{February 17, 2015}   Just Not The Same

My truck has a some problems and it finally got to the point I had to just park it and not drive it. Since then I have been driving my dads van. Its just something to get from point A to point B nothing in great shape. I had intended to replace the truck when I got tax money so I don’t want to put money into parts for it. I rather junk it be done. Father of the year says he is going to fix it instead of getting something else. More power to him.

Well I have been watching a few trucks on line I would like to check into. I got my money back and it is going fast. I haven’t spent it on anything just bills and things. I did pay the rent up until May. I probably shouldn’t have but I just felt it was something I needed to do. That took the most of what is gone.

I have been emailing, texting, calling people since Friday. One guy lets me think I could come look at it that evening then tells me oh he is out of town Until this week. The other one I text and text she never got back to me. It said text and if ad was still there then she still had it. I even went so far as to call that one I was really interested in looking at it. The other one over the weekend tells me he is also out of town until today. We have been emailing. I ask if I could come this evening never got a reply until a little bit ago. Then he wants to know if I can come Friday or Saturday. I don’t have someone to go with me and look at it Friday or Saturday. I can drive it look at it and most the time tell if something seems off. But I still feel better taking someone with me to check it as well. I told him I only had someone to go with me today and tomorrow to look not sure when I would have someone again. I haven’t heard back so we will see.

I drove tonight over to the other county and looked at one a guy had for sale and it was really nice. It’s a blue/Gray color it is 4×4 looks good inside and out. Runs good drives good. But they want about $1500 more than what I want to pay. I hardly talked to them I felt bad but as bad as I wanted to go look at it and everything once I got there I just didn’t want to be there.

I feel like I’m in a haze and just couldn’t get into really checking it out. I didn’t even test drive it I let father of the year drive it see what he thought. I didn’t even feel like talking to them about the price or to see if they would come down or work a deal. All I could think was I wanted out of there and wanted to go home. That fight or flight kind of feeling and just really down.

I couldn’t figure out why or what was wrong. On the way home I was thinking about it and my dad always went with me to buy my trucks and cars. Even if I went and found one I wanted most the time he ended up going back with me and checking it out when I bought it or just road along why I checked them out and made the deals. I always took him and made the deals when he buy a cars.

I knew he couldn’t go with me this time. I had thought about it couple weeks ago when I did my taxes and was waiting on my money. I was set to get it the 10th. I been looking at them to see if I could line something up to look at and get when I got it. I figured I could take it over and get him to come out and see what I got and get him out of the house too. He went with me that one day for a walk but wouldn’t let me take him out after that. I think the hassle of the wheelchair he didn’t like. But I figured I could get him to come out see what I got. 3 days before I got my money he passed.

I seems like anything I go to do he is missing. I don’t have a lot of people I hang out with or friends I go places and do things with. We all have so much going on they work in the day their kids have school and clubs when they aren’t in school. We homeschool have a few things we do. My dad the last 2 or 3 years has been retired the daytime when we are sitting here bored we go pick up grandpa and go yard sales, thrift stores, out to lunch or whatever just to get out of the house.

This I just feel so lost, even though I was mostly the one that did everything and always the one to make the deal and come to a agreement on the price and things it just so different without him there. He never tell me to or not to get something but he give me his in put on it and we talk about it and the options best deals and things. He say I heard this or see that or don’t think I would get it because of this. We talk about it I point out this or that and what I thought or knew it cost to fix what it was and what I was getting it for and what the blue book on it was and if it was worth it or not. Some we left some we take the gable and get. We never really went wrong. I think everyone I ever got or got him we got 4 or 5 years or more out of them with very little extra money put into them.

Now as bad as I need a new truck and something better than the van to drive I feel like I had to force myself to even get out of the truck and talk to the people tonight and I didn’t even know what to say to them. I couldn’t put my thoughts together to talk to them. I finally just told them that this was the first one I had looked at, I had a few more I was setting times to look at, I didn’t want to jump on the first thing I looked at and that I was tossing around a few different options that I would get back with them.

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