She Won’t Marry Him

I took my friend to the hospital Thursday night late, she needed to go I was in the middle of homework that was due that night I knew if I stopped to take her we wouldn’t be back in time. I told her I would take her when I got done if she wanted to go. It wasn’t like she needed to go right that minute or anything just some problems she been having that she had been for but wasn’t getting better. She wasn’t able to go to the doctor for. I figured I be done earlier than I was, I knew we would get back later, but plenty of time for me to get some sleep and things before court. Well it took me a lot longer than I expected to do the paper and we didn’t get there until later, I didn’t get home until after 5. I got an hour or so sleep and at the court house by 9:45.

We were talking on the way over and RC came up. She said I asked him if he ever married Grandma the other night? She said I really didn’t mean to I just put it without thinking.

The girl he is with now is like two years older than me so she is 38 years old. When I seen pictures of her almost 4 years ago I thought she was in her 40’s then. When we split up they got together and he brought her down here and his friends and our friends seen them together they all started asking me how old she was and though she was well into her 40’s. They were all shocked she was only about 33/34 at the time. She his a heavy drinker, into coke and other drugs pretty bad. Then her last old man all but killed her. He tries to say him beating her up so bad is why she looks so old but you can look at her and tell that it is the drugs and drinking. Anyone who has dealt with long term drinkers and addicts knows what it does to the body and how much it can change you.

She said he said Grandma? She said you know the girl your living with the one that looks like a grandma. She said well I had already said it, it was to late to try and cover it up at that point. I said you could have said this or that and covered it up. She said hell I don’t care it’s the truth. She said he laughed and said no she won’t marry him and that he wants to leave and come home, what was the point in being with her if she wasn’t going to marry him. He said but he didn’t know what to do about “His kids” that are there. HIS KIDS? really HIS KIDS. There is only one kid there that is really his kid and he has been with them all this time if things are as bad as he says they are and as bad as everyone can read about and see they are on line he would have no problem going to court and getting custody of her. The others are not his kids, there isn’t a chance of them being his kids. Two of them she had before they ever got together, one is 18 the other is in her 20 with a baby of her own and don’t live there. Then she has the little girl that is theirs and one after her that he wasn’t around for that she had after him and her split up and before they got back in contact and got together, she is about 6 or 7 I think maybe a little older. If it is really that bad for the only other one there that is under age then he needs to report it and let someone check it out and do what needs to be done. I know he may care about her and things but for him to act like he is so worried about this kid that isn’t his after the way he has done with his other 4 just got me. I said to her I would have said your kid she isn’t even yours what about the 4 that really are your you have nothing to do with?

Then she tells him she told him that I was still single!! I said you did what? Why? She said I have been trying to get you to back together all this time even when me and you weren’t talking. She said I make comments about you all the time when he is talking about how bad things are and wanting to leave. She said I told him you weren’t with anyone said he seemed surprised and said really? She told him yeah I was single and hadn’t been seeing anyone. She said he didn’t really say anything after that and got off line.

I was surprised that he was surprised to find that out because I know for a long time even after he left he was talking to someone here that was telling him things and he was still keeping tabs on me. Comments would be made about him and things that he knew or things he said or done that if someone wasn’t talking to him they wouldn’t know and he wouldn’t know. I wondered if it wasn’t someone who worked with Father Of The Year since they both had worked at the same place just not together. Most everyone there knew RC and knew that we had been together and knew that Father of the Year was my ex husband. They had made comments to him off and on that I found to be odd. He didn’t think anything of them but I don’t think he was thinking about the fact that they knew both of them and things. Knowing that they both worked there and that they all knew both of them and knew or knew of me then they seemed a little off. But lots of things have to be spelled out for Father Of The Year or they go right over his head like a speeding bullet.

I don’t even know why it is so important to him that she marries him anyway. We talked about it and he wanted to get married but we had to get things taken care of first and he had to take care of the back child support he was paying before we could. I told him I didn’t want to get married he insisted that he did. I told him that I would marry him but he had to change his last name to mine I wasn’t changing mine again after I got my divorce. He said no way in hell he was doing that. He said it was like buying a motorcycle and riding bitch. I know with us he was worried about all the kids and wanted me to adopt his so we would have needed to be. He was also worried about if something happen to one of us and being able to make decisions for each other if one of us couldn’t for our self and family stepping in and not doing what we would have wanted done. If we were married we could make sure that the other ones wishes were carried out if need be. But like I said we had so much we needed to take care of it was just put on the back burner to be talked bout once we could legally do it if we wanted to and not have any problems. Honestly I was really thinking about it and coming around to the idea. I knew it wasn’t something that we could rush into and felt that in a few years when things were settled down if we were still together at that point and going good I would consider it. After everything that happen with him kind of sealed the deal that I don’t ever want to no matter what anymore.

 

My Important Date

I made it to my Important Date Friday, it was quick and painless. They didn’t bring up any of the things I thought they were going to bring up or why I thought they wanted him to come. There were a few things that she has a question about the way it was worded and wanted to ask about it and make sure we both agreed to what it said. One was about medical and dental that is not covered by insurance, we put that we would split it. She wanted to know if that meant we were going to split it equally or how. The other was when we each have the kids. He gets them every other weekend from Friday to Monday morning. I have them Monday through Friday and every other week through the weekend. I was trying to word it that way but I guess it sounded funny and she wanted to check on it. She just ask me if that was how it was for both of those, asked if our marrage could be fixed, asked if I was able to and planed to comply with everything on the settlement agreement, child support and parenting plan. Then she ask if it was correct I wanted to have my maiden name back and if I was doing it for any reasons other than just because it is my name and I wanted to go back to it. If I was trying to evade debt, or doing it for any other fraudulent reasons. As if I was I am going to sit there and go why yes, yes I am. But she has to ask I know. I figured they would ask why you want to go back to it make more since. She asked the standard did I agree to everything on my own and all that, pretty much just standard stuff after that. Then she ask him if he agreed to everything in it and if he agreed to it or was forced to agree to any of it.

She said because she is not a judge she had to write her report or what and send it to the judge to go over grant and sign off on. She said there was a 10 day waiting time for her to do that and then a five day mailing period so about 15 days before anything could be done with it. She said if we both agreed we could wave the 10 wait and she would get the report done and right over to the judge so he could do his part. We both said yes. I was holding my breath I kind of expected Father of The Year to say no to just have that last little bit of control. She didn’t say how long it would be before we should get the papers. She did say that it wasn’t done yet so not to do anythig until we got the papers saying it had been done. So it is unofficially official. It’s done we do not have to go back for anything it is just processing I guess you could say. The judge should have no reason to not grant or sign off on it since we have had a day in court and went over everything with her. The judge can’t change and thing because nothing can be changed if we are not there to agree to it. He could not agree with something and kick it back but not likely to happen since they sent it to this other lady to take care of because it was all done and agreed to.

I said I am going to be stalking the mailman until they come. I already told the kids they are not allowed to check the mail until I tell them. They check it but sometimes it gets dropped they have to pick it all up, or I’m not here it gets laid up and forgotten about. Not a big deal since I never get anything but bills and junk 99% of the time. I go on line and look at my bills or call and check everything so that isn’t a big deal. Most always there is someone out there when they check it but there are times they will randomly check it and bring it to me. I just don’t want to take any chances. I can also go on their site to see what is going on with the case if it has been granted or what. I checked but it hasn’t updated since the court date was posted. I am hoping it will show when it is sent to the judge. It should at least show when he signs off and grants it. But I need the papers they mail to take care of the name change and if anything happens or was to happen for legal reasons.

I am just happy it is done. I don’t have that it’s finally done reveled yet. I know it is and it is all technical stuff, but there is that little voice in the back of my head saying what if something happens and the judge don’t sign off on it? I trying to ignore it but I am just naturally one of them people that until I have it in my hand it says done it isn’t done. I have to have a sold it’s done nothing can go wrong or it is not done.

He Loves Being a Dick

Today is one of those times that I have been really pissed off at RC and Father of The Year. I have been dealing with sick kids since last weekend. I have been to the doctors office three times now, the ER and the lab for blood work. Last Monday they all 4 were sick and were seen, only one needed antibiotics, my little one who had double ear infection. Saturday morning/Friday night I ended up in the ER with my Little Guy because he woke up with his ear hurting so bad he was in tears and about to be sick from it. Monday I took the older two in for their physicals, Little Bitty for her recheck and Little Guy to be checked again even though he just been the day before. I don’t know something just kept bothering me about him and I wanted to get him checked by his doctor. Today after I dropped him at school I had to go back to the doctors office because they did not give me the forms for school or the forms for the blood work the doctor wanted. To get to the lab and wait almost two hours because they were packed.

We finally got out of there and got home I call to get the last paper I needed faxed the the childcare place so they can decide my case, it’s and hour wait to talk to someone. When the lady finally called me back she was very rude and refused to help me and fax it because she could not talk to someone at the office. Said she couldn’t fax it unless I was there and someone from there was willing to get on the phone and talk to her. We loaded up and had to go down to the office to get a copy of the letter to take them. While I was there I decided to fill out for a new social security card since he hasn’t had one since I was with RC. I had to go to their office and they make you have the number every time and they kept it that time. I tried to get one before and they wouldn’t give me one said I needed something from the school that his school didn’t even use or know what they were talking about. Today I told them and then the guy ask if I had anything for him for ID, I told him I had his birth certificate, that wasn’t good enough, couldn’t be used for ID. I told him I had his shot paper found both of them and gave him he wouldn’t use either one because they were dated over a year ago. They do not expire I do not have to get a new one every year but they still refused to take it. I finally thought of his forms from the doctor and he took that. He gave me the letter I needed and even made me two copies of it so I could take the one and drop it where I needed to drop it. I ask him to make one he made two so I had extra.

I get home almost 5 pm to get my computer class done and turned in by 1159. I ask Father of the Year to get the kids for dinner so I could work on my school stuff or I wouldn’t get it done. He proceeds to tell me how it was my fault that I didn’t have it done. That if I had been working on it this week I wouldn’t be rushing to get it done. He just went on and on a slue of crap. Tell me how he works and he has to get there every day and on time and make sure the stuff is done right he can’t leave it to the last minute and run there and do it, I need to work on it more. One I work on my school stuff every day at some point for at least a few hours or more. Most nights until I can’t hold my eyes open, I have to put it away and go to sleep. It has just been so much with all this one teacher has wanted from the be gaining that it is all I can do to work on classes before the day they are due or the maybe the day before. But I always make sure I set aside time to get them done. Second, when does he think I should have been working on them between the trips to the doctors, er, lab, to take my mom to the school, shopping, my sister to a few places she had to go, cooking, cleaning, and dealing with sick kids? Oh and don’t forget the three trips I have made to one school, the two trips I have made so far to the other, therapy twice, the child care place, social office and the other places I am sure I am forgetting? I guess I should have my laptop sitting on the steering wheel of the truck hot spot to my phone for internet working on it as I drive down the road, sitting in my lap at the schools working on it while I am trying to talk to them about enrolling the kids, and at the er why they are talking to me about what is wrong and my Little Guy is lying there crying in pain wanting me to comfort him.

Would you look at all these things above, all these places and the stuff done, do you see the two thing it all has in common? Did you guess that I was the only one there doing it, taking care of it and making sure it is all getting done? Did you guess that he wasn’t there for any of it and has no clue what went on, has or hasn’t been done, what needs to be done even though he has been told? If so you guessed right. But I should have this done and not rushing at the last minute to take care of it.

I said something about all that I have been doing and have to do and he says to me. well I can’t just tell them at work sorry I can’t come in until this time or that, or I have to take of by this time to that I can run around and take care of all these things. You don’t work you should be handling it. I said no but I’m going to school and have to have time to get things done and get it in on time. But again it’s only me things I have to get done and can’t not do so it don’t matter. He said no I didn’t say that. I said you just did, I don’t work so I should be taking care of all this stuff even though I have my classes to take care of. You can’t because if your job it’s for me to do and it has to get done. But then you stand here bitching because I ask you to take the kids for dinner so I can get my stuff done. Well I’m just saying that you are home all the time and have time to do it you should get it done. Hello when am I home all the time, I just told you everywhere I have been for days hours at a time. Well at night you should be working on it. I said I do or try to I’m so wore out I pass out. He had the nerve to say something about the few hours of sleep I may get a night. See’s nothing wrong with the fact that he does none of this but I am working my ass off trying to get it all done and trying to keep up with my classes. He goes to work gets off goes home, takes a shower as soon as he walks in the door because he is hot and sweaty from working. God for bid the kids ask him for something or need something. He stomps around and tells them they need to wait he isn’t doing anything for them right now he is getting a shower. Half the time they are just trying to say high or tell him something about his day. But he starts bitching before he even finds out because he thinks he might have to do something. Then he tells them he can’t talk to them right now walks off. But let me even go to the bathroom and change my clothes when I walk in the house and he is bitching why I’m not helping the kids they need this and that and I’ve ran off to my room when there is all this shit that needs to be done. Tonight I was taking pictures of my work with my phone trying to save time writing everything down. He walks by bitching about me texting everyone and talking to everyone about him when I’m the fucking bitch with the problem and who don’t do anything, that’s why I can’t get my work done for texting everyone all the time.

Then bitching the kids this and that and not doing this or that. I said you know last night we came home, they all came right in here and help me make dinner and load the dishwasher. I said Little Guy helped me crack eggs and beat them, poured the milk in them. Little Bitty helped stir them. Big Boy got the bacon all ready and in the pot while big girl made biscuits and helped cook the bacon and eggs why I did other stuff in the kitchen. I said the we sat down ate and watched a move together. I said I went to do homework while they were watching the move but realized I had finished it already for that class. I made the mistake of saying I came back out and finished the movie with the kids. He said you should have been doing your computer homework then. My computer homework is very involved not like the other work I had come to do. It would have taken hours to do and a lot of attention to detail. Where as what I came to do would have taken 20 to 30 minutes to do and not a lot of details. I was tired I fell asleep watching the move but knew I had that little bit of work that had to be in in a little bit and was going to make sure to get it in. It was already close to ten. We finished the move and was in bed in no time after that. I would have never been able to get the work done and would have had to go back today and fixed what I did work on if I had tried to start it last night.

I just can’t wait for the kids to get back in school because I know when they do I will be fine. It’s just getting these few classes done and passing them so I can take all the ones I have lined up to take. I will have 6 hours a day kid free to work on it. Hopefully the few classes won’t be as involved as this one has been. If it is I will probably trade it out for something different. I don’t mind doing the work but when it is just because I’m the teacher and I can make you do this so I am. I don’t have time for that. Many others are starting to talk and complain about the work and things now. I so wish I had it to do over again I would have done things a lot different and would be in a better position if I had. But you just get so caught up in trying to get it all done stay caught up and keep up the other classes.

Him bitching and saying all this shit when he does nothing but go to work and come home to sit just pushed my buttons and pushed me over the edge tonight. It was all I could do not to knock the shit out of him. I am thinking I am doing this for the kids, I don’t mind doing it but I do mind, but it pisses me off when someone does the way he does and says the shit he says. When he does nothing. All I could think was if you were not here bitching right now you be at home or off doing whatever you wanted to do why I am taking care of all this for your three kids. If I didn’t god knows who would or how things would be. This is the way your going to talk to me and act to me. Then I thought of my Little Bitty’s dad and how he isn’t here and does nothing for her don’t even know if she is alive or not. Ok I’m sure he knows because I am sure he is keeping tabs as he always has. But you know what I mean. He is off living life going to work, going out or whatever he wants and not thinking twice about a baby sister, if his kid needs anything or if everything is taken care of for her or not. Just like this one. Before we ever got in the fight when I was telling all that I had done for the kids and school and had left to make sure they all have their spots and things I asked him if he could take the kids Friday night because it’s my friends birthday and she wants to go do something. She can’t drink or anything like that, just go out to dinner play pool or something for a little bit. He says I probably have to work Saturday. I said well you couldn’t come here and stay with them you all can go to bed I be home before you have to go to work. Then you don’t have to get them up and ready and bring them home before you go to work. He got all shitty about that and walked off. But if it was his friend and he wanted to go somewhere he just wouldn’t call or tell the kids anything rather it was his weekend to have them or not he would just go. Mind you he is supposed to have them every other weekend hopefully after this Friday. He is supposed to have them from Friday night to Monday morning and drop them at school. He isn’t going to be able to do it because he has to be at work at 7 and they don’t go to school until 8:20 and 9. So if they are lucky he will have them from Friday sometime until Sunday afternoon he will be trying to pound them off so he can do what he wants to do. He won’t even keep them until that evening or until after dinner. He never did before. He get them Saturday sometimes Friday and the be calling to bring them home about the time they got up ate and got dressed. If he dose I will go back and have the child support changed since they will only be staying about 50 days out of 365 in stead of 80 like he put in the paperwork.

I better get off here it is after 3 i got to get some sleep. So I can get up tomorrow and start the mad rush over again.

 

Around To Much

Father of the year had been hanging around way to much lately, I hadn’t said a lot because he with the kids and I been working like crazy on my school stuff and things. But he comes over and freaks out because of the way they do things or that they aren’t doing things. He had a fit because the dishwasher wasn’t loaded how he would load it or because of what they put in the wash. Just stupid stuff, and when he is here I put him to work as well take out the trash or go to the store whatever. Then he complains. I told him you know what who does all of it when your not here and who is paying everything why you don’t pay a dime? Your lucky I even let you see the kids. I mostly just tell him shut the hell up and if he don’t like it go home. Anymore I just look at him tell him oh well go home, it’s my house this is how things are done. He no longer has the right to say how things are done or complain about them. When or if he ever gets his own place he can have all the say he wants and complain all he wants. He gets all mad but never says anything and don’t leave forever.

I haven’t been letting him hang out as much and been trying to keep the time he is here low when he does come by. To night he hasn’t been here at all and it is so nice. I had a busy day today running around with all 4 kids. We dropped paper work at the little one’s school, dropped paperwork off at the childcare place and then I took all 4 to the doctor. I was in the ER with my little guy two nights ago because he got up crying in pain saying it was his ear. I didn’t want him to have to wait until today to be seen and get medication for it so I took him. I needed to get physical forms for all of them but him but wanted to get him checked. He was still saying last night it hurt band even with pain medication. They said the one was really bad the other was kind of red. Today the bad one was running and she said the other was pretty infected now too. She added ear drops to the other three things he is already taking.

On my way to get their medications and pick up bacon for dinner my mom called and said my grandma needed to go to the hospital. I was going to go take her but they weren’t ready and it was going to be a little bit. So Father of The Year was off and on his way home by then. I told him to just take her since he was already going to be there. It didn’t really matter who took her because my mom was going with her and staying. I couldn’t stay since I had all 4 kids and two of them are sick already. They were monsters at the doctors office. We went to the store got things we needed and their medications. We got home everyone went to work unloading and loading the dishwasher, dusting, getting everything together to cook and helping cook. I was shocked how good of a mood they were in after we had been riding around all day spent forever in at the doctors and went to the store. How helpful they were and wanting to help and asking to do things. We all cooked dinner and sat in the living-room and watched a movie together while we ate. After dinner and the move we ran up to the little store and ended up driving around talking for a while. We got home the older two took care of the dogs and they all went to bed with no problems or fights.

The mood and atmosphere is so different in the house when he isn’t around. Even though he don’t live here and he just comes over it is still so different when he is here and when he isn’t. Even when we know he is coming its different. It just seems full, thick, dark and dreadful, you feel like you can’t settle or there is no peace even if nothing is said or happens when he is here you feel like your not at peace. I feel restless inside, it’s so hard to explain. It’s like he shouldn’t be here or that something bad has come in when he is here, is really the only way to explain it. My soul is restless when he is here. I don’t know why and have not felt that way around him before. I get this feeling like he isn’t supposed to be here I shouldn’t let him come here and that he needs to leave. It just seems to get stronger every time he comes.

I don’t know what to think about it really. I just know that tonight was a really nice night for me and the kids.

New Schools

I have found schools for the kids, now I just have to get all the paperwork and money in before the spots fill up. I have to take the papers in for the little ones tomorrow. I went in yesterday and they said they had two openings for my Little Bitty’s age and about 6 for my Little Guy’s age. I was supposed to take the papers back today but to much crap happen and I didn’t make it. I am going to drop Little Guy at school, grab my friend and then fill the papers out and go drop them off. I wish all 4 were going there it would be so nice, but I don’t feel their program for the bigger kids is as good as it is for the little ones. I feel it could be better for the bigger ones and that the guy didn’t even want to check into my sons scholarship or anything about taking it so he couldn’t go there anyway.

I found a school that looked good me and the kids went and checked it out Tuesday. They really liked it and I think it will be a good fit for them. It is a really small school only 26 kids. They take grades 1-12th. The kids don’t care they like that it is so small and the teachers can give them more one on one help. I think we all really liked it because it isn’t much different than use homeschooling other than they go there with other kids and teachers instead of me doing it. They do their work in their subjects in the morning, then in the afternoon they work on projects, life skills, experiments and different things like that. They have their own Boy Scout troop and if they have enough girls a Girl Scout troop. If not the girls do the things with the boys. They also have someone that comes in to do some of the life skills, she teaches them to cook, shop, money, budgets and things like that. They have chapel once a week and go on field trips.

She said if there is a holiday they do it, they have a big breakfast for St Patrick’s day, a family dinner for Thanksgiving, I think I seen they do a float in the Christmas parade even. She told me about days they close that other schools don’t and all that. Most of them are for training, she takes everyone so they can spit up and get more out of it and teach each other what they learned. They take special needs kids, gifted kids and everything in between. They all work together no matter what they have, don’t have or their needs, age, or grade. They get together and do projects or work on things as well as their other work.

I told her how my oldest tested really high in a lot of things and how she tested out at all most three years into college for reading, but scored low on math and that it has been both of their weak points. I told her that my Big Guy had not done so great on his test but I didn’t feel it was right because he had tested higher before, how I seen him looking off into space and the other kids said he was drawing on his paper during parts of it. She was shocked at my oldest testing so high on her reading. She said not to worry about my other one that they would be doing their own test. She never said when they needed to do their test I thought before we left and ask her if I needed to set a time to come in so they could do it in the next week or so since they were starting soon? She said no, they don’t test them before school starts. She said that once school starts they take a day or so to test them. She said they don’t tell them they are testing them they just tell them this is their work for the day and give them the test and let them take it. They don’t time it or anything. They want to really see what they know and what they don’t or where there are gaps that need to be filled in. She said when they would test them before school started they would test order all their books then when school started and they put them in front of the kids they would be clueless how to do the work or they would fly through it. She said they just guess and mark whatever on the test to get it done or were to nerves and not do good on it. So they switched to doing it this way and just giving it to them as their work for the day not calling it a test and they got better results and was able to really tell what level the kids where on in each subject and where they needed help and things.

That was something else I liked about it because they test for each subject as well and place them at grade level for each subject not just at grade level by how old you are so you should be in this grade or your not good in math so you have to go back to this grade until you get it. That is what a lot of the schools told me they would hold them back or bump them back grades just because they didn’t know math. A lot don’t have tutors either. Here they offer free tutoring a half hour twice a week and then you can also pay for it if they need more, in addition to what they get in school.

Like I told them my oldest has always been advanced when she was younger it wasn’t to big of a deal in school, by the time she hit 4th it was starting to be a problem. She say to me mom the teacher handed me this book that’s like 100 pages and 6 or 8 chapters and told us all to read chapter one for homework. The next day we get to school I have finished the book and the rest of the kids haven’t even read but half the first chapter if that, so then I have to sit there and wait while they read it out loud as a class or on their own before we can move on. Or mom I finish my work and sit there and wait while the kids take forever to do theirs. My favorite mom the teacher paired all the smart kids up with a stupid kid today. I said do not say that it is not nice. She said well not stupid but the ones who don’t do their work or goof off instead of doing their work. Now they are going to want to just copy our papers or we are going to get stuck doing all the work why they do nothing. She said I will help them but I am not doing all the work and I am not going to wait to do my work forever if they don’t do theirs or don’t keep up doing theirs I am going to do mine on my own and they can do theirs and I will tell the teacher that too. I don’t want a partner I want to work on my own I can get it done and over with faster than dragging it out forever.

She is like me in that since, if something needs to be done and it’s a your here and got to do it kind of things, I don’t want to take all day. I want to do it and get it done as quick as possible and move on to what needs to be done. I don’t slack or not do good work, I give it my all and do the best I can, but I do it quickly, I don’t take a million breaks or drag it out just because.

But anyway I think it they like it as well because it is a lot like what we do at home, they get to work at their level in everything and they get to do trips and things. My oldest is sold because she don’t have to wear uniforms and they have a microwave to heat her lunch up in.

So Much To Do So Little Energy

I have so much crap that needs done around my house and no energy to do it. I have been sleeping a little more but mostly in the day time after I take my little one to school. I hate it because the other kids sleep too. I really don’t want to but I am just so tired I can’t help it I can’t hold my eyes open. Normally I would clean at night but I have been sleeping so very little I’m exhausted at night and just lay in bed watching the Losers with my little one hoping to sleep but I don’t. Maybe an hour before I have to get the other one off to school.

Both my boys go to see the therapist now. But she only had openings on Wednesday and Thursday. Not a big deal since I am down that way everyday to take my Little Guy to school and pick him up. My Big Boy goes at 3 on Thursday has for a while now, Little Guy goes at 4:30 Wednesday. I feel so stupid, I told my mom I couldn’t take her where she needed to go because I would not be done in time to pick my little guy up and get there.

I only slept a hour Tuesday night, I dropped Little Guy off at school and came home laid down a little bit. I slept about a hour got everyone up ready and went to check out schools. I said if we leave by 12 or a little before we can go from the school to pick the little one up then go to therapy. We left the school and had a little bit of time. I decided to check on another one then go get him. I picked him up and stopped to get gas and the kids a drink. It was so hot and we had been out a few hours by then and was going to be out a few more. It is only about a 15 minute trip from school to therapy. But then when we get to therapy finding a parking place is not always easy. Sometimes I have to circle a few times to find one. It is in the down town historical area. When we do find one we have to walk a few blocks to get to the office. I seen that with traffic and having to park we were going to be a few minutes late. It really isn’t a big deal because she runs over anyway most the time. Its like be here at 3 but 3:05 or 3:10 is fine too. It’s how it is when your working with kids and ones with special needs. It works for everyone. Anyway, I text her and said on the island will be a little late but on the way. I like to tell her even though it isn’t a big deal. This way if she don’t have someone she isn’t wondering if we are coming.

I did not look at her reply, didn’t notice she did until we were walking in the office. I just seen it said 30. I thought great we aren’t late I messed up. We had like 20 minutes or more I took the kids to the part. I let them play a little bit. I seen it was few minutes til 3:30 I got them together and went back. We get up there and these kids walk out and are was so tired I didn’t even notice who they were. We all pass coming and going, I thought oh they are new, they aren’t here at this time most the time, maybe the swapped times for the day. About that time the mom walked out it clicked who it was. It was my Little Bitty’s brothers and their mom. The therapist was standing there going your not supposed to be here your not supposed to be here until 4:30 today. I just looked at her like she had three heads. It was about 20 to 4 she said her others weren’t there so we could see if they showed up. Of course they did. I just looked at her and said lets just forget  it and start over tomorrow. She just looked at me and laughed said ok. Then she stop me and ask me about schools. I think she was just trying to stall until they got gone but then one of the boys came in and wanted the key to the bathroom. We talked a minute and we went on. I don’t know if they were gone or if they were still in the bathroom. I really didn’t even care at that point I was so hot from walking back and forth in the heat and standing out in it while the kids played. The thought of going to sit out there another 45 minutes walking over there and back and back up the stairs there was to much. It’s like a 100 year old building with these horrible 100 year old wood funky steps. I have just about fell down them a few times and i think all the kids have in someway shape or form. Not like rolled down them but tripped stumbled fell straight down on them.

I had my oldest with me I was shocked she didn’t say anything to the kids or about who it was once we left but she didn’t. Today it came up and I told her I didn’t even know who they were at first and I had no clue they were there. She said yeah I put a client between you all so I didn’t have you both here at the same time. My oldest said yeah I was like WHAT when I seen them walk out yesterday. She didn’t know anything about them being there because she wasn’t with us and I hadn’t said anything to her or anything. I think she is afraid that if she see’s me she is going to figure out at some point who I am and that she may start something. I told her long ago I had no problems with her that I had thought about contacting her but wasn’t sure how she would respond. That I wouldn’t start anything there and with the kids. She knows but I think she isn’t sure how she is going to respond. But like she said before she don’t even know my name or anything. All she really knows is hear say from what her mom told her. Whatever the boys said. I don’t think the boys have said anything bad other than they got in trouble for not listening and acting wild.

I just can’t believe that I did that and not only messed up once with the time but twice with it, with in no time at all.

The therapist said her husband said something about her being home early. She said yeah she got there really early then came back in a little bit and it was still early. She said she told him I had all the kids with me, I looked frazzled and just had that look. She said she told him you know that look I get when I’m just done and that’s it. He said OH that look yeah probably better to skip it for the day. I wouldn’t not have skipped it but I knew that she had no one after us and that she could leave and go home. If she had people coming after us and was going to sit an hour just waiting then I would have went back to the part and waited or sat there and waited.

We never miss and if we have to I let her know a week or two before most the time. If not at least a few days. There was one time we didn’t show and I didn’t call her she waited because I got stuck in a test for school. I couldn’t leave to call her or take him. There was once I was having a day about like Wednesday but we hadn’t even gotten out of the house that day and it had been two or three days like that not just one. I text her that morning and said it’s a day a really bad day and we are not coming. Everything is fine everyone is fine but getting there just isn’t going to happen today. There has been times she has text and ask if we can change days or times with another family because they can’t make it at their normal time but can at ours. Sine we have been homeschooling she knows we are really flexible to when we can come in vs kids in school. I don’t mind because she will change things for us if she needs to or if something like the other day happens she don’t flip and you missed if you miss any more or you have to pay a big fee and things. We all work around each other. She has worked with my Big Boy since he was 2 years old so she knows us really well it’s more like friends or family. She says all the time she wish that her son and mine could play together because they get along so well. They use to go to school together so they know each other and were friends. But with him seeing her and things she can’t set up get together s and things.

I want to go to bed earlier it don’t have to even be earlier if I could just go to bed when I normally do and sleep not just lay there up all night would be great. I can stay up until 2 even 3 am then sleep until 7/7:30 and go for the day when I really go to sleep. It don’t bother me. I want to start getting up earlier and try to get the kids on a better sleep times. They are starting school in a few weeks and have to start getting up early and not able to come home and go back to bed in a little bit. I don’t want to be so tired all I do is come home and go to sleep why they are at school either. My goal once they all get back in school is to drop them all off at school, then hit one of the gyms for at least an hour, then come home get cleaned up work on my work for school, do my shopping, go to appointments or whatever I need to do. Then go get them come home have dinner, spend some time with the kids get them ready and in bed. Spend some time doing more work, writing here or just relax a little and go to bed. But the way I feel and things right now I can’t help but lay down and go back to sleep. I try to stay up so I will be sleepy at night, I’m so drained I just sit on the couch and fight to hold my eyes open and think about all the things I should be or need to be doing until I lose the fight and I wake up and it’s an hour or two later. So I just go lay down in my bed so that at least I get some sleep, I’m not hurting from sleeping bunched up on the couch and if I’m not going to be up cleaning I may as well sleep than just sit there doing nothing other than thinking about it all.

It’s after 3:30 and I have to have my boy to school by 8 then pick up a friend and run around to schools to turn in paperwork, get paper work to go with it and everything. I still have to turn in my childcare paperwork because even though I went and got it with in hours of them calling I still haven’t gotten it done either and it has to get in this week only a few days left to get it in. I feel tired but am wide awake can’t sleep.

 

Should Be Doing Homework

But it is so late and I am tired but can’t sleep, but not in a state I would get much done if I tried working on it. I thought I was going to get my bed to myself tonight I was wrong. Money just came got in my bed ask if we could watch  a show. Before I could move things to lay down and turn it on she is passed out sideways across the top of my bed here behind me. I could try to put her in her bed but lately she sleeps like a feather. I lift her off the bed and she is pointing to get back in it and don’t stay in hers if I take her.

I think this is another reason I can’t get my work done I am not sleeping good at night. Then all I want to do in the day is sleep or I walk around like a zombie just bumping through the day. I have two reports due one this Sunday and one next Sunday. Next weeks is an eight page report from an interview I have to do with someone who works with domestic violence. My sons theripest use to and said she could do it but I think I need someone who does it now. I will probably end up using her and hoping for the best because I don’t have anyone to watch the kids while I go interview someone. I will just print the questions out or email them to her and have her answer them or do them at her office why the kids play. I have to get at least a C in the class, I don’t think at this point I can pull off anything higher but with the Summer I have had I will be happy with a C. Then my computer class decided to save a bulk of the work and drop on us at the end of the class when it is the harder stuff rather than at the start of the class when the stuff we were learning was easier. He even said that most students in past classes found these to be harder chapters and work and that it seem to take them a lot longer. But does he try to change things around and even things out no. You would think knowing we have a shorter term and having to get everything done in less time than the other terms he would try to make it so that all the hard stuff is due in a week at the same time. It is a class I let drop me last time so I didn’t know all this work was at the end. I thought it was another one that I knew what kind of work load it was and it would go good with the other classes. Boy was I wrong.

I have to have the class for my degree but not to move on and do other things. If I don’t pass it this time I am going to save it until later and take. I still can’t decide what to take this term coming up and the last day to sign up for classes is in the next week or so. If I wait longer I will be charged a late fee for each class and I don’t want to do that. I want to keep as much of my money as I can and not waste it. Part of it depends on if I pass this one class or not. I guess I will go ahead and pick my classes as if I am going to pass, if I don’t I will have to redo it and then pay the late fee. I think I have figured it out and if I do really good on the last few lessons and the exam I will have a just under a B.

I guess I better get to sleep I have to have my boy to school in about 5 hours. Not sure if we are going to school or making a stop at the doctors first. He has a cough, now my big boy has it and my oldest says her throat hurts. I want to keep him home but they said if he misses days he will not be allowed to finish the program. He really likes going, he would be so upset if he couldn’t keep going. It’s ok if he is late or if he gets checked out early he just has to show up for part of the day. I may just take him and let him stay long enough to get counted as there and bring him home. I am not sure yet.

Right now I am just going to enjoy my few hours in my bed alone. I got her to her bed without waking her, she isn’t feeling good either and hasn’t had a nap today so she must be wiped out.

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