Saturday night I finally go out for a while with no kids at all. It was my friend that lives around the corner from me’s birthday. We went out on the gambling boat Saturday evening. I left here a little before 5 and didn’t get back until 1 something. We had fun. Well me and the birthday boy did lol. I think the others who went got a little aggravated with me and him. Lets just say we drank more than the rest. I had about 6 and a half mixed drinks and the last two were the size of about two or three of the others. I wasn’t sure about going at all because I had never been out on a boat like that or a cruse nothing. just out with friends on their boats and I could come back when I wanted to and things. Not a ton of people around. Wasn’t sure how it was going to go with my panic attacks. I was afraid I may have one with everyone out there felling crowed or being on there and not being able to get off. But it wasn’t bad at all really. My mom such a huge help and ex kept talking all day about how sick people get when they go out there and how bad it was to be sea sick and things and that I would get sick since I hadn’t been out before. Just like them to always look for the worse and try to find the negative in everything and have no faith in you or anything nice to say.

We got there early like they want got on got our playing card and dinner pass. Then we went down to eat before it got to crowed. After we ate we sat there for a little bit and I started thinking about everything. My attacks and them talking about getting sick I almost had myself talked into getting off. But I didn’t, I told them we needed to go find something to do to get my mind off things. I had done decided no matter what I wasn’t getting off what ever happened would just happen. But really felt everything would be ok. We went up to the deck and out to the bar out there. We all got a drink and hung out til the boat got out far enough we could gamble. The guys took off and it was just us three girls. We wondered around and played then went back out to the bar and had a drink. We wondered around for a while. I seen the witches dad when we were eating, The one who told my ex he could do better and ran and told him everything we had talked about and things.  I told my friend I was going to go say hi and chit chat just because. I knew it would get back to her. I talk to her dad all the time just not her. She is the type that you shouldn’t go out you shouldn’t drink smoke gamble nothing like that. But then the things she dose it’s crazy. I figured she already has nothing better to do than talk about me and how I am I may as well give her something to talk about lol. Toward the middle of the night we all ended up on outside by the bar. We were all on the back off the boat. The birthday guy was out there he went and bought us all drinks. We were all just standing around there not really doing anything. I said I will be back and walked up to the front where he was standing and started talking to him. He was surprised I was dressed make up done. He said I had to do a double take when I seen you earlier I wasn’t sure that was you. We talked for a few and I went on. He had some younger guy with him he introduced himself I said hi. I went back to where everyone was at. My friends husband said that old guy you were talking to keeps looking at you lol. I said yeah its ok told him who he was and what all happen he laughed. the rest were gone it was just him and his brother in law standing there we talked they had went to the bathroom. He said you want another drink. I said mines gone he said i know that do you want another. I said hell I always can go for another so he handed me money told me go get one. Thats when I got the monster hurricane bucket like 32 oz. I drink it in just a little bit and went and refilled it. I probably shouldn’t have done that. Even though I didn’t even end up drinking but half the refill or less. they think I had 3 or 4 of them. They didn’t know I never drink the other until long after I got it. They still don’t believe me. But I know because I didn’t have money to have filled it that many times and I still had all the money I left with but the money it cost me to fill it the 2nd time after he bought the first one.

But anyway we finally found a table then my one friend walked over to smoke I walked over with her and smoked. I never smoke but once in a while I decide I want to and I do. I have never been one that had to have it all the time. Like I had one or two then and don’t want another. Mostly just when I drink. Well my friends dad was standing there again and we started talking. His friend came over and started talking again. My friend decided she wanted to go back to the table so she was trying to get me to come I kept telling her I would in a minute I was talking. But her being her and thinking I was to drunk kept pulling me and telling me to come now. She ended up breaking my shoe. I was so mad. We went back and sat down the boat was about back to port and the birthday guy gets up to go somewhere do something. He don’t come back in a few minutes his wife goes to find him. In a little bit they didn’t come back I got up to go look for them.

I am always the one when I go out who no matter how much I have had to drink to keep up with everyone make sure everyone has a safe ride home and isn’t leaving with someone that they shouldn’t be. I use to pull the girls out of guys cars and put them in cars with other people when we went out because they meet these guys or sometimes even know them and be so drunk and going with them. I didn’t like the guys or they just met them I pull them out of the car send them with someone else. They say I know them or they are ok I’m going with them. They guys be saying oh I’ll take them home. I say nope talk to them tomorrow to night they going over here. I put them in the car with a dd to take them home or back to one of the agreed upon houses to stay if we didn’t go home.

Well my other friend stops me at the stares and tells me no go sit down and everything. I told her i was fine i was going to look for him we weren’t just going to let him wonder around and wait for him when we got off or leave our other friend wondering around looking for him alone. Then one of the other guys that were with us grabbes me and is pulling me back. I don’t remember where we went from there. The next thing I know me him and his girl are looking for a bathroom. She had to go and couldn’t wait to get home. We went in the womens it was packed. We found a men’s room. I walked in right into a guard washing his hands. I said oh honey we can’t go in here we are in the wrong bathroom we have to find another as I was turning around and pushing her out the door. I said when we got out of there I would have went in there but it was a gaurd had it been anyone else we would have stayed just wait til you get home. But she wouldn’t so we had find another one.

We finally get off the boat and headed to the truck she takes her shoes off mine is broke and driving me crazy. Her guy still had a hold of me walking me along. I probably wasn’t walking to straight at that point and i was tired I didn’t really care. I stop try take my shoe off and can’t he holds me up and we get them off. I through them to the side and left them. Then we get to the truck and it is lifted way to high. I manage to get in on my own. My friend says get in the back all the way in the back. She has an excursion so i climbed in the back behind the seats. There was some stuff back there but I laid down and was conferrable. I was about a sleep when I hear them telling me to get up into the back seat and buckle up. I said i’m fine here we aren’t going far.  Then I feel this hand on me it was birthday boy grabbing me he was tossed to the back with me. He was grabbing me telling me get up get in the seat. SO I finally did so they would hush and we could leave.

Then he starts trying to rub all over me and talking shit. I kept telling him no we aren’t doing that and knock it off and things he kept on. I said oh I got to make a phone call I pulled my phone out and called RC. One or two rings he answered sounded like he was wide awake. I said hey how you doing what you up to tonight. He says who is this. I said really you don’t know who this is. He says no no clue. I said it’s your daughters mom and this person and that started naming who all was with me. I said we just thought we would call and see how you were doing hadn’t heard from you in a while. Well his stank whore came on and said something. I said some stuff back they hung up. I tried calling back a few times then I get a test lose my number I told you you have the wrong number. I said funny it’s such a wrong number he just picked up. Then I had a lot to say they wouldn’t answer and I couldn’t get a machine so I sent some text. One time he picked up birthday boy was yelling at him to be a fing man and pay some support and take care of his kid. Everyone else wasn’t saying anything they were just like oh shit. Then birthday boy was reading what I was sending and stuff he said oh shit she is killing him. He said no they turned the phone off all them text going come rolling in when they turn it on in the morning and she is going to killing him he is so dead. He kept on trying to mess with me why we were riding and stuff. I remember grabbing his hand and us sitting back there holding hands the rest of the way home so he would stop. I said now look we will just sit here and behavior our self the rest of the way home. I made them stop and get me something to eat on the way home. I was so hungry.

We dropped the other girl off and i think I must have fell a sleep for a few minutes. I remember all I could think was how hungry I was and how sleepy I was. I just wanted to eat and sleep. The next thing I remember is them saying get out we were there turning around and ex standing there. I said what are you doing here he said getting you out of the truck. Guess he thought he was going to get all handsy and pick me up or what. I said I don’t need help move out of the way and got down out of the truck. I get to the door there stands my friend and mom. She got out and went up and was talking to them. She told them she was sorry for bring me home this way and that I was saying all kinds of shit so be ready. I had been but I know everything I said. It wasn’t anything I hadn’t said before.

When I got inside I sat down at the table and ex sat down there and started going off because I had went out and I was drinking. He knew I was he took the weekend off to watch the three older ones so I could go and even offered to watch the baby. He just didn’t like it he wasn’t asked to go and stuff. Then he started on me about why I was in the back and what I was really doing in the back with the birthday guy and all this shit. I got pissed. I said we were riding I have no idea why he was back there I got in first and was told to get in the back I got in the back then i got in the very back to get conferrable and they said i had to move to the seat i did and the next thing I knew he was back there with me. I said we are just friends and she is my friend I am not like that and wouldn’t do that. I am tired of you always insinuating that I am or would do something like that. I said and farther more we are not together haven’t been for a very long time and aren’t going to be ever again and I don’t have to answer to you. My mom came in and got into it and was telling us to shut up we were going to wake my grandma and the kids up. I was so mad and worked up and upset I my ulcers started and I went to my room to the bathroom. I through up one time and I don’t know how I missed the toilet but I did and it went all over the place. I was so mad and a mess. I got ready and got in the shower. Then I look up my mom is standing there with the door open asking me what I am doing. I said I am taking a shower I am fine go on. I finally got out they were all worried I was going to fall. I went to bed never even ate my food then ex comes in here sits down and starts talking to me. His I still care about you and this and that. I didn’t even listen i went to sleep. Oh and when I came out of the bathroom they had taken the baby a way from me. She was in her little bed in my room and they took it out to the living room. I was kind of mad but didn’t really care at the same time. It made me mad they act like she shouldn’t be in the room with me. Like I would do something to her or something. But I didn’t say anything my ulcers were already bothering me I didn’t want to get anymore worked up. I didn’t plan to pick her up or do anything with her anyway it was the middle of the night she was sleeping. she got up a few hours later. I went and made her a bottle then I hear my mom the one who is supposed to be watching her call ex to make her a bottle and take care of her. I was already doing it. I said here she probably needs a diaper and handed him the bottle and went back to bed.

We had fun I told them we need to do it about once every month or two to just get a way and have a good time. I probably shouldn’t drink as much as I did that night but hell we all have to have a little fun sometime. As long as no one gets hurt who cares. We only live once.

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