I get a call at 9:30 this morning from father of the year telling me the kids needed milk and juice. I laid here awake most the night unable to sleep. He went to work knowing they needed stuff and didn’t bother to get it before he went. But he wants them half the time and he has things under control. We hung up and I fell back to sleep. I needed to get up wash some clothes and take a shower. Not that I was going to get to do any of that now since they were waiting. In a little bit I get a call again. I get up get dressed and go take them the stuff they needed. I told them to be ready so that they could come home. I had to pick them up anyway today. By the time I got home got ready to go it would have been time to pick them up and I had no time to do what I needed to do.

I go take all their stuff about 15 minutes later father of the year shows up with stuff. I’m like what are you doing? Oh well I didn’t think you were coming. He knew I was coming when we hung up he told me how he was moving trucks around and this women was mad he had to do her car she been waiting and he couldn’t leave to do anything. He would go when he had a free time. I told him they needed stuff now not when or if he got free time I had to go take care of it because once again he didn’t do what he should have.

Then I find out he didn’t have nothing there for lunch or dinner either. My she said if I got them something she would watch them so I could go to the college and get everything taken care of with aid and signing up for classes. So me and the girls went to the store and got stuff. I dropped them back off.

I get to the college and take them my letter to show my loans had been paid and the guy says no this says there is a balance of $2500 and something. I never read the letter. I open it seen it said we took X and paid your loan. I knew loan was X and that was what they said they paid. I just folded it up and put it in the file so I would have it if I needed it. I felt stupid when he said this. He gave me a number to call said it would take about 9 payments to get them in good standing and me to be able to go to school.

I went out to the truck and called the number they didn’t have any record of my loans. They gave me another number who gave me a 3 rd number. They finally were able to help me. She did have some good news that I am still a little scared to believe. But she said that she found my loans and that there was only a balance of $106 left owed on it. That as soon as I paid it they would lift the hold on my loan and that I could get aid.

The thing is I don’t have $100. I put my last $15 in my truck for gas. I went and checked on the job to deliver flowers today and he still needed drivers. I gave them all the information and I’m supposed to be at their warehouse at 8:30 Friday morning. But I probably won’t get paid for it until the following Friday and by then it is going to be to late for me to sign up for classes. I know I have enough there to pay for my classes and have a little bit left over to help me with other things I need. But here I sit $106 is going to keep me from getting thousands.

I went and asked my friend if he had it I could borrow until I got my money from my loans he didn’t have it. I didn’t figure he did but thought maybe. He knows I would give it to him as soon as my money came and sooner if I was able to get it. He has a bill he is trying to pay as well. He called me after I left and ask me when I needed the money by. I told him as soon as I could get it because I was trying to get this taken care of to start classes in like two weeks. He said he just wanted to know if he was able to come up with what he needed and have any extra. He said you know if I had it I would give it to you. I tell he felt bad he didn’t have it. But he has a family too. It one of them things it with both of us it is hit and miss. But if one of us needs it we will ask and try to help the other get it if we don’t have it.

I am trying not to get down, depressed, mad or whatever. I am trying to stay positive and know that it will all work out. But then I have my mom calling and texting wanting to know what is going on and freaking out she is going to have to move. I went a tried to get a loan and I can’t because I don’t have a bank account and income every week. I only get mine once a month.

I am so mad with father of the year he has had two pay checks and given me $30 for the kids. Well he didn’t even give me that, I had to call and ask him to pay a bills. Then he wanted the money for it back. I basically told him no. In the last 4 weeks he has had $1600 and all he has paid out of it was $800 rent, $300 between lights and car insurance. He hasn’t bought gas and things because he put $10 in the van and go forever on it and he had the tow truck up until the end of last week.  There is $500 he can not account for. That don’t include the check for over $1000 he got before that he paid hardly nothing out of. He hasn’t paid anything other than rent at his place and still has the check for that sitting there he lied said he paid it and hasn’t. Oh and he got a loan for $300 the other day. When asked where it went he can’t say. I called the bank he left the information here to see if he was just sitting on it or what. It is over drew by $4 and some change.

I was so mad I called him and asked if the shop manager was around. He said yes and wanted to know why. I told him I had to come sell my dads van. I needed this money for school and to pay my phone and get gas for the weekend. He freaked out and started screaming and yelling. How I better not do that and what was he supposed to drive on and on. How he wouldn’t ever help me again all the help he has given me. How much he helps. I kept saying what help? Your not helping or I would have some money now. I do too he yelling some more. Hung up like always hang up and then ignore. Then he text me later what are you doing with this van I can’t believe you do me this way yada yada. I said no you don’t help pay for anything for your kids for over a month and then I am doing you some way because I am going to sell my van for way less than what I could get for it to get money for things I need but I am doing you this way. What am I going to drive that’s all I have. I said you know you don’t care we need money for things and act like we live for free. Anyone else I know would not only take the van and sell it too but you did them this way and not pay help with kids they take the blue truck sell it too. I trying not to be a bitch and go back on the deal we made but also have the money I need and pay all that needs to be paid. I took every last dime I had and paid everything and still need money for this stuff. I could get about $500 for the van in a month or so but I have to do what I have to do.

Then he starts I can promise you it won’t be pretty leave me stuck walking and see. You do that and you will sell your truck. I told him nope I wouldn’t it is all in my name and belongs to me. I got the truck with tax money that he wouldn’t have gotten back if I hadn’t signed the papers. The van my dad left me and the blue one I bought with my money from when I got hit and my car was totalled. None of that money came out of his pocket for any of them.

I really don’t want to take so little for the van because I know if I hold on to it a little longer then I could get just about enough to pay my rent with it. I need it to use for work this weekend. It will do way better on gas than my truck will. I still have to figure out how I can get money for gas to even be able to go to work and make any money.

I just feel like no matter how hard I try, no matter what I try to do something has to come up and stop it or something has to make it harder than it has to be. I had been feeling pretty good but right now I just feel like I am about defeated.



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