{July 26, 2016}   Around To Much

Father of the year had been hanging around way to much lately, I hadn’t said a lot because he with the kids and I been working like crazy on my school stuff and things. But he comes over and freaks out because of the way they do things or that they aren’t doing things. He had a fit because the dishwasher wasn’t loaded how he would load it or because of what they put in the wash. Just stupid stuff, and when he is here I put him to work as well take out the trash or go to the store whatever. Then he complains. I told him you know what who does all of it when your not here and who is paying everything why you don’t pay a dime? Your lucky I even let you see the kids. I mostly just tell him shut the hell up and if he don’t like it go home. Anymore I just look at him tell him oh well go home, it’s my house this is how things are done. He no longer has the right to say how things are done or complain about them. When or if he ever gets his own place he can have all the say he wants and complain all he wants. He gets all mad but never says anything and don’t leave forever.

I haven’t been letting him hang out as much and been trying to keep the time he is here low when he does come by. To night he hasn’t been here at all and it is so nice. I had a busy day today running around with all 4 kids. We dropped paper work at the little one’s school, dropped paperwork off at the childcare place and then I took all 4 to the doctor. I was in the ER with my little guy two nights ago because he got up crying in pain saying it was his ear. I didn’t want him to have to wait until today to be seen and get medication for it so I took him. I needed to get physical forms for all of them but him but wanted to get him checked. He was still saying last night it hurt band even with pain medication. They said the one was really bad the other was kind of red. Today the bad one was running and she said the other was pretty infected now too. She added ear drops to the other three things he is already taking.

On my way to get their medications and pick up bacon for dinner my mom called and said my grandma needed to go to the hospital. I was going to go take her but they weren’t ready and it was going to be a little bit. So Father of The Year was off and on his way home by then. I told him to just take her since he was already going to be there. It didn’t really matter who took her because my mom was going with her and staying. I couldn’t stay since I had all 4 kids and two of them are sick already. They were monsters at the doctors office. We went to the store got things we needed and their medications. We got home everyone went to work unloading and loading the dishwasher, dusting, getting everything together to cook and helping cook. I was shocked how good of a mood they were in after we had been riding around all day spent forever in at the doctors and went to the store. How helpful they were and wanting to help and asking to do things. We all cooked dinner and sat in the living-room and watched a movie together while we ate. After dinner and the move we ran up to the little store and ended up driving around talking for a while. We got home the older two took care of the dogs and they all went to bed with no problems or fights.

The mood and atmosphere is so different in the house when he isn’t around. Even though he don’t live here and he just comes over it is still so different when he is here and when he isn’t. Even when we know he is coming its different. It just seems full, thick, dark and dreadful, you feel like you can’t settle or there is no peace even if nothing is said or happens when he is here you feel like your not at peace. I feel restless inside, it’s so hard to explain. It’s like he shouldn’t be here or that something bad has come in when he is here, is really the only way to explain it. My soul is restless when he is here. I don’t know why and have not felt that way around him before. I get this feeling like he isn’t supposed to be here I shouldn’t let him come here and that he needs to leave. It just seems to get stronger every time he comes.

I don’t know what to think about it really. I just know that tonight was a really nice night for me and the kids.

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