Father of the year was off today so I took my dad to do his Christmas shopping for the kids. He asked me to take him last week then everything happen with the electric, my little guy was sick so I couldn’t get someone to watch the kids. I told him I would come today when he was off and take him.

He was going to get them a nice dvd player for the car. I was looking to see what dvds they had and most all of them were scratched up to the point of getting rid of. I have already gotten rid of a lot of them over the last few years because they don’t take care of them. We had picked some up here and there for a $1 or whatever at yard sale or flea market. They haven’t taken care of them.

I told him there was no point in getting it because they would have nothing to play in it since they don’t take care of them. I am not going to keep wasting my money on them and it would be a waste of his money for it to lay around the house.

We ended up getting my little bitty a My Life Doll knock off of the American girl doll. My big boy wanted action figures we found some nice large Star Wars action figures. We got my oldest Chawbacca and my little one another different one they could play together. My big girl I got the game Risk. She is all into it been asking for it a few months.

We were ready to leave and I remebered I needed to pick up a book for my big girl. We started to the back of the store to get it. I look up and there sits the chair I been looking for my little bitty since her birthday or before. There was only 1 in the store. I grabbed it. I was going to put it on lay a way until Friday pay it out. I got back there they said that today was the last day to pick up so I couldn’t put it in. I almost didn’t get it but she really likes it. My son has one and she would fight with him to sit in it and it is something that will last her for years. I couldn’t leave it there. I paid more for my sons used than they wanted for this one new. Plus like I told father of the year she was supposed to get ear rings and her ears pierced for Chirstmas last year and never went and got them done. Her birthday she didn’t get what I had planed with just moving and money being so tight and having to get Easter for all the kids at the same time. The other kids won’t know if I spent a little more on her either it isn’t something they are going to look at and go oh mom spend more on her than us. I don’t spend the same on each one but I spend close with in $15 to $20 most the time over all.

I broke down and bought it with my money I had left on my card. After I dropped my dad off I went to my friend J’s house and stuck it in her extra bedroom because I have no where that my Little Bitty wouldn’t see it before next week. I don’t want her to see it and spoil it and if she did I wouldn’t be able to leave it up until Christmas she would have a fit til I let her have it right then and there.

I told my friend J how I got it and that father of the year didn’t know I had money. She knows that I don’t spend my money on just anything and everything it all goes into the house the kids and things like that. Once in a while me and her may go out for breakfast when he is off I get a day out with out the kids. Later we where at the store I was looking for a angel for the top of my tree. She said so I lent you how much today? I said what do you mean? she said so you can tell father of the year how you paid for the gift that cost what it did and get your money back. I said oh good idea. That is what I told him and he said ok he would give me the money Friday to pay her back.

You know what I can’t be honest with him say oh I have this or that with out him then holding back until I have to spend every dime I have. If he wasn’t that way then I could say hey you know I had more on my card than I thought when I figured out it was there. Then today I could have said you know the money I had I used it to buy this for one of the kids Christmas gifts. It should be left at that. But the way he tried to leave me with no money all the time so I have to come to him to even have a dollar to spend I am not doing any more.

I feel horrible about lying and I know it is wrong. But he has pushed things into the fight/flight mode and plays these mind games or whatever. I have to do what I have to do to get through this until I can get me and the kids out of here or him out of here.

Oh and I got my Little Bitty her very own little recliner chair. I got my little guy one when he was about a year and a half. The older kids got the new ds when they came out. He was to little so I got him the little recliner chair. We were in the store he seen it and loved it. Once Little Bitty got big enough to walk she sat in it all the time. She would fight with him to sit in it. His got broken some how the other month so it is put up until I can take it to my grandpa to see if he can fix it. I figure he probably can its just getting it to him. I may try to go tomorrow or the next day and see if he can. I have room in my living room again they both can sit our here. Or they can put them in the play room to sit and watch tv or read.

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