When I was talking to the therapist the other week about little bitty’s dad and brothers she said is it even worth telling her at this point? My mom still thinks I shouldn’t tell her and that I shouldn’t ever ask him for support and even told me she was going to be really pissed off at me if I did. Like her being pissed at me is going to make a difference.
But like I told the therapist she got three brothers out there two right here with in a few miles of us. I don’t say anything and she shows up with one one day. What am I supposed to say then. It isn’t at all impossible or not likely. They are not that far apart in age so the odds of knowing the same people and having some of the same friends are very likely. I mean what were the odds of them showing up at her office the same place we have used for 8 years? Besides that I feel she has a right to know who her father is and that she has other siblings out there.
It’s not like she isn’t going to ask at some point and time why her last name is different than the other kids. What am I supposed to say to that? Oh I just didn’t want you to have your “dad” last name or the same name as the other kids? Everyone thinks I should just let her think Father of the year is her dad.
My mom see’s nothing wrong with it because she never told my brother that his “dad” wasn’t his dad until he was 18 and then only because she was mad at him and his dad for something they done. So she told him well why you go do all this that really isn’t your dad anyway. I’m still not sure how that all came about or what happen. I guess she cheated on my dad and then they stayed together or they were split up and then got back together. My dad knew but no one ever told my brother.
Then you wait until something happens and you have to tell them or until they are older or adults to tell them, what dose that do to the relationship you have with them? The fact that you held off on telling them something so important and significant in their life? I feel like I been lied to well really you are lying to them by not telling them and letting them believe something else. I would have a hard time trusting or believing or having any kind of close relationship with someone who lied to me or kept such information from me. I don’t think I would trust them again after finding out. If you tell them as kids it is going to have a effect on them if you tell them as adults it is still going to effect them. I would rather be upfront and honest with them from the start as kids and help them deal with it and decide how they want to handle it.
Like I said I am sure she will start asking questions in the next year or so about her name and things. I will just be honest with her, that she has a different name because she has a different dad. Go from there with whatever questions she has.