{September 22, 2015}   Listen to him

Seen this on another blog and felt it was worth sharing because are very clear about what they want or don’t want.

Source: Listen to him

{September 20, 2015}   The Bitch Again

I guess on the phone wasn’t enough he had to come over and start Thursday night. I told him if he was doing his part I would have money to pay someone to fix my truck and not need to ask him to but if he wasn’t going to pay then he needed to do something. He jumped up at me and over me started screaming about what my little bitty’s dad pays and how he pays nothing. I reminded him that I had been to get her dad to help but that I couldn’t because we were still married and that he wouldn’t move so they wouldn’t do anything until we are divorced they don’t want to help me. He kept on I told him fine I was going to go back and I was going to tell them that I not only wanted to go after little bitty’s dad but I was going after him for the other three. I don’t care how much money he is or isn’t making, what he can or can’t pay or if he has a place to live any more because he can’t do anything at all for his kids even if he has money he can’t do anything for their birthday, Christmas, school, clothes, shoes or other extra things that they want to do because he don’t budget and don’t care. He freaked out go ahead I don’t care I want you too. I’ll just tell them fuck you and not pay like everyone else dose, they aren’t going to do anything to me.

Sad part is he is probably right or if they do it will take years just like it will to get help with my little bitty from her dad. I really was going to take some of the extra money I had and get a lawyer to help me with my divorce and an investigator to help me find her dad. That way I could take it to court myself. If I know where he is I can do it myself. It isn’t as hard with him as it is with farther of the year because we have nothing filed or anything on paper anywhere. With father of the year everything being filed and him stopping it now I need things changed it’s been so long and I need to file contested since he is going to try and fight it or stop it again because he don’t want it.

He went to work Friday and was supposed to get off right after he turned his paper work in to take my truck to the shop, get tags on the other truck and take care of couple other things since they wanted him to work the weekend. I asked him that night your sure your coming straight here first things because we need some stuff from the store like milk and lunch stuff so the kids can have breakfast and lunch. I hadn’t been shopping since the accident. He was coming no matter what he was going to tell them he had to have off to take care of things. 11 am rolls around and I haven’t heard from him or seen him. kids are wanting to eat and things. I call him and finally get him on the phone. He says oh he been busy with work he got call before he ever got to go in that morning. But he had made it in so that wasn’t the problem. Then he said he told them he needed to go do this stuff but no one ever said anything or told him when he could take off and do it. That he was just going to be off the weekend he guess. Knowing all along when he is telling me this he isn’t going to be because they have no one to work it and that he isn’t going to tell them no he isn’t working the weekend. I got mad we got into it, he said well he had this call and another and blah blah to go take care of and then he was going to talk to them about it again so he could do it today. At the time is was almost 11:30 he wouldn’t have been done until after 2. He knows the tag place he can’t get in after 3 and that the body shop would be closed by the time he got done there if he made it in and if he tried to go to the body shop before he wouldn’t make it to the tag place. He was just trying to get out of doing it.

Something was said again about the truck he was supposed to be tagging and things. It is my old truck I have driven for the last 5 years or more that I stopped driving right before I got this one because it broke down. I was so done and over hearing one excuse after another I finally said fine you do whatever you want to do when and how you want to do it. But if my truck is not at the body shop before they close and that truck is not tagged and on the road before they close today, I am taking that truck and selling it to pay to fix my truck so that me and the kids have something safe and reliable to drive. The title is still in my name it is still my truck. All I had to do is go to the tag office and get a title since had has the other one where ever he has it. All legal we are married and until he puts it in his name it is is mine. Oh boy I don’t know if I have ever heard him so mad because he knew I could and would do it, he knew how mad I was. It wasn’t 20 minutes and he was standing at my door ready to take my truck to the body shop and then going to get the tag for the other truck. Now I just have to wait until they call and say it has been pulled so I can pick it up. Then to figure out what I am doing for parts for sure and get it done.

Then up over me yelling the other night telling me how I’m not working, I’m lazy and not trying to find a job and blow off interviews. One I have put in 100’s of resumes and a ton of applications when I get called back. I have them all right where I can show I sent them. I have went to every interview but one and that was because I could not do the job when they told me what it was. And if I get a job I can’t afford to pay all of the daycare by myself. If I have to pay daycare it will be just about what I make in a week if not more. He says so what do you want me to do about it? really get off your ass be a man and help take care of your kids. But that is to much to ask I know.

I don’t get why I have to be such a bitch and find stuff to threaten him with to get him to even half ass do what he is supposed to do. I can only imagine what he went inside and told them at work the other day. He was so mad he threw his phone and broke it so he has none now. He keeps saying yeah for $20 I can get a new one. He has needed a new one for months now but never seems to have $20 to get it. Now he has no option but to buy a new one because his will do nothing now. I know he is thinking I’m going to say oh here is $20 go get a new phone pay me back when you can or whatever. Nope not happening do without like we do because your sorry ass don’t do what you are supposed too. He already owes me $400, plus all the money he should be paying to help with the kids and the things they need.

He probably went inside and said the bitch is going to take my truck out there and sell I have to go to the tag office and get the title in my name before she sells it this weekend. She’s so fucking lazy and won’t work don’t have no money so she is going to sell it to get money to fix her truck. Leaving out the part that I should have money to fix it but don’t because I am paying his part and mine for the last 6 months or more. How he has left it sit for over a week and refused to take the fender off and drive it around the corner or throw it on the back of the truck and take it over there. How he owes me other money as well almost enough to get all the parts I need and my sister money that he don’t bother to try and pay back. So I have every right to sell it and get what I can out of it to help with things here or fixing my truck. How it was my truck and I gave it to him.

{September 17, 2015}   So Tired and Stressed

I have not walked out of the house in months to do anything that didn’t have to do with taking someone else somewhere or doing something for someone else. I was supposed to go last weekend then had my accident and things. I’m supposed to go this weekend coming up and now father of the year calls and tells me he is working. Not do I have plan, am I able to keep the kids nothing just to inform me he is working this weekend. My truck still hasn’t made it to the body shop to be pulled and make 100% sure there is nothing else we are missing wrong. Been waiting for a week for a fender to be taken off of it to get it over there. It is three blocks from my house, it should have been taken Monday dropped off and picked up Tuesday. Parts should be here or on there way. But no I have been waiting all this time for him to pull it off and take it around there. He knows I have no money to pay anyone else. If I don’t get it fixed then I am going to have to put my other truck back on the road and it is going to leave him with nothing. You would think he would get it taken care of. I am ready to sell the other one to pay someone to fix this one I’m so pissed. I would give it to someone right now if they could do everything that needs to be done to mine and get it back on the road for me how pissed I am. Yeah I understand he works but I also know that he is helping with nothing at all here for his kids and that he knows we need this to get around. I have my moms truck now and I can’t drive it but to the store and back. Its like everything he just get to it when he gets too it. It can’t keep sitting here at my house like it is either someone is going to stick their nose in shit and call code enforcement again if they haven’t already and when they do I am going to have to move. I can’t move right now nor do I want to I hope to stay here until I move the first of the year and then away from here to somewhere. He is just pissing me off so fucking much right now. Now I have no money to get a lawyer. I am filing the divorce myself and he better not fight it. If he even tries to I am going to tell him you know what I know a lot more than you think I do and X has told his therapist and she will come to court and tell all. Everyone wonders why I hate him more and more every day that goes by why I can’t stand him and could careless anything about him. Everyone says I can’t believe you say this or that or you do this or that or act this way or that way when it comes to him. It’s because I don’t care it don’t bother me to say or do anything because I just don’t care what he thinks, or how he feels or anything else. It sucks because I was at a point I didn’t have any feelings what so ever for him good bad or other wise and now I hate him can’t stand him and just want to knock the hell out of him. I don’t like feeling that way either. But it is what it is and I do and for good reason. If he be a man and help take care of his kids not lie all the time and be halfway normal productive person but he can’t and he never will. It’s probably a good thing he wasn’t standing in front of me a few minutes ago when he called because I probably would have let him have it. I said something about my truck and how long it has been and him working that i had plans and things. He says to me well you shouldn’t have wrecked it and I’m not the one who wrecked it. Like I have nothing better to do or to spend my money on than fixing my truck and risk injuring everyone as well. I just felt like wrecking it that day.

I have told him I need him to take the kids this weekend more than once and that I need a break and everything else. He knows it and then just calls and says I got to work. I do I am so tired and feed up with everything the kids don’t want to listen they are whiny cranky and I am beyond stressed right now. I talk to a friend had plans this weekend and everything. I told him he needs to tell them he don’t have a babysitter that the drop of a hate when they decide the day before he is supposed to be off they want him to work. He won’t he wont’ do anything.

{September 15, 2015}   It’s All a Blur

Friday father of the year went to take my mom to the doctor since we didn’t make it the day before and I had no way to go take her. Of course he spent most the day there and got here at like 4 pm. Knowing I needed things from the store and to take my truck to be looked at.

Soon as he got here I put the kids in my moms truck and flowed him to the body shop. The guy looked at it the best he could but said that we needed to take the bumper and things off because it was wrapped all around areas he wanted to get in and look at. He said to take that stuff off and bring it back he would put it on the rack and pull it for $250. He said that he didn’t think it was totalled.

He also had his wife pull up and give me a list of parts that were needed and prices for parts because I had told him I could get the parts for $1550 at the junk yard. I had called around earlier for that. Some would be new some would be used. He quoted me a price of $2500 and they weren’t all new either.

When we got home we figured out that I didn’t need a radiator, the plastic around the fan is pushed up into it so it isn’t letting it spin like it should. So then it is not turning like it should to keep the truck cool, that is why it starts to smell hot after running for a little bit. My friends husband came over for a minute looked around he said he thought that when they pulled the frame it would let the plastic around the fan back off and give it the room it needs to spin again. Father of the year started working on taking the lights, grill, bumper and the rest of the stuff that needed to come off, off of it. But I couldn’t do anything with it over the weekend because the body shop wasn’t open to drop it off or pull the frame.

I started looking on eBay and I found all the parts that I need for a lot less than what either place is quoting me and they are all new. I have decided not to get a new hood at least for right now. The hood is only messed up in the one little spot on the driver side front corner. It is rolled down a little. It dose not effect the opening or closing. I figure if it looks to bad once we fix it and the rest of the truck is done I will get a new hood in February. But right now it isn’t a big deal or a must have.

I found both fenders for just under $200, the grill for around $90, and the headlights with the turn signals and things for $88. Oh and the headlight and grill support rack or whatever it is called for around $75. I got a different grill than what was on it, because I have to buy the frame of the grill and then the inserts that go in it. I forget what the price of the frame is but it was close to $100 and the inserts were another $55 to $65 to go in it. The grill I got is a custom grill or newer model but it was only $89. I am getting custom headlights too. The ones I had are like $80 to replace I found some nicer ones that I think will be brighter for $7 more. I found the tail lights to go with them but it would be another $80 and I don’t have that to spend right now. I am going to wait and when I fix the hood or order a new one get the tail lights then. I am going to be driving this truck for years to come. I have to put the money into it to fix it and the stuff is the same price or a few dollars more I may as well make it look nice. It be crazy to pay more just to put the same parts on it when I can get the others for less and it would be crazy to update the grill and things and put the same lights back in it when I can get the updated lights for that little bit more. Besides look how much I am saving buy not having to buy some parts and finding them on line.

The only bad thing is I have to get the fenders painted. If I had got them at a junk yard, I could have just left them whatever color they were until I had money to paint them. Not what I would like to do but what I would have done to save some money right now. Since they are new I have to paint them right away I am told or they will rust. So I went Saturday to find a friend of father of the years he use to work with at a body shop. He really knows his stuff and dose a good job. I wanted to find out what he would charge me to paint the two finders and maybe the bumper. The body shop told me $125 off the top because of the kind of vehicle it is and then $167 each panel or the whole front clip, nose, bumper, both panels hood and everything for around $500. He was supposed to come yesterday and something came up he couldn’t come. He said he could come tomorrow. So I didn’t get to take it and drop it at the body shop yet because it wouldn’t be here when he got here to look at it.

I guess after he looks at it I am going to take it around to the shop and drop it off. Once he tells me it is ready and not totalled I am going to order the parts. I didn’t want to order the parts until the frame was done and everyone looked at it and told me what the cost for each part of their job was going to cost and I knew I had all the money to take care of it all.

The body shop that is going to pull the frame quoted me a price of  $4500 just about for all the parts, body work, and lobar. I didn’t see where it had the price of pulling the frame in there so then I would have to add that too it. I’m told by a few people if I had taken it to some of the other shops in the area it would probably be more for lobar and things. If I had insurance that was covering it or it had been the other persons fault and their insurance was covering it they would have totalled my truck. Then I would have probably ended up with next to nothing to get something else to drive if they had given me black book value on it like they did my car. I really don’t think I would have gotten near enough to cover buying me another one.

The last few days have just been a blur really since the accident. Friday was wasted because I had no way to go anywhere and no help with the truck. Then Saturday we went to find his friend and then my mom called and started about her truck because we had it and where I was going in it and not to take it here and there. Then they wanted to go to the store and of course that took them hours, I didn’t get home until the middle of the night. yesterday from I guess standing and waking around all that time in the store on top of being hurt from the accident I hurt so bad I couldn’t stand it. I was in so much pain I felt like I was going to be sick and could hardly move. I stayed in bed most the day. I finally had to get up and go sit at the computer to get work for two classes done before 11:59 pm. I had 4 assignments due, 3 in one class, one in the other. I did the class that only had one due first, then started the ones for the other class. I took the test then did the board we have to do. By that point it was just a few minutes until everything was supposed to be in. I wrote the professor and told him I had been in a accident on Thursday and that I had been dealing with that and being injured. That I had gotten all my assignments done but that one and asked if I could have more time to get it done. I told him I could send him a copy of the report they gave me at the since, pictures of the truck of both if he needed them for proof or for records. I figured if I offered to do that he would figure I wasn’t lying and just didn’t do it. Once I wrote it I went straight to bed it was late. He responded almost right away and said he would give me until tomorrow to get it done and turned in that he would only take half a point off. I wasn’t sure if he meant to Monday tomorrow or Tuesday tomorrow since everything had to be in at 11:59 and I emailed him just before that and he replied at 12 something am. I had a big test and a board due for another class today and about 4 assiments due for a class Tuesday. I figured I would do my board and my test and then work on the work for that class. If I got it done I would turn it in today if not I would turn it in Tuesday and take whatever grade I got. But I was able to get it in today so I didn’t have to worry about it. I didn’t do to hot on my test. I only got 45 out of 60, as soon as I started it the guy came to mow the yard, the kids decided it was the best time to fight and run around the house and play, then try to go outside to see who was out there. I answered what I knew for sure and tried to go back and look up the others. I had planed to do my test Thursday when I got the kids to bed until all this happen. Then work on the rest of everything for my other classes. I am just going to have to buckle down and not let anything else keep me from having plenty of time to work on my assignments from now on and get really good grades on the rest of my work to make up for it all. At least this teacher I think drops the lowest of each grade for all our work. If I get back on track then that grade will be dropped and I will be ok.

It’s already 5 in the morning I have been to bed yet tonight. I got to get some sleep now that I am feeling tired. I have places to go tomorrow and those 3 assignments to get done and turned in by tomorrow night. Hopefully I will get at least 3 or 4 hours sleep before the kids start getting up and we have to go.

{September 11, 2015}   1 Step Forward and 10 Back

Today me and the kids went out to go take my mom to the doctor and I was going to stop on the way back so we could have lunch. My grandma was there and my big girl figured it would be nice us all to go together. I sold my massage table and the stuff to go with it so I had little bit of money. I’m going down the high way I get maybe 3 or 4 miles from her house and probably only about a mile from father of the years shop he works for. I wrecked my truck I don’t know how I didn’t know how me or the other car did not roll.

I was going down the street in the outside lane because I was coming up on my turn not to far up the street. I seen something to the side of me on the left I glanced over for just a split second to see what it was. When I looked back there was another SUV about the size of mine stopped in front of me. I tried to stop and knew I was going to rear end him so I just swerved to the right. There is a sidewalk there and then a driveway for a office. I passed the truck I was trying to miss and slammed into the side of a BMW. It sent it sliding and spun him into some cable box or phone box that was on the side of the road. I came to a stop right in the side of him. There were two guys in the car. The air bags on one side went off. I started to call 911 but I looked beside me on the street and there was a undercover cope stopped with his lights on. I tried to open my door and it wouldn’t open. I still do not know how I got out of my truck, I remember turning looking at the passenger side door and thinking I needed to get across and get out the next thing I remember was seeing two guys running from out of the office we were at asking me if I was ok and everything. I hear my little bitty crying. I knew they were ok just scared I was trying to get to the people in the car I hit and check on them they couldn’t get out of the car. My truck was against one door and there was a pole on the other side. They came with in an inch or so of hitting the pole so he couldn’t open his door to get out either. They had it open enough we could hear each other one of the guys who came out of the office was there with me they said they were ok.

I went back to my truck to get the kids out and as I walked around I walked into my big boy he had gotten out. I got him fro beside the road. The guys were asking me something about the kids and said something about just the two. I remember saying no no I have three there are three with me, he was saying where are they we just see the two and hearing my little one crying they were trying to get her out. I told them he was in the back seat in the middle in his car seat I guess they hadn’t looked back trying to check on the two they seen and make sure they could get them out. I went around the truck to the side I could move the seat and get to him by the time I could get around there there was someone in there getting him out. He was all upset because he lost his shoe somewhere in there and couldn’t find it.  I took them over in front of the office and told them to sit on the sidewalk so they weren’t by the cars or on the side of the busy highway. The guy said oh it’s ok they can go inside, I had no idea what kind of office it was or anything. I open the  door and there was just a few desk with computers and the rest just an empty space. I told them to go sit by the wall and not to get up and mess around or be loud. The man said there was a conference room with a table and things they could go in there sit down and told them where water was told them to get some water if they wanted.

I went to go back outside the cop had gotten out and more were getting there. The guy said don’t worry they can stay in there we won’t let them go outside. I went back out the guys had crawled out the sunroof to get out of the car. The one guy said his arm was sore and bruised, one of them broke their glasses. While I was getting the kids settled down inside I called my mom told her I wasn’t coming and what happen. I called my best friend’s husband that works at the same shop with father of the year, I could’t get him. I told him I needed him to have them radio him and let him know we were in a accident and told him to ask the boss to please send someone to pick my truck up and take it to my house for me. He said here’s the boss talk to him let him know what is you need where you are. He told him we were in a accident.

I think they thought I wanted them to send him out there. I wasn’t asking them to send him. I was asking them to just let him know and if he was busy or wasn’t the one out on this side to please send who was out on this side to get my truck before the police called and had it picked up. When the police call and have it picked up you never know who is up on rotation and they take it right to impound yard. When it is a police call you pay for the trucks travel out to the car more for hook up the trip to the yard and then impound fees. Since the police call them out there it cost three times as much as if you just called and had it picked up yourself. If I called it in with them myself it is a lot cheaper for me because they just charge me a flat rate not mileage and all that. They sent father of the year to get it. He was out on this side. When I walked out to talk to the police first thing he asked me when I walked up was if I had one tow company over the other I would rather them call. Most the time they just call don’t ask. They are supposed to just go down the list and call the next on the list and cycle through. I was surprised but I told him my ex drove tow truck for this company and he was on his way to come and get it. The other guy said that the on star people had called one for him. I wanted to tell him it would be cheaper for him to call his own but dint’ want to make the cop mad but then he said that so the cop said ok he wasn’t calling anyone then.

The guy I hit ask me if the truck had 4 wheel drive and if it worked. I told him it did it worked as far as I knew i had never used it. He wanted to know if we could try to move it because the tow truck was coming. I told him yeah but I didn’t know if it would move because before we got the kids out and everything the guys from the office asked if it would start and if I could move it back to try and open the door for the guys to get out. I told them yes for one of them to just move it I didn’t care I didn’t want to get back in it. I was so shook up. It was stuck it wouldn’t move. Then the guy wanted to kick the 4 wheel drive in and try to move it. I hadn’t thought about it and I guess the guy trying to move it hadn’t’ either. I said yeah we can try it. The cop said no, he said this is a very top heavy truck and I’m afraid if we go trying to move it and trying to force it out it’s going to just roll over the way it is sitting. He told him it had to wait until the tow trucks got there and let them figure out and get them out of there. I really wasn’t worried about it rolling over I at first when we were moving and everyone hit and sliding I was because there like a hill you go down into the drive. But once it stopped we were parked or whatever I felt it was stable. I had gotten in and out of it a few times to get information for the cops and things.

They asked if we needed to go to the hospital everyone was ok I told them no. They asked if we needed medics to come out and check me or the kids. I told them I felt they were fine it had been a while and they were acting fine and not complaining about anything. When I went in once the guys showed me where my little guy had on his collarbone and neck where the strap to the seat belt had got scratched it and bruised it. But he wasn’t saying anything hurt or anything. The other kids were fine. My little bitty told the cop when we were leaving she hurt her teeth, I seen two little lines on her lip on either side. I think she must have had her finger in mouth and the bottom ones came up and nicked them or something. Nothing horrible. I felt so sick the cop was there in the room taking the kids names and all the information down I started feeling really sick. Then the next thing I know I look up and there are a ton of medics all standing in the door of the room we were standing in. Couple talked to the boys why I was talking to the cops. The cop told them to check me because I said I felt sick, I was asking to go to the bathroom, the guy said I will find a trash can or something. I was thinking I don’t want to sit here and puke in these peoples trash can in front of everyone I just need go bathroom. I just sat there in the chair didn’t move and answered their questions. the cop said something about being sick I told him it was just nerves and being upset. They checked the kid said they seemed fine and ask if i wanted anyone to be taken to the hospital. I told them no so I had to sign paper work for them. It would have been crazy to have them take us to the hospital if we did need or want to go unless we were just really badly hurt we were right across the street from the hospital. Not the one I would use but the one they would take us too. Unless it was like someone really hurt life death needed to go right now I would have taken them myself if I felt they needed to go so I could have taken them to a better hospital. The accident I was in when the guy hit me I took myself because I knew where they were going to take me and when I had bleeding when I was pregnant with my 2nd I called 911 because the doctor said if I had bleeding I needed to be brought by them. I argued with them until they took me to the other one I was a few blocks from the one I was by today. But they have a horrible history. They killed a friend of mine, had to go there while pregnant with my little bitty this time and they told me she looked great on the ultra sound they did. When my doctor looked at it she wasn’t there was problems. They have so few people that go to that one anymore they have closed a bunch of floors and laid off a bunch of people. They are always looking for new doctors because none stay. there is no way I would let them take my kids somewhere like that.

Oh and after everyone is out and the kids are sitting in this room at this office and we are in and out of it for what seems like ever I look up and the guys from the car where in the office now. I thought the cops had them come in figure they were going to have us all sit there at the table and fill out or sign the paper work it had started to rain outside. Nope the one or maybe both are the owners of this company. But I have to say when I went up to the car I figured the guy was going to freak out and be mad but he wasn’t. The guys in the office were as nice as they could be and help in trying to make sure the kids were ok and getting them out letting them come in and sit away from the road helping check them out make sure they were ok. Even when they guys came in that were in the car they were really nice and acted as if it was no big deal. He just said things happen that’s what insurance is for. We got all done and were able to leave, he was standing there by the door, father of the year had my truck on the tow truck and was up in it trying to get the car seats for the kids out and everything. The guy out of the other car said man its a really good thing you were in that truck having those kids with you. He said if you been in a car…he said that truck your sitting on a big solid chassis. I said yeah I know, everyone says get a mini van or a car but with 4 kids and two in car seat it just isn’t safe. He said no keep a truck your in the right thing. Father of the year said when he went back to winch his car out and tow it to the shop for him his wife was there and said she was really nice was asking if everyone was ok and things. Said they asked a few times if sure everyone was ok. Said the guy said he wasn’t worried about it he was use to dealing with accidents and things all the time. I didn’t know it but they own a big trucking company. Their yard is south of there this is there office they dispatch the truckers out of and things.

I called my best friend’s hubby back because he was trying to call me when I was talking with the police and in the bathroom being sick. He said he was taking off and coming to pick me and the kids up and take us home. He came he ended up taking us to my moms house and we stayed there with her and my grandma for a while until father of the year got a break and was able to get us back home. We needed stuff from the store and wanted to make sure no one had any problems and needed to go to the be checked out before i got here and was stuck with no car.

I am pretty sure the car is totaled, I figured my truck was too since I couldn’t get my doors open and as hard as I hit the other car. I have the big winch out or tow hooks on the front of my truck and one on the driver side stuck a whole in the door of the car, it bent it all down. I need to replace the grill, all the lights, the hood is rolled down on the front driver side corner, the finder on the driver side front is rippled, the finder on the passenger side is scuffed and has some damage and the bumper is tore up. Father of the year said he smelled coolant so we have to figure out where it is coming from. When I got home tonight he looked at it I think it is worse than they thought they were saying it wasn’t totaled but I am not so sure now. Father of the year looked more tonight and the frame is got a little bit of a spot in it behind the front tire on the driver side. I think it is right where that hook is there in the front that is what took the brunt of the impact when we hit. He says it isn’t bad enough to be considered unsafe and totaled. But I thought if there was any frame damage it was totaled no matter what. I have to call some body shops tomorrow and see if I can get it in to one have them look at it and see if that is the only spot and what they say about it. If it is the only spot and there isn’t motor damage or anything like that I will probably just unhook the bumpers and move them forward try to fix what damage is on them the best I can for now, line the hood back up and use it. Then go to the junk yard try to get the lights, grill, and bumper for it and put it on. I know my friends hubby can do it and father of the year helped in a body shop for a while so he knows some about it. Worse case I will have to call my grandpa and have him come up and help with it. Between him and my friends hubby they should be able to get it fixed and safe again. It just won’t look to nice until I can replace the fenders probably. I don’t have insurance to cover damage to my vehicle so I have to pay it all out of pocket. I just got the kids both brand new car seats a month or two ago and now I have to get two more new ones. I know the straps where under a lot of strain by the marks and things on the kids.

I just got my money to cover all the bills had a little extra to do a little something for the boys for their birthdays, I need a new computer because mine is about to quit and refuse to work anymore. Half the time it dose not pick up inter net signal, I can’t use it for part of my school stuff like I need to, the dog chewed the cord in half. I had the cord spliced back together but it stopped working. Now I use father of the years cord because he never uses his computer he always uses his phone. I can’t take his and use it because it is just as old as mine. Mine is a dinosaur at like 7 years old. I was going to get me new glasses because when I moved out of the last house I put them on the window why I was moving beds I didn’t want to break them. I forgot them and turned the key in. I called and ask them to please have someone get them when they went over to do the walk through or show it not even to make a special trip I would wait. They wouldn’t, I know they were there because I went back and looked in the window to see if they were still there and they were. They wouldn’t get them and give them to me. That was almost two years ago. I had been doing ok but now doing all my school on the computer I am having a really hard time seeing. It is taking me twice as long to do my work because I have to keep going back and double checking, sqinting to even see some of the stuff. I blow it up to like 125 to 175 to see it better but then I have to shrink it back to do what I need to do and see everything together on the page. Some of my stuff I have to work in a program and I’m not able to blow it up or can’t figure out how if you can. But the things I have to do and the way it works I don’t think I could work in it even if I blow it up.  Now I guess I will be getting new car parts to patch my truck up so that I can drive it.

I am so sore my back all over where I hurt it before is bothering me from being jerked around, my head is hurting, I pulled something in my left leg by the bend of it some how. The rest of my leg from the knee down feels swollen and sore across the top of my foot hoots. I don’t know what I did to it. I just hope it didn’t mess my back up even more. Mom said I need to go get checked but I really don’t know why, there isn’t anything they can do. I just want to get in my bed crawl under the cover, relax and go to sleep. It’s one of them nights it would be nice to have someone to curl up with and have that comforted.

{September 9, 2015}   Giving Me all Their Money

I said something tonight about the fall festival at our church and that I was thinking about making chili for the contest. I said they have a pie contest too. My little guy said oh I could make a pie and started naming all this stuff he would put in it. Then he said and everyone would love it they would all be giving me there money wanting more pie. I had to explain to him that’s not how it works. So now the boys are talking about making a pie together and putting in the contest. They want to make a apple, blueberry pie. Don’t know how that will be I guess we may find out.

I am trying to decide is it just my kids or all kids really lazy or dose it just seem they are. I have talked about this before a little but it is really starting to truly just piss me off that they flat out refuse to do anything at all and nothing I say or do to try to get them to do it seems to matter.

I think it is more the out and out disrespect they show. The disrespect to me by just ignoring me, the disrespect of the way they treat their things, the disrespect for the house over all if that makes since. They don’t care if something gets broken or damaged, they don’t care that I go out of my way to make sure they have nice things or get to do things even though money is so tight. That I do with out a lot of things or for go a lot of things so that they can have things. When they get it it’s tossed her there and everywhere to get broken or messed up. My oldest wanted an air hog helicopter for Christmas. I don’t think she has ever used it and I don’t think at this point she could use it if she wanted to because it has been thrown everywhere and broken. No I didn’t buy a top of the line one but I didn’t buy the cheapest thing they had. I understand things get broke I understand things break. But when you do not take care of them and I find them in the floor under a stack of books or the bottom of the closet there is something wrong. Oh and by the way there is a bookcase in the other room empty just about that is just hers for her books only. But where are they thrown in the floor to be stepped on or stuff spilled on them breaking other stuff. No excuse for it but just didn’t do it.

The boys I went in their room we got rid of a lot of stuff and organised the rest. They dump toy box out to find all the people or parts to go with the sets they have so then big mess of stuff just to find what they really want to play with. I got the recycled/reusable shopping bags gave them one for all the ninja turtles, one for all the Scooby Doo people and things, one for all the play tools for the tool bench and so on. Hung them on a hanger in the closet. Took the Scooby house and the castle to the other set and big things like that and put in the top on the shelf. In the toy box I put the big stuff like the big cars, things like that. Now they want to play with the cars and little guys they pick the cars they want grab the bag wit the men and play. When they are done toss the little men in the bad hang up and drop cars in the toy box. Same with the Scooby Doo or even the tools grab the bag and house play or grab the bag of tools and go play at the work bench. Hang it up when your done very simple. But they don’t do it

Simple everyday chores are a battle and still don’t get done. I have given them list made charts just tell them what ones need done nothing seems to work. I made a list of chores that need to be done let them pick the ones they wanted to do still nothing. They are very simple easy chores shouldn’t take over 10 to 20 minutes other than washing their clothes even that the real work part isn’t that long. Few minutes to put in washer few to put in drier and 10 to fold and put away. They have maybe 5 chore all together a few need done daily and the rest once a week. I don’t care if they do them all on the same day or split them up through the week just do them.

I’ve tried being stricter telling them what to do when to do it and how, given them days to have what done for weekly stuff. I just give them the list and let them know what needs done daily and what needs done weekly and let them decide when to do them during the day and week. They just don’t care. I have tried taking stuff away, rewarding for getting them done, ignoring them not being done thinking once they have no clothes to wear they would get it and start washing their clothes, or once they ran out of plates bowls for the day they would want clean stuff to eat off of. Nope they complain and ask what to do then get mad when you tell them. Other adults have told them they are lucky because there kids do a lot more chores than they do other kids have told them how lucky they are how they wish they only had to do the few things they have to do. They just don’t care, they act like they should do nothing.

Both boys birthdays are in the next 21 days of course like any kid they want parties or an outing and cake the whole to do. I really don’t want to do anything. I want to just let them go by like it’s just another day. I don’t want to get gifts because they don’t take care of their stuff.

I one wants to go to a farm and the other wants to go to a science museum that has dinosaur bones. I was already planing a farm trip for our home school stuff. The museum we have been trying to get to but haven’t so I thought about doing that. I found a place not to far from us called Dinosaur World that I think they both would love to go to. Not sure what it is really going to be like they say it is a theme park but they don’t show any rides, they don’t have food there, it says you can order pizza have it brought to the park. They have have the mining for gyms thing and but it don’t show much of anything they really have. It says it sits on 20 acres so it seems like they should have something. Been here all my life I have never heard of it and have asked around most people have never heard of it so it really makes you wonder what it’s like. I figure it will be fun for the kids whatever they have or don’t have and it will probably be a trip we don’t make buy once. But it will be fun for their birthday. That is if they clean their room and keep it that way and they start doing their chores. If not I think I will take the money and do something for myself and do nothing for their birthday this year.

They have always had to help clean up there stuff and do little things around the house here and there. It isn’t like I just woke up one day and said I think they need to do chores and they should clean the house from top to bottom scrubbing with their toothbrushes. I don’t expect much more than I ever have just pick up clean up after your self and help to a couple things around the house since your part of the family and live here too. At least act like you care you have a place to live, food to eat and nice things. Just like the brand new bed I got the boys they have had for 6 months or so that is broken now. All because they were playing and being ruff on it. I should take their birthday money and fix the bed.

I’m just at a loss with them and what to do. It seems that nothing I try bothers them in the least. I don’t understand how nothing at all seems to matter to them.

I can say ok I’m going to do everything myself but their rooms and they still won’t even pick up the room enough that things aren’t getting broken and you can at least walk through it. The rest of the house they spill things drop things leave things laying all over. I clean one room go clean another and by the time I am done and go back to the first one it is worse than when I started and they walk off. I told the therepest today I am ready to take my little one pack our stuff and leave. Tell father of the year come back over here he wants them he can come over here and they can have the house they all can live here in the mess together. He is no help they cry to him they have to do chores I hear how it isn’t right they are kids, I shuuld easy up on them but then when he is here he has a shit fit that they are lazy and I don’t make them do anything and all about what they need to be doing. But he don’t make them or if he dose try to make them he talks to them like they are dogs and treats them like trash. But at this point I am don’t care because they act like nothing I say or want matters and like they can do whatever they want. Let them all be here together and figure it all out on their own. If I had somewhere to go I would probably do just that for about a month. Let father of the year figure out a babysitter, school, cooking, cleaning and getting the kids to their appointments and where they need to go. All while trying to work 6 days around the clock. And not give him any help paying for any of the bills child care clothes or anything else. See how he likes it. But if I did that I would lose my house because he wouldn’t pay the bills then I would have to move and I can’t do that right now.

{September 8, 2015}   Love, War & Peace

The last few weeks at church they have been doing a Relationship Series called Love War & Peace. They have talked about being single and dating looking for the right person. How the things you do in a relationship effect future relationships. I missed this week but last week they were talking about being married and the fights you have with your partner that you need to fight together not against each other. Things that you do that will come between each other what to do to not let that happen.

Sitting there listening to him preach and things he was saying a few things popped into my head. 1) I stopped talking 2) I didn’t fight, the third something that my son said, 3) Look they are fighting they are going to breakup now. Just like my mom and dad did.

The first two things I wasn’t thinking about my relationship with father of the year. I was thinking about when me and RC were together. We use to sit outside almost every night once we put the kids to bed and talk until they went to sleep. We talk about the day, things we needed to take care of, things we wanted to do in the future, or just whatever. Just spend time together and make sure we everything was ok or take care of things that needed taken care of.

We stopped I don’t know what happen or why we just did. When we did it seems like things got bad between us pretty fast. Then things came between us and just crashed from there. Then everything happen and I didn’t fight I didn’t try to figure it out I just fell into a horrible depression. I was already depressed and being pregnant didn’t help. But then after that I didn’t try to fight or anything.

You would think that my relationship with father of the year would be what would come to mind but it isn’t. Even when they talk about couples getting back together or fixing their  marriage and that it can me done. I don’t ever have that feeling that mine could ever be put back together. All I feel when they talk about things like that is sometimes it’s best to move on. Don’t put yourself through that again. Most the time I’m not even thinking about anything just listening waiting to move on or what and all of a sudden this thoughts just pop in my head. Like saying don’t second guess yourself because of everyone around you you know what has went on and what has been done. I don’t feel I want anyone back. I just want to meet someone new. I have moved on and I don’t want to go back to the past. I feel I just need to keep moving forward for me and the kids and take what I am learning and apply it in the future with someone who truly care and hopefully isn’t just in it for the here and now until something better comes along.

{September 7, 2015}   20 Day Count Down Ends

Last month I told you me and father of the year had talked and I was giving him time to get the papers for the divorce done and then get a court date or I was getting a lawyer. You can read it here 20 Day Count Down Begins .

Well he has not bothered to find out what paperwork needs to be filed, much less getting it taken care of and turned in. Not really surprised I knew he wouldn’t. But I couldn’t do anything until I get my money. I get it this Friday and when I do I am going to talk to someone to get it taken care of. I am going to talk to someone Friday and see what they advise me to do to get it taken care of as quick as I can.

We got into it again tonight, I am trying to figure out the boys birthdays coming up in a few weeks. I want to take them to this place he talking about going and all this but he has no money to go. Then if I tell the kids he can’t go then they get mad at me and upset because they don’t understand.

I am trying to decide what to get them for Christmas and start buying and putting away so that I have it done. I was looking at stuff on line and I said something to him about Christmas. He responds with I thought we were getting stuff together. I already knew what he was going to say. Has he said I can give you so much or can we do this how much do you need anything? Nope not a word, he figures I just do it and that will be that his name will be put on it. Then when I said something he starts about well I haven’t had money I don’t have money I am trying to make sure bills get paid. I have to tag my truck and get it moved or I’m going to get in trouble, I thought, you, just on and on like always.

I told him this was my money to pay bills and get everything I need until I find a job and that I’m stretching it the best I can and that I need to be able to pay my bills to and that I am making a point to make sure they have something that he hasn’t helped with the first thing around here yet and that it isn’t right. He just acts like it is no big deal and it isn’t his fault or problem. I just don’t understand how he looks at things this way. How he has no care in the world how it’s not his fault nothing ever, how he just see’s nothing wrong with any of it and that he will help if or when he can and if he can’t or never dose it is not big deal. I should include his name on all the gifts and everything else. I just blows my mine.

Again tonight telling me why dose he need to take care of this and he don’t want the divorce. I said fine then I’m not either I did once and I am not fixing the mess you made so I guess I have to get a lawyer and let him tell me everything I can get and ask for when we go to court. I don’t know if I can figure out and fix the mess. I probably could but it would be a lot. This point I would rather just get a lawyer. He’s all no don’t do that I guess this week when I am off I have to get it taken care of no matter what. This that and everything else has come up. I said it’s like your job if it needs done you make time make sure it gets done no matter what or it will never get done if you don’t. He says he is going to go do it. I am sure next it will be he needs a way over there and all this. To bad I am not his ride I gave him a truck if he can’t tag it and insure it I can’t help it. I have plans he knows I have had plans for weeks and things to take care of he has had a month to do it in. He better find a way. But ride or no ride I am sure he won’t do it anyway.

A couple weeks ago I took Little Bitty to the doctor because she wasn’t able to go to the bathroom. She has been for it before but what they gave her wasn’t working. While we were there I thought about it and told the doctor how she likes to try and eat hair, and lotion among other things. And she licks things that aren’t food.

She said Pica right away, and said it could be from a deficiency. She ordered blood work. Well that is when the breaks when out on my truck so we just got the blood work done last week. When we got to the lab they said that it was an extensive amount of blood work. They weren’t even sure they could get it all in one day. They said we would need to come back for part of it in a few days probably.

She sat really still and did really good when they stuck her. She didn’t try to pull away or fight them. She started to cry a little and I think she would have stopped and been ok just as quick if they had gotten the vain right away. But they had to poke around and look for the vain once they stuck her, we all know how much that hurts. So she cried but still didn’t pull or fight. Once they got the vain the blood flowed really good and they were able to get it all since she didn’t fight and it was coming out so good.

When we got to the doctor yesterday she went over it all with us. She did do a lot of test probably just about any one you could do. She did a bunch of liver test, mono test, mono antibody test, iron she really checked everything.

She said that the liver test came back negative nothing to worry about there. She said a few other things came back high or low but that was normal for her age and that they were only points in being high or low nothing major it could just be her normal because they were well in the normal range.

She said she had mono antibodies but did not show having mono or ever having mono. She seemed a little confused by that but wasn’t worried about it antibodies are good to have to things. I had mono just a few months before getting pregnant with her I may not have even been 100% over it when I got pregnant with her it was that close. So maybe she picked them up that way some how I don’t know.

She said her immune systom was a little low but she said for her age was normal. She hasn’t had any major illness to make it really kick in. She said it shows a little lower in kids who are not vaccinated as well but that it was still in the normal range nothing to worry about only a little low.

The only thing she is worried about is her iron level. It was 101 they 114/115 is bad. We can no pin point where she is getting so much iron from since she don’t eat a lot of meat and things like that. She drinks a lot of milk and she said in kids who drink a lot of milk it is low most the time. We have to keep track of what she is eating so we can figure it out. We have to go back in three months for more testing. I am worried it may to high in that three months since we can’t say oh she eats a lot of X and that is probably where it is coming from or she gets vitamins with it in it we can stop that. We got back in October I think I am going to ask her to do the test and check it again then. I am going to keep a list of the things she eats and drinks for a couple weeks and take it in and go over it with her also.

Other than that she wants us to actively start trying to get her to gain weight. She said she is healthy but she isn’t gaining like she would like she wants us to start giving her things that are high calorie. She said it isn’t effecting her right now but she don’t want it to if she don’t start putting on more on her own. My first go to would be Mighty Milk but she can’t have a lot of milk since she is having problems going to the bathroom. I am putting together other things she can eat that will help but have to make sure it also don’t have to much iron in it since she can’t have iron to much right now. I’m not horribly worried about her weight. I think she is just a little bitty and will catch up or at least grow and be ok.

et cetera
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