{November 29, 2014}   Keeping Secretes

Me and my friend J have been hanging out on father of the years day off. It gets me out of the house and a little break. We go shopping just to look around and get out of the house. She has gotten a few outfits why we were out for her trip she is on. We will be looking and I’m looking at t-shirts and jeans she is looking at all these short dresses and things. She keeps telling me we are looking for a man you need to wear something sexy and get out of those jeans and t-shirts. I told her there are no men around her for me. They all have issues and already heard to much about me. Between father of the year and my brother god only knows what all is going around about me. She has heard a lot but I haven’t asked her because I really don’t want to know. I don’t need to feel any better about myself.

Like I have said many times before there isn’t anyone out there that is decent or half way decent that is going to want to date someone in my situation anyway. I don’t blame them and wouldn’t really want to date them and would question their motive if they did. Because there is no way in hell I would date a guy that was living with his ex wife or soon to be ex wife or whatever she was. If they have been together and been in a relationship they should not be living together and think they are going to find someone else to date that is just ok with it. But a lot of guys would because so many girls out there these days don’t really care or looking for a relationship. They are mostly about what he is can give her or do for her as long as he is giving and doing they really don’t care what he is doing. They are doing the same stuff with more than one of them at a time as well.

I have thought about it a lot over the last few months and lot the last few weeks. I really do want to meet someone and get to know them and have a relationship. I don’t know if there is anything I want more right now other than getting out of here and having a life again and to start dating again. But I really don’t want to rush into things. I’m not rushing into sleeping with them in the first few weeks or what not and I won’t be introducing my kids to them any time to soon once I meet them either. If at all.

The more I think about it the more I really don’t think I want my kids to know I am seeing anyone or to meet them. Even after we have been together for a while. I don’t think I want to meet his kids either if he has any or get to know them. I don’t want to jump into another relationship either. If I am not going to be in a relationship with them they really aren’t meeting my kids nor me theirs. If it turns into more I still don’t want to meet theirs or them mine.

I am happy seeing them when I can and when they can. I am find working around their kids and mine. I am fine with them not knowing I’m seeing someone or not meeting them even if they find out I am. I see no point in it when they all are just here for the here and now and not forever. They can say they are all they want but who can you believe any more really? I think I could be very happy with just talking and texting when the kid are around and only seeing them when either of us don’t have our kids. We can spend time together with out interruptions from the kids or having to worry about them. It might not be as often and they may not be there to be that extra help or support when things are ruff with the kids and things are going on. But at least they will be there to reach out to and talk to and help in whatever way they can. I won’t feel like I am alone in all of it and have no one to talk to or like I am not getting what I need. Maybe one day a couple years down the road if I haven’t ran him off then I will consider and talk about letting them meet my kids and get to know them I me meeting theirs and getting to know them. If we go through with it and then he decides he don’t want to stick around it probably won’t end to pretty.

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