{September 24, 2013}   We Are The Outcast

I hate father of the year I really do and I had moved past having any feelings for him for so long. I hate that I hate him I liked not feeling anything toward him at all and just the indefrent feeling I had toward him. I felt better when I felt indifferent toward him. I think it is because my hate for him makes me not want to be around him and makes him being around unbearable. But he has done so much to me and my kids in the last year it is hard to feel anything other than hate. I don’t like the word hate I don’t allow my kids to use the word hate and wish there was some other word to use but that is just how I feel. Mostly for what he has done to my kids what my kids are going through and the problems he has caused. He will tell you different and tell you why it is everyone else fault but his and how he did nothing wrong.

My son wanted nothing more than to move here and make friends with kids in the the neighborhood. Not to much for a 8 year old little boy to expect to be able to do. Nothing he shouldn’t be able to do. Unless he has his father. One of the first nights we moved in we had a trailer we rented to get our beds here until we could bring other stuff. We just needed beds so that we could stop staying with other people the kids could be in school like they needed to be. The way my truck sits and the way the driveway is I couldn’t get the trailer backed up the drive way. I told him to just let me just pull in and park it but nothing do him it was going to be backed in. A task he can’t do if everything is perfect. He knows you have to turn the wheel the opposite way of where you are trying to put the trailer but when he is trying to do it and trying to back it in he just can’t get it together to do it. I won’t lie I have had problems a few times but nothing I couldn’t get out of. Well he was so hell bent that it was going to be where he wanted it and backed in how he wanted it. He unhooked it from the truck and started trying to push it in like he wanted it. Of course loaded and the size trailer it was to big to do that by himself. The guy across the street leaving to go somewhere seen him fighting with it to get it where he wanted it and offered to help. Him being in one of his moods refused and wasn’t very nice about it. So that set the tone from start with them.

They have been here for who knows how long and are friends with the other people around us up and down the street so I am sure they talked. Ad to that the fact that any time he gets mad he stomps around slams around and acts worse than a kid who don’t get their way. With who ever out there to see and hear. Then the time he was in the yard following me to my truck why I was leaving to get a way from him. He proceeded to scream yell and cuss me and tell me what I was. Every thing from a cunt bitch and whore. How I was and the things I did and then turn around and ask me for money before I left and go off again when I told him I wasn’t giving it to him after all that he just said to me. I know I wouldn’t want my kids going to anyone’s house I seen the father acting like that. But my poor son thinks it is him and the kids don’t want to play with him. They pick on him and things because of stuff he did. I know it isn’t because of anything he did he hasn’t been here and hasn’t done anything to anyone or for anyone to not like him. They pick on him because they hear their parents talk and they are told not to come over here and play with them and who knows what else about him or us because of what ex says and does in front of them. I don’t know how to explain it to him that it isn’t really him and things and that it is father of the year’s fault they act the way they do to us. I know if he wasn’t hear and that stuff didn’t happen he probably would have no problem making friends and having kids over. It just sucks that he is the cause of it and lets my son think it is him and swears he has done nothing wrong and that he is just fine. I really do think that his problems are getting worse as time goes on. I don’t know what to think or do. There really isn’t much you can do when they refuse to get help. I just pray that if my son ever finds himself in a spot where his wife and kids are saying there is a problem he listens and gets help before he loses everything like his dad and before he gets worse. I hope that we get things straight and can find somewhere to move so that we don’t have to stay here and there will be kids he will be able to make friends with. If we can’t that I can get ex out of here asap and maybe get on everyone around here’s good side and not have to worry about it. Maybe once they see that ex is gone things will be better since he is the one they see thoroughgoing the fits.

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