I have so much crap that needs done around my house and no energy to do it. I have been sleeping a little more but mostly in the day time after I take my little one to school. I hate it because the other kids sleep too. I really don’t want to but I am just so tired I can’t help it I can’t hold my eyes open. Normally I would clean at night but I have been sleeping so very little I’m exhausted at night and just lay in bed watching the Losers with my little one hoping to sleep but I don’t. Maybe an hour before I have to get the other one off to school.

Both my boys go to see the therapist now. But she only had openings on Wednesday and Thursday. Not a big deal since I am down that way everyday to take my Little Guy to school and pick him up. My Big Boy goes at 3 on Thursday has for a while now, Little Guy goes at 4:30 Wednesday. I feel so stupid, I told my mom I couldn’t take her where she needed to go because I would not be done in time to pick my little guy up and get there.

I only slept a hour Tuesday night, I dropped Little Guy off at school and came home laid down a little bit. I slept about a hour got everyone up ready and went to check out schools. I said if we leave by 12 or a little before we can go from the school to pick the little one up then go to therapy. We left the school and had a little bit of time. I decided to check on another one then go get him. I picked him up and stopped to get gas and the kids a drink. It was so hot and we had been out a few hours by then and was going to be out a few more. It is only about a 15 minute trip from school to therapy. But then when we get to therapy finding a parking place is not always easy. Sometimes I have to circle a few times to find one. It is in the down town historical area. When we do find one we have to walk a few blocks to get to the office. I seen that with traffic and having to park we were going to be a few minutes late. It really isn’t a big deal because she runs over anyway most the time. Its like be here at 3 but 3:05 or 3:10 is fine too. It’s how it is when your working with kids and ones with special needs. It works for everyone. Anyway, I text her and said on the island will be a little late but on the way. I like to tell her even though it isn’t a big deal. This way if she don’t have someone she isn’t wondering if we are coming.

I did not look at her reply, didn’t notice she did until we were walking in the office. I just seen it said 30. I thought great we aren’t late I messed up. We had like 20 minutes or more I took the kids to the part. I let them play a little bit. I seen it was few minutes til 3:30 I got them together and went back. We get up there and these kids walk out and are was so tired I didn’t even notice who they were. We all pass coming and going, I thought oh they are new, they aren’t here at this time most the time, maybe the swapped times for the day. About that time the mom walked out it clicked who it was. It was my Little Bitty’s brothers and their mom. The therapist was standing there going your not supposed to be here your not supposed to be here until 4:30 today. I just looked at her like she had three heads. It was about 20 to 4 she said her others weren’t there so we could see if they showed up. Of course they did. I just looked at her and said lets just forget  it and start over tomorrow. She just looked at me and laughed said ok. Then she stop me and ask me about schools. I think she was just trying to stall until they got gone but then one of the boys came in and wanted the key to the bathroom. We talked a minute and we went on. I don’t know if they were gone or if they were still in the bathroom. I really didn’t even care at that point I was so hot from walking back and forth in the heat and standing out in it while the kids played. The thought of going to sit out there another 45 minutes walking over there and back and back up the stairs there was to much. It’s like a 100 year old building with these horrible 100 year old wood funky steps. I have just about fell down them a few times and i think all the kids have in someway shape or form. Not like rolled down them but tripped stumbled fell straight down on them.

I had my oldest with me I was shocked she didn’t say anything to the kids or about who it was once we left but she didn’t. Today it came up and I told her I didn’t even know who they were at first and I had no clue they were there. She said yeah I put a client between you all so I didn’t have you both here at the same time. My oldest said yeah I was like WHAT when I seen them walk out yesterday. She didn’t know anything about them being there because she wasn’t with us and I hadn’t said anything to her or anything. I think she is afraid that if she see’s me she is going to figure out at some point who I am and that she may start something. I told her long ago I had no problems with her that I had thought about contacting her but wasn’t sure how she would respond. That I wouldn’t start anything there and with the kids. She knows but I think she isn’t sure how she is going to respond. But like she said before she don’t even know my name or anything. All she really knows is hear say from what her mom told her. Whatever the boys said. I don’t think the boys have said anything bad other than they got in trouble for not listening and acting wild.

I just can’t believe that I did that and not only messed up once with the time but twice with it, with in no time at all.

The therapist said her husband said something about her being home early. She said yeah she got there really early then came back in a little bit and it was still early. She said she told him I had all the kids with me, I looked frazzled and just had that look. She said she told him you know that look I get when I’m just done and that’s it. He said OH that look yeah probably better to skip it for the day. I wouldn’t not have skipped it but I knew that she had no one after us and that she could leave and go home. If she had people coming after us and was going to sit an hour just waiting then I would have went back to the part and waited or sat there and waited.

We never miss and if we have to I let her know a week or two before most the time. If not at least a few days. There was one time we didn’t show and I didn’t call her she waited because I got stuck in a test for school. I couldn’t leave to call her or take him. There was once I was having a day about like Wednesday but we hadn’t even gotten out of the house that day and it had been two or three days like that not just one. I text her that morning and said it’s a day a really bad day and we are not coming. Everything is fine everyone is fine but getting there just isn’t going to happen today. There has been times she has text and ask if we can change days or times with another family because they can’t make it at their normal time but can at ours. Sine we have been homeschooling she knows we are really flexible to when we can come in vs kids in school. I don’t mind because she will change things for us if she needs to or if something like the other day happens she don’t flip and you missed if you miss any more or you have to pay a big fee and things. We all work around each other. She has worked with my Big Boy since he was 2 years old so she knows us really well it’s more like friends or family. She says all the time she wish that her son and mine could play together because they get along so well. They use to go to school together so they know each other and were friends. But with him seeing her and things she can’t set up get together s and things.

I want to go to bed earlier it don’t have to even be earlier if I could just go to bed when I normally do and sleep not just lay there up all night would be great. I can stay up until 2 even 3 am then sleep until 7/7:30 and go for the day when I really go to sleep. It don’t bother me. I want to start getting up earlier and try to get the kids on a better sleep times. They are starting school in a few weeks and have to start getting up early and not able to come home and go back to bed in a little bit. I don’t want to be so tired all I do is come home and go to sleep why they are at school either. My goal once they all get back in school is to drop them all off at school, then hit one of the gyms for at least an hour, then come home get cleaned up work on my work for school, do my shopping, go to appointments or whatever I need to do. Then go get them come home have dinner, spend some time with the kids get them ready and in bed. Spend some time doing more work, writing here or just relax a little and go to bed. But the way I feel and things right now I can’t help but lay down and go back to sleep. I try to stay up so I will be sleepy at night, I’m so drained I just sit on the couch and fight to hold my eyes open and think about all the things I should be or need to be doing until I lose the fight and I wake up and it’s an hour or two later. So I just go lay down in my bed so that at least I get some sleep, I’m not hurting from sleeping bunched up on the couch and if I’m not going to be up cleaning I may as well sleep than just sit there doing nothing other than thinking about it all.

It’s after 3:30 and I have to have my boy to school by 8 then pick up a friend and run around to schools to turn in paperwork, get paper work to go with it and everything. I still have to turn in my childcare paperwork because even though I went and got it with in hours of them calling I still haven’t gotten it done either and it has to get in this week only a few days left to get it in. I feel tired but am wide awake can’t sleep.

 

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