This morning father of the year go off for the first of his two days off. I told him to wake me up when he got home if I wasn’t. Since I didn’t go see my dad yesterday or last night I wanted to go up first thing this morning and see him. We got there a little after 10 by the time I got all the kids up, fed and ready. We went back to his room and he was sleeping so we took them into the little playroom they have for a little bit. Then we went back down he was up. We stayed for a while the kids got wound up and was wanting to eat. They brought his lunch it was done. I had to bring them home. I was trying to stay until the doctor made his rounds and talk to him. Just as we were getting ready to leave he came in. I had father of the year take the kids out why he checked him out so I could talk to him. He got a call and went out when he was done. I told my dad by and went out and waited for the doctor to get off the phone.

He came over and talk to me he said that the tumor seems to be larger than what they said. He thinks it has gotten bigger. He said it is pretty much taking up most the space in his stomach he isn’t getting enough to nourish his body. He has gotten so weak in the week he has been in there. He can’t even move himself around in the bed and get himself how he needs to be. I had to get someone to help him get back in bed when he gets up. I can tell it is so hard on him. He is so use to doing for himself. It is killing him being this way and not able to for himself. One big reason he don’t want to be hooked to anything and things. I understand. The doctor said it is only a matter of time really not long before he passes.

I took father of the year and the kids home. He had to go to the store I went and laid down for a little bit why he was gone. My little bitty wanted me to lay with her until she went to sleep for her nap. Once she went to sleep and he got back I left. I couldn’t sit here in the house I had to get out. I went up seen my friend for a little bit then went back to see my dad.

When I got there my brother was there and he stayed for a little while we talked and things. He left he tried to get me to leave too. My dad just kept holding my hand and looking around. I could tell he didn’t want me to leave. He finally said he was going to go and give us some time alone.

I told my dad I would go let him get some rest or I would stay there why he rested he just say ok and hold my hand. I pulled a chair up there beside his bed say there and held his hand.

He started telling me about insurance papers again. That he didn’t have what he thought he had. He said one was accidental death it was for more. the other was a regular policy and it was for $25,000. I said they told me it was only for $10,000. He looked funny he said no it is for more. So then I told him what happen when I brought this up to them a few weeks ago when everything was going on. That they told me there wasn’t one. Then when I said I knew there was because he told me there was it came out there was two. But that they will not show me or let me have any infromation on it swear they have none. Then told me that they called and had it sent to them and they were talking care of it. I told him I wanted to see and that it wasn’t for my brothers wife to take care of it was for me and him and that if he couldn’t I would not her. But they still won’t let me look at it or have a copy. He said make them. I told him I couldn’t. He wasn’t happy.

I then asked him if I could ask him something he not get mad. He said yes. I said it’s ok I’m not mad I just wondered why and if that is how you want it for what ever reason that is ok. But I would like to know. I asked him why he gave all of his and grandpa’s guns to my brother? He said because of father of the year he didn’t want him to get in trouble. I told him he wouldn’t I told him that the adjudication was with held he could have it taken off his record and everything. He said yeah if they did that then he has rights and things. I said yes but he is just telling you things he knows nothing about. I said the knifes you know I never seen them and I don’t know what he means by rolls or how many there are. But he told me there are two and that I get one and he gets one, and that you let him pick out all the ones he wanted and everything. They are in one roll and mine are in another. He said no no no that is not how it is. He said you were to get all of them. He isn’t going to do this this just like my sister he isn’t getting everything you get nothing. I said the coins he wants to sit down go through them and give a big chunk of them to all the grand kids. He got really mad. I said what do you want done with your van. He said they have two cars they don’t need it. You need it you need two in case something happens to one and you have none right now. I said he started telling me that they really need the van and could use the van and all this. He said I am going to take care of this I get out of here Monday and get to go home and I am going to take care of all this. When we were talking about the guns he said I am going to have to go through them and pick out some for you to then that isn’t right.

I said daddy everyone knows this my mom, grandma, grandpa all of them and they have said for weeks I need to talk to you about it because this is what you wanted. I said I know it is but I don’t want you to feel like I just want your stuff and trying to start a fight over getting your stuff. Because that isn’t it. I said I know what you wanted how you wanted things. We all did we all knew why you did the guns the way you did. I said I figured what they did was on them.

I told him I wanted it because I wanted to have something of his. But I also didn’t want to start a fight with them because I didn’t want them to tell me I couldn’t come there and see him. He said well I can come to the road. I said yeah but not if you can’t get out of bed. He said he could come see me too. I said you can’t drive he said he have his friend bring him. I said but if you get to where you can’t move around and get out of bed you can’t and he don’t have to let me in. He said then I’m just going to move. He wants to get a place. I said you aren’t doing that they won’t let you you can come stay with me if you want to. I told him I would fix my room up for him and he would have his own bathroom with a shower he could get in and out of easy he wouldn’t have to worry about a tub to fall in. He said I will just take that side room. I told him that is the play room there ton of stuff out there and that is where father of the year has his bed and sleeps. I told him it was no probably for him to have my room that I slept in the living room most the time and that little bitty was being moved to my older ones room anyway so it would be open he had room to put whatever he wanted to in there.

He just kept saying I am going to take care of this they aren’t going to do this and things. I told him I said you know I was mad because of the way he was doing and over the insurance mostly because I wanted to take care of things that needs to be taken care of they won’t even let me do that. I said I went and talk to a lawyer because I didn’t want to bother you with it to see if there was some other way to handle it. I told him he said that basicly when something happens that my brother can say that all his stuff is his and that he gave it to him and give me nothing. That yes he can say that I can not come there. That I would rather be able to come there and see him now as much as I can than to have stuff when he is gone. He said no I am going to take care of it when I get home and make sure you have everything I want you to have. If he starts I will move. Then he told me I don’t even know how much money I have left in the bank from my check I don’t know what is left. I don’t know what they have done with it or took out.

It pisses me off because when I left the night they were coming to pick him up to take him to this place I hadn’t even gotten home and my brother was calling me wanting to know if I had my dads bank card. I told him no. He was telling me it wasn’t in his wallet they couldn’t find it. He was looking every where for it. Then they said they found it and they just wanted to make sure one of the people from hospice didn’t take it. I thought it was odd but I didn’t say anything and figured my dad was there at the time. But I don’t think he knew he was saying no it was in my wallet and it is always there. I don’t put it anywhere else. He was mad. I said well I think they didn’t know if it was and couldn’t look with him there and was scared he gave it to me to get the oil changed in the car. It wouldn’t be there for them to just go get money as they pleased.

I don’t know what is going to happen but I know that shit is going to hit the fan this week when he gets home. I just hope that he don’t say anything today or before for he gets home. If he dose then they will try to hide or take what they can and say they don’t know what happen to it. He said my brother done pawned a couple of his guns he made him go get them back. I have to get up there to see him and get home and clean that room out and get it ready so that if he decides or needs to come here he can.

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