{August 3, 2016}   Not The Energizer Bunny

Since my mom’s truck broke down I have had to take them anywhere they go. Father of the year had been doing a lot of if until he started working. Now it is also all left on me to do. There is no one else to do it, if I don’t they will not get to doctors, the store or anywhere else. Add in the doctors for my kids, then schools, shopping, therapy, my schooling and exams to it all and I feel like I never get to stop, get to sleep, have 5 minutes to myself, or do anything but drive, ride and wait. I can’t sleep at night a few hours here and there, I walk around so tired I can hardly hold my eyes open most of the day anymore. If I do get to go to sleep or fall a sleep I dream all kinds of crazy stuff and wake up off and on every hour or so.

I went to day to take my grandma to the doctor then they tell me they need to go to the store. She had to be at the doctor at 12:45 I had to go to an appointment at 2, missed one at 11:20 to be there to take her on time and was going to go after my 2 o clock to the one I missed. I dropped them off went and paid the rent then went to my 2 o clock because they were not ready yet. They were ready before I even got called back to talk to the lady, they had to sit and wait. I was trying to get my letter for childcare for my little one. They couldn’t give it to me because I have to use it with in ten days and they will not let her start for 13 or more days. They called the school but said they had to call back they were going to see what they could do. I have to go there again Thursday now after the boys therapy.

I pick the up they need to go to the store so I run them there and that turned in to a hours trip. I really don’t know how long we were in there but I know it was well over an hour. I didn’t get out in time to take her to the doctor. Now I have to do that tomorrow or Thursday. Tomorrow I have to take the boys to therapy. I guess I could go before I go there but I am so tired I really didn’t want to leave the house and do anything until I had to go there.

Then she tells me that my grandma has to go back to this doctor the 30 of this month and that she is supposed to be in court the 16 of this month three counties away for her divorce. They have a doctors appointment this Friday and she has to go to the college to take a test Friday as well.

Last week I was down there three different days I think taking them to the doctor and the store all three times had to go to both. I still need to go the school and talk to them about my Big Boy because I didn’t have time to talk to them when I dropped the paperwork off because I had to rush to get them to the doctor then too. I need to do two exams between now and Thursday evening and a lesson or two. My big boy has therapy on Thursday and now I have to go to that other meeting on Thursday after it.

I told her I didn’t know if I could take her the 30, that I had to be at the school two days a week for class I didn’t know if that was one of them. Something else she was talking about I told her I had to pick the kids up by 1 from school because they would have started and get out early. The 16 is the little kids first day of school and the big kids get out early. I think that is the first day of my on campus class. I don’t know what they are going to do but I can’t keep doing this for everyone all the time.

She says Father of the Year is supposed to fix her truck he don’t want to after telling her he would, but she don’t have money for the parts either. She just needs a new truck this one has had so much done to it and still don’t run. Then she say they can’t go do anything and they sit there unless they go to the doctor or the store and things. I don’t know what she thinks I should do about it. I run them enough and don’t even get a few minutes to myself. She isn’t one anyone wants to be around for long or spend  a bunch of time with. As if I don’t run enough she wants me to now come and take them to church they never go couldn’t tell you the last time my mom went in many years or of my grandma ever going. She wants me to get them and take them to the one where we were going then she wants me to come down there and go one they want to go to. Now she is so fucking nosy and can’t stay out of shit she wants to go over here to the one where my bigger kids are going to be going to school. The school and church really have nothing to do with each other, it isn’t even a religion that she knows anything about or ever wanted to go to one of their churches before. We were supposed to go this week and I over slept.

I don’t want to go there I want to go to the one I was going to a while back. I haven’t been going because I been so busy and because of them. If she knows we went she has something to say about it and how I know she wanted to go. Even when she had her truck and could go somewhere right around her. She can’t drive far. I figure next if I go back or keep going that she will be having father of the year drive her up there and them all come. If or when they all do that is when I am going to be very pissed and it is going to turn into a big fight. I should not have to have him everywhere I go and a part of everything I do all the time. If that is the case then I should have never got a divorce from him. She was telling him he needed to go this last weekend when we were all going. If he is going and they are going then he can take them and I don’t have to go.

The more I have to do for her and the more I have to deal with her and interact with her, I stay stressed, I stay in a bad mood, I can’t stand the thought of going and dealing with her, the less I want to do at all when I have to deal with her. Just knowing I have to deal with her stresses me out so bad I don’t feel like doing anything else. Going and helping her takes so long and i know i can’t get my stuff done. I know it is horrible to say but I hate being around her.

She acts like your just there to be at her beckon call whenever she is ready no warring or nothing. No regard if you have stuff to do or places you have to be. If you go to take them to the doctor then expect that you are stuck there the next three hours or more. I can not keep doing it. The more I do it the more I hate life. And I end up rushing to get my school work done or getting mixed up with days and times trying to get everything done for everyone else. If I would have a few minutes of free time it is wasted there taking them to something that should take and hour and spending five because of the way she is. I am going to tell her I can take you once a month to doctors so make them all for the same days. The store father of the year is going to be over there so he is going to have to deal with that and figure it out when he is off work in the evening or Sunday. My sister is about to get a car and she is going to have to start helping. She is right there in the same apartment complex with her and she has no where to go or anything to do they sit there all the time and do nothing. She is going to have to step up and start taking them where they need to go. God knows my mom took care of her and her old man and kid for years why neither of them did anything. She has already said she don’t want to drive her around and things because of the way she is but I don’t care I am going to stop answering my phone or be busy when she calls and tell her she needs to call her and have her take her.

I feel like the Energizer Bunny that just keeps going and going only without his energy. I don’t know how I keep going honestly. But I do know I am not going to keep on.

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