I can’t tell you the last time I was alone where I could just sit down not worry about nothing or think about nothing. I can say this is the first time I have been alone in this house ever in the year we have lived here. I don’t know what has gotten into my mom she called and told the kids they could spend the night tonight. I figured she take the 3 older ones but not the baby. But she took all 4 of them. I can’t believe it. Father of the year hasn’t come in from work yet.

The house is so quite all I hear is the water through the filter of the frog tank and the dog walking around looking confused because the kids aren’t here. It’s so relaxing and calming. I am a little disappointed because the toy run is tomorrow and we have always went and taken the kids but now they are going to be there. We have went every year since I had my oldest. But they are so excited to get to go to grandma’s for the night. My little guy jumped out of the truck ran up knocked on the door was saying it’s me I’m here for a sleepover. I wasn’t sure the baby would stay she has never stayed with out me anywhere. I left to go get some milk for her I forgot to bring and went back she didn’t act like she even cared. When I left she just kept playing never said anything when the other kids were giving me hugs and things. I tried give her kiss she leaned over like she was going to give me one and then turned her head away and laughed. She is so rotten. She gives everyone kisses but me. I get kisses and hugs once in a while when she wants to give them.

Now I have father of the year calling me from work telling me he needs to help at work like I can do anything for him. That he needs to go to the er, how much pain he is in and all this. Like I care how much pain he is in. I care about as much as he did all the times I was in pain and could hardly move. Or as much as he did Monday when I walked my little one to school and couldn’t hardly stand up if I stopped walking I would fall to my knees if I wasn’t holding on to or leaning on something. I didn’t even think I was going to make it home and when I did I was in the front yard leaning on my truck in tears didn’t even know if I was going to make it in the house. After about 5 minutes I finally made it in to lay down. I had stayed up all night taking care of stuff for the kids and he refused help me with any of it earlier in the evening before he went to bed. He kept saying he had to go to bed then just sit there watching me do it til I got made said something then he went to bed instead of helping. No I don’t feel sorry for him that he has a kidney stone and can’t pass it. I don’t feel bad for him he is in pain. I hear the pain is a lot like giving birth if it is I sure don’t feel sorry for him. I have had three births with no kind of pain meds at all. He is really looking at the wrong person to feel sorry for him there.

He is in the middle of a call the people are waiting on him to get there and it has hit its worse. He been having pain off and on for a few days but been working so hadn’t had time to go anywhere for it.

He was out of town when he had the accident today they told him finish the trip. He got back from there had go about 60 miles south of us. Once he got back from there he picked one up took it about 30 miles south came back had a small break of maybe a hour then had to go back south 30 miles or so again and when he got back from that trip he had a call to go back over by where he had the accident. A second call came in right behind it to stay local. That call the car is lowered and has to be handled a special way. The other guy out hasn’t taken care of cars like that before so he told them to give him the our of town call and took the local one. Now he is sick in the middle of it.

I told him he is half way to the er we use to drop his car he has on the truck now and then go over there to be seen. If he gets any more calls he will have to tell them he is in the er they are going to have to pass them to the other guy. He should be back from out of town soon any how. He is off in 5 hours. He probably won’t get another call tonight before he turns the truck in. He was on the phone and all of a sudden he was just gone. Guessing he is unloading the car.

I am enjoying my time home alone without him and the kids here. He can tell the doctor what is wrong and be seen I don’t need to hold his hand. Who’s going to hold it when I’m not stuck living like this any more? Why should I hold it now the way he dose.

I think I am going to lay down I’m so tired I can hardly hold my eyes open.

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