It’s been a very long day, who am I kidding it’s been a long week. I spend a big part of if dreading today. I feel so wore out when I have hardly done anything today. Just dealing with my mom dose it to me in a manner of minutes every time. Knowing that I have to in itself takes a lot out of me. The kids being sick for two weeks, dealing with the child support stuff, and trying to decide if and where to move don’t help. I haven’t told my family I am trying to move or that I am going after RC for support.
They don’t think I should just leave him alone. They don’t think he should be in her life. They feel if I go after him then he is going to want to see her and that he shouldn’t. They think he will try to take her. I’m sure the way they are they feel he could win and get her. I don’t think it is even a option. If he wants to be in her life I wouldn’t ever stop it. He needs to be in her life she needs to know him. There will be a order in place for her. I don’t think he would try to take her from me. He told me he wouldn’t and I’m probably stupid but I believe him. But at the same time I am not stupid and know that from now on whatever I do I have to protect her and me from possibly going though more bs with him.
I haven’t told them I am moving or even considering moving because all I will hear is how I can’t do that. That I can’t make it there with just me and the kids, that I cant take them and leave the state because of father of the year being here and on and on they will go. I also don’t want them to know until I have the divorce done and what I want in it and it set so that I am able to take them out of state. Because if I tell them first they will go to father of the year and be telling him how he has to stop it and how he can’t let me leave and take the kids. They will tell him well you can take her to court you can get it put in the divorce that she has to stay here. He is the kind that would go and try to stop it to keep everyone from being pissed off at him. Because them being mad at him or not is more important than what is best for him kids. His kids will get over it and he will always be daddy. But someone else may not get over it and he may lose a friend.
My mom just aggravates me so much. I have never called him daddy to my daughter at all. He has always been called by his name. She call him daddy to her. I said something a few times when we were having to stay there. My daughter never has really called him daddy, when she did I tell her no it’s ___ and now that is what she says. The last two times my we were at her house she said something about daddy I said no it’s __. She started about since when she always called him daddy. I told her no and she didn’t say anything. Then tonight she said something about daddy. I was in the other room I didn’t say anything because my daughter wasn’t in there and didn’t hear her. Everyone there I didn’t want to get into it. I wasn’t feeling good I just wanted to get out of there and go home.
The dog had her puppies and if you talk to her we need to give them a way as soon as they are big enough. If she had it her way they would be gone already. All because they are part pit. I didn’t pick the dog that got her pregnant I didn’t want her to have puppies at all. But she did and we were talking about getting another dog since our other passed a way last year. I want something that will grow up with my younger two like the momma dog has with my older two. Why try to find homes for these and hope they go to a good one when we want a puppy already? That be stupid to me. I told the kids we would keep one. Well then father of the year decided that since they won’t be ready till a few days before Christmas or after even and one of us will be moving by the end of February then he wanted to keep one. Well the home for the 3 rd fell through so he decided he would keep the two so they would have a play mate why he was working since he will be working so much. Tonight the kids were talking about them and she was like I wouldn’t keep any of them I can’t believe your going to keep them you need to get rid of them all. I ignored her because she wasn’t talking to me her and my oldest were talking. But she was directing it at me. I just kept doing what I was and acted as if I didn’t hear her. Then she says to me your keeping all them dogs why? Going on and on about it. I said I am keeping one he is going to take two with him when he moves. She says oh these kids will be grown he isn’t going no where. I was pissed and my brother and his family sitting there. I said no he is leaving the first of the year one of us will be moving I’m not living like this any longer. She started about how we need to get rid of them all blah blah shit again. I just went on and finished what I was doing.
She just gets on my nerves and pisses me off so fucking much. She can’t ever keep her opinions or thoughts to herself ever. It’s one thing to give your opinion when asked but to always be telling people what they need to do or basically telling them and trying to push it is another. I truly just want a way from her and father of the year. She never has anything positive to say and trying to push into what and how she wants it to be done.
I try really hard to ignore her and I try really hard to not let her get to me but I can’t help it. It just stresses me out so much. I think the main reason is because of the influence that she has over my kids. they see this stuff they hear her then they second guess their self or feel they need to do what she says to make her happy and not upset her. I try to keep the contact minimum but they want to see her and to go for holidays and see the rest of the family and things.
I know I’m venting I guess I am just a little more adjudicated with everything with the way everything has been the last few weeks. I feel like this week has been a loss with nothing getting done because of everyone being sick the dreading going over there on top of everyone being sick, not feeling good myself. I am just in a mood tonight I feel like I want to crawl out of my own skin.
So I am very thankful for a lot of things, my kids, friends, family, a home, and the things I need. Tonight I think I am most thankful its all just over.