I am being told I need to be more open minded when it comes to meeting someone and having more kids. I was talking to a few people lately and we were talking about when I meet someone. If I do there are something they should know upfront I have said it before 1) What are they looking for? I’m not looking for a night, a while it last or until something better comes along. I’m in it for more than jumping in bed so unless it goes to something besides dating then don’t be thinking we are going to be jumping in bed because we went out or you came over. I am not looking to jump into a relationship I truly want to take my time. We can go on a date when we are both free or whatever, but we aren’t going to spend every free minute we have together either. If I want to talk to someone else I am going to and they are free to do the same. 2) Do they have kids already and do they want kids? I don’t mind someone who has kids it is pretty much a given that if I meet someone they are going to have kids and that’s fine. But I don’t want to meet your kids, not that I don’t want to meet them at all but I don’t want to meet them anytime soon. You can’t meet mine anytime soon either. I don’t want to have anymore kids and it isn’t really open for debate I don’t want to have anymore of my own. I would like to adopt and/or do foster care so that is something they would have to be open to as well.
If this is to much for them to understand handle or whatever upfront and it “scares” them off that is fine too. I don’t see nothing wrong with knowing what I want and making it known upfront. Why do I want to date someone end up in a relationship with them and then we find that they really want to have more kids or want a kid? I don’t care how much I care about them or how long we have been together I’m not having more. Why let it get that far before talking about it then everyone ending up hurt because now it isn’t going to work out because we want different things.
I thought it was great the other night when one of the first things he said was I don’t know how you feel but I want another child. I want to be with someone who can have more and wants more. It didn’t offend me or bother me. Surprised me a little but like I said I really didn’t think he would want anymore and I thought I had said before I didn’t. But maybe he thought I was just saying it at the moment because everything that was going on, or maybe he thought that if I ended up with someone that wanted more I would have more, I really don’t know. But the fact that he is saying upfront says to me he is really looking for more and if he is going to take the time to date and things then he wants to make sure they want the same things.
I really can’t see why it wasn’t a big deal he just came out and said I like you but these things are important to me and I want to know how you feel about them. But when I say if a guy is interested then he needs to know these things it’s a big deal.
I also do not know why I need to be more open minded at this stage of the game and be willing to consider having more kids when I don’t want to? Explain that to me. If I wanted more kids and I already have 4 and figuring the guy I meet is going to have at least one, everyone would be saying I was crazy. That I already had 4 how many more did I need. I already hear it when I say I would like to adopt. But because someone is interested that wants more I should be open minded. I was open minded when I met RC. I didn’t want more at that point but agreed if things worked out then we could try for another. But it was something we both wanted not just one of us. I knew I wouldn’t mind another but if we hadn’t I wouldn’t have been ok with that too. But we had 7 kids between us and 5 of them full time. So in away I gained two more if we had stayed together.
I just find it funny that when I’m talking with others and this comes up and I say I don’t want anymore everyone says I need to be open minded. What if he don’t have kids and wants one of his own or wants one together? Then I’m not the one for him and he isn’t the one for me. I am almost 36 years old I have lived my life compromising and thinking about others all my life and look where it has gotten me. It’s not like I am not willing to compromise and I know a relationship is give and take and it’s about being a team and doing whats best as a hole. But we aren’t talking about a relationship we are talking about making it clear upfront things that are deal breakers, no go’s, not up for debate or whatever you want to call them. This is how I feel about x,y and z if you feel different I am not willing to compromise nor do I want you to. Then why start a relationship knowing we feel different about x,y and z and and it is a deal breaker for both of us? Like I said why do we need to date forever and see if it starts to turn into something before we put it out there even. Why date and let feelings and all that even start then go oh we been seeing each other and think we want to take it farther but first how do you feel about these things?
I don’t think I should be expected to be open minded or worry that I am being to forward and upfront by bringing it up. It’s not like if someone came up and started talking I’m going to cut them off and be like oh wait before I talk to you I need to know how you feel about these things. But I am sure they are things that would come up maybe not right away but after a date or two should be brought up if not.