I don’t know why but the last week or so I keep thinking of this one night that I spend with my friend when I was going to his house. We laid down and fell a sleep him moving woke me up. I hadn’t even realize how we were laying. But I was laying with my head on him and my arms kind of over or around him then I had my leg over his. I guess his one arm was under me and he moved for something and I realize how we were laying and said something as I went to move. He said no I was fine and that he was comfortable then pulled me back to him as I was trying to move for him.

I don’t know why I have thought about that night a lot lately. Mostly how good it felt, I don’t know how to explain it really. It just felt so relaxed and stress free. How nice it felt to just be so comfortable with no expectations or worries just the here and now. Not worried about tomorrow, next week, next month or eve next year. Just being happy in the moment. I don’t know that I have ever felt so comfortable and relaxed in life with someone than I was at that moment.

I also miss the closeness all together right now between being sick, the kids being sick and trying to keep up with everyone and missing work. Father of the year has been here taking care of the kids thank god. I just feel like I’m at rock bottom right now and just want someone to care about me and take care of me for a change. I’ve laid in my bed for days feeling so sick and miserable. I keep thanking how nice it would be to just have someone to wrap up with and fall asleep with. How nice it would be to feel like someone cared and to care about someone else besides just the kids for a change. To have a give and take relationship in that area again someone to share things with again. Not just the bad but the good and the bad. I have just really been missing that connection with someone again lately.

I feel like I shouldn’t be worried about that or finding someone right now I have enough to think and worry about. Really I’m not it’s not like I’m looking or trying to find someone but I can’t help but feeling like something big is missing and that’t what it is. I guess it’s just natural to feel that way and want these things. It is just something that has been bothering a lot more lately than normal.

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