{July 20, 2014}   Sex isn’t what I want or need

I was talking to a friend the subject of sex came up. He has been trying to hook up for a while but he just isn’t that kind of friend. We have known each other forever we talk about anything and everything and tell each other everything. But I’m not interested in him that way.

It has been almost two years since I have been with anyone. The last few times were less than good. Once was with RC before he left and it was nothing like it normally was. There was just to much going on. No emotion or connection at all. Then After we split up I went and seen my friend I had before me and RC got together. That night I really couldn’t get into it. I just had that feeling of something being wrong and like I needed to be at home. I ended up leaving later and going home. That is when I found my oldest son on the couch wrapped in a blanket with a 103 fever and father of the year telling me oh he went to sleep at 6. This from the kid who don’t go to bed before 12.

Me and my friend were talking and I told him the thought of sex just seemed like something else to do. He said he bet if I would just do it I would change my mind and maybe that’s why I wouldn’t. It isn’t that I feel I will want it all the time or anything like that.

Really the thought of sex just seems like something else added to the list to do for someone else. I know it isn’t just for someone else it is for me as well but that is just how it feels. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy sex, when I am with someone and there is more to the relationship than just sex.

I just want to be taken care of for a change.

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