I’m beyond hurt and angry right now. I am going to post this all just as I write it to someone else earlier. I still feel upset hurt and in disbelief. But I really guess I shouldn’t considering the past. I guess it makes it harder that she is really all I have left since my dad past a way. I feel as if I really don’t have any family any more. I thought she had changed some and things would be different this time but I guess not. When she was told no and she couldn’t do what she wanted or as she please with my kids and take over it was to much for her. I really do just wish I had the money to pack up leave and not look back because I wouldn’t not one bit. I feel as if it is jut me and my kids that’s it. Father of the years side of the family has nothing to do with them, they see them maybe twice a year they do for one and not the rest. My mom this is the kind of shit she dose. I think tonight is the worse she has been or said at one time to me. I don’t know if things can ever be the same or even on speaking seeing terms for holidays or anything. I really don’t know what I am supposed to say to something like that. There really isn’t nothing you can because nothing is going to make someone like that think any different or see things any different. It’s all about them.

Feeling so upset hurt. I got in a huge fight with my mom a little bit ago. She said I can’t home school my kids I don’t have the education I need to do it. How I can’t spell and all kinds of really hurtful things. I graduated high school, have been a licensed massaged therapist passed the class with an A or B over all. I have taken a class to do income tax for the big tax company here and passed it with a A over all. I have taken classes to be a bail bondsman and had my license and to be a duola. I just started this summer with two classes at our local collage to get my AA so that I can go on to get my masters. I am taking Comp 1 all writing and personal finance. I am 4 points from an A in my comp class, only reason I don’t have an A is because I didn’t do one reply on a board. I didn’t pass the college placement for math but did for the writing. But I haven’t been in “school” in 15 years and didn’t do a lot of the algebra and things back then. I did struggle with spelling for a long time but have really worked on it and I may not be 100% spot on with every word out there but for the most part I do fine. If I didn’t I couldn’t be getting an A in my comp class. It’s all writing and they take off for spelling and everything. All I get told on my work is great job. I am single mom trying to go back to work and then she is telling me well your not going to have time to do it around work your own schooling, keeping up the house and things. I told her I could do it on my days off and in the evening. They are 9 and 11 they could do what they can on their own and I could work with them on days off after work before work with things they don’t understand and to make sure they are doing it and things. She tells me if I can give it to them and they can work with it on their own then they aren’t learning anything and they already know it. That they aren’t going to get an education and no college is going to take them that they are never going to pass the test to get in. How they have no friends and don’t go anywhere. They didn’t have friends in school they were always upset with being bullied my dd to the point of not eating hiding food and losing weight over it at one time. With my ex moving out money has been tight lately and we haven’t done a lot of filed trips or outings. We do have a home school group that we are a part of and try to do things with when I can and they have a park day that we go to when they want to go. She say’s they tell her they want to go back to school and they are just afraid to tell me. We talk about it all the time and they don’t want to go back. They just go along with her when they are there and she is saying this that and the other and I am not around because that’s just how she is if you don’t agree then its’ why your wrong and all this. My dd begged to go to camp for months then few days before time to go she is with my mom and on the phone telling me she don’t want to go and all upset. My mom says because she seen all these kids and people who drawn because they didn’t know how to swim and she can’t swim and they are going in paddle boats with life jackets and swimming in the pool so she probably will drawn too. They have to take a swim test before they can go in the pool and it is on her paperwork that she can’t swim. I was horrible for sending them to camp at all to start with because they wouldn’t be at home where I knew what was going on every minute and someone could do something to them if they didn’t drawn. She would never send her kids off like that or never let them do that. She wouldn’t we were not allowed to do girl scouts, camp with church sleep overs play dates nothing. We were either with her or my grandma at all times or my dad 24/7 if we were not at school. So since I don’t do things the way she says then its all wrong. I am just so frustrated we got in huge argument over the phone she called me to finish telling me all this stuff at after saying most of it to me at her house in front of my kids. talking about how I am going to go to jail if I don’t keep every paper they ever do and if they don’t do every lesson in every chapter then yeah my kids probably do want to go back to school if they are afraid I’m going to go to jail. Who wouldn’t to keep their mom out of trouble. I just feel so bad and so angry I’ve just sat and cried that is my mom of all people.

I just feel like I have done all this with no help or support from her and then she sits and basically calls me stupid when she has no clue. Then wonders why my brother has nothing to do with her and me and my sister have very little to do with her. She been better lately and I thought she was starting to realise but I guess it was all just because she needed help and because she thought she was going to dictate how things were going to be and she could take over and do it all, since I am so stupid in her opinion. If it was anyone else I would have nothing to do with them and cut them off a long time ago. I had been having very little to do with her for a while talk here and there on the phone stop in once in a while. Then with my dad passing so unexpected and things and all the should of wish I’s I and we had a really close relationship I felt I should try again to be closer and to at least try and talk to her go see her more or what. But then this. I don’t understand how any one can treat someone like she treats people and see nothing wrong with it or as it is them who is wrong or has a problem. My dad may not agreed with some of the things I did but he never talk to me that way or treated me that way or make me feel bad. If it came up he say well just be careful or make sure your doing what you need to or I don’t know if I would do that but it sounds like you have thought about it planed it out and know what your getting into if you can handle it. not blow up and freak out because you didn’t do it just how he thought you should and because you thought different than him. If it worked great if not then ok you tried now figure out what to do. He was that way about everything and would help any way he could even if it wasn’t something he would do or how he would do it.

My oldest was home with us for a few days after the camp thing and did end up going to camp. I didn’t make her I told her if she really didn’t want to go then not to go but not to let all that grandma was saying scare her, that just because grandma wouldn’t xy and z didn’t mean that it was wrong to do. I told her even if she didn’t want to go to pack her stuff and bring it because camp was two hours away from home. That way if she got there and decided at last minute she did want to go she would have her stuff. She said no she wanted to go she wanted to try it at least once. She went wrote me a letter and said she was glad she listen to me and went because she was having fun. even with a minor issue she still wants to go back next year. she came home started telling grandma about zip lining and going up the pole and walking across the rope she told her she shouldn’t have done that and about some guy died a few months back doing something like that. I said yeah and some people get in a car accident and die going up the road to the store or see grandma. And there are way more car accidents than ropes course accidents or zip line accents. Things happen if your doing everything to be safe not doing something foolish or that you are not supposed to be you should be fine. But accidents happen we can’t live in fear of what if and never do anything. You just have to know that you are right with god and know that if something was to happen where you are going. I am a true believer that if it is your time to go you are going to go no matter where you are or what you are doing and if it isn’t your time your not going to. People of lived through some amazing things. Some have died doing some really simple ones you would never thin they would die doing. Its life I don’t want to see anything happen to my kids but I am not going to keep them in a bubble or teach them to live in fear and never try new things because of the what if’s. I lived my life that way growing up because even if I wanted to do something I was never allowed because of what if. I never force my kids to try something but I don’t stop them I tell them the good, bad worst case or whatever and the odds of that happening or what. They decide for their self.

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One thought on “No Respect

  1. Being that we don’t know each other, please know this a completely one sided perspective and just from what you’ve written in your blog.

    I don’t think it is a great idea to home school your children. It’s basically a full time job & you are already struggling as it is. Plus, if your math isn’t even to a college level you are not really doing your kids a service. You cannot teach something you don’t understand yourself. A lot has changed in the way of teaching since you or I have been in school. My kindergartener was suppose to be able to read at a very high level by the end of the school year, I didn’t start learning to read till 1st grade.

    As someone who teaches for a living (I am an educator) your spelling, grammar and punctuation although you’ve said has vastly improved is still not where it should be. Many of your blog posts still have spelling mistakes and lack the proper punctuation needed to form paragraphs avoid run-on sentences and lack basic structure needed. Please know I am no siding with your mother, but pointing out something as an outsider that you may no be able to see as someone because you’re dealing with all of this first hand.

    Between needing a job, going to school, a potential divorce, and who knows what other changes are coming for you, the most consistent thing you can do for your children is school. If your life is going to be so up in the air for an extended period of time, you know that they are getting a consistent education elsewhere instead of you expecting them to work on their own and then you’ll play catch up with teaching in the evening.

    As one single mom to another (I’m also a doula as well) I would urge against you taking on more responsibility at this time. Your children will benefit from a structured, planned out, public education and it’s one less thing on your already overwhelming plate. Focus on your future being the best mom you can be, get an education for you to be able to be successful and take care of them. That’s the best thing you can do for them.

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