It’s crazy how quickly you lose control with out even realising that it is happening. Little things here and there come up and you come in and fix them like always. I mean if you don’t who is going to right?

I woke up this morning and thought about my phone bill being due today or tomorrow. I did a quick run thought the money, what is where and how to pay it. I thought oh my card I can pay it with that. Then I remembered that my money is gone off of it as soon as I get it. I pull it all off and pay the rent and have nothing until the first of the next month when I do it again.

This month was a little different this month I had to take the money and pay on a pay day loan that he had taken out so that we would have money to get through until he got paid and I got my check. Some how he ended up paying the rest and I ended up paying the loan back. Before that I spent some for things we needed around the house. He use to pay the rent and I use to pay on some of the other bills and get things here and there when I needed them. I pay my phone and car insurance which I have not been able to do in months. I have to go to him and tell him that my phone is due and see if he has the money to pay it.

He pays them if there is money to pay them. The insurance he told me he paid he said he was behind on it but it was paid so we were safe. The other day I find a letter from the car insurance saying that they cancelled my insurance November 17 and that it was turned into the state for my license to be cancelled by the 17 of December. This is now the 8th of December. I don’t know why it is addressed to him because I am the one with the vehicle tagged and insured he is just on as another driver because I had to ad him because they say he is still my husband and we have to be on the same plan. He has no car so he don’t have to have insurance but has to be listed to drive my truck. So if the insurance laps it’s my licences that is in trouble not his. I’m the one that has to pay $100’s to get it back and straighten everything out.

I was also able to save some money when he paid rent and I paid other bills. He found the money I had saved and he of course wasn’t happy about it. I tried to play it off like it was money I had to pay other stuff but he knew. He found some I had put up before. Both times he started acting shitty and stopped giving me money to pay anything or get anything around the house. I had to take it out of what I had saved to do it. I put it up I try to keep it right on my so he don’t find it but he goes messing around in stuff that he shouldn’t be and finds it.

I never really noticed or thought about it but since he found the money last time things have slowly shifted and turned. I now have no money with in hours of getting it. Leaves me going to him to get what I need. He don’t keep track of his money he just spends and spends until he has none. If I don’t hound him and hound him to pay on the lights and water it will be gone and half the time when I got to him about the phones we are having to scrape money together to pay it. Then he complains because his is due with in a few days of mine being due and he don’t have the money to pay on it.

I don’t even know if he is going to have money to pay it. Because I thought he had money left after paying a few bills to pay some others. When I said something about it the other day he said he didn’t have any. He said it got spent over the weekend and when he was off on other stuff here and there. I guess I will go and dig around and see how much money I can come up with. I have to have gas money as well because I have to go take my dad Christmas shopping when they finally get my electrical fixed. I won’t need much for that if I stick $5 in it to get there my dad will get me some gas but I hate to ask him.

My biggest thing is getting things turned back around so that I can have money to pay things I need to pay. And to try and have some saved when I can get out of here.

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