{January 17, 2016}   Already Started

Father of the year has decided to start already, he hasn’t said anything about it all day and talked to me a few different time and could have called at anytime but hasn’t. He just calls and wants to know what I’m doing and then says your going to work tomorrow? Like he is shocked or something. I said yeah I have to I can’t keep not going. He says well I got to go I can’t lose this job I won’t be able to pay rent or any of my bills and things. I said oh so I’m supposed to lose mine and not be able to pay any of mine? Your not going to help me you haven’t given me a dime to pay anything here since you left. But I’m supposed to worry about if you have a place or can pay your bills and no one worries about me or mine. Thats what you want I lose mine then me and the kids have to come there and we can all then go get a big house together like you all want. Not going to happen. My mom again last night telling me just go take your rent money and get your teeth pulled and tell them your going to be late. Knowing good and well they are not going to sign me a new lease if I am late. If they tell you to move you can just come over there and we can get a house it’s the only way your ever going to have anything blah blah. I’m not doing it she just can’t pay it if he can’t and she don’t want to have to come here. Well sorry about her luck but I am not going over there.

She has her house tore about for weeks now because of some bullshit about being in this apartment where some guy died and they didn’t find him for days. She has thrown the carpet away out of her living room shoes and who knows what else because they touched it after they were in there. She has father of the year over there now rented a machian to clean the carpets that she can’t throw away and to wash all the seats in her truck and detail it because they rode in it after being in there. I went and picked up my spare key and she is telling me wash your hands really good wash them three or four times he has been cleaning this stuff and touched that money we had that night and now touching your keys. She is so ocd and obsessed over this kind of thing. She is so obsessed about germs no one can live with her. She had my grandma all upset over there tonight he said because she is going on and on about this and getting rid of everything and cleaning everything over and over. Now because the kids are sick they haven’t had antibiotics for days she won’t watch them tomorrow and I have no one else. If I had anyone else I would have already gotten them to watch them but I just don’t.

Father of the year knew all the kids had meds but the one and that he needed to go somewhere and get some. I could not take him or do anything he knew that too. He spent the weekend screwing around with the computer and running around for them and doing stuff. Not my fault he didn’t take him to get something. I forgot he wasn’t complaining about not feeling good but I wasn’t around him much either because I have been so sick I have been in my bed all day every day but an hour or two a day most days. Today is the first day I have felt good enough to be up and do anything and not had to take something for the pain that knocks me out cold for hours. But I am like the doctor I don’t know that meds are going to get rid of this as mine don’t seem to be getting better all that much with all the strong meds I am on. He has known my goal all this time was to get over this as fast as I could and get back to work. I wanted to work Friday and Saturday but was just so sick I couldn’t. Then today I had to take care of the kids for him to run around and do for them and he wasn’t here to be with the kids so I could go. I really wasn’t feeling good enough to go this morning anyway. I started feeling better this after noon. It was after 4 before I even started to think about going out or going anywhere.

I don’t know why he applied at this company any way because he never would before in all the years he has wanted a new job or needed a new job and as bad as he wanted to get back into doing this. He has always said they hire people work them a few weeks maybe a month or two and fire them or lay them off. So then I stay home another day most likely lose my job and them him only have one for a week or two maybe few months and I have no way to pay my bills or rent. He will not help me and isn’t going to have the money to help me like he says all the time.

I borrowed money from him to pay the light bill last week because I ran out of money because I had to pay back money I had to borrow because he didn’t give me money he was supposed to give me last month. Then he was saying something about paying him back. I figured he got a check from his last job will be getting a check from unemployment and this other job all with in the next few weeks since he will get paid weekly from this new job and unemployment owes him a couple weeks from him not working before he found this one. I figured the least he could do was pay it and not worry about it. Nope he ask me today when are you giving me that money back for the light bill? I said I will get it but I need the money for your part of the car insurance so it can be paid it is going to be late in a day or two if we don’t pay it. He starts he don’t have money he had to pay this that and the other and needed money for all this stuff. I said then I guess I will take that and pay it. He got all mad. I said why should I pay your part and mine your going to have all these checks in the next few weeks and you have over $300 right now? I missed three and half days of work and going to be short and your truck is on the insurance and you have been here with the kids all day every day since you stopped working adding more to my bill that normally wouldn’t be on there because they would be over there. You don’t pay anything else and you could at lest do that. He just started mumbling and going on like he dose. I just said well I have to pay car insurance and I can’t pay it all so I guess if you don’t have it to give me I have to pay it out of that because I don’t have it either and went on.

I can just hear them all over there now going on and on about how horrible I am I’m going to go to work and make him miss this job, and didn’t take the kids to the doctor. HE keeps saying well I have to go back to work I can’t just not work. But all that is about is he don’t want to watch the kids he can’t handle it. Before he didn’t care he didn’t work for two years. He dose nothing when he has them at all the house is trashed and everything else when I get home it don’t matter how late I work if it is 8 at night they haven’t had dinner he has no idea what to even give them. Plus he thinks like I said I will lose mine and then I will have to let him come back or go over there with all of them because they will all need somewhere to go and my mom won’t want to come here so I will go over there and then we can all go get this house. It is not going to happen. I don’t know what his plan is now he said he had to go make some calls. I said who are you going to call? Then he started I don’t know I don’t have anyone to call I don’t know what to do I can’t lose my job, I have to call you back. He is sitting there stuck in their ass listening to them. He has no one to call but his mommy and his mommy isn’t watching my kids or coming to my house to watch my kids. My house is a mess because I have been sick and he let them trash it and hasn’t done anything, and his mommy didn’t do a very good job of watching them the one time I let her watch my older two when they were little and left someone else to do it why she went to work why they told me she was off and would be the one doing. Plus she lives almost 40 miles away and I am not driving down there to her and I am sure she isn’t going to drive up here to him to do it and he has no where to have her do it. I don’t trust her to watch my kids and keep them from getting out and wondering off if she came here to watch them. She dose not watch them very well at all when we are there and she takes them outside even I had to go with them she let them wonder off. He knows this and has said the same thing but would turn around and ask her anyway.

I don’t think I am wrong at all when I am the only one working and providing for me and the kids and keeping a roof over our heads. I figure I will not get the job I wanted or the promotion if I go tomorrow but I figure I should still have my job. I don’t even know that for sure and 100% but figure if I at least show up tomorrow and don’t take anymore time off I will probably have a job still. I tried to call and talk to my boss a couple days but she hasn’t called me back so who knows what is going on. They were supposed to let us know by this Wednesday or Thursday what we got moved to and if we had a job if they didn’t let them know last week. I can’t even find out if they have done that yet or not. I know my boss said before I had an offer to stay on but that was before I missed all these days and I have missed all these days since our manager had this meeting and stressed to everyone being there the days your supposed to be there and being on time were a huge factor in if you kept your job and got the jobs you wanted when they came up. If they haven’t picked and haven’t gotten rid of people already and they see I missed all this time right after we just had this talk I will probably be one of the ten percent who go. I don’t even know if I am on the same job when I go in tomorrow or if I am supposed to be training on another one. I don’t know if they did shift bids and if they did what I got or if we have new jobs now if I got the hours and days I put on my paper I would like to have or what is going on at all. I am walking blind pretty much. I could be on the same job with same days and hours or I could be one of the one that no longer has a job. But I think I need to go in and find out what is going on and if I still have one. I know a few people they got rid of because they missed two or three days in a row and if they had just come back a day earlier than they did they would still have a job but because they missed another day or so they let them go. It isn’t a great job but it is a easy job and it is set hours, days, pay, it isn’t nights, weekends or major holidays and for the most part this new manager seems to be trying to be fair and weed everyone out and have a decent place to work. And it is not only over $8 an hour it is also full time unlike most ever other job I find to apply for. Plus if I make it and get a new job with them after 30 days I can have medical, vacation pay, sick pay and holiday pay.

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