{September 9, 2013}   You Know What Gets Me

My mom just really gets on my nerves. She never has anything good to say about anything. The other day we were sitting there talking and my daughter was talking about wanting to be a vet. She has wanted to be a vet forever now. I think it is great that she wants to be a vet. She is telling me and my grandma and mom about this and when she gets older. She is telling us how she is going to be a vet and a dog trainer and that she is going to have this big house and all the different rooms in it. She tells us she wants to have 10 kids and that she isn’t going to have a husband. She says she is going to adopt kids she don’t want kids of her own. Again I see nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids of your own and wanting to adopt. There are plenty of kids out there who need a family and home who she can make very happy. I always wanted kids but I also would love to adopt and or do foster care in the future. I know I am done having kids of my own I always wanted 4 and I have my 4.

My mom starts telling her how vets don’t make that much money she won’t make anything being a vet. Tells her she needs to be a investor or broker and things. I said yeah they don’t make much either the way things are today. She says yes they do blah blah blah. I don’t even know because I stopped listening to her she was so nasty about it. I said she wants to be a vet she should be a vet. She should do something she likes doing and enjoys doing she is going to be the one who has to do it every day for most of of her life. I said she could probably be a vet by the time she was 25 at least maybe 21 or so. I am not sure how much schooling a vet has to have. She was like your crazy and you should tell her to be something else and how you think she could do it by then. I said she can come out of high school with a 2 year collage degree if she keeps up like she is with her grades and things. Then she argued with me that no she can’t and they stopped that. Mind you she has no kids in school and hasn’t had in many many years. I have kids in school deal with them all the time and have friends with kids in high school and kids who are finishing and doing it. I told my daughter not to listen to anyone and to do what she wants to do be it a vet or something else.

My grandma and grandpa split up a few months ago. My grandma left because of things that have been going on for many years and she is just done she can’t do it anymore. I don’t blame her and I really am surprised that they have been together as long as they have and that they didn’t split up along time ago. My grandma has always had some kind of dog up until about a year ago. Something happen hers got sick or something they had to do surgery and she didn’t make it out of it. She hadn’t gotten another one yet. Something was said about it the other day and my mom started I thought you said you didn’t want a dog again and that isn’t what you told me. Just went on and on about it even after my grandma said she didn’t. But I know she does you could tell and my grandma got all upset. My grandma has always taken care of her dogs took them to the vets feeds them bath them walks them and things. I don’t think she should get a huge dog but I think she needs a little dog to keep her company and give her something to do. She don’t drive so she don’t go out a lot and things. I couldn’t really say anything because my grandma needs someone to stay with her but she don’t really need someone to take care of her. She just has to have someone to give her her meds and things like that. She is able to cook clean and take care of herself. Just things that have happen and she don’t want to be by herself. So there really isn’t any reason she couldn’t have a dog. If something happen to my grandma and she didn’t want to keep it then she could find it a new home. I am not able to live with her I have the 4 kids I know she loves them and likes being around them but it is a lot for her every day and we just don’t have a place near big enough.

She is in my house staying with me until she can find something or I end up putting her out if she keeps her shit up. I am not going to be disrespected in my house. I won’t put her out but I am about to tell her about it and if she wants to leave that’s fine. The other day her and my daughter come off with this my daughter is going to come live with her and my grandmother when they get a place. I said no your not you are staying right here. Well why and I can go over there and she can take me to school and all this. Now for days she keeps telling me how she wants to go live with granny and when she goes to live with granny. I told her she wasn’t living with no one but me or her dad and it was probably going to be me because her dad can’t keep her with the job he has. But what kind of shit is that. She said something joking about the boys going with her they told her no they were staying with me.

I want to move a way to another state other than where I am now. But first I need to get some things taken care of here and get some money to go. She keeps asking me and saying how they want to move. I told her the other night you have all this money right now to get a place and things why not take it and go why you can. She says I want to but I can’t and leave yall here I won’t ever get to see the kids. We have talked about moving a way a lot in the past and planed to go at tax time or shortly after. I want to stay until May when school gets out. She says you always wait for school to get out then you have your money spent and don’t go. Um no not happened the first time. Every year I get my money and she has some reason she can’t go. I haven’t decided where I want to go so I haven’t went yet. But because she hasn’t done it she blames it on me. It does no good to say anything because she just pitches a fit and tells you how your lieing and all this.

She was asking me again the last few days if I really wanted to go somewhere and stuff. I told her yeah and she was saying we should save all our money between now and the first and take my check the first and go. I told her I have stuff here I have to pay and things to take care of. I told her I also was not going and moving in with ex somewhere again. That once I move this time where ever I go or don’t go I am not moving with him. Well I don’t know what you think your going to do then and you can’t pay the bills here on your own and all this. I told her I am going this week probably to see what papers I need to get my divorce final and to get them fill them out and turn them in. Well I don’t know why you are going to do that and then when you leave here it is going to make it harder I don’t know what all she said then either. I have gotten so good at blocking her out I just do it before I even notice. I have to ask her what she said sometimes when I am trying to see what she is saying. What was I going to do then and what was I accomplishing by doing that. Like I told her I want it done before I leave here because I don’t want to wait 3,4,6 months or even a year before I can file and get it when I get somewhere else. Well what do you plan to do when you do all that. i said I have to get someone to watch the kids and get a job. Good luck with that your not going to be able to afford it and pay the bills here on your own. She said something about all of us moving together somewhere and getting a house til I could get a job and get a place and they could help me watch the kids. How the hell dose she think she is going to watch my kids so I can work when she can’t watch them for me to go out for 30 minutes or a hour or two now. I get up in the mornings leave my house 5 minutes to 7 take the kids to the bus stop and go pick up the girl I watch from her house. I am home before 8. The baby will be in her bed sleeping and 99.99% of the time will stay that way until I get home or after. But I can’t leave her here. I have to wake her up get her ready and take her with me because she might wake up why I am gone. God for bid she might have to change a diaper and give her a bottle. She goes back to sleep. The other weekend when I went out she called her self going to watch her. My grandma and ex ended up doing it. But she can watch them why I work. yeah right.

And telling me you won’t get child support they stopped that and all this. She has no clue how any of that works either it has been 20 some years since she got a divorce from my dad and 10 or more since her and my step dad got divorced. Again she listens to someone else because their kid has done it and it didn’t go the way she wanted because she didn’t get a lawyer and didn’t bother to try to do it her self to get what she wanted. I can’t get a lawyer but I can research it and figure out what I have to do to get it how it needs to be.Plus I already filled out all my paper work and put everything I wanted in them and they approved it last year. I would have gotten everything the way I wanted it if ex hadn’t started ask questions. She keeps telling me I won’t get support and they are going to make us do shared custody and things.

Number 1 my son does not want to live with his dad and won’t do shared custody. With the autism it isn’t good for him to be shuffled back and forth like that. And with the things ex has done that he don’t know I know about and with my son telling his therapist ex don’t have much of a leg to stand on to get full or shared custody. .. Number 2 the way ex’s job is now he can get a call pretty much anytime 24/7 5 out of 7 days a week. He has no one to stay with the kids at the drop of a hat all hours of the day and night so he can run out to a call. He can’t be getting them up all hours of the night to take them somewhere if he did have. He has X time to get to his call he don’t have time to get them up get them ready and drop them off or to wait for someone to come over to sit with them. Three he don’t want them all the time he has told me and everyone else time and time again they are better off with me and where they need to be.

She seen the other day where I was looking up child support enforcement on my phone. I went to go talk to them twice now and can’t find the freaken place. The first time I went to their office waited for them to open and got up to the door to find out they had moved. The other day I went 40 miles or more a way from home to where they moved to and it is a closed down building that is for sale. But the 800 number keeps saying they are open at that address and that they can’t give me a number to call someone at that office direct to talk to them and figure out what is going on. I got to go back down there this week see if I can find it. She started about why I was doing that and how I shouldn’t be doing it and I should just let him go and not try to get anything from him. Again how they are going to make me let him take her and things. Again she knows nothing about him has only ever met him once or twice wasn’t very friendly to him then and that is it. She don’t know nothing that is going on or has went on but going to tell me what is going to happen and what they are going to do and why I shouldn’t think he should have to help take care of the baby. He hasn’t this far and where are we 5 months after I have had her still struggling to have the things she needs can’t have a place of our own and stuff. He owes her that money. He isn’t going to be able to take her with his past history I already talked to a lawyer. He isn’t going to get shared custody because she is to little and they told me it is not good for her to be a way from me for days at a time this little they have told him the same thing. We had to take a class when we went to get our divorce and we took it together. Plus the rumor still is that he is in Tenn. Even if he is here when I go for child support they tell them they don’t do custody or visitation if he wants that he has to take me to court to get it. He won’t waste the time and money to do it he don’t have the money to either. And he knows she should not be in that house and around his girlfriend. That is why he hasn’t been around more to see her now. She won’t let him try to see her because that means I will be in the picture and she don’t want that because she knows how things are between them most the time and what she went and done behind my back. I just told her I had to get help for a little bit and that because I did I have to go after him. I am going on my own because he needs to help take care of her. He wanted this baby and now that he changed his mind it is a little to late.

But it is just stuff like that she does that is just to me over stepping her bounds. And when your telling her you already been here or there or done it checked into it talk to someone or whatever and she has no clue and still going to tell you how it is and how your wrong. I don’t understand how people can be like that. But I am over it already it gets old real fast and I am about to tell her about it.

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