Talked Into It

Little bit of helpful advise for you all. If someone has to talk you into it, DON’T DO IT!!!!! I promise you will save yourself a lot of trouble. Nothing good has ever come from anything that I have ever had to be talked into.

I don’t mean in situations where you want to but your not for whatever excuse to not do it. I mean I didn’t want to get my hair done when I stopped to see my friend. I really just wanted to check in see how things were going. She been going through somethings. She talked me into doing it. It wasn’t I didn’t want to do it, I just didn’t right then because I knew I didn’t have the money. She knew didn’t bother her but I don’t like it. She really wanted to and wasn’t doing anything else so I told her ok but I was paying her when I got my money.

Things like that sometimes we need to let our self be “talked into”. Just like cutting it. I wanted to but was scared to. I finally just said ok.

Buy if it is truly something that from first talk of it you think, say or just feel and know this is just not something I want to do. Stick with it and don’t do it. Don’t let anyone talk you into it, because it’s this that or the other. Because its not. Just because that’s what they think or feel about it don’t mean you have too feel the same way. It could be a great deal on something and be nicer than what you have and you know it. But if it don’t seem like its for you even though its a great deal, chance or opportunity don’t get talked into taking it.

Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for not doing it or make you second guess yourself.

 

 

Your Probably A….

If you have went through the little store grabbing things to pack your kids lunch, and trying to make it look healthy and not snatched up in a mad rush at the little store….Your probably a college mom

If you have sat 14.5 hours straight doing school work that is due that night and the next morning, because you had, puking, shitting, feverish kids all week…….Your probably a college mom

If you over sleep and your kids are a half hour and a hour late for school because you were doing homework for 14.5 hours……Your probably a college mom

Oh and if your texting your best friend at 12 am praying that they are working so they can bring you a cold 2 liter of Coke because not only have you been doing homework for hours straight but also drinking kool–aid for the last two days……You might be a college mom

Decisions Decisions

I still have a backroom full of furniture, you may remember I post awhile back talking about how my back room looked like a Furniture Store. Well it still does. I have not been able to get the stuff moved so that I can show it and every time I try to have a yard sale someone gets sick or something happens. This weekend it rained and I had tons of work to do for school since everyone was sick. I sat here for 14 hours straight Sunday doing school work trying to get it all done.

Now I am trying to decide what to do with the money. I was going to put it back in the pot to pay things, but have done without it this long and will be getting money again in about a week and I should be okay. I was thinking about selling my couch and love seat and putting like $100 from the money I have coming in a week or two with it to get a new one. I don’t need a brand new one but the new to me ones are just as much as a brand new one and they are nasty.

I was thinking about taking the money from the stuff I sell and getting me the bedroom set I have been wanting. I would probably get enough to pay for most of it. If I just get what I can now then the rest later would be ok. I just want the dresser, mirror, chest of draw and two night stands. I do not like the bed most places have with it so I would wait to get the bed that I want to go with it later or find a cheaper one later. Right now I have a basic black headboard so it would look find with it. Even if I just got the dresser, mirror and one night stand and got the other one and chest later would be ok. Then like me and my oldest were talking earlier when we finally move in a year or so we will all take our bedroom stuff with us because we will have nice new stuff, we won’t get there and have to sleep on the floor and worry about finding decent mattresses. We can still get rid of the couches, table, desk and the rest of the furniture in the house so we aren’t paying to haul extra stuff we don’t need. If we all have our beds to sit and sleep on we can take a little time to look for a couch. I could even take one of the beds and set up in the living room to sit on for a little bit until we found one if I needed to. We have two sets of bunks so we could put one of the single beds out there. They agreed it as long as we don’t have to sleep on the floor we aren’t worried about living room stuff. I would sell my couch and things before I left so I should have enough to get one when we get there no problem. It’s just finding some thing that we like.

Then I thought of doing something else with it the other day but I can’t even remember what it was now. Not surprising really.

Tonight I have been thinking about trying to sign my three older kids up for 4 H. I seen they had a meeting the other day when I had sick kids and could not have went anyway. I am going to call tomorrow and see what all they are offering and how much it is. From my understanding I think there are a few fee’s when you get in but after that it is mostly free. I could be 100% wrong because again it wasn’t something I was allowed to do when I was a kid. I would put all three in it but they only take kids ages 5 to 18. She has another year and a half or so to wait. But I want her to do something as well, so I thought maybe I could put her in a dance class if it was cheap enough. I looked at my friends studio tonight and emailed her to see what they had for her age and if it was to late for her to start since they started about three weeks ago when school started. I wasn’t planing to do anything then just thought of this today when I seen the 4 h thing. I had looked into 4 h before but then forgot about them. She said they have ballet and jazz and acro/jazz. I think she would like the acro/jazz because she likes to tumble and flip and things like that. She said we could stop by this week or next and she could try both classes out for free and see what one she liked. It is $50 a month for 2 hours. I guess that isn’t to horrible but it’s a lot when I am on such a tight budget. I know they have scholarships or use to so I am going to ask them about that and see if there is one she can get or if we can try when they come up. Because we have costume fee’s and things as well.

So now I am thinking maybe I should just put that money away and use it to do stuff like this for the kids. I could pay her dance stuff out of it and their fee’s for 4h or stuff at school if they needed something. Or if they wanted to take something else that didn’t cost to much then maybe I could pay for classes for them as well. Now I have to decide and see what is out there if 4 h don’t work and see what the studio has to offer. I may see if my Little Guy wants to do dance as well but I don’t think he will. I know my oldest don’t and my Big Boy will probably tell me it is for girls. Thing is if they all take something that cost all that much a month then the money won’t last long at all. I am trying to come up with a happy balance where they all can do something. Oh I could even pay and get our gym member ship back and we all could take karate plus use the gym when we wanted to for about $45 a month. But I really want to get them into a club of some kind that hey will do something they really like.

I know my oldest wants to ride and work with the horses again. I know 4 h does a lot with horses but I don’t know if she would need her own horse or if they have some, some way that they can use. She would love to do the horse shows but I know she would probably need her own for that for sure. I am just going to have to look into it more tomorrow then decide.

Oh I was thinking about using the money and doing a couple weekend trips away with just me and them the next few months. There is a little town about 75 miles north of us we would like to check out and they do a lot of stuff at Christmas time it’s supposed to be really pretty. There are a few other places we may decide to go or even decide to drive to Georgia for the weekend and check some places out see if they are anywhere we may want to move to. I have a friend in South Carolina we could drive up and see. Check some places out around her. I would probably go on a three day weekend or take them out of school for Friday. Do our driving on Thursday nights so we would be in town by Friday to look around. I could sleep why they were at school they could sleep in the truck on the way. Their schools are so easy and flexible. I will have to look into triple A if I do that too.

It’s so hard to decide. I really don’t have to get a bedroom set, I have a dresser with the mirror now and a night stand that matches. I have a headboard but it don’t match and I don’t have the other night stand or the chest that I want. It’s just the dresser and stand the people across the street gave me a while back. I could sell that and put toward the stuff for my room. But I could do without and just wait since I did buy a new to me mattress that was like new a while back. That is the main thing that I could not do without mine was beyond shot and had o be replaced.

My living room set the couch and love seat I HATE I am almost to the point of I would rather get rid of it and have none than keep this one. It was a temporary fix because we had none had people coming to the house and needed somewhere they could sit. I just never took the time to sell it or get anything different. The back are a bunch of pillows that come off and with 4 kids that just don’t work. They are always in the floor or tossed all over the couches and laying around on it. It isn’t comfortable to sit on because of the way it is made either really. I figure I can sell it get $250 to $300 out of it easy. The stuff I am looking at on there for that price and more looks like the people have had it for about 10 years and two or three other families have had it besides them for about 5 or so years before they have decided to sell it. It isn’t out dated that isn’t the problem at all. The problem with it is it is dirty and wore out. The leather and fake leather ones the stuff is peeling off or it’s rubbed off in places. The fabric ones are faded and look like they have dirt and who knows what grown into them. They look like they have never been cleaned and like they didn’t even try to clean it to sell it. Some of them have holes in them. Mine has a spot on the front arm that was tore when I got it but that is really it other than that it is nice, it is clean and it isn’t faded. I don’t let the dogs up there and for a while now I have had a blanket folded up on it and we have been sitting on it because I don’t want to get anything on it now that I know I want rid of it for sure. I took it apart and cleaned the couch tonight going to clean the love seat tomorrow. But we have a place here about 30 minutes away that I can get a brand new set for $400. If I get $300 for mine then I just need $128 to put with it to get a new one. I found a few at the rental stores for cash and carry between $300 and $400. But I figured if I was going to pay that I may as well buy it new rather than used. The rental places probably has better quality than the ones I am looking at new but they don’t have anything I really like that is in much better shape than what I see other places used. I stopped at one and they had a camo set for $400 said it would probably be cheaper if I come back over the weekend for their big holiday sale. Then they will probably drop it down another $100 or more. I told the kids and Father of the Year tonight when he was here if they dropped under $300 I would probably buy it just to get rid of mine and not spend a ton. They looked at me like I was crazy but that is how bad I want rid of mine. I just want something that is going to last me until we move then I am going to sell it and get something else. I keep telling myself just live with what I have not to spend the time or money on something else if I am going to get rid of it anyway. But I really hate this one and hate it more and more every day. If I can sell it for the $300 and that will pretty much pay for something else in there why not. I paid less than $280 for it when I bought it almost 3 years ago. So I am not out any money there.

The other thought I had was to sell everything I have in the back and my living room set, take all the money I get from it all and buy me a nice set that will last me a while. A set that will last me at least the next 5 years or more. Most of the time if I buy a living room set I expect to get 5 years out of it. I figure by then I will be ready for something new and even if I can’t resell it or I don’t get much for it I have gotten my money’s worth out of it. But then if I do that I have to keep it and move it with me when I go and have the cost of moving it and hoping it don’t get damaged in the move. But I would then go to where ever we decide to go with everything ready to set up house. because I have seen some really nice well made sets that I like. But they were more than I wanted to pay to just get rid of it in a year. I wouldn’t get close to my money back for it probably so I would lose money on it. The sets I am looking at for $400 I don’t feel I would be out any money really since I am selling my other set to get it and I already don’t expect to make much back on it since I am buying it so cheap and it probably isn’t as good of quality I buy most the time. That is one reason I go to the rental places is because I know where their stuff comes from and I know it is better quality, I also know that it has been cleaned really good and I can get good deals. Like the set I have now was brand new the people got it had paid it way all most paid off and then turned it in for some reason. They wanted more for it but I have bought a lot of stuff there and my friend runs the place so he gave me an even better deal on it than what they were asking. He knows most the time I buy new I don’t want used because I want it in good shape and clean. He knew the people who had it before and things like he said it wasn’t like a lot of places they have to pick stuff up from it was a clean decent nice house. I have seen them get so much back and have to just toss it in the dumpster it was so bad. He is like me if it is to bad he will find a way to get rid of it instead of selling it. He wants to keep a good rep and don’t want to be known as the store that has trash all the time. There is another store by a different name in the plaza they are in and they look like they are selling trash a lot of times.

I had one set I really liked when I had my Little Bitty that I wasn’t able to keep when Father of The Year pulled his stuff and we lost our house. The store I got it from said when I got it they had it and one more like it but they would not be getting anymore. I wanted them to order me a new set then. But tonight I looked the set up online and found the company that made it. They have it on their site for sell. I am going to call them in the morning and see how much it is from them. I am not even sure if they sell to the public but I think they do. I may just take my money and get it. It isn’t a huge set so it wouldn’t take up a lot of room on a truck. I guess I will wait and see how much it is and then decide what to do about everything. I may pay the extra if it isn’t way to much since I really like it. It most likely won’t be more than $500 or $600 so it would still leave me a good chunk of money to do something else with.

Yes This Happen Today

Okay so I guess technically yesterday now since it is after midnight. But anyway, I picked my older two up from school and we stopped at the little junk store on the way to the grocery store. My oldest got this nice picture for her wall, it it stone or something good size and heavy so I stopped at home to drop it off before we went on. She gets back in the truck and we head on our way.

She says I think these two boys at my school like me.

I said well that’s good you are making more friends.

She said no not like that, the other way. I think they Like me.

I said oh why do you think that?
She says well one asked me to be his girlfriend and the other told me to my face he liked me.

I said so how old are they? What are they life? What did you say?

She said I told the one I didn’t really want a boyfriend right now. The other I told he was to young anyway.
He said why it was only a two year age difference it wasn’t that much.

Then the 8 year old told him she would be his girlfriend. The little boy told her no.

My daughter says to him why not it’s only a two year age difference she isn’t that young? I about died when she told me she said that to him. I asked what he said.

She said he didn’t say anything just looked at her and went on.

She said that the 14 year old was nice but he has his tongue pierced and has a tattoo.

I asked her if she was sure he was only 14 maybe he was like her brothers Best Friend, just looked young for his age. She said now she knew he was only 14 because of something that happen or said.

So for now she isn’t interested in having a boyfriend. I guess that is a good thing. I am sure if she was in the public school she would probably be trying to find one to fit in. I told her awhile back the boys at church liked her and she didn’t believe me. Maybe she will meet someone she likes there when she decides she wants a boyfriend.

I told my friend about it and what she said about the one having a piercing and tattoo.

She was like OH.

I said really don’t bother me either way.

She was like yeah you say that now just wait and laughed.

Like I told her you know the kids that had piercings, wore the all black and was different than everyone, the ones everyone called the “freaks” were my real friends when I was in high school. I talked to anyone and everyone and everyone rather I knew them or not would come to me with their problems. But when it came down to who I spent my time with sat with at lunch went places with and looked for to talk it was them. Because they didn’t care who you were or how you dressed or didn’t dress or what you did or didn’t do if you liked them and wanted to be friends they were your friends. Most of them were nicer and better than the “normal” kids or whatever you wanted to call them at school. You were you and did you they were them and did them and that was fine everyone didn’t have to be the same or act and dress the same to be friends. They do anything for anyone who needed it rather they were part of the group or not. When it came to drugs and drinking all that there were less of them doing them than the other kids. you all ways here the other kids talking about getting in trouble fights drinking drugs parties the cops coming. It was an every weekend things. Others few used drugs and really got into trouble. The ones who did didn’t care if the others didn’t they didn’t push them into doing them or going out and getting in trouble and things. They didn’t treat you any different or make fun of your or what if you didn’t like the other kids if you weren’t running with their groups all the time and doing the things they were you get picked on and couldn’t hang out with them. It’s crazy it shouldn’t be like that. I said there was much more respect from them toward others and respect among them all for each other.

Piercings don’t bother me and tattoos don’t. 14 yes I feel is a little young for a tattoo but if that is ok with his parents and what he wanted to do then that is not for me to judge. I have a deal with my oldest son, when he is 16 I will take him to get a tattoo. If he still wants the same thing he wanted last year and hasn’t changed his mind. He has another 6 years to think about it and decide if he really still wants it. I am not going to bring it up anymore if he don’t. But if he brings it up and says hey mom remember you said if I still wanted that robot tattoo at 16 you would take me to get it? Then yes I will take him to get it. I figure by 16 he will have friends that will be trying to do them or find someone willing to do it out of their house somewhere if I say no. I much rather him get it somewhere I know everything is done on the up and up it’s all clean. I say if he still wants the same thing because it is there forever if he still wants the same thing then he has thought about it for a very long time he will probably not regret it later. I had wanted a tattoo from the time I was in my teens but never knew what I wanted for sure. I knew I wanted something that had meaning not just to get something just because I wanted a tattoo so I picked something. I also knew that I wanted something done right and by someone who knew what they were doing and I was willing to wait until I had the money to pay for that. It took me until I was 28 to decide what I wanted and get one. But I wouldn’t change it. I am two in and want at least 3 or 4 more.

She was pretty surprised when I said I truly wasn’t worried about her boyfriend and if he had piercing and tattoos. But it is true. Now dealing with her dad and other family is a different story, if she brings someone home like that they will flip. But they will have to get over it. As long as he treats her right and she is happy I will support her and stand up for her. If he don’t treat her right that is a different story all together and I don’t care how they look dress or anything else. But I don’t think I have to worry about her being with anyone who don’t treat her right. She is a pretty strong girl and knows what she wants and don’t want and isn’t going to let no boy tell her what to do or not treat her right she will have him hitting the road so fast his head would spin. She is not scared to fight back so I feel sorry if one ever hit or tried to hit her. Then he would have to deal with me.

They don’t know it but I will be working at the school in the next few weeks helping out. One of the staff is having an operation on her back and they need someone to fill in for her and someone to come in and do a few other things. I will have to get a look at this boy and see what he is like in case she changes her mind. I am wondering if he was the one who answered the door one day they forgot something in the truck and dropped it off. I though he was older but he could have been 14. He seems like the type that would be like she said.

Boy seems like we are doing everything all at once here. I just took her and bought her a bra a few weeks ago and a razor to shave her underarms. I have asked her and asked her off and on for almost a year now if she needed to shave her underarms and she has told me no no no. She was trying on bras and needed me to look at something I walked in the fitting room and about died. I couldn’t believe her underarms. We went and got a razor for her to start using. Then the other week something was said and I said something to my sister about it and she said oh yeah her little girl told her a long time ago about her having hair under her arms and that granny knew. I said why didn’t anyone tell me? I guess her little girl thought it was pretty bad too and they thought I wasn’t letting her shave. I do not go in the bathroom when she is showering or in the room when she is getting dressed. I guess she changed clothes at my moms or whatever gown she wears at my moms they could see it. I told her I wouldn’t do legs yet because you can’t even see hair on them and if she starts now she will have to do it rather she likes it or not or not be able to wear shorts once she starts. I wish I had never done mine or not when I did. Now I have to do them if I want to wear shorts or a dress. It isn’t very thick but it is dark and grows all funny. I hate shaving because of the way my skin is.

Best Friend

My Big Boy came home the first or second day of school and told me he made a best friend, he likes Phineas and Ferb, he likes star wars and start-trek along with robots and the many other things my son likes. They get to sit at the same table and they talk during lunch and other times when they aren’t doing their work.

Their school goes from 1st grade – 12th grade and there are only 12 kids in the school ages like 7-21. I asked how old his new best friend was if he was his age? He said no he thought he was younger probably 7 or 8. My Big Girl who is 12 even said he was younger than my son who is 10 almost 11 and that the little boy was probably about 8 or 9. One day this week or last I had to go into class before school started and he introduced me to his new best friend. I said hi and they went on. Looking at him I figured he was probably about 9 about to be 10. Between the 3 of us we have this kid being between the ages of 7 and 10.

Today my son comes home and he said mom you know my best friend at school? I said yeah what about him? He said he is 14!! I said what? So and so that I talk to the other day that you met like the first day of school? They both said yes and started laughing. I said you all thought he was like 8 or 9. He said today he was talking about his work and earning credit for it. My oldest ask him what kind of credit was he earning for it and he told her high school credit. Her being Miss. Smarty Pants I am sure was floored that this 8 year old kid was doing high school work if she wasn’t. So she asked him how old he was and he told them then that he was 14. I never would have guessed 14 looking at him and to hear the kids talk about the things they all talk about.

It was just so funny to see the shocked look on my sons face. I think he was probably more shocked that older kid talked to him and they had so much in comment and became such good friends so fast. He has a hard time fitting in a lot of times because of his likes and things. And the fact of how young he looks and how young they thought he was. I said so are you all still friends? He said well yeah why wouldn’t we be? I said no reason you just looked so worried or surprised like there was something wrong wit h how old he was. He said no it was just funny we thought he was younger.

Only Made it An Hours and Forty Five Minutes

I get all the kids up and take them to school today, since my Little Guy was fine by Wednesday evening and had no complaints, fever or puking Thursday. My little ones have to be there at 8:20 and 8:30 while the big ones don’t have to be there until 9. I get my Little guy there by 8:20 and then hang out until my Little Bitty’s teacher gets there at 8:30. I could put her in before care but she always wants me to wait with her until her teacher comes. She says she don’t like it in there in the mornings. Today she said it was to much in the mornings. So dramatic at 3. But there is a lot going on kids going in and out parents going in and out and I am not thrilled the way the daycare is ran. My friend is the head teacher over after care and she just came back after being a way for a while. She even said it is way different and she wasn’t crazy about it either. I am hoping she changes somethings since she is the head teacher. I like that she is there in the after noon when they go she keeps an eye on them better. But she isn’t there in the mornings. I don’t mind staying with her in the mornings it lets us have a few minutes together. If I wasn’t standing there with her I would just be sitting outside the older kids school waiting for them to be able to get dropped off. I still have some time with them waiting after I drop her off and get them there so they get a little time as well. I don’t think her teacher likes it that I stand out there and wait for her to get there since she don’t come in until the last minute and then has to go get her class from before care and bring them around. She always seems a little bothered that I am standing there waiting on her. I’m really not rushing her I wouldn’t be there that early if it wasn’t for having to have my other one dropped off by 8:20. I a few of the staff have told me I could drop her off in before care. I just told them she likes me to wait with her. I told her teacher this morning when we went in that I try to get her to go play with the other kids but she says it’s to much over there and she rather me wait with her by the door.

Anyway I took the other two to school after I got her settled in class this morning and came home. I laid back down for a little bit it was only 9 when I got here. I figured I would lay down an hour and get up. About 10:15 my phone rang and I didn’t answer it. I thought it was someone else. I fell back to sleep and woke up about 20 minutes later. Something said check the message so I did and it was the school. They said they had Little Guy in the office he said his throat hurt and that he had two white places in his mouth if I could come and get him. I sat down to print something out I needed to take with me since we were going to go to the doctors when I picked him up and the computer was taking forever. The school called again, I answered told them I didn’t have my phone but just got their message and was on my way out the door to get him. I got up there they had him in the office. I took him straight to the doctor to get a note because I knew at this point they weren’t going to let him back in school without one. She checked him out said nothing wrong in the mouth throat looked red but no thrush like the school though. She checked his ears and said he had a double ear infection and they were going to do the strep test. So he was home the rest of the day. He was so funny he kept asking me whats this and whats that how to say your abc’s and different things. He was board I could tell. Hopefully we will make through the weekend and next week with no sick kids. We better anyway. I do not want anymore puking kids that is for sure.  I also had her give me a note for all the days he missed this week and for today and the school said all those would be excused since he was able to get a doctors note. I told her he was sick Wednesday with the puking kept him home make sure it was all gone yesterday and then he got sent home today. She said not a problem. She is really a great doctor. Most the time I say I think they have this or that or they have been doing this and this so we figure it’s this and she will look at them and go yep your right do this or that for it. If I ask for any kind of testing she will do it and add others she things would be good to go along with them or other things we should look at while we are doing them as well. She don’t like to give tons of medications for no reason or just because to make mom and dad happy.

Just like when I called last Friday evening about Little Bitty, I said she is saying her head hurts really bad, she has a fever of 101.7. She stopped said fever I’m not worried about. I said well I’m not worried about the fever and that isn’t why I called. I told her how she would be fine one minute then almost passing out the next and crying in pain. Not able to do anything. She that I am worried about take her to the hospital and get her checked. I said ok I said I wasn’t worried about fever but was worried about that and that is why I called. I said just fever it will go down it isn’t that high, she said yes but the other needs to be checked. So we sent most the night in the er to get checked out.

Going On Vacation

I told you about my friend and her budgeting problems in my post It’s No Secret last week or so. Well she has called me a few times since all upset because all they are doing is fighting and things are really bad they have never been so bad. She is worried this maybe the end of her marriage. Her husband has said maybe they need to split up for a while and things already as well.

He wants her to go to work and help him with the bills and get caught up. She isn’t really looking for anything or wanting too. She says she has never really had to work he didn’t want her to work he wanted her home with the kids and to take care of the house and the things he needed/wanted. And she could go to school. She is going but she started way before me and I don’t think she has as many classes and credits done as I do. She has dropped or been dropped from I don’t know how many classes and then failed some too. She is in trouble with the school and can not get anymore aid because she has had so many problems. Now she has to take a class or two and pay for it herself and pass them before she can get aid back. That is almost $500 on top of all the other bills and rent they are behind in. Most of her classes are a hour away from home because of the program she is in. She needs to take something online so she can save gas and money. I helped her get into a computer class the only thing open online in her field to take. Then find out that she can’t take it from home because her computer is so old. I have told her for over a year let me go with you and help you get a laptop when you get your extra aid money so that you can do your classes from where ever you are. She took online classes before and had to go to the school and use their computers because hers wouldn’t work then. She said she had her upgraded so it should work with this class but it wasn’t upgraded enough to take this class it is to old to upgrade any more. She always say she was going to then complain later that all the money got spent and she didn’t get one because she gave it to him or used it to go here or there or to get this or that before they were ever behind on the bills. So now she need a computer that is going to be around $300. Or she has to figure out how to get the school. She applied for a scholarship through a different program that should pay for most all her classes she has left if not all and give her some left over. She could get her computer and books and get her other aid back once she takes this one class. She is still waiting to hear and do to what she needs to for them.

She calls the other day and tells me she is going to South Carolina to spend a month or two with her sons and their kids. I said what why? She said because things are so bad between her and her husband and they just need a break and she wants to see her kids. I said I think it is a horrible idea and if you go your marriage will probably be over for sure. She couldn’t understand why I.

I told her he has told you and told you that he needs your help getting out of this debt that you all are in and that you need to get a job. Now your basically saying fuck you I’m going to go on vacation for a couple months you stay here and figure it out work your ass off working 6/7 days straight and trying to pay it. On top of that she has the cost of the ticket to get there and money to spend when she gets there. She says yeah but he is really mad everything is my fault and I don’t understand whatever I try to do he gets mad he says I need to get a job. I said and your going to leave instead of getting a job. I said once you ask and as and then tell someone something and that you need help and they do not do what you ask or show no regard in trying to help, it gets to the point that anything they do down to breathing gets on your nerves because you feel they have no respect for you because they are not doing what you ask or offering to try and help and then come at your needing money for class and a computer and now want to go and take off for a month or two to spend time with family. I said do you not think he might like to go see the kids and things too. I said he isn’t going to tell you not to go because at this point it’s like I have told you what is up and what we need to do to fix things and to have things on better terms and you could careless your over here doing whatever and making other plans. I said you get to the point that your just like whatever do what you want to do. Because you are anyway. I said then you just decide that you are doing it on your own anyway why do you need them when they do not care and are not helping and off doing their own thing why you are stressing over everything and trying to fix it and you decide you if your doing it on your own now and they don’t care then you may as well be on your own and find some one who is going to to care and help when things get hard. I told her she sticks around and is fine as long as everything is good but every time they get hard she wants to split. That this time he has told her and told her. I said so don’t be surprised he has said maybe you all just need a break or what that if you go he tells you just to stay and don’t come back. She said yeah your right I wasn’t looking at it that way and things. I said I think he is telling you that yall need a break to get you to see that he really needs help and needs you to pick up some kind of job even if part time and get a little extra money in the house. In two weeks you could pay a months rent take off a big load of worries. Work a few months get rent and bills caught up and then work a few more to put money in the bank that is for times when something happens you don’t touch it unless you have to. She said yeah she wasn’t going to go and she was going to tell him the car needed fixed so she could get a job and that maybe if they got ahead they could go at Christmas time together.

She called me again the other day telling me her son’s wife is pregnant and they are having trouble with the girls she needs to go up there and get things under control. Her sons girls are out of control the mom does not make them listen she threatens if she does anything at all and does not follow through with any of it. She sleeps all day why the girls run the house then complains about the house being a mess. Now they are in school so they are not there making a mess why she sleeps. But they were way to little to be allowed to be up in the house all these years with no one watching them or enforcing rules. Now they are older they want to start being parents again and enforcing rules. You have a kid that has never had to follow rules and start laying down rules it isn’t going to go over well.

She can go there and they may listen to her like she is the warden but as soon as she leaves they are going to go right back to the way they always have been because mom and dad are not going to make them listen or enforce the rules. She has said it herself. So why is she going it is going to do no good.

She called me yesterday asking me if they can get in trouble for the kids being late all the time when the mom takes her and they are sitting in the parking lot of the school and the kid refuses to get out of the car? I said yes for being truant. But she is at school she just can’t get her out of the car and into the class. The only thing that counts with the school is if she is in her seat when the bell rings they do not care she is in the car and not getting out, in the car is not in the class ready to learn. It is not the schools fault if you can not control your child and get them to go to class that is another issue all together that has nothing to do with the school. She said they told her that they reported another family and they took the kids the mom did 10 days in jail and CPS was involved. I said yes they are right she can do time in jail for her not going to class.

I know this because my step brother skipped school all the time. My step dad or mom would take him to school give him to the dean, teacher or other staff member in charge at the school. they would let him go to go to class and he would leave. Even though they brought him to school and they know he did he still did every weekend in jail for months over him skipping and not going. So no they do not care you are in the parking lot with the child in the car or that you hand delivered them to the office and then they left. They only care that you get your child into class and that they stay there. So then she needed to go there to help her make her go to school. I said what good does that do? she knows that when you leave she can go back to same old same and your to far away to do anything. If her mom can not get her out of the car and get her to class then her dad needs to go there and make her do it. Yes he is going to miss work, it’s going to be a hassle but then she is in trouble for not listening to mom and for dad having to come there and get her into class. Once she see’s that dad is going to come and she is going to have to go and she is going to be in trouble when she gets home for causing problems she will start listening. Because she knows dad is close and dad can come. She knows your states away and can’t come so she can do what she wants. This kid has no respect for her mother or her father and until they all get it worked out she isn’t going to and she isn’t going to do anything they say. She has had no rules or anything up until this point why is she going to start following any now or letting someone else tell her what to do. She has been fine to do what she wants and make the rules for herself up until now what has changed.

Just like my kids respect me and listen. I get told all the time how good they are, what good manners they have and everything else. My kids are hardly ever punished for every long at all and not often. Most the time I will ask them or tell them this or that needs to be done and they do it or that they need to stop this or that and they do. If they don’t I can say if you do not stop or you do not do what I asked this is going to happen. They know that it is and they straighten up and do it or stop doing whatever it is they were told to stop. If not then I do whatever I tell them was going to happen. If you have that respect and they know that you will follow through with what you say it isn’t empty threats then they will listen and you don’t have to punish most times. They are kids they have their times they just aren’t going to listen they are wound up from whatever, they are tired or they just want to be brats and do what they want to do or not listen. We deal with it and move on. But the more we go the fewer and farther between those times happen.

Then she tells me she is looking for airline tickets to go to New York so that he can get them out of his next check. They are going because his mom and dad are going to be here for their anniversary and they are going to have a party for them. Then they are coming here to spend a week or two at their house before they go home. I said how are you going to do that when you owe all this back rent and other bills? The tickets alone will cover most of a months rent if not a full month or more. She said I know it’s going to have to wait and we will have to pay on it out of the check he gets when we get back. I said that is crazy why not just wait for them to come down take out a little money and go to a nice dinner with them? If you must do something, it will be a lot cheaper than flying up there and back and all the money you are going to spend. She said she knew but he said they were going he was not missing this time with his family. I said and what are you going to do when you come back and your homeless? I said because she has been very understanding and working with you all this time. But she has made comments because you were supposed to be paid up by now and your farther behind. I said if that was me and you were staying in my place and owed me months of rent and I found out you went on vacation I would evict you no questions asked. I said that is so rude and disrespectful. I said you know she needs her money just like you all need yours when he works and gets paid. You know she is working to stay a float and you owe her months like 3 or more in rent and then go on vacation.  It isn’t right and your not doing anything but digging yourself into more debt. She says I know, I know but he says he is going this is his family and he isn’t missing it. I said I would refuse to go and spend the money on my ticket tell him to pay on rent with it. Oh I can’t do that you don’t understand his family. I said his family isn’t the one going to be homeless, his family is why you were renting a car when you had one that was fine, his family don’t have all the debt you do trying to pay off right now. You have seen his family a lot this year they have been here and you all spent money you didn’t have and his parents are coming here a few days after the party.

I just do not understand how people make it to almost 50 years old and see nothing wrong with partying and vacationing instead of paying bills and rent. It’s not like someone is sick and dying, they are good on bills but may be late if they go. If they were not behind and someone was dying I could understand. But they aren’t they want to go to a party nothing more nothing less just to go to a party. No regard that their bills are months behind. I just can’t wrap my mind around how they justify this in their minds. I really don’t think she was raised that way because her mom was a single mom who worked two jobs a lot of times to keep up with everything and would not apply and get any kind of help. Their aunt would help put when they needed it but I don’t think her mom just spent and blew money like they are. I don’t know how he was raised but I don’t see him being raised that way either because his mom and dad both worked and had decent jobs. His brother and sister both have really good jobs as well and are well off. I don’t know if it is just a keeping up face with his family or what. But your almost 50 you have to figure out what really matters and forget what others think of you at some point.

I know if something happens and they get thrown out of there they are going to be asking if they can stay here for a little bit until they find something or save some money. I feel bad because they have offered to let me and the kids stay there before or if we ever needed to to help us out. I never took her up on it but they did offer. But when they are just blowing and spending money when they have it and not paying bills then I have a hard time with saying sure come stay with me until you find something. Even if they said hey we are in over our heads we can’t get caught up we need to just move and start over she agreed to let us move so we don’t keep getting behind could we stay a month until we save some money and find a place so we can start over and fresh I would be more inclined to say sure. I had to do that twice when me and farther of the year was together because he wouldn’t pay bills and we would get behind. I paid what I could with the money I had but that was all I could do. But when they say we are going to a party states away instead of paying our rent knowing we are behind I have a problem with helping. Either way it will probably put a strain or end to our relationship if I did or I didn’t so it won’t really make a difference there. I have done everything I can to help and to try and help her set a budget because she says she don’t know how or where to start she is over whelmed with it. If they want to party instead then there is nothing I can do

I think she got a little mad about me telling her that she was in the wrong wanting to leave instead of get a job and about going to this party instead of paying her rent but I can’t help it. She wants to call and tell me all her problems and ask what she should do or just to complain how bad things are and then tell me she is going to do this. She better bet I am going to call her out on it. She still calls so I guess she isn’t to mad. Like I told her when she was talking about going to see her kids. I will tell her all the time no what he is doing isn’t right or he is in the wrong or your both need to work on things. But this time she is in the wrong to just take off after he has asked her and told her he needs help. She knows not to tell me what is going on or for advice if she don’t want it because I am going to give it and it isn’t going to be sugar coated or watered down.

I just hope my kids learn to manage their money better and handle things differently. I try to show them and teach them and they see me do it all the time. I just hope it sticks with them and they don’t feel that partying is better than paying what they owe. I ever done that my dad would roll over in his grave. I have never left anywhere owing money. I may get behind or what but I always make sure they are paid and leave before I get to the point I can’t pay the one or two times it came down to that. Like I said then it wasn’t my fault I paid what I could.

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