{December 27, 2014}   Names, Numbers And Text

A while back we went on a camping trip and before we left there was a huge fight. Where father of the year say here and acused me of seeing other people and not careing about my kids and all kinds of other stuff. Again I’m not but so what if I was, we are not together. You can read it here if you would like Catching Up.

Well the other night he went on a call and left his phone here. I was calling him to get information about what his dad send the kids for Christmas. I picked it up to look at the text. He gives me his phone when he is here all the time so it isn’t a big deal. I was flipping through the text and found one that was just a number but no name.

Babe I’m working till 7 I love you.  then another that says I miss you.

The other person replies I love and miss you more I’m done at 5:30.

he says K how is everything. they don’t reply again until later it then they say can you find out about how much I make I need to know for the daycare.

There are no more text back and forth after that at all. This was on October 6 th. I kept looking at them thinking there was something about them I was missing but couldn’t figure it out. Then a few days later I was telling my friend J about it and it hit me. The date they were sent the 6 th of October 3 days after the camping trip. The day after we came back. The way they were talking says to me they been talking and doing whatever they are doing for a while so long before the camping trip probably.

This why he was so very nasty and so stuck on me seeing someone and screwing around as he says. I even said to my friend I don’t know what is going on he is so nasty lately and just starting for no reason then we had that huge fight he put a hole in my bedroom door and things. I guess he was feeling guilty. I don’t know why because whoever she or he is they can have him. I don’t want him we aren’t together and they would be doing me a huge favour by taking him. He has no reason to act the way he was and say the things he did. I just find it funny there haven’t been any more text back and forth and why she would want him to find out how much she was going to be making for the daycare. Why wouldn’t she know what she was going to be making? There aren’t any women working at his job but one she has been there forever since she was like 18 or something and she is almost 40. she knows what she is making and she has a old man and kids at home. The rest are guys in the shop and the guys running the trucks. There aren’t any women. It’s also a long distance number but it looks like one of them numbers where you can download a app and it give you a different number you can call and text with.

My friend gave me a big flat screen tv. I had to take the seat out of the truck to be able to lay it down in the back to get it home. We went and got it and we got it unloaded at home. I went out to find the Christmas stuff. I see this little piece of paper folded up laying in the side in back of the truck. I started to not pick it up but something said get it and look at it. I turned reach in and grabbed it before I closed it. I unfold it and it is a slip off a pad where they right your order down when you go somewhere to eat. It says some name on it I can’t tell and has a phone number on it. Then it says brother and has another number written on it. I folded it up and put it a way.

No one is ever rides in my truck buy the kids and my friend J. She don’t ride back there and if the kids had gotten a number somewhere we were for something I would have known about it. We haven’t even been out to eat lately but to the dinner for lunch. It was me J and the kids. No one got any numbers there. My truck has been cleaned out and everything taken out back there not that long a go as well.

I don’t know why he has to be this way over it. Why come in and have such huge nasty fights when your the one doing whatever is being done. Why say such things about me and the kids as he said just to make everyone feel bad or to make me look bad to the kids? Go do what you are going to do want to do or whatever and leave me and the kids out of it. I really don’t care if you want her, she wants you go for it she will be doing me a huge favour. It will get him to go away and leave me alone for once maybe. Don’t do what your going to do and then come in my house and treat me like I am doing something wrong. I haven’t talk to anyone since me and RC split up.

I didn’t say anything it isn’t worth having a big fight about. I don’t care just wish he would find one that really wants his ass and he would go and leave us alone. But when he starts his shit again I am going to pull it all out and say something. Tell him not to be jumping on me for what he is doing and feeling guilty about.

I know he is probably feeling guilty because he still tells me all the time how he still cares about me, he can’t get over me, he just wants to fix things. He was just telling me the other night when they kids weren’t here how it drives him crazy when I get so mad at him and things because he still cares. I just look at him like ok whatever. He says what I can’t help how I feel I don’t know if I will ever get over you I just want to fix things. I tell him that its to late. He just says I know. See I don’t feel guilty for wanting to move on, I didn’t feel guilty when me and RC were together or when I was talking to my friend before me and RC. I don’t have anything to feel guilty for. I don’t have feelings for him what we had is done and over. He says how can you just go and do this or that and act like it don’t bother you. I tell him because it don’t. He says I am just saying these things to hurt him. I’m not I really don’t. I can do a lot of things I do because of the things I have been through I look at things a lot different now than I did when we were together or before we got together. And since everything happen with RC since him has really just kind of sealed the deal how I feel and look at things any more. I am tired of being hurt and treated like I don’t matter. If I am going to be for here and now and until something better comes along not forever then I am going to start looking at things the same way and not being as emotionally into things any more. Enjoy it while it last and move on. If it ends up being more than great if not no harm done.

But he tells me how he can’t afford to divorce me that he isn’t going to be able to have a place to live and pay child support. That is why he is fighting it so hard besides the fact he wants us back together. That is why when he made us homeless twice he ended up with me and my friends and family. Because his family wasn’t going to take him in. His friends weren’t offering to help him or take him in either. But it is time to grow up and be a man, if your job isn’t going to pay you enough to take care of what needs taken care of then you find one that pays more. If you can’t then you find another. I know plenty of people who work 2 or 3 jobs to make it. I would be working as many as I had to if I had a sitter. But I don’t have a free baby sitter around the clock so I can work whatever job I want to work or do what I want to do and not have to ever think about the kids like him and RC have.

I haven’t went for my divorce because he threatens he wants custody and he wants this and that all the time. He will get in there and fight it and stop it again. If I really get it back in court he will get his family to get him a lawyer. They have nothing to do with him 99.99% of the time but if he was going to court with me they would be behind him 100% and pay for a lawyer even though they have no idea what so ever what is going on how he treats the kids what he has done or anything else. I really don’t think it would matter if they knew. They would still help him to fight and get them even if he really don’t need to have them all the time. He has said it over and over to me again and again and to others that he don’t want them full time he can’t handle taking care of them full time. He just wants them on weekends and holidays and summer. The other summer shows he can’t even handle having them half a summer like he is supposed to. But here were we are if you show up with a lawyer and the other side don’t have one then you are just out of luck they get what they want. It isn’t worth it to me to risk losing my kids to him just because he wants to show me and get at me and not pay.

I am going to get a new set of divorce papers and I am going to have a lawyer fill them out for me. I am going to tell them I want child support, alimony, him to carry life insurance on himself, health insurance on the kids and anything else I can ask for. I don’t think I will get it all but if I don’t ask I don’t have a chance at getting it. I should be able to get alimony for sure because we have been married for 11 years going on 12 and we have been living together in the same house all but about a year of that. And that was years ago we have been for the last 2 to 3 years now. Really only for about 6 months do we show different addresses at all.

At this point the way he did me and the kids and still treat us he should have to at least pay alimony til me and the kids can get back on our feet and half of what it cost for daycare he isn’t having to worry about it and it is letting him work too. I just feel like he has done everything he can to keep us in the spot we are in even when I was willing to ask for nothing more than child support. He has kept me from working all this time refusing to come home and watch the kids when he could or to pay for child care to keep me from working then he should pay what I could have been making.





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