Last Sunday father of the year was here when we were getting ready to go to church. He was supposed to watch the little kids why me and my big boy went to the barn. Since he still don’t have his truck on the road he road over with a guy from work who lives a few streets over. That was fine kept me from having to run out of the way and drop the kids off then back track to where we were going and then pick them up and back track to home. It’s over 8 miles to his place from my house south of me and about 10 miles from my house to the horse place north of me. Then to go get kids and come home after. This way he just catches a ride with the guy from work when he goes that way on a call and goes home once I get back. Saves me a lot of time and gas since I have very little for gas right now.
I ask him to wake the boys up and have them start getting ready when he got here so I could jump in the shower. He says he wants to start going to church again. I told him he could take the kids and go to the one he went to when we met and he goes when he dose go the last few years. He didn’t say anything. Then later he said something again about wanting to go. I told him if he wanted to take them and go then let me know but to decide so I knew what I was doing. I wanted to go but didn’t at the same. I had promised them we would go but I was already not feeling the best that morning. I knew they wouldn’t care where they went mostly likely as long as they got to go they love to go. He just mumbled something said forget it and went on.
Me and the kids went to church I get a text in the middle of church. When I looked after church to see who it was from, it was from him.
It said I really wanted to go to church today, really bothers me that I couldn’t go with you.
Why dose he want to go with me? What is that going to prove or show? He has a church to go to, the one he went to before we met and has went to since we split up. He went there for a long time before we got together and his grandma too. She is still there, they were some of the first ones at the church when it started. He could go back to the church that we went to for years and where we got married or he could pick any other church out of the 100’s around to go and try. Why dose he need to go to the church me and the kids found to start going to?
I know before anyone says we are supposed to want to invite everyone to church and share God with everyone and all that. Yes I know we are and I understand that. I invite people to go all the time and tell everyone about where we go. That is for people who are going for the right reasons and not someone who is going for the reasons he is going for. He may really want to start going to church and he may want to start trying to do better in his life but why dose he want to go to that church? He has never been there knew nothing about it until me and the kids started going. And it is over 20 miles from his house.
I think he wants to go and look like this happy little family like we are together and everything is just great. Even if we aren’t together or so he can put on his Mr. Wonderful act and poor him I’m splitting our family up and made him leave. I won’t take him back and give him another chance. If he goes then of course they will talk to him and invite him to things going on and he can become a member and even if we aren’t together he will always be there any time we go or do anything with the church. Just his way of forcing his way in and trying to show me he will be where I am rather I like it or not is how it feels to me.
If the kids had something they were in or something special they were doing and they wanted him to come and see them that would be one thing. Fine he could come and see them but that isn’t even a invite to keep coming all the time. I don’t know anyone who would do that or find it ok. R.C wanted to go to his in-laws church when we got together. And his ex went there when she could stay out of jail. I said no way. It just didn’t seem right to me to do something like that and just invites trouble if you ask me. We went once he wanted me to see what it was like and meet a few people. We went to where I use to go once but neither really felt right and we started looking for somewhere to go together.
I’m sure father of the year thinks I have told them all kinds of stuff about him. So he feels he needs to go and put on his Mr. Wonderful show, this to show them how its all me and I am the bad guy for not taking him back. The joke is on him, I have hardly talk to anyone there at all. Most people don’t know if I am married, divorced, or what. For all they know he could be dead. I have gotten kind of close to one lady there and we have talked but not a lot really. She helps with the kids and she knows that I am looking for a job and going through a divorce that’s it. I haven’t talked about why, if he left or I asked him to leave or the fact that my little one has a different dad than the rest of them or any of that. Really it isn’t everyone business church or other wise. I tell who I want to tell and that is it.
I don’t know why I felt really awkward and odd when he was saying he wanted to go and when I got the text and he said what he did. I guess because we are supposed to invite everyone and be open to everyone. But I just feel this is a much different situation and that it is for other reasons than just wanting to go to church and that I shouldn’t be put on the spot like that or on the line. I feel that I can’t go anywhere that he isn’t horning his way in or pushing to get to be a part of when he isn’t and shouldn’t be. He should have his own life friends and family not always trying to stay stuck to me like glue like he dose still like nothing is wrong.
I hate feeling like I am in the wrong in situations like this. Then I start to second guess myself and feel that maybe I am wrong about what he is doing. But I know I’m not when he dose it with everything and everywhere we go no matter how big or small and says stuff in front of the kids to try to make me look like the bad guy if I say no. All the while knowing full good and well what he is doing and it isn’t right.