{December 6, 2014}   Am I A Horrible Person

Because all I could think when father of the year called and told me what happen this morning was this just screws everything I been trying to do up. Then I thought I’m not going to let this screw everything up. I am going to proceed with everything just the same no matter if he loses his job or not.

I will hear how I moved or made him leave when he lost his job and blah blah. But he never keeps a job. He had the one doing electrical for so long because they couldn’t keep anyone and he would stay and put up with everything. Since then he didn’t work for two years and has had a new job every 6 months to a year. He is always on the edge of losing his job. This job says he is slow but he dose his job and he dose it right so they keep him. But now he has this huge mess up today this could be it.

But I’m still going to court to get the divorce done no matter what. The only difference it is going to make is the amount of child support he would have to pay. They won’t make him pay very much at all. Probably less than a $100 a month each. At this point I really don’t care as long as they grant the divorce. Once they do that and he gets a new job child support will up what he has to pay if he starts making more money.

As for a place to live he is going to have to figure that out. I won’t tell him he has to move but I am going to move so he will just have to figure out how to keep the bills up here. If he can’t do that then he is on his own. I can’t sit here and keep living this way to just help him out. If I do I will never get away from his what he wants so it won’t make a difference to him. I’m sure he will probably say he is the one that will leave because he won’t be-able to keep the rent and bills paid. That is on him. I didn’t do this because he lost his job if he dose I am doing this because it was already in the works and process of being done before he ever went and screwed up again.

Then even know at his job I am planing on moving because I asked them Friday when I was in there about the truck and things to move out of town. I asked him on the phone a few minutes ago what he was going to do we couldn’t keep living like this just because of whatever happens because of today.

He said he didn’t know he guess he have to sleep in the truck until he got work paid off if he ended up keeping his job and having to pay something. He said he was tired of all ways being screwed in life.

I asked him what that was supposed to mean?

He said nothing he was just tired of always getting the short end of the stick and having nothing and no one cares.

It pissed me off but I had another call coming in. I just said I got to go and hung up. I wanted to say well you done all this no one but you. You hit the car at the auction, you hit the two cars today, your the one that messed up lost or broke your radio and your phone and got the ticket for running the red light. Your the one who was begged for a year or more to change things between us, and given almost another full year to fix it when you decided you wanted to and never did. Your the one that hasn’t followed through with anything you said you were going to do the last few years here now. If you had you would have a place we wouldn’t be living like this and it wouldn’t be a big deal now. The fact of the matter it is true. Things wouldn’t be much different if he had his own places and lost his job than being here and losing his job. He will probably end up homeless again. Only difference is if he is here we all end up that way then he is just going to try and follow me. If he is on his own he has to figure it out for himself and he don’t really have to many options. Other than trying to get a motel room or something. But again not my fault. I am trying to do what I can to get out of here and a way from him. I am trying to do what I can to get the money to take care of the kids. He has stopped me from doing that. He knows I can’t pay daycare it cost to much. I can’t get help if he is here he don’t make enough to cover it either. Now I try to go get support for my daughter and because of him and because of living this way I can’t do that either. If he hadn’t stopped the divorce if he had followed through with the agreement when we moved in here and if he had went back and fixed the divorce like he was supposed to I could have that little bit coming in to help. But since he didn’t and we are still living this way I can’t do anything to her dad for support. The feel she is his and he should take care of her. So even if we were stuck here together when I started getting it I could be helping pay things here but I can’t. Not that I had plan to tell him if or when they started it anyway but still he don’t know that.

All he can think is why did he get shit on in life and why he gets the short end of the stick. Really poor you through yourself a pity party. What about all you put everyone through here, what about the people you hit and totalled their car today who ended up in the hospital? You did the things you did the way you did and now you have to reap what you sow and lately it hasn’t been very good and karma isn’t to nice when she comes back around.

I guess if thinking that way and feeling that way makes me a horrible person I’m just going to have to be a horrible person. I am not keeping this up any longer. I am moving on with everything I have been doing as if nothing ever happen. Because it really didn’t. It happen to him not me.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

et cetera
%d bloggers like this: