The last few weeks have been less than pleasant to say the lest with father of the year. We have gotten into it over the kids and him not paying more times than I can count. The other day we got into it over money again. I had this thing with the school I needed to pay, gas to work over the weekend, and any minute my phone will go off until whenever I get the money to pay it.
He is telling me he don’t have any, he has bills blah blah cry me a river his sad story.
I just kept telling him I have things that I need to pay as well. I have school I’m trying to get into and this job I am trying to do. That we don’t live for free or get by for free until he decides he has it to pay or he wants to pay it.
He had the nerve to pop off with well if I do give you money it is for the kids not whatever you want to spend it on or stuff that you need or for yourself.
I was so pissed, I told him that I had money for the things I needed or wanted for myself. But that since he decided to not give me anything to help with the kids I had spent all mine on bills, rent, food, gas to go to doctors and appointments, clothing and things they needed for camp. There for no I may not need money for bills for them right now but that I had already paid them and now needed my money I used to pay what he should have been back to now cover the things I was trying to cover. He then proceeded to tell me no that wasn’t how it worked and went on and on. How when we went to court the judge would tell me it wasn’t to pay for my phone, gas or things for school.
He keeps saying we don’t even have an amount that he is supposed to give me and that he wants split custody.
I told him right now we don’t have split custody he gets them whenever he feels like it and don’t when he don’t. That right now we have when it is convenient for him visitation that’s about it. That I have the papers here to fill out that says what we each should be covering and it will tell him how much he needs to pay a month. That his check wasn’t as much as it should be or he had a short week or whatever was not an excuse. I told him he needs to budge his money like everyone else. Say ok I got extra this week I have x bills to pay and support to pay so let me put this much up because next week may be short. Like this week he bounced his checking account so he had a bunch of fees. Then where he hit the pole at work they took out $200 on top of the $100 they been taking out. So all together they got $300 off the top. Then the fees he had almost no check. Well guess what that is not my fault. I did not go to work and have accidents that I have to pay for. I didn’t screw my checking account up and have to pay fees either. If I did my kids still have to have to have lights water food and a roof over their heads. But he don’t see it that way. To him it is just oh well I don’t have it they will get by she will figure it out. If or when I have it if i feel like giving her some then I will.
Then he informed me that he wasn’t going to come over and go over this paper work and fill it out. That if I wanted the divorce then I needed to do it and to file contested because he is going to fight it. He is going to fight the support he is going to fight the custody. That I just want his money to spend on myself not take care of the kids.
I told him it was pretty pathetic that he won’t just come sit down and fill out the papers and come to a agreement together without fighting. All because he was trying to force someone to stay married to him. I blows my mind that instead of moving on you want to make someone else life miserable. I told him there was no hope what so ever of us ever getting back together. That I wouldn’t get back with him for any reason at all.
He said oh he still had hope and all this. Then he said something I couldn’t understand, about looking for a man or running around with other men. Then he said you have a real man right here if you open your eyes and treat him right. I was like what he wouldn’t say the first part over just went on and on about having a real man.
I said no that’s the problem a real man is the farthest thing from what I got when I got with you. I don’t know what I was thinking. I said I give you that you put on a pretty good show. You just couldn’t keep it up for very long. I should have waited a little longer before I married you. That pissed him off even more than he already was.
He started telling me what a whore I am and slut. I’m nothing but a nasty bitch and smelly cunt or something like that. He just went into a rage. All at work I should add.) Sleeping with other people why we were together and he don’t know if I was ever really faithful to him. He don’t know how he ever trusted me. I’m the lowest of the low and just jump in bed with this one and that one at the drop of a hat. He started yelling about how I was with my friend a while back he wasn’t stupid. How he has a girlfriend and kids at home and she thinks he was at work and he was over here.
First off let me just say I have only ever been with THREE people ever. I don’t care who knows it, I have nothing to hide. Two the other night he is talking about is the night not long before my dad passed a way. I wasn’t doing good and I had some drinks. The night I wrote about having A Good Friend. Yes he has a girlfriend and two kids with her and he has one with a ex. Yes he was at work and came over at work. She didn’t think he was at work she knows what time they close and what time it was. I am sure he told her where he was at or she would have been calling looking for him. I know her. If she thought anything was up she would have been on the phone. She knows me and she knows what was going on at the time. I am sure she would want someone to do the same for her or him if it needed to be done. He is like my brother we grew up together since we were like 7. I am not interested in him like that at all. Besides how much could I really do with my head hung in the toilet really. But because we were sitting on the couch together and I laid my head on his shoulder and he gave me a hug. We are screwing. Besides that we were on the couch in the living room and my oldest son was wide a wake. But this is the shit he come up with in his head.
Just like about a week before he said all this it was I just want to divorce him because I want to take the kids and run off to South Carolina so I can be with my friend J’s son. I have no clue where he got that one from. Her son is like 23. 11 year younger than me. I met him once about two years ago when me and J first started to really talk and hang out. Both her sons came down and she had a cook out. Me and my dad went and hung out for a little bit. My little bitty was barely 2 months old. Then I talk to him once after that when I was talking about moving up that way. I was asking him what different areas were like and how the bills where there. I was told electric is high. To be honest I don’t even know what one of her sons I was even talking to. It could have been the one who is single or it could have been the one that is married and has kids. I didn’t ask. Never crossed my mine too because that wasn’t what I was trying to find out. I just wanted to know what the areas there were like. Besides married not married kids no kids none of it matters because they are kids. I’m not interested.
I said you know you say your a real man but I don’t know any real man that would stand up and say these kinds of things to his wife. And I sure don’t know one that would stand there and scream them at her over the phone in front of everyone at work. I said no your not a real man because I real man wouldn’t talk about his wife or girlfriend like that or say that kind of stuff to her and he sure wouldn’t do it in front of a bunch of people. And a real man would take care of his kids and give the support for his kids regardless of where or how he thought the money was being spent because he would want to do his part to make sure his kids were taken care of and had what they needed. If he really thought the money wasn’t being spent right and that the kids weren’t being taken care of or have what they needed, he wouldn’t sit back and let them do without or be neglected. He would have them every chance he could and be there to get them when he was supposed to be not call up last minute and say he wasn’t coming and he would be going to court to find out what was going on with the money and make sure his kids where being taken care of. If they weren’t he would be doing everything in his power to get them. So if you think the things you are doing is what a real man dose then you better find someone else to look at for an example of what a real man is. I said just because it makes you feel like a real man to stand up and spew all these lies in front of everyone because you think oh your going to show them and you are going to put me in my place or whatever your wrong. I said it just makes you look like the ass that you are.
I said so I’m a whore, a cunt a nasty bitch I treat you so bad and just want your money to spend on myself, then why are you so hell bent on not divorcing me? Why do you want to stay married to someone who is so horrible and who dose such things? Why would you fight the divorce? Anyone else would be down there filing their-self and wanting rid of someone who treated them so bad. But not you. You say this is how I am and how I do and then turn around and say I’m not giving you a divorce. I will fight you, I don’t want it, I still have hope we will get back together I always will, I love you blah blah blah. You feel this is how I am and what is going on then just give me the divorce and let me go be the nasty whore you feel I am and move on with your life.
No I’m not dong that I don’t want it if you want it your going to have to file it and you may as well file it contested because I am going to fight it. I can do what I want I don’t want to make no agreement with you and do the papers and get the divorce over.
I said well then how’s all that make you look when you say all this stuff about me then refuse to divorce me? I said people are looking at you thinking one of two things. 1. If she is all this that you say and don’t take care of the kids why would you not divorce her? Your stupid or 2. Wow what kind of person is he to stand here and say all this, he must be making it up or a lot of it up or why else would he stay with her. Right? That’s the things I think when I hear someone talking about someone they are with or want to be with and they are saying stuff about them that isn’t right or good. About that time he started playing the I’m two I’m going to hang up on you and then ignore your calls and text game.
I guess he didn’t like it because I didn’t bother to call him back or text him. I went on about my day. He called me he hung up on me.I said what I had to say, he knew it was truth what else could he say. Then later that night when he was off work he remembered who I was again. He started calling and sending me text just trying to get me to talk to him. I answer give the phone to the kids. They get done hand it back I hung it up. He text ask about the kids I just answer short simple ignore anything else that didn’t have to do with the kids. This way he can’t say later I wouldn’t let him know this or that about the kids or I wouldn’t answer and let him talk to the kids or what.
Then he text what’s wrong with you why won’t you talk to me. I text him back told him I was and he hung up on me that he didn’t care to hear what I had to say then after I listen to all he had to say, that I didn’t have anything to say to him. He called kept trying to get me to talk I just said I got to go I have stuff to do. He started texting me same old how he still had hope and blah blah. I said well hold on to that hope and hold your breath let me know how it works for you ignored him after that we haven’t talked much since.
I was talking to the therapist today told her what he was saying about wanting joint custody and things. She laughed. She said how is he going to handle that? He can’t take care of them. Even she knows he can’t do it. She knows when he wasn’t working and I was and going to school that that I still took care of everything. She was there she seen and we talked. She also knows all the stuff my son has told her and how he is when I’m not around. How it gets worse when things are like this and we aren’t together.
She said the same thing I did, I need to get a lawyer and whatever he is leagly obligated to take care of let them make him do it. Since he has drug it out this long and fighting it and making it have to be filed contested. She even said he has kept me from being able to work he is keeping me from having money by not paying his part still keeping me from being able to apply for jobs and school by not picking them up when he is supposed too. I can’t tell someone ok you sit here and don’t plan anything for the day because he might not show up and if he don’t I need a sitter. I can’t call someone last minute and say ok he didn’t show up I need you to come right over so I can go to work or school whatever it may be. She knows she has been around long enough that it is just me and my kids. I really don’t have friends I can call on to do that kind of thing. That even if you have sitter they know they have x days off they make plans like any other normal person or even if they don’t they wan their days off to relax like everyone else. Not to be called in last minute. Once in a while thing is one thing but all the time is another.
It just makes me so mad he plays these games. I’m going to show you and I have this control and there is nothing you can do about it. I’m going to keep you right where I want you and your going to do just what I say. If not I’m going to make whatever you do as hard as I can because I’m not going to do my part or the things a father should. Everyone knows it has nothing to do with the kids. It is all to do with number one he wants me back and number two he don’t budget his money so he never has any. He thinks it’s ok to just put his kids on the back burner until he decides he has it or wants to give it. Like he has said so many times before how will I pay you and live too? The money he makes he should be able to pay for his kids and his bills and still have a little left in his pocket at the end of the day. It just if i don’t give you money you have to come ask or beg me. I’m about to show him how wrong he is over all this. I just might get enough on my long to not only pay the rent but also a lawyer. I will never understand why anyone wants to be with someone who don’t want them.