Comp 1 Nightmare

I sat down and really got started on my assignments tonight and boy is it a nightmare trying to figure out what we are supposed to do. We go into canvuse where the syllabus, calender, and work is listed. I go under modules to find what we are to work on, Listed is week 1 reading assignment, week 1 Narration assignment, Then it says Narration reading assignment when you click on it goes to a page that says read this, this and this. Then the next page is the story it wants you to read in case you don’t have the book. After that it goes to a page with a link to click that says storytelling presentation, when I click on the link it has you fill in things that happen in your life then tells you a story has you write about one of the things and then give more information and has you write little more about your story. Then you can print it or email it to yourself. From there it goes to Narrative paper assignment, that takes you to a page that has a link and when you click on the link it says……

Narrative Essay Assignment
Write a narrative about the topic of your choice. Use the check-list on page 100 in The Brief Bedford Reader to proofread and revise before turning it in. Your paper is to be at least 500 words and in MLA format. Please see the YouTube video in the Lessons tab on how to set up a paper in MLA format. You will not need a Works Cited page unless you do any outside research – which is not required until we get into the formal research paper. Your Narration is as informal a formal paper as you can get, so yes, 1st person is acceptable. However, as we move into your research paper later in the term, it will not be.

Then there is the drop box. The only thing I am showing that has to be turned in for a grade is the above essay so I am guessing the rest is just whatever to do and practice our stuff. I don’t understand why she says to read x story because that is part of the chapter. So if you are reading the chapter like she says you will have read it. She don’t say look at this or that or do this or that because you have read it nothing, just read it. No explanation for the storyteller site but it is up before the part about the assignment telling you to write about whatever topic you want to.

I’m just doing what it says needs to be turned in for each day and not worrying about the rest. Over all between the discussion boards term and other papers I have to write it will be 7300 words by the end of the class. That seems imposable in ways and like I may not get everything in with that many. Right now it is 5:30 am the kids will be up in in 4 to 5 hours, I need to stop worrying about this and try to get a few hours of sleep. I have to go to the book store to get that other book today and they are only open 9 to 1. By the time we get up get dressed and eat I am going to be rushing over to get it and if I don’t get to sleep I am not going to be over to get it at all. Then I will be in a lot of trouble because I have papers due in that class on Sunday. That class has a ton of little assignments instead of big papers like this one. NOt sure what is worse, I think I like all the little ones because if you do bad on one you have all the others to pull your grade back up. Where with this calls and all the writing one bad paper can mean a not so hot grade over all.

Campus Book-Store

I was finally able to go to the college book store and pick up my books for class today. I had all 4 kids with me but wasn’t worried, figured it would be pretty empty the time we went and we would be in and out.

I took the page of the syllabus with me to show what three books I needed so there were no mistakes. The lady came over went got all three books and said to get in line to pay for them. I checked to make sure the one had some code I needed and all that. We finally get up to the counter to pay, He scans the two books for my comp 1 class no problem. Then he scans my book for Personal Finances and it wouldn’t scan. He goes back looks at something the women looks something up on the computer he finally just puts it in. Then he put in my book voucher and says that I owe $162. I just looked at him stunned for a minute.

I said how much was the finance book?

He said oh it was $316.

I don’t know the look on my face must have said it all, because he said I can give you these two and you can go back to aid and tell them you need more money to cover books. Then he told me to go on line to their store look up the books I need and print something showing how much they all are or they wouldn’t help me.

Here I am at the campus that is 2 minutes from my house because I figured I’m just getting my books they should be able to at least do that for me. Now I have to go deal with aid and from dealing with aid and other offices on this campus more than a few times before I know it is a long wait and the people are not very friendly nor helpful. Bounce I still have all 4 kids to take with me. They are going to be even less friendly or helpful at the site of that I figure.

I went home to look up the books on their site and print them up. I called on the way home and the lady informed me I had to do it today because Tuesday was the last day to use our book vouchers and it takes them 24 hours to get the money moved around so I probably wouldn’t get it if I waited. I called my friend to see if she could watch the kids for a hour why I ran up there and took care of it. I text her and sent her a message on facebook since she was showing on line. I got no response. Really not surprised to be honest. Anyway I decided to just drive the 2 minutes across the street and try my luck at the campus right here by me and to take all 4 kids with me.

I was happy to find there was no one there to do anything but one other guy who walked in with us and he was going to a different office on that floor. I signed in and was taken back in about 5 minutes or less. I told the guy my problem and showed him the paper where I printed off showing what the book I needed cost and how much one I just bought was. I couldn’t find the second one I bought so I just took the paperwork showing I had just bought it and how much it was in. He said oh ok there it’s done I moved $300 something over to your voucher you can go get it tomorrow. I about fell over because I have never had anything done that quick and easy on this campus. He said he moved to much over he didn’t notice I had $173 still left on it there was $10 extra or something. Then he said he fixed it. I don’t know I just hope it is all right and I can get my book. He said there still should be $490 on my voucher. If so that will be good then I can pick up a few things I need why I am there so that I don’t have to take money out of my pocket to get them right now. I don’t really need much I don’t think some highlighters and folders or binders maybe that’s about it.

I really hope I am able to get them I have papers due Sunday, Monday and I think Tuesday. Plus my discussion boards Wednesday. I just can’t believe one book cost so much. My classes cost $804 then I need $500 worth of books to take the class. That is outrages, They are making some money that is for sure. I didn’t have a choice really this time around since I started out a day behind since I couldn’t sign up until the first day of classes. I have been asking around and going to start looking a head of time to try and get them as cheap as possible in the future. Man figure 8 years at 8 classes a year that is 64 books I am going to need. That is if I only need one book per a class. Like today I needed two for one class. By the time I am done I will have as much spent on books or more than what it cost to take the classes. Just seems like something is very wrong with that.

It’s Official

As of Monday May 18, 2015 I am a college student. Funny because I graduated high school May 17, 16 years ago.

Even though the classes are shorter than normal terms, full time is still considered 12 credit hours. I decided that I couldn’t take on 4 classes right now. Between not being in school in 16 years, not ever taken college classes on line classes and everything else I have going on, I decided to just take two classes. I took Comp 1 and Personal Finances.

I did as I expected I would on the test. I scored 120 on the reading, 112 on writing and a 94 on math. I guessed at a lot of the math. The only thing I have to take any remedial classes in is math. I think there are 3. But then the adviser told me about a math boot camp class thing they do that is free, It’s 4 or 6 weeks long I really don’t remember. But she said I needed a 96 and I wouldn’t have to take one or two of the remedial classes. She said she wants me to take the boot camp then retest to so I can try to get the 96 since I am so close. Then I will take the one and move on to the class they require and the class I need.

Since I did good on the other two parts I was able to take any classes I wanted other than math. I decided on comp 1 since it will show me how they expect to all our papers and things to be written. I wanted to take socilogy or something like that, but she said it was a lot of writing. She felt I should wait and do it after comp 1 at least.

She was talking about science but I really didn’t want to take a science class right now. I just not in that kind of mood. Then she said there was other stuff not to do with my degree I could take as a elective. She said it wouldn’t hurt since I didn’t have much I had to have right now. She said they had the personal Finance, it wasn’t something I would pick because I figured they say it was math. I asked her she said no. I decided it be a good one to take probably not as much writing as there will be working with numbers. I like to work with numbers.

I really had no idea what to take I knew there were classes I wanted to take but they weren’t part of my degree I wanted to get the classes that were out of the way first. But wasn’t thinking about the comp and things and wanting to get use to getting back into school. I thought of it when I got home. I wanted to take a language. I want to take ASL. I have a feeling it is one I would have to be in class for and right now i can’t go to a class just on line it probably be more of a hassle then it’s worth to do it that way. If I decide to pick up an extra class or two in the fall after these two then I will pick it up for sure.

Once I got to the office to pick my classes and get my financial aid they told me that my aid letter said there was still unresolved loans. I had to get the number go out and call them to see what was going on. I called one number it said I still owed $99 between two loans. But wouldn’t give me more information. I had to call another number. I called it the guy said the paper they sent the school said it was paid in full and everything was fine. I told him they were saying it didn’t and that I needed them to fax it again. He tells me it could be 10 minutes to 48 hours before it got to them. Here I am the first day of classes just getting signed up and have things due by today. I went back inside and I don’t know if they found another letter they sent or if they pushed the one I called about through but they had it. I was able to go into classes. Then she couldn’t put in for my books until Tuesday she said. Then she called me Tuesday and said that they hadn’t processed my stuff it would have to go in after that. I was going to go get my books today and called to see if it was in place. She said let me look, comes back and says ok I just put it in for $300 you can get your books TOMORROW!!! So I still have no books. If I can’t get them tomorrow I am going to be in trouble because I have papers due Sunday and Monday.

I got lucky when I was finally able to log into classes Tuesday the first assignment was to introduce yourself on the discussion board and then to reply to of the other people who posted. Then the other class wanted you to list your name why you were taking the class on line, what your major is and something unique about yourself then reply to one other poster. I am so glad that is all that it was and not more since I wasn’t even able to sit down and get into the class until late last night. It was like 1 and 2 in the morning before I was done posting.

My comp class has the first few things listed so that we can do our papers but I have a really hard time reading it and it takes me forever reading it all on line. Plus I like to highlight and things that I feel is important or that I am going to need to remember as I go along. Personal finances said we have to have the book and logged into another class are with a code we get from the book by the first of June or they will drop us from the class. I have all 4 kids tomorrow but I have the list of the books I need i hope I can pop in and out fast.


If Begging Don’t Work

I was sitting on the bed getting everyone ready to go so I could pick my check up. This song came on.

My 4 yr old little guy is there I am helping him get ready. This is the conversation that took place. I found it comical and cute.

Me to little guy– What if your wife don’t know how to cook? What are you going to do?

little guy– Maybe she just needs the ingredients, I will give her the ingredients.

Me–what if she don’t know what to do with them?

little guy– I do you put them in the pan and mix them all together. I will show her.

Me–What is she just won’t cook or don’t want to cook?

little guy–Oh that’s easy I will just beg her

Me—lmbo what if she still won’t cook?

little guy–I will beg her then just do it myself.

Just Want A Normal Life

I just want to feel like I have a half way normal life. Not like everything is a mess and something else is about to fall apart any minute. Really right now everything is a mess and one thing after another keeps happening. I have been feeling a lot better since everything happen January and February. I feel I am able to move on a function again. But for the last few weeks I feel like I spend most days fighting back tears. Before I even realise it I’m in tears or about in tears. It just seems to happen randomly whatever I’m doing where ever I’m at. I noticed when I was working last weekend I was having trouble too. I had to go to a bunch of condo’s out on the beach to deliver flowers and they all had these little tiny elevators, it was all I could do to force myself to get in them and go up and then to come back down. I don’t like the little ones but will get one them. I really had to force myself to to get on them.

I was talking to my mom about it we were laughing and things. She hates them she will take the stares before she will get on one. I was almost in tears just talking to her about it. Thinking about having to go back the next day and deliver more.

I been thinking about it the last few days and I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before or know what was wrong but I am starting to have panic and anxiety attacks again. When everything is going on there are some things that I don’t like or care for that I just do and don’t bother me to much, but when I have them some of the same things set me off. Like the day after my dad passed we had to take my son to get his cast off and we got inside had to get on the elevator I couldn’t get on. I had to wait for father of the year to come inside and go up with us. I had a problem on one when we were going down to surgery they got us in and hit the button and after a few minutes we weren’t moving. It got to me. I think it bothers me more then because I don’t like being locked in and closed in but then when my like this it just feeds it.

I don’t know why I have started having them lately. It’s been a really long time since I had them. I use to have them all day everyday and just cry and cry. I think because I can’t find a job, trying to get everything straight and get in school. Then father of the year being such a ass fighting me on the divorce and pushing trying to take the kids and not helping take care of them. I got the rent covered and some paid on the bills but it is all going to run out in a few weeks and then I have no clue what to do from there. My mom wants me to move in with them I can’t do that. I can’t live with father of the year again for any reason. Not just because of me but because of my kids as well. My little guy keeps asking when daddy is coming home it would just confuse him more than to move again, it isn’t right to any of them. He shouldn’t be going through this now. If everything hadn’t happen the way it did it wouldn’t be odd that he isn’t here.

I just feel everything is out of control and I can’t get any of it under control. The house got messy through December when we were trying to get things done for the holidays. Mostly there at the end the last few weeks, days. Then we went right into New Years and found all this out about my dad New years day. To say the least from that point on the house was the least of my worries. So it slowly went from being messy or stuff being out of places disorganised to full blown wreck everything is out of place and turned upside down. Least for the most part it is clean. Other than the floors really need to be mopped right now. I have been avoiding it because even as soon as your done mopping them they don’t look clean I hate mopping. It’s all tile from one end of the house to the other, I think tile is one of the worse things you can put in a house. Other than the floors everything just needs gone through and gotten rid of and moved to it’s right place since we have moved stuff all around as well.

But I feel like I can’t even get a grip on the house much less everything else. I feel like I can’t get past the cooking, mopping, washing clothes, bathrooms, and over all picking up everyday stuff to tackle the rest of the stuff that needs to be done. We got the outside picked up for the most part there are still little things out there to be done but not much. I just wish I could have a few days without the kids and other things to do and someone to help me just once and for all go through this and get it done.

Even the kids I feel I have lost control of them and can’t get it back. They have chores we set up a while back they are supposed to do. Some every daily some weekly. They just refuse to do them. No mater what I say, do, take away, give, don’t give they just act as if I didn’t say anything and do nothing. Then they complain to father of the year they have to do chores they have to clean the house and do it all. Their chores consist of……

Washing drying folding and putting away their own clothes once a week or as needed, washing their sheets and blankets once a week, one dose the dishes each day through out the day the other vacuums they house once a day, they have to help pick up the stuff around the house that gets laid around, pick up dry up the bathroom when they get out of shower, keep their rooms picked up, feed the dogs take them out, do their school work.

Most of this is pretty simple common since pick up keep up after yourself. The other is your part of a family it’s a lot to keep up with a house and no one person should have to do it on their own so everyone chips in and helps. They agreed to the chores and helped decide who did what with some of them because they didn’t want to take turns doing them.

Now when I tell them to do them they just walk off, whine complain or ignore me. Like they shouldn’t have to do anything. I get so mad but whatever I try to get them to do them don’t work they could careless. I almost feel like I am still living with father of the year because they are starting to act just like him. Of course they have learned from the best what else should I expect. I get to the point that if they don’t care and want to live in a mess then why should I care and pick it all up and do it all after them? But I can’t stand the mess and it just makes me mad. I end up just going to my room.

I just don’t know how to get any of it back under control. Between that and the stress of everything else it is no wonder I would start having them again.


No Test Yet

Again I try to write and see nothing on the screen I don’t know why it dose this when I try to do a post. The only way to get it to show up is to change it to a different color. I tried to close the post and open a new one a few times and it still dose the same thing. 

Anyway I didn’t go take my test yesterday my babysitter didn’t show up. She was busy at the school taking care of things. I had no one else to ask. This is how it is if I go to work, school the doctors or anything. I never know until time to go if I really have someone to watch the kids or not. 

Now I am set to take it Monday I’m supposed to be able to take it then and sign up for classes. I don’t know because with my phone being off I haven’t been able to call and talk to anyone since I missed it yesterday. I am hoping the kids aren’t going with father of the year until tomorrow that they will stay there Sunday night instead of coming home. Then I can just get up and go not have to worry about getting them up and dropping them off. If they don’t stay there I’m back at not knowing until right before if I have a sitter or not. It’s just a huge mess. Then everyone says well why don’t you do this or that. It’s hard when you really don’t have any help. People don’t believe me when I say I have no help it’s just me and them pretty much. 

I have decided as much as I really don’t want to do it and get back into the loan game again I am going to take out a loan to help pay my rent up. If I don’t I am going to be in a bigger mess. This will give me time to do my classes get things with father of the year and RC taken care of and hopefully find a job I can work from home at. If not one I can work from home then one that I can work around school and things. I won’t have to worry about missing if I have all my stuff with them two straight I will only have to take my test. Hopefully I can do them on my days off. 

I just have to decide if I want to go do it myself or go to the child support enforcement office. I think I can get it done faster if I go to the court myself so it maybe a option for father of the year. But with RC if am not able to find him then I may need to go with them and see if they can find where he is through his other son. And I know he is probably going to ask for a dna test, they will do it. I’m not to worried about the dna test I think he has to pay for it if he really wants it so even if I go through the court I shouldn’t have to cover it. I can’t pay for a dna test right now. It is going to be all I can do to pay for court cost if I have to pay them for the two cases.

need to do some research again and see if I can find any information out about RC. I can’t believe with all the stuff on line and everything else I can’t find where he is without paying for a report to tell me or getting a PI to find him. But 12 years ago I sat down found a address and phone number for someone I didn’t know and all her families names, but I can’t find him as much as I know about him and the ones he is with and everything. so crazy. 

A Dead Marriage

I’m sitting here studying for my test out of nowhere I get a text wanting to know how the kids are. I said fine and went on studying. Then I get a text asking if I’m ok? Before I can answer that I get another that says U been seeing someone? I said yeah because I have had time for that. Then I said why have you? he replied No I haven’t then Nor have I had time. I just kept on studying and didn’t reply. I have nothing to say to him. Figure he is talking to someone and feeling guilty so now he has to try and turn it around before it gets out. 

Then I get more text

Just been thinking about you a lot.

Wish I could turn back time.

Feel a lot of jealousy still.

I just said I don’t know why your thinking about me.

I get, I read articles all the time about not giving up on dead marriage.

I said I don’t know why look at all the things you say to me and call me everything else. You need to read about moving on.

I don’t want to give up if I do then I didn’t put all my efforts forward at least try.

I told him the helicopter was flying over the house. It flew over and circled around and around right on top of my house for about 20 minutes. Don’t know who they were looking for.

Then I said to him, even now the things you say and call me.

All he said back was gee better make sure the doors are locked. Hasn’t said anything since. You would think he want to know if everything was all right, if they left or anyone out there anything going on. Nope not him. Didn’t get the response he wanted about the other text so he just don’t care stop talking and ignore again.

Has he forgotten already from just a few days ago that I am the bitch, the whore the nasty cunt that sleeps with everyone and screws everyone’s old man. The one who was never “faithful” to him? How do you forget such things about someone so fast? That is unless they aren’t true. You were just saying them to make someone look bad and yourself look good. Poor father of the year as they all think. Trying to do the right thing be a husband but this is how she dose him.

What is there to be jealousy of? Not like I’m seeing anyone or even talking to anyone. Would I like to meet someone sure I would. Am I trying to meet anyone? Not at all, if it happens it happens but I’m not out there looking. I just want to get through this school mess. Get signed up for my classes and get settled. That is what jumps up and says must be done right this minute this week is it do it or forget it. I don’t want to for get it this time.

Really he has had how long to fix things or even work on fixing things? Years and all he has done is figure every which way to keep me stuck and trapped in the same house with him. Not to try and change things and do things different in hopes it would change my mind and get me to want to stay. Not that it would but it would make more since then to keep treating someone like crap and wonder why they want as far away from you as they can get. But hey who knows we are talking about Father of the year here.

Just found it amusing I haven’t heard from him all day really have hardly talk to him in days then he sends all these text.

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