{September 8, 2015}   Love, War & Peace

The last few weeks at church they have been doing a Relationship Series called Love War & Peace. They have talked about being single and dating looking for the right person. How the things you do in a relationship effect future relationships. I missed this week but last week they were talking about being married and the fights you have with your partner that you need to fight together not against each other. Things that you do that will come between each other what to do to not let that happen.

Sitting there listening to him preach and things he was saying a few things popped into my head. 1) I stopped talking 2) I didn’t fight, the third something that my son said, 3) Look they are fighting they are going to breakup now. Just like my mom and dad did.

The first two things I wasn’t thinking about my relationship with father of the year. I was thinking about when me and RC were together. We use to sit outside almost every night once we put the kids to bed and talk until they went to sleep. We talk about the day, things we needed to take care of, things we wanted to do in the future, or just whatever. Just spend time together and make sure we everything was ok or take care of things that needed taken care of.

We stopped I don’t know what happen or why we just did. When we did it seems like things got bad between us pretty fast. Then things came between us and just crashed from there. Then everything happen and I didn’t fight I didn’t try to figure it out I just fell into a horrible depression. I was already depressed and being pregnant didn’t help. But then after that I didn’t try to fight or anything.

You would think that my relationship with father of the year would be what would come to mind but it isn’t. Even when they talk about couples getting back together or fixing their  marriage and that it can me done. I don’t ever have that feeling that mine could ever be put back together. All I feel when they talk about things like that is sometimes it’s best to move on. Don’t put yourself through that again. Most the time I’m not even thinking about anything just listening waiting to move on or what and all of a sudden this thoughts just pop in my head. Like saying don’t second guess yourself because of everyone around you you know what has went on and what has been done. I don’t feel I want anyone back. I just want to meet someone new. I have moved on and I don’t want to go back to the past. I feel I just need to keep moving forward for me and the kids and take what I am learning and apply it in the future with someone who truly care and hopefully isn’t just in it for the here and now until something better comes along.

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