{January 31, 2015}   Taking Care Of My Dad

I went Wednesday and Thursday to take care of my dad. Wednesday wasn’t bad, I got him to eat a pudding cup and helped him get changed and just spent time with him. The kids sat at the kitchen table or on the couch and watched tv or played with a couple toys that were out. They weren’t allowed to go in the playroom. Thursday I took their tablets and they did the same sat and played with them read or watched tv.

Thursday my dad got up to go to the bathroom and came out and wanted to take a shower. The aid was supposed to be coming to help him with it I tried to tell him he insisted on taking one right then and there. So I told my brothers daughter what I was doing and called him to see if we had to go in with him and give him one or if he was still doing it himself. He said you had to go in help him. So I did. The kids were out in the other room. My brother got home for lunch why I was in helping him get a shower.

I got him all dressed and we came out. He was in talking to a lady from hospice that came to sit with him in case we needed to do anything or what. He went in the kitchen. I got my dad back in bed and settled and went to get him a drank or something. I asked my brother what he was talking about bringing someone in to take care of him?

He said he was getting someone to come in 3 days a week Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. That we could split it and things. I told him again I could be there Thursday and Friday but not Wednesday. That I didn’t have money to pay someone to take care of him and that I was there to do it. I wanted to do it not some stranger. He started that the house was crazy with the kids there and there being a new baby and daddy in there sick. That they weren’t letting him rest and he was stressed out over it and that he was getting this lady to come in and we could work out paying for it later and that it would be taken care of one way or the other. I told him I wasn’t paying someone to come there and take care of him when I could do it and wanted to do it myself. He said no I couldn’t and all this. I got mad I told the kids to come on we were leaving to go tell grandpa bye.

I went in and sat down and talk to my dad. I told him I loved him I was going to go and take the kids home because I didn’t want them to bother him, stress him out and keep him from resting. He said they weren’t. I already knew. I said well that is what I am being told. I was told that I can’t come and take care of you he wants to have this other person do it. He said I can’t rest anyway that lady sitting here all the time. I told him he could tell her to leave or go in the other room. But that I couldn’t take care of him because my brother wouldn’t let me. He ask me what day it was I told him he wanted to know the date I told him. He said just wait we will see. I said well this is how he wants it so. He just said it again we will see. I didn’t know what he meant by it and he said he was getting mad. I said I am not trying to upset you or make you mad. I just want you to know that I love you and I will come take care of you any time but that I am not being allowed to he don’t want us here. I said just like we talked about when you were in the center last week. You see the first two days and this is what he is saying doing. I told him I would be back to see him either Friday or over the weekend. He said ok.

I also told him when he was talking about it if they couldn’t take care of him then I would take him home and take care of him not have some stranger doing it all the time. He got all mad and blew up that wasn’t happening and he wasn’t coming to my house. How my house was filthy and dirty I have dogs and kids here. He has only ever been to my house once when he rushed down here and took my dad home the other week when he tried to come see me and the kids and have dinner. My house isn’t dirty. His house stinks he has carpet the dogs have pee on it and everything else. I have my dog that is about 50 lbs and the two pups. One of the pups is going to a home. He has a dog that is bigger than my dad down there that could knock him over or anything.

I am going tomorrow when father of the year is off and talking to my dad. I am going to tell him just like we talked about before if he wants to come here then we will go get a trailer and get his stuff and bring him home tomorrow if he wants. He will have his own room with a bathroom. It is at the other end of the house so if he wants to rest he can the kids are in the living room or play room so he won’t hear them. His bathroom has a shower he can get in and out of and it is big enough that he can bring whatever he wants and put in there. If there isn’t room then we have other places we can put it.

I know if he dose my bother is going to have a fit because there is something he is worried my dad is going to tell someone. He don’t want anyone to be alone with him. He keeps making comments about him and things too like he just needs to go ahead and go and things. He isn’t in good shape at all but he knows all that is going on and things. He says he isn’t in any pain the meds are working good and things. He just don’t like it he can’t take care of himself and things. But he isn’t ready to go.

I figure he is going to start calling people and sending them to my house if my dad decides to come home with me. All I got to say is he better thank really long and hard about it and he better thank twice after that. Because everyone knows something about them that if they get called on they wouldn’t let my dad stay with them and there may be no kids in that house for a while as well and some in trouble. If he starts with me I will most differently say something. I don’t like the idea of his old lady taking care of my dad nor do I trust her really to.

I left the lady was there for another 2 to 3 hours and the aid was supposed to be coming in so I knew he would be taken care of. I kept wondering what he meant by wait and we will see or wait and see. I thought of it when I went to bed Thursday. He wasn’t going to go for this person taken care of him and he wasn’t going to let her or make it easy for her probably.

Sure enough Friday before 7 I get a call from my brother wanting to know if I was on my way. I been going there about 10 so he knew I wasn’t. I said no why? He said because dad has a big mess here and needs to be cleaned up and help and he is refusing to let me do it and says he don’t want anyone to help him but you. I said well I have to get dressed get the kids up and ready and get up there. It be at least a hour probably before I could get there. He said I will just have to talk to him and get it done. I’m going to be late for work and everything. Hour and half two hours later he calls me back and wants to know if I am coming up today and telling me all this stuff that needs to be done and everything. I said no I wasn’t palnning on it other than maybe later of a few minutes to see him. He said well I guess I will have to do it at lunch time and be late back to work again. I said well I wanted to do it and you told me I couldn’t you didn’t want me to and that you were going to pay someone to come in and do it. So I have things I need to do and planed to take care of today. Well she can’t come til next week she is sick and blah blah. I said well I don’t know. I have to go somewhere I don’t know when I will get out of there or how long it will take. Thanks for nothing he says and hangs up the phone.

I text him told him not to call me telling me thanks for nothing and hang up on me and that this wasn’t my doing this was his. That he insisted that I couldn’t come there and take care of him that he didn’t want me to and that now he is in a jam he wants me to come up there that isn’t how it worked. I wasn’t here to just come when he is in a jam that if he don’t want me to do it any other time it was a problem it would be then to.

He had the nerve to text me back say that all he said was that his wife wasn’t a maid and his daughter wasn’t a babysitter. I said she hasn’t been a maid the kids drank out of a cup why they were there I bought them lunch and they didn’t even use plates or nothing. That I was there with the kids all day both days and they sat on the couch and watched tv or sat at the table playing with their tablets. That the only time I wasn’t right there with them was why I was in the bathroom giving him a shower and cleaning him up. But I guess I should have made it even harder for my dad and had them all in there with me like it was a show. He just text back and said well I’m just saying that if you can’t respect my house then stay out of it. No one has disrespected his house.

I wanted to go today and yesterday to see my dad but I didn’t because I am not fighting with them to see him. I am not going by myself because they are not going to start with me and then tell everyone I did this or that or said whatever. Just like he is trying to do about taking care of him. I want someone with me because if my dad says he wants to come stay with me then I am bring him then. We have to get all his stuff.

There was no reason my brother couldn’t help him he has before and my dad didn’t care a couple days ago if father of the year helped him. I asked him if he would rather me or him help him when he needed to change and things. He said he didn’t care. I just done it. So why would he care that my brother help him? He also knows I don’t come that early and that I can’t be there that fast it takes at least 30 minutes or so to drive up there if I can just walk out the door get in the car and go. He just mad about the way my brother is doing and he thinks if he insist enough or gives them a hard enough time then they will have to let me come and do it.

If that happens then I am going to tell him I can’t come to there house and sit for hours and hours all day like a full time job so I am now going to take him home with me where I can take care of him and do what needs to be done for my family as well. I feel that if they can’t do it then he needs to be somewhere that someone is home and can do it. Just like my brother saying of if you can come Monday and Tuesday as well and help his old lady out as much as I can it would be a big help because she is off them two days. But she has school work to do and that is when she makes her appoinments and all this. So basically we will be at work these three days come all day and sit with him and then these two days we don’t want to do it or can’t so you come do it then too. Then why is he there if they can’t do it? I don’t see why she can’t do her school work them days either because there isn’t that much to do for him. He may need changed here and there and someone to make him lunch. Most the time I just sit there with him and spend time with him, get him up and sit outside with him and things. Other than having to give him a shower the one day. Most the time the aid dose that. Her daughter is there as well and can even make him lunch or feed him. Most the time he feeds himself.

He makes me sick too he says oh we need to pay this lady to come in and take care of him. Then he says when she isn’t doing stuff for dad she is going to clean up and do stuff around the house so that it isn’t falling apart like it is. Well if there isn’t that much to do for my dad she is going to be mostly there to clean there house. Why should I pay someone to come in and clean their house? Their house is never clean he just wants to try and put on this whatever because these people are in and out of his house now.

My house isn’t spotless but it isn’t dirty it don’t spell. It is clean it is lived in and it is a little cluttered but not dirty. He can say what he wants.

I am here most all day every day unless we have a doctors appointment or something to go to. Tuesdays I’m gone for about 2 hours or so. I can arrange for the hospice people to be here with him or get someone to come sit with him.

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