it and then only tell something was there not much about it. When he said it I looked up and these two heads popped up one from the front seat and one from the back. He got done went around and got in. I open my door he was telling it to move and get in the back. They were two big bull dogs. I got in sat down they were ok. He took me i was able to get a little bit of gas and get us back to the station to put more in.

I told my friend when we got going I said I told the other guy no he seemed odd. Then this one seems ok and then has two huge dogs with him. I said I thought great now watch I get in here and he has these two big dogs in here he tries to start with me. I really didn’t think so or I would have never went with him. I was talking to our other friend and she was like I can’t believe you did that. She is scared of everything though. She don’t even like to be out driving around by herself at night much less to have to get out and go in somewhere. She won’t go most the time if she don’t have someone else to go with her. Even in the day time she is funny about things.

I was so hot tired and wore out. I hadn’t slept since I got up Tuesday morning it is now Wednesday. I had been in the heat at the flea market and then all that. I got the kids from the bus and took the little girl I watch home. Then came home and passed out for the night. I got up once in the night got something to eat and once to give the baby a bottle and get a drink. Still couldn’t hold my eyes open I passed right back out. I was wide a wake feeling good and ready to go today.

I had never heard of such a thing happening before. I knew you could hear maybe someone else if they lived close and had one stations got mixed. Never in a million years would have thought something like this could happen. Like I said another spot I posted this. Just think if they did not say anything at all how long could they be watching your child right in their own home their own room and you never know? How many people have them set up in their own bedroom because the baby sleeps in there? I think I would have to move if something like that happen. I would feel like my home had been so invaded really it has been. I would also worry how close the person really was to me. They could be in another country or the guy down the street. I don’t think I would ever feel safe again in that house.

Houston Couple Nervous After Baby Monitor Hacking

A Houston couple is still shaken after saying they heard the voice of a strange man cursing and making lewd comments in the bedroom of their 2-year-old daughter.

When Marc Gilbert and his wife Lauren entered the room, the voice cursed them as well.

The eerie voice – which had a British or European accent – was coming from the family’s baby monitor that was also equipped with a camera. A hacker apparently had taken over the monitor.

The incident occurred on Aug. 10 as Marc Gilbert was doing the dishes after his birthday dinner and he heard strange noises coming from his daughter Allyson’s room while she was sleeping, Gilbert said.

“Right away I knew something was wrong,” he told ABC News.

As he and his wife got closer to the room, they heard the voice calling his daughter an “effing moron,” and telling her,”‘wake up you little slut.”

The hacker then began shouting expletives at her parents and calling Gilbert a stupid moron and his wife a b****.

“At that point I ran over and disconnected it and tried to figure out what happened,” said Gilbert. “[I] Couldn’t see the guy. All you could do was hear his voice and [that] he was controlling the camera.”

Baby monitors can also be used by potential burglars

Allyson is deaf, said Gilbert, so she did not wake up. “It’s somewhat of a blessing,” said Gilbert of his daughters’ hearing impairment. “If she had heard it it would have been a big problem.”

Their son Ethan, 3, did not hear anything either and only woke up after he heard his parents that night.

Gilbert wonders whether there were similar previous incidents that he wasn’t aware of.

“It’s quite possible that this had been going on more than one day,” he said. “Security vulnerabilities exist.”

Gilbert did not report the incident to the police, but said he is still shaken up and wary about publicizing the story for fear of endangering his children. He was also reluctant to provide photographs of his children.

He did call his internet service provider, who told him to check his passwords on the device. Gilbert said he is leaving the device permanently unplugged.

“I don’t think it ever will be connected again,” he said. “I think we are going to go without the baby monitor now.”

But he wants other parents to be aware of the potential dangers of the monitors being hacked.

Here is the link there is a video and everything.

Tomorrow is the last day I will have all my kids home with me for the summer. I would love to take them out and do something with them but I will be lucky to get a few school clothes and supplies to get them through until the first when i can hopefully get them some more. We will probably hang out here at the house and do some art projects, draw paint and do play doh. I always have big plans for the summer and they always seem to get changed do to one thing or the another. The last two years has been do to my 2 year old and lack of a sitter. I wanted to take them to some of the movies and things at the library this summer and last. But we tried and didn’t get to because he is not a sitting still watch a movie listen to a story do a project kind of kid. He is always on the go and always moving and wanting to talk. Last year I had to make all the kids get up and leave the move shortly after it started. This year we got about half way through but that was with me telling him to come back sit down watch see what happens next stop talking……… over and over until he started to through a fit and have a melt down. My dad was with us and he took him out and walked around the mall area and took him out side why we finished the move. It is never my baby babies I have to worry about or have a problem with it is always my toddlers.

I think they had a pretty good time considering. They like when there is no school they pretty much get to make their own bed time so they can stay up and play read watch moves or whatever they want as long as they don’t wake the baby or their brother up and don’t fight. My big girl went and stayed at a friends house a few times and big boy had his friend come and stay about a week with us why his sister stayed at his friends house. We just traded kids lol. They don’t care and they love it gives them new surroundings and someone new to play with.

I think the best part of the boys summer was having the little girl I started baby sitting for over all the time to play with. I don’t know what it is about her buy both of the boys took to her and just love having her here and playing with her. They ask me Saturday and Sunday how many wake ups until she come back, can we go get her today is she coming tomorrow o. They will play and play all day together and never ask to do anything else. They have their fort or club house under and behind the beds and they get their stuff and go in there and play all day with their babies and stuffed animals. IT’s a school it’s a house it’s a daycare, some days it’s a rocket going to outer space. it all just depends what they decide. I think all in all they had a good summer and had fun. We didn’t get to go swimming as much as we had planed but it sucks when it is to hot to even go swimming out.

Now the fun of school and homework and getting back on a better sleeping pattern starts. Oh and lucky me this year I have a since project to do with my 4th grader. I was never good at them when I was in school I only remember doing two and I don’t think i did so hot on them. At least she did one last year with her class to learn how to do them so they would be ready to do their own this year. I better start finding ideas now so she has something to pick from. And I can give her ones that I may half way know what I am doing or can at least pretend like I do and hopefully do ok on it with her lol.

Hope everyone has had a fun summer and good luck with school this year.

{August 12, 2013}   The Rumor Is

That RC got rid of everything even his dog and took every body back to Tenn when they moved out of the house the middle of July. (You can read about that here Just For Documentation Really). My friend that helped me move when everything happen there and who let me and the kids stay with them for a bit when we ended up homeless over it all called and told me today. She said that someone told her husband or his sister that they talked to him and he told them that. Her husband is the one that got him the job at the shop right before we split up so that we could have more money coming in and be able to get a bigger place for us and the kids. His sister works there. She said one of the tow drivers talked to him.

He may very well be I really don’t know but I really have my doubts that he is. He was very adamit that he did not want to go back up there with her and he wanted to stay here. That if she wanted to go back there to be with her family and ex and this guy she was talking to up there she could.

They are all on facebook her, her 3 daughters, mom, and him. I can’t see his page but I can see the rest of their pages and no where has any of them said anything about them being back up there. They were talking all over about them being down here how much they missed each other and everything else. I think that if they were back up there they would be talking about it and how happy they were to be home how happy they are to be back to gather and things.  No one has said anything in almost a month. Crazy (his girlfriend) changed where she lived from the city they lived in when he first brought them here to where they were in the house. She had never changed it. He still has his listed as where he moved to and brought her down here to after we split up. I can see that much on his page.

I also seen on her page her complaining that she was just ready to give up and that nothing she did or said was ever right. He told her not to and that he was sorry things were the way they were and the bs was going one and she wasn’t the only one.

Later her mother commented and said she never had these problems until you showed up and then the kids started giving her all these problems and especially the next to oldest who he had been fighting with the last time I seen him. Seems like if they were back up there they wouldn’t be having so many problems because the kids would be home with all their family they would be happy. That is where they grew up all their life until a year ago. I can see them being mad and upset. One minute they are living life as normal then the next after 9, 4, and 14 years they are just snatched a way from all their family and older sister and drug 100’s of miles a way to live in one of the worse parts of town and go to school in some of the worse schools around. And in a area that it is hard enough for the kids around here to fit in with out getting picked on beat up and bullied. Them with their accents and country selves stick out like a sore thumb and I am sure went through hell.

They had just moved when he got in touch with them hadn’t even finished unpacking yet had to turn around and pack up what they had room for and move again and leave what they didn’t have room for. Since they been here they are now on their 3rd place be it here or there. So In a year they have moved 4 times all together. I don’t blame them for being mad for not wanting to be here and not happy about moving all over. Ad the fact that they fight like hell between the two of them all the time and then him and the older girl fight too. I am sure they are having a grand old time.

I had told her the other day I was going to call him up and talk to him. At least try to any way and see what all he had to say. I don’t know why I am or what I am going to say but I just feel I am supposed to. Something keeps pushing me too. Another thing is as of the 26th of last month he had the same phone number. I think if he moved he would have changed it. When I was going to call him I started having the kids at the time I was going to do it so I haven’t yet. I figured I would do it this Wednesday when they get back in school. That is if he hasn’t changed his number by now. She may have made him get a new one even if they didn’t move. The 26th was his birthday and I texted him a picture of the baby. I had called him before that and he answered why they tried to tell me before it wasn’t his number they didn’t know who he was. I had also text him after that and before his birthday but when I do I get no reply. We figure because they want me to think it isn’t his number. But if I call out of the blue like I have a few times he always answers just like I am sure he will this time if it is still his number this and he didn’t change it.

My friend seems to think he is keeping his number and they aren’t saying anything online or anywhere because they don’t want me to know where he is. That is just stupid because he knows I have ways of finding out where he is in just a few minutes if I really want to. And it seems he would want me to know he is up there so that I won’t expect him to come around and figure I won’t be able to get support if I decided I wanted to so I wouldn’t even try.

If I get a chance alone the next couple of days I am going to try and call him and talk to him. If I don’t I am going to call Wednesday for sure and see if I can’t get a hold of him.

{August 12, 2013}   The Best Pot Roast….EVER!
You’ll need:
McCormicks slower cooker Savory Pot Roast season packet
An Au Jus packet
A Can of Pepsi (we use Coke because we always have coke in our house)
And Boneless Cross Rib Roast ( made this with a regular beef roast and it was great)

and your crock pot


Put your Roast in the crock pot.
Mix the Slow cooker seasoning with 1 cup of Water.
Pour on top of roast.
      Add the whole can of Coke.
Cover with your lid for 8 Low or 4 hours on high.
Its VERY important that you never lift the lid!
Right before you are ready to pull it out,
sprinkle your dry Au Jus packet over the roast.
I pour some of the mix already in the pot over it to mix it all up then took the roast out and sliced it up. Put sauce from pot in little bowl use for dipping.
I also cut up some red potatoes into chunks got the little baby carrots mixed them together in a pot on the stove. Take one cup of the sauce out of the crock pot and pour over potatoes and carrots then drop a stick of butter on top. Cover and let cook until butter is melted and everything is tender.

{August 12, 2013}   Making Things Happen

You know I was sitting here thinking about it tonight and in all the years that me and ex were together if anything major happened or needed done I was always the one to take care of it or make it happen. If the car broke down I had to tell him what was wrong check with someone to make sure then get the parts and hope he could fix it. If not get someone to fix it. If we needed a car or to replace one I was the one to go find it and deal with the people. He would tag along but he would sit to the side or be over there letting them talk him into something we couldn’t and did’t want to do. I would have to step in and take care of it. If we didn’t have money for the car or the repair or what ever it was I had to figure out how to make it happen. If I said something to him he would say I don’t know or what do you want me to do about it.

Just like when be got our house back in like 2007 we needed to show a bunch of money in the bank, have papers signed by friends or family, every time we turned something in they would delay it and want something else. He would say we should just stay where we are or maybe we should just rent something. We couldn’t just rent something because of his background and they wanted as much to rent or more than what I would pay to buy. I rent I can’t paint have animals and paying for someone else to have a house. I may as will just take my money and pay for us to own a house and we could do what we wanted to with it. Plus I wasn’t buying it to keep it I was buying it to fix it an sell it. Any way he was no help in getting any of it put together and put through. I had to work and run around and gather everything they wanted up and make sure they had it by the time they wanted it or before. The money my bosses let us borrow. 6 months after we got in the house he lost his job and didn’t work after that for two years. I didn’t say anything my son was having people come to the house and work with him and what he was finding at the time he would pay his check in daycare to work. I lost my sitter right after we moved in the house and had put them in daycare but wasn’t real happy with it. I worked for the next two years and paid all the money back and paid most the bills in the house. He got unemployment for a little bit of time and not very much. I even had to get a car in that time frame and pay it off because mine got totaled and I didn’t get enough to cover buying another one.

It aggravates me because he will sit here today and tell you none of that happen. He helped with it all and the kicker that his parents gave us thousands of dollars to help buy our house that was never paid back. That they didn’t ask for it back they just gave it to us. His parents never gave us anything toward the house. They wouldn’t even sign the paper work that we needed to get into the house and help us with the information we needed. And if they had given the amount of money that we needed to buy our house they would have wanted it back and they did not have the kind of money we needed. They would have had to take out a loan to give it to us and I can promise you they would have never done that. Not then not now not ever. They do not like me they never have and they would never do something like that for him to start with and not with me in the picture and on the property. If we needed money for anything I always was able to go to my dad to get it and then pay him back. But I was always the one to take my check and pay him back. I was always the one to have to ask him if we could borrow it and figure out how to do it and how much we would end up paying back and keep track of what we paid back so we knew how much we had left owed. He never kept track of anything like that or the bills. It was all left up to me to do and take care of even though I worked full time also and had the kids to take care of. I have even gotten jobs to get us money that we needed pregnant and about to pop because even though it wasn’t that much he wasn’t about to ask anyone or try to get help with it. It wasn’t to often that we would need help but sometimes things happen. Me and my dad are very close and we always help each other out with whatever is needed be it money rides anything. If one of us needs it the other has it or can get it we do. Sometimes it wasn’t even stuff that we needed but if I wanted to get the kids something or do something for them and would have to save to get it or wait to get it I could ask my dad and just make him payments.

I never asked him to ask for anything unless we were just in a really bad jam and there really wasn’t any other options but to ask for help. I would never have him ask just for whatever like with my dad. Me and my dad only done that because he would offer and we would do things like that. Plus I helped my dad out a lot with rides and would do his shopping run earns and things for him so he didn’t mind to do things like that for the kids or if we needed it.

I sit and look at how no matter how bad it got I could always find a way to pull us out of it and turn things around and then look at how things are right now. I can’t believe that I can’t seem to make anything work out or happen for me and the kids and now we need it more than we ever have. I feel like I have failed. I feel like I am never going to be able to do anything good for my kids again. I feel horrible that we are living the way that we are and I can’t get us our own place. I feel bad that I haven’t been able to take them anywhere and do anything with them for summer and school starts back in two days. I feel bad that I am scraping to get school stuff for them. My son ask be now instead of can he have this or that at the store do we have the money for this or when you get some money do you think you could buy this for me. It is so embarrassing when he say things like that. He don’t know and he isn’t trying to make me feel bad or look bad. I just have to tell him so much that we can’t get stuff that he is use to it and knows that we probably can’t right now. I don’t know the last time I was able to buy any of them anything. they thought it was great the other day because I let them have $3 to spend at the store. I felt like crud because what can you really get for $3? I had to keep telling him no that is way more than you have I can’t get that today. And all the while thinking I really can’t afford to spend almost $20 but I wanted to give them a little something because I never can.

For years and years even when I was working $15 hours a week and he wasn’t making anything I didn’t get help of any kind. I didn’t go to food banks or places to get help with bills or anything like that. I struggled borrowed and had debt I had to pay back on top of everything else I owed out and did with out. And now it seems that no matter what I do I can’t get help. I called around to shelters when we were homeless to see if they could help me and the kids so I could get out of here and a way from the situation I am in so we didn’t have to live how we had before I left ex. They were full they told me there was nothing they could do to help had no idea where I could get help and my best bet was to get a place how ever we could and to stay with him. Other places would tell me you need to get out and do what you have to for you and your kids but they had no help or idea how I am supposed to do that.

Now I feel like I am in a worse spot than when we first split up. I am really starting to feel like there is no way out we are going to be stuck living like this forever. Every day I think about it it just makes me more and more depressed. I am just so tired and wore out. I am tired of fighting and struggling. I want just for once something good to happen to me and the kids. I have so many ideas and dreams but it seems that if you aren’t banking and got the money you can’t do anything but dream and wish. I told my friend tonight I can see why people do the things they do sometimes. This last 10 months or so has really open my eyes to a lot of things. It has been very humbling to say the least. I told her between ex and RC and the way they are doing, not getting a break ever not having money to ever get a break if I had the chance, losing everything that means anything to me just to try to stay a float here, and not being able to have anything or really do anything for my kids. I am just ready to walk out leave and go stay in my truck and be done with it all. She said I had the kids. I told her they could stay here ex could figure out how to do it all and handle it for a change since I have all these years why he didn’t. She said I couldn’t leave the baby she wasn’t his I told her her dad could come and get her and take care of her too since he has done nothing for her in 4 months she has been alive and don’t bother to help me or make sure she has what she needs. Let them see what it is really like to really have to do it all and not have help.

Don’t get me wrong I love my kids I love my kids more than anything in this world and want them. But I want to be able to provide for them and give them the things they need and some of the things they would like to have. I would like for once to be able to go get a job and not have to worry about needing a baby sitter or if the kids have been feed or if they have clean clothes for school and homework is done and showers taken and getting up in the middle of the night with a unhappy baby and not having any sleep. For once I would like to be able to just go do what I need to do for me and my kids and not have to fight and worry about them like these guys do. And I am not talking about getting a way from them so I can go out and party or meet guys or have a good time or to just be a way from there. I really do mean I would just like to have the time and be able to get everything in place and in order so that I can take them and I can be a better mom to them. I can be there to help with their homework make sure baths are taken they have clean clothes they have dinner their lunch is packed they get to and from school they have things they need or want they get to and from the things they have after school. They have a nice home with room not all piled in a little bitty place that we are tripping over each other and our stuff all the time. They think you are wrong for feeling that way and wanting that time and thinking that their dads should have to step up and do it for a little bit. I know it is all wishful thinking because I know that my ex couldn’t do it on his own there is no way he could handle it. My kids would not be happy they would not be treated good and he wouldn’t watch them as they needed to be. He would let any body and every body watch them so he could go to work and have a break. As long as he knew them would be good enough it wouldn’t matter what they were like or if they should be watching kids or not. RC he could do it and he could do a really good job and would care and take care of her like I do. But he can’t I couldn’t let her even go over there with him and stay right now just for me to be able to go to work and then pick her up after because of the girlfriend that he has. I know that my baby girl wouldn’t be safe and that she don’t want her around. I know that is why he isn’t around and don’t have anything to do with her right now. Be cause he knows that she shouldn’t be around her. But then he needs to also man up and do what he has to do so that he can be in his daughters life not just ignore her like she don’t ex site. But he has to much going on and I don’t know if he ever will get straight and fix the messes he has mad.

I don’t know Times I think that there is nothing wrong with wanting them to step up and help so that we can get on our feet and be better off. Seeing as these are their kids to and you would think they would want to see their kids happy and in the best possible situation they can be in instead of just getting through a day to wake up and get through another like we all are now. Then after talking to other people and bringing it up they make me feel like I am wrong for thinking that they should and that there is something wrong with me for thinking they should. Like there is something wrong with me because I can’t just do it all and make it happen anymore like I use too. But things have changed a lot since then I have two more kids than what I had back then. I don’t have kids that are old enough to watch the others like most of my friends. Because I didn’t have kids as young as they did.  A lot of them had kids in high school or just out of high school and I didn’t have my first until I was like 22. I waited until I got married and things. Look where it got me. Go figure the ones that had their young seem to be better off than me. I just don’t understand. I say all the time I don’t know what I did in the first 29/30 years of my life to have the last 3 to 4 be so bad. If I knew I would sure do my best to fix it.

et cetera
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